hii its my first time req also i love love love ur writing ๐ซถ๐ป i was wondering if u could do an ot8 skz x fem reader poly and if not either seungmin or lee know where the reader has a severe panic attack during isac? the rest would be up to you and of course if you dont feel comfortable doing this dont feel pressured to
There's always light at the end of the tunnel
โ YouCan'tSeeItButIt'sThere!OT8 x 9thMember!Reader
โ You don't have panic attacks. Jisung does but you donโt. Right..?
โ angst, comfort?
โ wc. 2k
Hiii omg I'm your first !!! I'm so sorry that it took me such a long time to answer, hope you're still around !!
Are panic attacks something that you fear, or have? Not at all. You know what they are, you can try to understand how people feel when they are having one. But since you've never been the one to have it, you don't really understand, you don't...feel it.
Sometimes, you're a witness - it's not something that one would willingly witness for it can create some awkward thoughts and clumsy actions. A thing that people don't tell you, it's how you feel when you actually get to witness a panic attack. It's like you're having one too, especially when the person having it is close to you. You don't know what to do, what to say - should you hold his hands or let him breathe? would it be weird ask him if they're alright - spoiler alert, it is. But it's not something that is taught in school, something that people are aware of - like how you should or shouldn't behave in front of a wild animal. Yet it should.
But you were fine standing in the side lines. The only person who ever had a panic attack in front of you was Jisung. Don't get me wrong, he is your Sweet Cheeks - no one should ever tell him that this is his nickname in your phone, he would get cocky - you partner in crime and your bud. But by fearing how he saw you, you never quite acted during one of his moments. Maybe you were worried - you can be quite something at time. Maybe you were too much, as one of the kids was always here for him, even if you were there before - are you jealous ? A bit.
But it never crossed anyone's mind that this would happen to you. The never ever sleeping little chipmunk high on life. You can congratulate, you've been hiding quite some things under the bed. Things that made the monster sympathize with you. And you thought it was fine, you really thought that someone else needed the attention and the care. It never crossed your mind that there was enough love in the eight's heart for two little anxious chipmunks high on life. But for you're defense - not that anyone blames you - you hadn't seen it coming.
Everything was fine, and then it wasn't. People tend to say that you never get used to the feeling. The overwhelming need to breathe. The first time is always the worse. You don't know what's happening. You are scared, you feel alone, breathless, and you can't hear nor see what's going on around you. And then in a brief moment of clarity it crosses your mind.
Because you always thought that you were not sad enough for that. And it's the worse that happens. Discovering that you are in fact not alright. That you're dealing with shit bigger than yourself, heavier than what your body can handle. And you fall.
It has never happened before.
What's wrong with people?
Why are they looking at me?
One moment you're playing with gravels on the ground, the other you're staring blankly at the same spot, eyes unmoving and hands slightly trembling.
Kim Seungmin knows you quite well. Stays know that Sungmin knows you quite well - when you joined the group, a few years later after Stray Kids' debut, it took just a month or two for your ship to be one of the most popular in Stray Kids. It would have been weird, knowing that people were expecting you of fantasizing about a non-existent relationship with one of the youngest. But like it was meant to be, just a month later he was the one to look you in the eyes and tell you what you needed to hear. He was your emotional support. The anchor to your sailing and swaying ship. So yeah, Kim Seungmin might be the one who knows you the best among Stray Kids. And he knows that your eyes usually do not look like one of a dead fish.
He does't move. He stares at the screen displaying the score of each groups competing in the ISAC. Stray Kids' not bad - they're serving, like they usually do. His arms sway awkwardly and he shift his weigh on his right leg. He then looks at you for a brief moment. You're not moving. That's weird, you don't usually stay on the same spot for more than a good twenty seconds.
"What's got your panties in a twist?"
Seungmin hopes that Stay aren't that good at playing detectives and lip reading, because Changbin proved once more that he doesn't give a single fuck about his idol image.
"I'm not mad? What makes you think that I'm mad?"
"Well..." Changbin stops in front of the taller boy, one eyebrow raising as he takes the famous 'pregnant woman pose'. "Why are you asking me? Shouldn't you know?"
For a second - one that dumb Jisung and dumber Hyunjin wouldn't have caught - the singer takes a look at his girl. A brief second. But Seo Changbin do not need more than a second - he is Seo Changbin after all. And what he sees, or understand, do not seem to please him.
He says that with a frown in his face, abandoning his ridiculous posture for one which is more menacing, which could show everyone that something's changed. But Seungmin carefully catches the hem of his vest before the rapper goes toward their ninth member.
If you ask Changbin what he doesn't like about being a K-pop idol, he'd probably say "Nothing" with a smirk on his face. Because Seo Changbin does what he wants and eats what he craves. But if there's one thing that he hates, it's when he can't help people who needs it - especially their female member - because of the repercussion it could have on his group. And he knows it. Seungmin knows it. He is reckless, and they don't need that right. Especially not right now.
A few days later, what happened between them made Stayville go crazy with some clichรฉ videos and compilation of the two men standing close to each other. The famous Seungbin compilations. Little did they know that nothing romantic was happening between them - not at that time anyway.
"Is she..." Changbin's eyes narrowed, looking thoroughly at the young woman as a raw terror and uneasiness flooded his body, "even breathing?"
It was a valid question. To those who were surrounding her and looking close and carefully enough, it was clear that her face was getting paler. Now, it really was worrying.
As if walking into a shop, Seungmin's feet led his straight toward his member, light heartedly and without any sense of urgency. But inside, he felt like bile was rising up his throat, the pure terror hidden behind curtains of hair a unusual and unfitting expression on his girl.
It only seemed normal to crouch next to her and to comfort her with his warm touch - she usually craves it.
If the way you tense up and get slightly away from him is a sign, you clearly don't need it right now, don't even want it. And you have never denied him affection. You always came to him whenever something bothered you - or he would tease the answer out of you, it depends. Why couldn't you bear the mere idea of him touching you right now, when you clearly needed him the most? Why were you refusing the only sense of normalcy in this raging sea of cold water and prickly wreck?
You vaguely discerned the hurt on his face, above the other millions of emotions swimming in his eyes.
"It's okay Seungmin, I got it."
It was a just whisper. Like a siren's voice coming from beneath the surface. What a great parallel, you would have praised yourself in other circumstances. Among all the chaos happenings in and outside your head, you vaguely understood that you were taking somewhere else. It was dark, silent. The light wasn't blinding you anymore, your eyes could rest, the storm was now only raging in your head.
There's a brief movement that you can't even register in your haze before you feel warm hands engulfing yours. The feeling isn't disturbing, like Seungmin's hand was. You welcome it with a tight grip.
"It's okay to cry, don't hold it."
You really wanted to voice your confusion. Why would you cry? You just felt like you were dying, why would cry help.
"You just have to let it all out. This happens when you bottle up your emotions for too long, then you feel like you can't cry in front of other, or scream, because this is not socially acceptable, so you just hold it in."
The accuracy of the fact was almost scaring. Your eyes, unfocused, tried to identify the silhouettes before you, a choked sob escaping your lips as your legs failed you and you tumbled, your back hitting the cold wall behind you as the silhouettes carefully helped you towards the ground. It was cold. It was nice.
"And when you hold it in, you feel like you can't breathe. Like the world is closing up on you. Everyone is staring, but no one is looking. They can hear you, your thoughts, they can see your deepest secrets, feel how you feel... It's disturbing, isn't it?"
You try to nod, the memory from just a moment ago burning behind your eyelids, the hurt on Seungmin's face. It's not that you don't trust him...
"You just don't want them to see you like this. Vulnerable, pitiful...weird."
Another choked sob escape you, a puff of air leaving your lips, and you feel slightly better as you inhale. Only once, but it's better than zero.
"You don't want them to know that you lied when they asked you if you were okay. You don't want to fail them."
While the words utter by this person seems terribly accurate, it helps soothing the raging storm, which now seems to have been replaced by a grey clouds pouring down on you.
"But you're not failing anyone. They want to help you."
"It's not wrong to feel those emotions, to experience those episodes."
Another one. It's warm on your skin.
"You're not dying, noting's wrong with you, we're just here and we'll stay as long as you need us. We're not leaving."
Your breathing is back to normal, if not a little shaky, and you feel the ground you're sat on. You never really thought about it. But "There's always light at the end of the tunnel", right?
Your light is warm and comforting, leaving a tingly sensation in your head after each words spoken with care.
"It'll happen again. From now on, you'll have those panic attacks again, at random moments, whenever you feel overwhelmed, whenever you feel." the other silhouette says, his hands hovering over your cheek, not daring touching you. "It's not unusual to refuse help and shy away from the person whose opinion about us is the most important. Seungmin will understand."
And your light has a form and a name, and right now, two rays are shining brightly on you.
You bury your head in Jisung's neck as he wraps an arm around you and let your cry fill the room, Minho's presence on the other side comforting even if not touching you in any way.
"It's gonna be alright, we'll get through it together. You and I."
Jisung's words are not just that: words. It's a promise. At the moment, it doesn't even cross your mind that he sees himself in you, that he feels like it is his duty to help you. The way you're curled up into his chest, tears washing down your face, sobs escaping your lips without interruption. You look like a child. Scared.
But it's alright, because even if you don't know how you'll live with this, you'll manage. Jisung did, and you ought to be just as strong as him. Even if it means hiding from everyone but Minsung. It'll get better overtime, right?
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