Mr. Mayhem

Met a squirrel today at lunch and named him Arnold 🙂‍↕️

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

You ever have a sandwich where the lettuce thinks it’s the main character? If you get it, you understand me.

They're setting off fireworks and I'm trying to get some sleep here.

Why does the collector’s cup from Supergirl look so veiny???

I haven’t wrestled in over 2 years—of course I’m feeling a way about it.

Propaganda I will fall for: Steak fries are a poor man's potato wedges.

Well slap my ass and call me Shelly.

Watching Entourage and realizing someone we all know probably would find Vincent Chase super relatable out of all the characters on the show <<<<

Can y’all please stop shoving things into Kris’ mouth?

I mean whether Max accepts the challenge or not, he’s still a soft little bitch.

The first man to group chicken, bacon and ranch dressing with each other must’ve been higher than alien pussy to put those together.

I mean I would've put Darby in the dirt, too, for not giving us a bald Max.