SCOTT RUSSELL

God, Scott was impossible. Valerie wanted to correct him, but they had to present as a team. Otherwise Remy wouldn’t listen. He was trying so hard to make this conversation about their personal issues. Forcing Val to read between the lines instead of actually talk about what happened. She’d been trying for months to repair their connection, but he ghosted her. Now he chose this moment – in front of their daughter – to hash things out? Whatever. Remy didn’t even pick up on the subtext so it didn’t matter.

They finished lecturing their daughter and Val decided that it was time to leave. “Come give me a hug, and then go show Papa your new book.” She peered at Jack, hoping that he would take the hint and give her a moment alone with Scott. After Remy hugged her parents, she retreated to her bedroom with Papa in tow. Valerie called after her, “Don’t forget, you need to read twenty pages of your book tonight.”

Once they were finally alone, she offered Scott the chance to say something first. Anything. Val was staring straight at him; she said nothing. 

Finally she had enough silence. She kept her voice steady and quiet because she wouldn’t sacrifice her elegance for this petty behavior. 

“Do not drag Remy into this bullshit.” It was not a request. Valerie was threatening Scott. He was pushing her to wit’s end. She stood up and towered over him, glaring down until he met her eye-to-eye. “If you have something to say, then say it to me. You owe me that. This whole time– 8 months you’ve been back– you won’t talk to me. Can you even look at me?”

“I’ll see you later, sunshine. Listen to your mom and read your book, ok?” Scott addressed his daughter softly, before calmly watching her walk out with her grandfather. He let the inevitable silence set, making no effort to break it.

He knew she would say something, and when she did his first and only reaction was to sigh. He didn’t want his daughter to grow up standing by the sidelines, and while he knew he’d contradicted her out of spite, he’d also done it out of genuine worry for Remy.

“I’m not dragging Remy into anything.” Scott retaliated, avoiding her eyes. Her remark stung. No, he wasn’t able to look at her. He barely could despite having been back the last 8 months. 

“What do you want me to say, Valerie?” He retorted, the frustration rising within him. In response, he shot up from the couch after her, looking back down at her. “Do you want me to talk about the hunger and poverty out there? How every day I worry that my daughter has to live in a dead world where the only remnant of society left is letting people starve? Do you want me to tell you how hurt I am that you’re a part of that system?”

He tried not to raise his voice, but the pain and anger was clear in his tone. Maybe it would all finally come out this time, maybe for once he wouldn’t back down.

When she was invited to speak, Remy explained what happened at school. It was a snide remark about her family and their high-profile separation. Valerie understood why her daughter was upset– In fact, so was she. Knowing that children emulate their parents, she could tell that someone’s mom or dad was saying these things about herself and Scott. It hurt to know that she was stuck inside of this so-called ‘safe zone’ with people who hated her. And to realize that she couldn’t protect Remy from everything. 

Was she going to assault the parents who insulted her? No.

There was a long pause when Remy was finished speaking. She was distraught. Valerie instructed her daughter to calm down. “You need to chill out,” she commanded quietly. She was half-mother, half-Elite Rank I. She was eerily calm. Focused. 

“Look at me.” Val would never coddle Remy. She treated her like an adult. “That hurt my feelings, too. And you’re right; it’s not fair. But when you get big, you’ll get in a lot of trouble for hitting people. And you might think you can handle the trouble, but you can’t. It’s called a punishment for a reason.”

Another long pause. She knew that her pleas were intended for Scott, too. There was only so much she could say to a child, though. Val wanted to make her point about the law, but it was inappropriate to project onto Remy.

“I- We need you to follow the rules, because that’s how you protect yourself here. Right, Scott?” Valerie’s eyes flashed to his. She wore a hardened expression, almost daring him to undermine her. 

❥

Remy’s story was painful to hear. Knowing that even though she was a child, she wasn’t protected from what other adults or children might say. He knew Remy had been deeply affected by everything that had happened, that was self-evident, and though he’d tried his best to keep her happy and safe since his return the damage had already been done.

He’d returned with Papa but without her Nana, and he’d sensed the sadness and the longing in Remy. Nothing really needed to be said to her, she’d already understood that Nana would not be coming back. 

Scott wanted to protest as Valerie spoke. She wasn’t entirely wrong, but whether it was out of principle or because he believed in something more than just going with what was established, he wanted to disagree. He kept his comments to himself, he knew not to cause too much confusion when Remy was around.

When Valerie addressed him, he briefly looked back into her eyes, a spark of defiance in his grave eyes. Quickly, he turned back towards his daughter, his expression and countenance softening.

“Honey, rules are there for a reason, you understand that, don’t you?” He started, knowing very well where he would be going after but deciding he needed to build up to his point. Remy was the one who needed to understand. Remy nodded, her eyes shifting between her mother and her father before her.

“And didn’t Daddy tell you that the things that you believe in, deep down in your heart, are just as important as rules?” Remy nodded again, and Scott continued, “Sweetheart, you know that hitting is wrong. Reactions like that can only be your last resort, when you’re in danger. Haven’t I told you that?”

His daughter tried to interject with a yes, but, and though Scott wanted her to speak her mind he motioned for her to let him finish. “Remy, you did something very wrong by hitting someone else. I know these things hurt your little heart, but you can’t react that way every time. Sticking to what you believe in is always important, and there are times where you can break the rules to protect yourself and those you love. But this was not one of those times, Remy. You don’t hit people for saying mean things, you’re stronger than that.”

“Bullied,” Val scoffed. “Please. We don’t even know what they said to her. Besides, adult civilians get jail time for assault. She needs to learn self control.” This time her eyes bore into Scott’s. It was clear that she would not reinforce Remy’s behavior. “You can’t punch someone just ‘cause they hurt your feelings.” Valerie was no longer sheepish, but forceful.

At least he let her inside. Scott went upstairs and she followed, steeling her emotions on the way. Before stepping inside his apartment, she had to take several deep breaths. It would be her first time seeing his new home; no doubt a painful reminder of their time together.

Finally, she saw Jack. Valerie stayed away from him since their return. The past year flashed before her eyes and she blinked once. “Hello, Jack.” She politely greeted him, hyper-aware of her daughter’s presence.

Val tried not to look around because she refused to think of this place as Scott’s home. She went straight for the couch across from Jack and Remy, sat up straight and looked at Scott. “Come here,” she said, patting the spot beside her.

When the two parents were finally facing their child, Valerie addressed her directly. “You look pretty happy for someone who’s grounded. Why don’t you tell your Grandpa what you did today?”

She reached out and gave Scott’s arm a squeeze, silently asking for back up. Their first time making contact in months. A brief moment, and not nearly enough.

“Sometimes defending yourself and your integrity is worth more than standing idly by the law,” Scott rebutted under his breath, his words intended as a pique and his rising frustration thinly veiled.

Once inside the apartment, Jack barely managed to utter a welcome— clearly only doing so for Remy’s sake. Begrudgingly, Scott sat down on the spot Valerie pointed at. Her assertiveness and her boldness were two of the things that had at first made her so alluring to him. 

She’d stuck out among everyone else, made him feel like he’d never felt before— and now he could barely breathe next to her without feeling his heart pound in his ears and his blood boil inside. The things that she said. The system she defended. The corruption and suffering she represented. He hated all of it, but God he could never hate her. That was what pained him the most.

Her touch on his arm brought him back from his thoughts, and though it would have been comforting before, in this moment it stung him and he gently pulled his arm away, listening to their daughter.

Val opened her mouth to respond, but Scott frantically asked more questions. She didn’t blame him for being concerned, but Remy’s behavior wasn’t such a mystery. Despite her age, she saw everything that her family was going through. When Scott was exiled, Remy’s heart broke. And she hadn’t seen her family together since then– Even after he returned. That made her angry. 

“I did talk to her.” Valerie’s tone was calm and steady. Their shared concern for Remy gave them a reason to be civil. “One of her classmates said something about us. You, or me… I don’t know. She’s not talking.”

All of her words were careful, calculated. There were a million things that she wanted to tell him, but what was most important? “I want us to sit down and talk to her together. She needs to see that we are still a family.” There it was again: The ache that crept through her like a flame. Valerie looked away.

They were a family, whether Scott liked it or not. They were bound for life by a beautiful daughter. It would always be this way. Valerie wanted to reach out and touch him– just hold his hand or brush his cheek; comfort him. But she kept her hands to herself.

He knew it. He knew Remy wouldn’t resort to that behavior unprovoked. Shifting on his feet, brows furrowed in fatherly concern, he tried to maintain his calm when he let out, “Valerie, if our daughter is getting bullied we have to do something about it. I’m not going in there and giving her a sermon if what she did was to defend herself.”

He stopped himself, knowing that if he went further he would let it all out, and probably not just about Remy. He had to keep calm when Valerie was around, he was too aware of this, and he couldn’t let his bottled up emotions take control over him.

Her suggestion came as a surprise, and his first instinct was to protest. But he didn’t. He hesitated for a moment, his gaze shifting from the pair of eyes he’d once drowned in to the floor. 

One moment, everyone was laughing and cheering in the Den. Then, when the lights went out, there was an awkward pause. A moment where everyone wondered ‘Did that just happen?’ 

Next thing you knew, yells and screams of panic began filling the makeshift bar. People trampled over each other, pushed and shoved around, trying to kick their way out. His first instinct at the sight of the commotion was to figure out a way to calm down the people. He looked around hurriedly, his mind racing as he tried to think with everyone pushing and grabbing around him.

Somehow, though not without difficulty, Scott managed to find a path and advance further into the crowd. If he could just get to the back door. “Excuse me. Please... please,” he repeated over and over, gently scurrying past as many people as he could, managing to stay calm and with one goal in mind.

He was halfway there when he noticed Elena inches away from him and, as he got closer, tapped on her shoulder and immediately called out, “Elena! We need to get to the back door! The back door!” 

He wondered if his voice had drifted over the madness. Just in case, he looked over his shoulder a couple of times to verify that she was following him. Finally, they reached the back of the bar, much emptier since everyone had hurried and clogged the main entrance.

“Glad I found you back there. If we make our way around we can try and find a way to control the situation— get the people to calm down. If we usher them to Forbes Hall we can clear this part of town, mitigate the risk if we get overrun.”

He barely paused, his entire mind was rushing, eager to run out and help. He hoped they were on the same page. 

location: golden triangle, the den

time: sometime just after sunset

status: open

the night was just setting to a darker shade of blue as the festivities run through the golden triangle. teague– was instantly intrigued by the walker fights as per usual. if anyone knew his recklessness pattern this would be no surprise for the lead supply runner. his eyes glistened underneath the lights that radiated from the building as the heard the growls of the walkers inside the pen. isn’t this a bit strange? teague had thought to himself for a brief moment. the fact that there are walkers inside what seems like just a sacred space– fiddler’s green that is, being one of the last few outposts in this area. the thought had quickly escaped his head. no, he wasn’t going to think about that tonight like he often did at these events. seeing a walker swing at the other as it was being held down by, what? a leash? a chain? he was pretty certain he had seen that walker earlier when he was on the supply run. the thick black decaying hair had been so striking to him earlier. “oh shit– did you see that?” teague asked gently slapping the other’s shoulder next to him without even realizing who it was. at that point a walker had nearly sprawled into the other walker, nails digging into its… her? perhaps in the past life? it was really hard to tell. realizing that his dark beer bottle was now empty he looks over at the bar. “hey, you want another? i was goin’ to get one for myself but i don’t mind getting one for you too.” he says with a shrug as the growls from the walkers in the pen fill his ears rather than the cheers from the crowds of the people. that was always going to be more concerning to him really. but his full attention was now on the person next to him, finally recollecting who they are. perhaps he had drank too much already, or perhaps it was just teague being unfazed by most that happens around him. 

↝

Scott wasn’t a fan of the walker fights, but he’d found himself standing in the middle of the crowd and, by this point, couldn’t look away. He wondered if everyone else was also watching out of sheer coincidence. Maybe, just like him, somebody had pushed them far enough into the crowd and their wandering eyes were now glued to the gruesome scene before them.

He watched one of them smash into the other, tearing at its skin with its bare hands— when the gentle slap on his shoulder startled him. Scott nervously chuckled, regaining his composure, 

“You tell me,” he let out, smiling at Teague. The lead supply runner was one of the familiar faces Scott saw at the shop. The entirety of the Scouts would often drop by and ask about the vehicles he was working on, bring in any scraps from outside or cars that needed maintenance before runs.

The mechanic beamed at his offer, and although he hadn’t been drinking the idea of a brew was particularly tempting right now. Anything that could distract him from what he’d just been watching was a welcome suggestion. “You know what, I’ll also have one of those. Let me go with you,” Scott offered, beginning to follow Teague and push a path in front of them.

Since Scott’s return to the triangle, things hadn’t been the same. He could hardly look at Valerie. She was aching to reconnect with him, but instead she refused to engage. Maybe he needed to hate her because it was easier than facing his own choices. Choices that put him in the wilderness, apart from his family and fighting for his life. It was Valerie who brought him home against all odds, but fine. He could hate her. And for what? Because she did her job?

But they had a daughter to worry about, and today was their scheduled exchange. She brought Remy to Scott’s apartment on 7th street, and when he came down to retrieve her, Valerie dismissed her child. “Go upstairs. I need to talk to your Dad.” Remy, already in trouble, obeyed. 

When they were alone, Valerie finally addressed Scott. “Remy started a fight today. She punched another kid in the face.” 

Her arms were folded over her chest and she struggled to maintain eye contact. There was no way he didn’t see her pain and that made her feel deeply threatened. “Please talk to her.”

Jack barely talked to him anymore. Father and son would sit silently in the apartment, pretending not to acknowledge each other. Scott would usually be outside, either keeping his hands busy on cars that needed maintenance or walking around the community looking for any human contact, always ready to entertain conversation to compensate for the one lacking at home.

The gloominess of the apartment disappeared during Remy’s visits, however. The little girl always put a smile on her grandfather’s face, and both men would make every effort to hide all signs of tension in front of the child.

After waiting all morning by the window, Scott finally saw the figure of his daughter in the distance and made his way downstairs with a smile on his face. In these moments, he tried not to think about Valerie, or the pain he felt when he saw her. He tried to brush off the awkwardness, always focused on Remy and her happiness.

Today was different, though. Remy’s usual bubbliness was replaced by an indignant pout, and she barely hugged her father before stomping inside in obedience to her mother’s words. Scott was perplexed, and his confusion did everything but dissipate when Valerie spoke.

“A fight?” His ears couldn’t believe it. Sure, he’d always given his daughter the talk— never be unprepared, always defend yourself, but he meant that in regards to walkers and the evil outside, not other children. 

He looked at Valerie, repressing whatever resentment was bubbling inside of him. Where there was fire, ashes remained, which is what made it that much harder for Scott to face her. It pained him, but he was too angry and too proud to face his own conflicted feelings.

“Did they tell you what happened?” He asked, shifting his glance away from his ex and, before she could have time to say anything he pressed on, “Did you talk to her? What did she tell you?”

Scott wasn’t too impressed with the current festivities, but stopping by and mixing with other people couldn’t be too bad, especially after a long day tinkering with cars. 

Walking past the pit with the chained walkers, Scott quickly looked away. “Well,” he commented to the person nearest to him, “I’m certainly glad children aren’t around to see that.”

SCOTT —a playlist

You’ve Got a Friend, James Taylor

Alone Again (Naturally), Gilbert O’Sullivan

Operator (That’s Not the Way it Feels), Jim Croce

Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys, Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson

Sunshine On My Shoulder, John Denver

I’ll Be Here in the Morning, Townes Van Zandt

Southern Nights, Whitney

Texas Sun, Khruangbin & Leon Bridges

Jesus, Etc., Wilco