The River Runs Wild

I’m in my bed listening to the Lore soundtrack and I’m convinced that me and him are on a different level. As in, the two of us are out on the edge, on our own separate ledge looking out at a completely different world. I don’t know anyone, still, who sees what I see. I still feel so disconnected and yet so seamlessly at one with the rest. It’s like I’m drifting along with the pack, but I really don’t understand what everyone’s doing and why it’s right or good or worthwhile. I rarely feel known or seen, not actually, not in a noticeable way. I feel so fucking out of the loop. And yet I’m cruising along, making it look easy. But I just don’t know if I’ll find what I’m looking for. I’m trying to find it again. What I had with him but it’s just not happening. Nothing is good enough. No one is unique enough. I just don’t care. And it breaks my damn heart that I’m incapable of caring anymore. That everyone seems so mediocre. I can’t be with mediocre. Not now or ever. I need someone to fucking shake me. Look me in the fucking eye and tell me something I haven’t heard before. Register an experience with me and show me how you’re affected. Let me see how you respond to the weather and the noise and the environment that you’re in. Please, just please, don’t be a cliche. Don’t disappoint me. Scare the hell out of me and get in the boat and fucking paddle with me right into the rapids so we can test our survival skills.