Let us be Friends

why are there so many posts about asexuals being immune to sirens. people. sirens don’t lure you in with sex (necessarily). they sing about whatever it is that you want most. they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what then your asexual pirate is fucking dead

this is the only kind of ace discourse i ever want to see on my dash. the only kind. ever again. good job

Do you think the sirens would be grateful that they finally get some variety? 

“Oh my god we can finally just sing about pasta thank the fucking gods.” 

I’m not asexual but I’m fairly certain sirens would do a far better job luring me into the depths with a song about pasta rather than sex…

Them: “We have unlimited wifi at incredible speeds~” Me: *diving headfirst into the water*

This post is a blessing

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Oh my god sirens were literally scam websites

Oh my god they were phishing

the sumner-brooks caning incident redux but it’s amy klobuchar stapling the entire text of a bill to mitch mcconnell’s forehead on the senate floor.....like to charge reblog to cast

i think about this tiktok literally every day

@adrianshephardofficial

Ghosts: *arguing over whose turn it is to answer the ouija*

That would explain why it takes so long to get answers and why it makes no sense.

Mom said it’s my turn on the planchette

NO I DIED FIRST

I look forward to the distant future when ghosts will inflict psychic damage on people with answers like this: “Who’s there?” Ouija board: L I G M A

you’re laughing. i told you a joke and you’re laughing. i love you

People dont realize this

on a sincere note though, you guys do know that 22 is not old and 30 is not ancient, right? like yeah by 30 you will hopefully have matured but hearing some of you talk like life ends at 30 is a little worrying. one day, not as far away as it may seem, you will be 30 and you will still be a person with value, you will probably still have a lot of the same interests, you will still use the internet, and you will still be you. you have your whole life ahead of you

if u live in california, regardless of who u may or may not be voting for, it's worth your time to vote no on prop 22! uber, lyft, postmates, etc have poured millions into support for prop 22, which would allow ridesharing companies to classify their workers as independent contractors instead of employees, depriving them of rights that employees are entitled to under california law ✌️ uber and lyft are desperate for this to pass and have even threatened a shutdown of operations in CA if theyre not granted this exemption from following labor laws

it’s asserting its dominance

he’s t-posing