🎀

It didn't feel like a milestone. It didn't feel like anything really, just another day where the world kept moving and I had to keep pretending I wasn't missing someone who should have been here.

Lydia made us a cake, made it all by herself apparently. Lopsided frosting, black icing with eighteen written on the top.

I stared at it longer than I probably should have. It's just cake right? But part of me wanted to cry anyway.

I didn't. I never do when someone is watching.

Mom hugged me too, a real hug. Not one of those distracted types she's been giving since Harrison left and for a moment it felt like an old birthday, before the house was filled with emptiness.

I kept checking my phone, stupidly hoping for a message, just a "Happy birthday, Liv" Three words, that's all it would've taken.. but of course I never got it.

Lydia noticed. She always notices.

"You're thinking about him."

I told her she was dramatic and she came back with

"It's your first birthday without him, of course you are."

I hate when she's right.

Eighteen feels like it should mean something. A new chapter.. but right now it just feels like emptiness. You're gone, Harrison is gone.. not that he ever made much of an effort on my birthdays anyway..

Lydia tried to make the day normal,

Mom smiled like she was holding herself together for our sake.

I ate the cake. Lopsided frosting and all because that's the closest thing to a celebration I could manage.

Turning eighteen doesn't feel special without you..