I made this the day the world learned Kobe Bryant died. I personally never followed him, cared much about basketball, or had anyone close to me that was a fan. But for some reason I was so struck. A lot of people in my family died when I was young, and I always felt oddly indifferent to the thing. Now as an adult who has cultivated their own relationships, I’m lucky enough to say that I’ve never had anyone close to me die. I realize what a privilege this is. I was a little relieved to be so emotional about the news because I thought maybe there was something wrong with me. As I reflected more, I began to draw the comparison between Kobe and my father, being that they both have four daughters. I realized part of my reaction stemmed from my deep rooted fear of my father passing. He has been “sick” since I was 12. In the past few years, his health has begun to decline. While I was home over the holidays, I asked my mom if it could be my dad’s last Christmas. She said that if he doesn’t get another lung transplant or serious photopheresis treatment, it could be. I always knew his life expectancy was short from the first transplant, but as I age and time passes and things get worse, I’m terrified of when reality finally hits me in the face. So, while feeling my pain, I made this message. It has garnered the most attention any of my pieces have. I feel grateful to have this community, but I guess I’m still just really sad and scared.
theartofmadeline
yousharknotpass
