Oyya reay umbday

it is actually so genuinely laughable and crazy to me when you see takes coming out about the straight women on tumblr fetishizing heated rivalry when i could not name a single straight woman anywhere near my dashboard

as the sole straight woman on tumblr, I haven't even watched heated rivalry

thats weird. are you homophobic?

if you, like me, are hesitant to enjoy what kinda sounds like "relaxes food standards" on the surface, I'm happy to report that this isn't "everyone can do what they want with your food supply without oversight" but rather a case where in NYC you had to have a permit to sell food and a second, superfluous permit to sell frozen desserts. This action simply removes the need for the second permit, rolling it into the first permit in order to help small businesses. Yay!

if you're not playing mermaids with me then i have to assume you're playing mermaids against me

"when people ask how you're doing, they don't really care." most of them do, actually, the amount they care is just directly proportional to how well they know you. you're just mad you can't be the main character of the Twice Daily.

if i am doing shitty and the check out girl asks me, "how are you?" i will say,"man, i've been better." we are strangers to each other. she doesn't need to know my whole life story. she doesn't need to know about my credit score and my hemorrhoids or my uncle in the hospital. she just needs enough to respond "been there, buddy. hey, at least the day is almost over?" and then we part ways. i have been on both sides of thousands of exchanges like this, the only one making you do a little song and dance is you, my friend

Someone hacked into and deleted my Tumblr while I was using it. All of my posts gained red text and the letters swirled around like a tornado before being scattered off screen. Presumably for others to use in their text posts

This is the funniest scam I’ve ever seen

And for the blonde man, perhaps some torture?