Chantal

We should all be…satisfied in every area of our lives but especially in the realm of love. This is a storybook tragedy. When I see how violent & unsafe our men have become. When I see how hard our women have become as a result, it’s disappointing. It leaves so many of us without that pleasure that nature intended. Is it worth it?

It's interesting to watch shows like this because it's more relatable than I'd care to admit. As someone who has always associated sex with shame, it feels foreign to see myself in these women. Uncomfortable.

Not Maggie. Although I did have a teacher who was found guilty of inappropriate behavior & that was surreal...I digress.

But Lina. Oh Lina. I grew up in a household where sex was taboo. We never talked about it & still don't, not really. But I feel Lina. What I would give to have a real, genuine, connected, passionate kiss with the man of my dreams. Not the world's dreams, mine. I can only imagine how many women, how many moms just want to feel sexy & identify as more than just mom. And I love being mom. I love it. And sometimes I just want to be a sensual woman who gets to experience pleasure with a beautiful, sexy, decent, patient man who is as crazy about me as I am about him without feeling guilty. It feels so out of reach.

Lina is real. A mom. A woman who just wants to feel wanted. A woman who wants to be with a man in the most natural way possible to experience pleasure. It's so true. You try to hold yourself closer to God, whatever that is, and do the right thing. You don't want to do anything that may be judged until you just say fuck it. And the way she described her high school crush. A guy that may not be on the cover under the hottest man alive, but he takes her breath away just the same. It's so awesome.

Death Wish - Bruce Willis, Dean Norris, Kimberly Elise

I see nothing wrong with what Bruce Willis's character (Paul, a surgeon) does. It creates a conversation about right vs wrong. I don't think he's wrong at all. Here is a man who is living his life, minding his own business and his family is torn apart by emotional men. Paul then becomes an emotional man but understandably in this case & starts killing. But not just anyone, criminals. He starts taking out the criminals of Chicago who make the streets unsafe. Not via hearsay either. These are hardcore criminals who get off on destroying other people's lives. Also, this was after waiting for the police to do their jobs. What a joke.

He is undoubtedly doing the work that public service members were hired to do. He doesn't wait to hear that an innocent person has been maimed or killed. No, he confirms the threat & acts. The only people who would have an issue are the criminals & the cops who don't do shit. History has shown us that they have no problem killing innocent people to flex but they can't kill known criminals because it "wouldn't be right?" Bullshit.

Sway In the Morning is in the movie as well. Sway talks about Paul taking out a black man. We can't pick and choose who gets to be a criminal. Skin color is man made. The dude was a drug dealer. Period, point blank. His skin color is such an irrelevant factor. Besides the fact that he was actually protecting a black child who was being targeted by said drug dealer & was scared for his life. I digress.

The media then talks about "the grim reaper", which is what they end up calling him in the news, encouraging other citizens to take the law into their own hands. False narrative. The "law" has encouraged good, decent, hard-working people to take the law into their own hands. Those of us who need the protection are the only ones without it. I don't follow the narrative. I choose to use common sense and logic. No one told those emotional, non-sensical trash bags to break into Paul's home and kill his wife & child.

For me it’s this doctor. Hot, tall, beautiful biceps, lips just begging to be kissed, cowboy boots under scrubs, kind, empathetic, sweet & did I mention fucking hot? Knowing he is so far out of my league changes absolutely nothing.

It's scary.

You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dying star

"I'm tired of being the good guy."

It's so true. We all know right from wrong. You try to live a good life and follow the rules. You try to be kind and loving towards other people because that's the right thing to do. You go to school, listen to your parents & mentors, you go to work in corporate America or become a teacher, read and try to raise your kids properly. What does it get us? You can walk the straight & narrow but then you recognize that you will always lose because those aren't the real rules to this game. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar. I know that's why I keep losing too because I can't be a piece of shit. I've tried. It's not who I am. I know I will forever lose...

easy-ish.

I made a list last year & started checking things off. But some things are hard. We don’t like hard. I’m also not a patient person. But that’s changing too. It wasn’t on my list but boy am I learning that some of my goals are going to take way more time than I hoped. It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do them though especially if it means being happier which is healthier. I was that girl that would jump ship as soon as something wasn’t going my way.

Consider: A single person can obtain anything they want. They just have to want it bad enough. Recognizing that they are capable & even responsible for this is what makes them a whole person. Therefore, there is no desire to gain externally or extract from other people in general much less their partner. You've turned I need into I want.

This is important because now companionship is based on giving, not taking. As a whole person, you now have something to give. You have shifted from I need love to survive to I want love to give someone what I now have. And side note, it shouldn't be because they need it but rather because they deserve it. They've done the work too. As a single person, you learned how to pour your time and energy into the other things you wanted. The only difference is that it wasn't another human being, but the idea is the same. And if someone is truly interested in getting to know you and love you right, if there is compatibility, they'll be & feel the same.

I say:

It's about the other person, not you. Being in love with someone is just that, being in love with someone outside of yourself. It's not about what can I get. It's about what can I give. The only thing you should get is satisfaction from the joy you have brought to someone who deserves it. As I mentioned above, someone who has already proven that they can obtain anything they truly want, recognizes that companionship is no different. If I want this person bad enough, I am willing to do what is necessary to earn them. As a whole person, it's not obsessive or dangerous because it's not about gaining anything anymore. If both people are doing that, there's no reason to be selfish which is literally the kryptonite of relationships, selfishness. It's simple really. It may not be easy but it's simple to me. If I am giving someone something wonderful, THE ONLY THING that they could not obtain without another human being, why would they leave or do something that causes me to leave? Imagine that going both ways.

Of course there are other variables such as trauma, emotional intelligence, maturity, intelligence in general, etc. but it falls under the umbrella of getting over one's self. Becoming a whole person that is able to think logically and act accordingly. I'm just a girl. One girl, who barely graduated college and can't bear to see herself in a mirror or a photograph. Who has never felt worthy or good enough. I don't have Dr. before my name and my experience in dating is well below minimal, but I can think critically -