Anno de Tucci

Swing Vote is based on the premise of 1 vote literally deciding the presidential election, and Kevin Costner as Bud is responsible for casting it. Bud is an alcoholic who relies on his 8 year old daughter, Molly, to take care of him and feels entitled to a job he constantly misses due to his drinking. Stanley Tucci plays the campaign manager for the incumbent Republican president played by Kelsey Grammer. The other candidate is Bernie Sanders as played by Dennis Hopper. The character’s name wasn’t actually Bernie Sanders, but it may as well have been.

I have two main issues with the movie

In a year when a black man not only ran for president but won, the two candidates in Swing Vote are both white men.

It’s trying to pass off the relationship between Bud and Molly as cute, when it’s actually child abuse. As Nathan Rabin writes of the movie:

“But if Bud’s drunkenness never feels convincing or real, the harm he’s causing his daughter registers far too strongly for Bud to be as likable as he’s meant to be.”

Nathan Rabin’s piece for My World of Flops on the AV Club in general sums up how I feel about the movie and is much better written than I can hope to do, so please check it out.

Grade: C-

Also, in case someone besides JB is reading this, go out and VOTE!

I have watched a ton of Tucci movies in the past two months and cannot possibly write a review for all of them at this time. I’m going to do 1-2 sentences on many films at once right now.  Spotlight: Child molesters are bad, and the Catholic Church is corrupt. Tucci portrayed a lawyer who did not have time for this investigative reporter shit, because he was too busy fighting the good fight. Passed the Bechdel Test, five stars. 

Larry Gaye: Renegade Flight Attendant: This movie is too stupid to give any further thought to. one star. 

Hunger Games (I, II and II): Caesar Flickerman is everything. Passes Bechdel Test, on average 4-5 stars. 

The Fifth Estate: This is the movie about WikiLeaks and Julian Assange. It made me want to protect my computer, but I don’t have anything of interest on there. Tucci portrays a State Department employee who basically sets Laura Linney up to look amazing. Does not pass the Bechdel Test, two stars. 

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters: I’m not 10, have very little interest in mythology, and am a little disappointed Tucci signed up for a sequel, but not the original. Overall, the movie is a series of one-liners and has a lesson in family and acceptance. Tucci loves playing Dionysus. I think it passes the Bechdel test? Not sure. Two and a half stars. 

The Wind Rises (studio Ghibli): This is a 2013 Japanese animated historical drama film written and directed by Hayao Miyazaki. Let me repeat: Historical Drama Film. Animated. This was a boring movie. Tucci voices an Italian engineer at the forefront of aeronautic design. Two and a half stars. 

The Company You Keep: Shia LaBeouff convinces his editor, Stanley Tucci, that he can find the missing member of Weather Underground terrorist group and Tucci says “whatever, I’m not paying for it.” Does not pass Bechdel test, three stars. 

The Lovely Bones: A lesson in using CGI as much as possible, while also enforcing the creepiness of loner middle aged men. Passes Bechdel Test. Four stars. 

Space Chimps: They made a second movie and I hate that I’m going to watch it. How do parents put up with this shit? One star. 

Shall We Dance: Stanley Tucci is literally the best part of the whole movie. Seriously. Passes the Bechdel Test, three stars. Just watch this clip. 

The Whole Shebang: An Italian immigrant family experiences tragedy in their fireworks shop, and Stanley Tucci (the cousin) comes to America. Not a terrible film, just kind of weird. Perfect for watching right before July 4th. Two and a half stars. 

The Pelican Brief: I don’t even know how to describe this movie. It was good, it was just kind of everywhere and very weird to watch in a post 9/11 world. Two Supreme Court justices are killed and the President barely reacts. It is so strange. Tucci plays an assassin, Julia Roberts plays a genius who sleeps with her professor, and Denzel Washington is a great journalist. Passes the Bechdel Test, Four stars. 

The Public Eye: I think this is about a street photographer in the 1930s, I barely remember any of it. I watched it about three weeks ago and was generally unimpressed. Two stars. 

In the Soup: A Steve Buscemi vanity project about not being vain. Not sorry I watched it, because now I can caution everyone against watching it. Two stars.  

Kojack: The Price of Justice: This was a made for TV movie that was very boring, and much like Prizzi’s honor, should not be listing Tucci in the credits because he is an extra. 

Prelude to a Kiss: This film is proto-manic pixie dream girl (Meg Ryan), adorable young Alec Baldwin (with best friend Stanley Tucci) suddenly being thrown into a “Freaky Friday” situation. The problem with this movie is that it wasn’t bad, it was just boring. 

It Could Happen to You: Again, the problem wasn’t that it was bad, it was just boring. Nicholas Cage is a cop with a heart-of-gold who meets a down-on-her-luck waitress and, lacking the funds for a tip, promises to split half his lottery winnings with her the next day. Low and behold, $4million later, they are both $2million richer. They both have terrible spouses (Stanley Tucci being one of them). It all turns out ok in the end.

AND WITH THAT I am at 51% of the Year of Tucci. For those who can do math, that is where I should have been at the beginning of July, so I have a few more binges to complete before I’m back on track. 

Stanley Tucci was born to play Captain Hook. This entire movie, which is a re-telling of Peter Pan with ultra-focus on the fact that J.M. Barrie left the rights to Peter Pan and all related characters to a children’s hospital, was kind of ‘meh’ and only perked up when Stanley Tucci was on screen. It was watchable, but so much more fun with Tucci’s energy and clear enjoyment of the ridiculous character on screen. 

Passes the Bechdel test, pretty cute overall. 

3.5 stars. 

Undercover Blues, you weird, funny, offensive movie.  Premise: Two former spies (FBI, CIA, whatevs), have given up the business to raise their offspring. They are on vacation in New Orleans with her, when Dennis Quaid (Man Blues) is robbed at knifepoint by Muerte (played in a racist and horrific way by Stanley Tucci. Like, his lines were funny but then you remember this is a white guy playing a Latino?) and Man Blues ends up fighting Muerte off easily. This fight gets the attention of local police, and at the same time the Blues are hired to foil an arms deal happening in New Orleans (what?) Hijinks ensure, many of them with Man Blues and Woman Blues (played, magnificently, by Kathleen Turner) calmly and capably shooting Muerte down in his various attempts to harm Man Blues.  My favorite part of this film was how in love and in sync the married couple was. It was and is rare for movies to depict a couple that has fun together and can kick ass and take names, for them to disagree on something without it becoming a huge fight, and for both of them to be equally invested in raising their child. That alone made me like the film, problematic racial stereotypes and brownface not aside, but definitely noted with a frown. 

4 stars. Passes the Bechdel test. 

The Core is a movie, released in 2003, made by some people who watched Armageddon (1998) and said “You know what would be awesome? If instead of going to SPACE they go to THE CORE!!!” And so it happened.  This is not a terrible film, it’s a campy end-of-the-world disaster film that is incredibly predictable. For instance, every single time someone says something to the effect of “we’re OK now,” they die. Seriously. And not even two minutes later, immediately. It’s impressive.  Aaron Eckhart stars, Hilary Swank is a competent woman, Stanley Tucci is a famous scientist--like Neil DeGrasse Tyson, but way way less likeable. The science is wrong, the machinery is questionable, and the premise is like...what? 2.5 stars. Also, AEF, I’m sorry I watched this, I hadn’t seen that you slated it for August! 

I went to read the Wikipedia page for this film and it had basically written my review for me:

 I have only a couple other comments

I have no sense of humor when it comes to suicide so when the movie depicted two throwaway attempts, it pretty much lost me. 

There’s also a scene where it looks like one of the characters is being raped in the background? And it’s not even a plot device, just background? My copy was fuzzy so I hope I’m wrong about this.

Stanley Tucci is easily the best part of this movie.

Grade: F

Robots is a movie about a young inventor, Rodney Copperbottom, who goes to the big city to try and make a difference and ends up fighting the new new profit-focused management. Stanley Tucci voices Rodney’s dad Herb Copperbottom, who works as a dishwasher and encourages his son to pursue his dreams.

Robots is adorable and a fun movie, just don’t ask too many questions. What do robots eat? Why do robots go through childhood and adolescence? Why do robots have gender and also appear to have a patriarchy?

If you can get past those questions (and I can) it’s an enjoyable movie about a kid chasing their dreams that also makes some critiques of capitalism. Stanley Tucci once again demonstrates #lifegoals by playing a wonderful father, just as he portrayed a wonderful husband in Julie and Julia.

Grade: A-

This movie is about a woman who cooked all of the recipes in Mastering the Art of French Cooking in a year and wrote a blog about it. Who would do a silly thing like that? It also includes the story of how Mastering the Art of French Cooking was written featuring Meryl Streep as Julia Child and Stanley Tucci as Paul Child (Julia’s husband).

I would prefer this movie it was just the Julia sections. Can someone please make a Julia Child Biopic with Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci reprising their roles? They were both so wonderful and portrayed a relationship I strive to have. The Julie portions were just pretty blah. No shade to Amy Adams.

Grade: A-

Nothing about this movie is good. It’s based on a book by a producer about how his life is shit, and it’s a shit movie because vanity projects are usually shitty. Most of it didn’t make sense, there were too many characters and none of this was even remotely close to being entertaining. 

It doesn’t even matter if it passed the Bechdel test or not, because no one should watch this. It should be a cautionary tale. 

one star because I feel that I have to give it a grade. It somehow got all the way up to 51% on Rotten Tomatoes, but even the critics who liked it have criticism in the blurbs.

I love this movie. If I were using letter grades like AEF, it would get an A, easily. That was lame and I’m sorry to have made that joke. Olive is an ordinary high school girl, who is reading The Scarlet Letter in English class. She has a friend and doesn’t hate/isn’t hated by anyone. Until she makes up a lie that she had sex with “George,” a friend of her older brother’s. It is well known that rumors in movie high schools spread faster than influenza on an airplane, and suddenly Olive has a ‘reputation.’ She uses that reputation to help people and get gift cards!  No good deed goes unpunished, however, and Olive quickly finds that her lassaiz-fair attitude about people thinking she’s sleeping around affects her life more than anticipated. It is well documented that people suck and cannot mind their own business.

Stanley Tucci plays her stepdad, and he has some of the best lines in the whole film. Again, love it when Tucci doesn’t have to play an asshole! I’m not posting anymore gifs because you should just go watch it. Even if you’ve seen it already.

5/5 stars, passes the Bechdel test with flying colors.

This film is a work of art containing more works of art with the final work of art being Meryl Streep’s hair. As a side note, are you supposed to walk away from viewing this and want to be a powerful antagonist irl? no? just me? k. 

The rundown is that Runway is the biggest and most influential fashion magazine in the known universe. Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly runs the fashion empire and has for decades. Anne Hathaway plays Andy Sachs, aspiring journalist fresh out of school and working to make it in the big city. The unlikely pairing of fashionless newbie and high powered flawless human being makes for a workplace comedy with a heart of gold and many, many coats.  Stanley Tucci plays Nigel, Runway’s fashion or layout editor (I think, from what I saw at least--he may be a higher-powered editor because he is allowed to just take things from The Closet and give them away willy-nilly). He has a biting wit that shows no mercy. Stanley Tucci apparently ad-libbed the line :

In the end, his character who has worked so hard to make something his own and branch out from under the Miranda thumb gets totally fucked over. It’s sad, but I’m sure he makes bank doing what he’s doing and will find another way to break out and be his own fashion house star.  Anne Hathaway learns many lessons and moves on to become a journalist in the big apple, but with a better haircut, clothes quality, and knowledge of how to apply makeup. 

Meryl Streep continues to be a bamf.  4 out of five stars, absolutely passes the Bechdel test. Here are more gifs. 

This is based on a true story about a guy who faked his way to fame by faking a relationship with Howard Hughes (not Hugh Hefner as I had thought through half the movie, until my husband enlightened me). Howard Hughes was a billionaire recluse, and this guy Clifford Irving wrote a book that he sold as the authorized biography of Howard Hughes, when in fact it was unauthorized in every way, shape and form.  It’s a messy 2 hours wherein I do not give a shit about anyone in it. Irving was clearly a sociopath con artist who was not good enough at pulling cons to get away with one of this size and publicity. He dragged his poor friend around North and Central America to fake interviews and get insider information on Howard Hughes, got the book published, then had his entire scam come crashing down around him when Howard Hughes said “wtf? I’ve never met or heard of this guy.”  A lot of people were correctly suspicious, including Stanely Tucci, who was a Life magazine executive. For 2 hours of movie, there should have been so much more Tucci. 

All in all, waste of everyone’s time. it could have benefitted so SO much from editing and playing the schemes up more. It also could have left out an affair the Irving had, which ate up about 20-30 minutes of the movie and only added a small amount of betrayal in the end. 

I don’t think it passed the Bechdel test, but I will give small kudos to the casting director for at least attempting to make a diverse-ish cast. 

One star.

Full disclosure, my internet was not working too great while I tried to watch this. It ended up taking me twice as long to watch this film than the actual film itself.  This was not a bad movie. The two stars it’s been given on Netflix would say to you “this is probably a bad movie,” but it’s not. It’s not amazing or groundbreaking, but it’s a solid cop movie about a guy who goes undercover in an Ohio drug ring to make a huge bust. The cop is Jeff Cole, who graduates from cop school and immediately goes undercover (is this normal? I don’t know.) His boss/confidant/handler is Stanley Tucci, who brings a measured voice to the high-stakes world of undercover work. He is clearly the Tough-but-Caring Boss, and he does well in it. It’s always nice to watch a film where Stanley Tucci is not an asshole.  Anyway.  Jeff Cole takes on the persona of J. Reid and works his way into the inner circle of God (L.L. Cool J), the psychopathic leader of the drug ring. I came away with the impression that they could of done more to show that Jeff Cole was becoming J. Reid a little more, but I think that is mainly due to my poor internet connection disturbing the viewing process. There is a point at the end of the movie where it’s pretty obvious this guy is in too deep (see what they did there?) and has to get out of undercover work. 

Billy Crystal wrote, produced and directed this garbage film, and all I’m going to say about it is that it needed more Tucci. One star, passes the Bechdel test. 

In this cinematic classic, a clothes thief (er, borrower) and her future teen werewolf son go through their lives battling class and public speaking only to gain the interest of one Dark Lord wizard on the small island of Manhattan. Low-stakes hijinks ensue.  J-Lo plays a maid at a high-class hotel. She is beloved by all. She is going to be promoted to manager. She has a cute son. She has a mother who wants to keep her daughter’s feet on ground and head out of the clouds. She has friends who believe in her. And then suddenly she has this rich woman’s coat and goes on a walk with an aspiring Republican candidate for Senate (maybe Congress?). Said Republican has Stanley Tucci to keep him on point and schedule. He is typically unlikeable in this film.  In the end, J-Lo gets to go to the ball wearing a fabulous dress and diamonds worth as much as my house, then gets fired (as she fucking should, she stole that odious woman’s clothes). She goes on to marry the rich Republican and start a bunch of businesses with her maid friends. It’s sweet. I mainly like this movie because it is clever without trying too hard, and doesn’t really gloss over the fact that what she’s doing is bullshit. It also has this delightful exchange between Tyler Posen (Ty), Stanley Tucci (Jerry Siegel) and Ralph Fiennes (Christopher): 

Jerry Siegel: What press are you affiliated with? Ty: I'm 10. Jerry Siegel: What about your parents, are they Democrat or Republican? Ty: What's the difference these days? Christopher: I love this kid. Jerry Siegel: Well, what's not to love.

I love this exchange. It has a crotchety weirdo asking a cheeky over-informed child about something way inappropriate. It’s great.  What I would really love is a sequel where Stanley Tucci’s character is trying to get Ty to run for office, just hates all of the kid’s liberal ideas, but helps him get over his fear of public speaking while also connecting him to an attractive speech writer fresh out of grad school in life and romance. 

3/5 stars, passes the Bechdel test

I really need to put out a PSA about children’s stories: You should probably know what children like about stories before creating a full-length animated feature. This film was adults getting together to make a story they thought children would love, but the kids probably hated it because it was long and preachy and boring.  I don’t even want to go over the plot because there are too many “AND THEN” moments. Like, so many moving parts and none of them really make sense. I’m going to bullet point this. 

There is a rat who is unlike other rats

There is a mouse who is unlike other mice

There is a kingdom obsessed with soup

The head chef calls upon a soup demon

There is an incident where a royal person dies because of a rat and soup

Soup and rats are thereby banned from the kingdom

The mouse makes friends with a princess

The mouse decides to be a hero

The mouse gets exiled to rat-land (which is a pretty racist version of India)

(here’s where I didn’t really understand how A+B=C): Somehow, a servant betrays the princess and the princess is kidnapped by the rats, and then the rats are going to eat the princess alive. 

The mouse saves the princess by convincing the rat that is unlike other rats to sincerely apologize to the King. 

The soup demon shows up, the world is right again, and everyone lives an OK life. 

Oh, and Stanley Tucci is the soup demon. 

I think I gave this one two stars, mostly because I was relieved it wasn’t a musical. I think that would have been a little too “American Tale/Fivel Goes West.”