The Rambling Fangirl

Sometimes he catches himself watching them like they're a particularly intriguing nature documentary that someone left playing on the TV: the easy way they move around each other, unthinking. How they operate as a unit, always. Their uncanny ability to sense what the other is thinking, their shared unspoken language that they communicate to each other with just a look.

More than that, he watches the way they touch each other - yuna's hand briefly running over David's shoulders as she walks past where he's sitting in his armchair; David absently tucking a strand of hair that's escaped from Yuna's coiffed bun behind her ear at an award's ceremony; Yuna's pinkie curled around the belt loop of David's jeans as they walk back to the car after making a pit stop on the way to the cottage to buy groceries; David's big calloused palm covering Yuna's where it rests on the white table cloth of the fancy restaurant Shane took them all out to; Yuna fastidiously tucking the label of David's jersey that was sticking out at the nape of his neck; hands on waists, the small of backs, on knees and thighs. Searching hands, always seeking contact. Not possessive or even particularly conscious, just,,, content. Touches whose only purpose is to touch.

I think about how Ilya has had to make his way through life mostly on his own since he was twelve years old, about the, how he moved to a new country as a teenager and was immediately thrust in front of a camera without knowing the language or how to cope with his newfound fame. I think about the preconceived notions of Russians and how, in the absence of being able to accurately communicate (both because of the language barrier and his repressive upbringing), Ilya decided to or was forced to lean into that stereotype. I think about how soft Ilya allows himself to be with Shane, about how he takes care of him, about how silly and goofy he can be, how he's sometimes just a grown kid, how other times he's the only person who can shut Shane's brain off. I think about how kind he is, how caring, how deeply he feels, how incredibly empathetic he is. I think about how wildly Shane loves him. How there literally never could have been anyone else. I think about how incredibly hurtful it is that no one trusts Shane to make his own decisions about his own fucking life and how much it hurts seeing the coldness the world regards his partner with. I think about Shane getting home and walking straight into Ilya's arms, after having to (once again) justify his love for the best man he's ever known, allowing himself to take comfort in his warm embrace, even when it feels to Shane like he should be the one providing both comfort and shelter.

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose