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from now on the system is gonna skip from 68 notes straight to 70 just to be safe

how to determine the gender of my nipples

i thought the bermuda triangle was gonna be a huge problem when i was younger

I thought the same thing about quicksand

i love stealing john mulaney jokes

i was watching buzzfeed unsolved and made a post i didn’t do ANYTHING similar to that white bitch

duly noted!

i’m so proud of the fact that i’ve never seen la la land

The critic who said that was Tom Lehrer, who was known for political and social satire music (I highly recommend you look him up, he’s hilarious) and it actually did cause him to just.. stop. 

i want to edit this post a bit: by Renaissance I mean a cultural high. Metal has had a great couple of years and the tides are only turning towards the continuation of that. I more mean that we will likely no longer have any fringe hits, that from here on out the Top 40 radio will feature exclusively the current zeitgeist of music. Today, it’s Kendrick Lamar and Ariana Grande and for some reason Post Malone, ten years from now we could see metal bands topping the charts but it’s extremely unlikely. Just that the biggest hits are going to be resigned to whatever the biggest genres are at the time. Fringe hits are almost definitely a thing of the past.

which are u: wine mom, beer dad, or vodka aunt

im an orange juice grandma

Kratom nephew