Trust No One

send my muse terrible pick-up lines (off or on anon)

Send me a ship and I'll tell you:

“Really? I always thought you were around nineteen. Or, like, twenty-seven.” He narrowed his eyes. “I have no idea how old you look, actually. Huh.” 

“Hey, like your nickname’s any better!” He sputtered. His name had always been a sore spot for him and he didn’t feel like Wirt was in any position to judge since his name was, well, Wirt. “I got the name because of my birthmark.” He huffed, before realizing he could turn the tables. “Which you will never see ever.”

💦“I don’t think you’re really in the situation to be telling me what I can and can’ do. Because I can just leave you out here in the middle of the night. I can just not let you in my nice warm cabin where I had food already cooking and a spare bed- but yeah you can struggle out here on your own.” He was teasing the other, having a bit of fun with his job before the miserable truth settled in.

Dipper scoffed in mock disgust. "First of all, it's incredibly irresponsible to leave food cooking without watching it. Secondly, I can't believe you'd kill me just because I won't show you my birthmark." He crossed his arms. "Just warning you now, you'd gett a merciless haunting."

“Dipper.” He watched the sky darken, noting it was quicker than usual, but couldn’t really place why that was odd. He shook his head, dismissing things he would usually latch onto as nothing for the second time this evening. “Which is also a nickname, but not even my family calls me my real name, so you don’t need to know that.”

💦“I like it. It’s a funny nickname.” Wirt snickered a bit, acting a bit more like the normal eighteen (or so) year old that he appeared to be and less like the gaunt reaper he ha been playing previously. “How did you get saddled with that? Serve a lot of soup? It’s your favorite constellation? I mean, your real name must be hell for you to go by Dipper.” 

"Hey, like your nickname's any better!" He sputtered. His name had always been a sore spot for him and he didn't feel like Wirt was in any position to judge since his name was, well, Wirt. "I got the name because of my birthmark." He huffed, before realizing he could turn the tables. "Which you will never see ever."

“Dipper.” He watched the sky darken, noting it was quicker than usual, but couldn’t really place why that was odd. He shook his head, dismissing things he would usually latch onto as nothing for the second time this evening. “Which is also a nickname, but not even my family calls me my real name, so you don’t need to know that.”

“NEVER DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU HAVE, DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU WANT PEOPLE TO THINK YOU HAVE. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU PEOPLE SEEM TO MAKE QUICK ASSUMPTIONS JUST FROM APPEARANCE.  PERSONALLY, I THINK ITS A VALUABLE LIFE LESSON.”

“You... Can change jobs?” Dipper asked, annoyance changing to curiosity. “Wait, I thought it was a cosmic thing- Like, you were created for your dream demon deal. Which demon jobs require formal wear?”

Dipper followed the other teen closely, trying not to look into the trees. He was feeling uneasy about the whole situation to the point of following a one-eyed (hardly ever a good sign) stranger deeper into the woods. “So, uh, what’s your name?”