there's something wrong with the village

She’d always wondered if broken people found their way to each other. While she’d been born with a silver spoon in her mouth, she’d lost her mom and dad’s affection somewhere down the line. The feeling of being left behind was what had brought her to the city, hoping to find a place that would quiet her worries about never finding her people. Now, she had Théo and Elodie. And Noah and Bobbie. All of them orphans of the storm because they’d grown up out of sync with their families. On her more charitable days, she’d even allow Lando into their little club of misfits, knowing that there were things about the other boy’s family life that had driven him into the same state of need as her own. It was probably why the two of them fought over Théo so much. He was a safe space and both of them selfishly wanted him to be theirs.

At least this time, he’d come to her and not Lando. She could be the one to help him feel better.

“Théo, I could never ever hate you. I lo–” Her eyes widened a little at how close she’d gotten to saying the one thing she’d been swallowing back for weeks now, always on the tip of her tongue but never sure if it was allowed to be spoken out in the open. 

Of course she was in love with Théo. She had been ever since she’d first met him, really. Nobody had ever made her feel as appreciated as he did - although nobody else made her feel as sad either when he looked through her to watch whatever attention-grabbing display Lando was putting on for him. But surely that just illustrated how strong her feelings for him were.

She’d been thinking of a way to tell him, to broach the conversation of that and, well, sex. He’d been so respectful for so long, always reassuring her that she wasn’t blue-balling him when she pulled away after kissing him, her nerves getting the better of her. What other boy would be that understanding?

“Come sit down,” she said gently, linking her fingers with his as she tugged him over to her bed, shoving various plushies and her Switch out the way.

It worried her that he said his dad would kill him. It might seem like an exaggeration for some people, but Keeley secretly worried that Mr Moreau might be capable of it.

“Just tell me what’s going on and we can get through it. I’ll help you, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

It had been cruel to string her along and he’d always known that. There was no justification in the world for what he’d put Keeley through, and his already irredeemable actions had been made so much worse by what he and Lando had done. He’d cheated on Keeley, and with a boy. Théo had been up all night, unable to sleep as his mind had run rampant with vivid images of the look of betrayal he knew he would ultimately see on Keeley’s face. It had been mingled with a look of pure, unfiltered repulsion as he delivered his admission that he’d not only cheated, but that he was gay. Whatever joy he’d momentarily felt in being able to touch Lando had been soured the moment reality had struck, when he’d fully reconciled with the pain he would now be responsible for. 

“I don’t think I should sit,” Théo breathed, his voice fractured, catching around the lump in his throat. 

He let her guide him all the same, weak and pathetic as he was, the same way he’d let Lando take his hand and lead him to the sofa. The two scenes seemed to flash before his eyes, side-by-side in the ultimate freeze frame. Two separate hands clutching his, both leading him; One, the girl who loved him and was so worried about whatever was plaguing him, unaware of the anguish he was about to deliver her. Two, the boy that he loved and who had swallowed his saliva and traded moans, bracketing his body as he’d encouraged their infidelity. 

Keeley perched herself on the edge of the bed and Théo watched her, deflated, before finally lowering himself down onto the mattress too. He held her grip for as long as he could, knowing this would be the last time he held Keeley’s hand in his own. Possibly, if he fucked this up too, it might be the last time he held anyone’s hand. 

It was time to rip off the band aid and to finally let her in on the truth, but Théo was terrified. He’d never said the words out loud, not in their entirety. He’d alluded to them that first time he met Jax, his confession so plain in his tears and his terror that he hadn’t needed to utter them out loud. To actually say them was different, because it meant he would have to finally be honest with himself. 

“I, uh... I like boys,” Théo finally admitted, a painful sob tearing from his throat as he said it. Tears rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably, and his heart constricted in his chest. He hadn’t earned the right to cry and he hated himself for it, his own confession still so weak and avoidant, the full truth tucked neatly behind his chosen words. 

He’d made that mistake before, and it had left him with no friends. True, his friends had also been jackasses and as soon as he’d met the Moreaus and reunited with Ophelia, Lando had felt a lot less lonely. He hadn’t missed his old gang for a while, but he still remembered the fallout of his non-relationship with Robbie.

Robbie, who’d said he was straight. Robbie, who’d kissed Lando in secret. Robbie, who’d broken his heart in the end.

He tightened his grip in Théo’s hair, tugging lightly in the hopes it would spur another moan from his friend, a solid, audible noise that would reassure Lando he was doing a good job. That this was different and he wasn’t condemning himself to another doomed crush on a boy who only wanted to kiss him when nobody else was looking.

Girlfriend. He has a girlfriend. Keeley, he reminded himself. Squeezing his eyes shut, he pushed all thoughts of the annoying, freckly redhead out of his mind.

Maybe reason said he should remember her, remember the claim she’d staked on Théo before Lando ever could, but the feeling of Théo’s lips moving against his, soft and wet and dizzying, was enough to shut down all thoughts about why this was wrong.

“Not a bad idea. How could it be?” he asked, the words awkwardly mashed against Théo’s mouth. He tugged the other boy’s bottom lip between his teeth, dragging him closer with the hand on his hip. “It’s the best idea.”

He punctuated his words with a trail of kisses down Théo’s jaw, lips brushing the soft, sensitive skin of the other boy’s neck. A moan caught in the back of Lando’s throat and he pushed away from the counter, gently shoving Théo along with him. They crossed the tiny expanse of Lando’s shoebox apartment until Théo was toppling back onto his dilapidated sofa. It was old and pizza-stained and sagged in the middle but if quality control was on Théo’s mind right now, Lando wasn’t doing a good enough job of kissing him senseless.

“C’mere,” he said again, straddling his best friend’s lap, knees bracketing his thighs. “Fuck, c’mere.”

He pulled Théo in for another kiss, deep and slow. Less hurried, more meaningful.

“Tell me it doesn’t feel like this with her.”

Now, hearing Lando insist that it was the best idea, Théo wondered if maybe he’d only been kidding himself this entire time. Could it have been this simple all along? Had he ended things with Keeley weeks, even months ago, would he have had everything he wanted by now? He’d still be living in secret to avoid his father’s rage, but maybe he could have been calling Lando his boyfriend by now. If he’d just been brave enough to go after what he wanted, all of it could have been his and he could have avoided hurting Keeley long ago. The thought ignited a spark of hope in his chest as he realised this might be it, he might finally be able to break things off with Keeley and tell her the truth that she was owed, and still get everything he wanted. 

Théo released a nervous giggle as he allowed Lando to guide him across the room, his hands flitting to the other boy’s waist as he stared up in surprise, his butt abruptly hitting the cushions of the sofa. Even during his makeout sessions with Keeley, she’d never straddled him like this, and his expression was far from neutral now. He was slack-jawed, his sparkling blue eyes wide with a combination of lust and surprise, and his heart was beating overtime in his chest. He wondered if Lando could feel just how hard he’d grown from just the two of them kissing, his erection seeming thicker and more pronounced as he felt the weight of his best friend pressed against his lap. All Théo could do was shudder under the weight of him, a desperate moan building in his throat as Lando kissed him slowly now, Théo relishing in the taste of him. 

“You taste so sweet,” Théo muttered stupidly, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks. His mind flashed back to the Cherry Coke that Lando had chugged after the two of them had demolished a pizza, but he knew it wasn’t that. It was something far more feral than corn syrup and caffeine. 

His hand glided down and along Lando’s waist towards his hip, before shakily settling on his upper thigh. It felt like a bold move from Théo, but it seemed there were very few lines Lando was willing to cross at this stage. Groping his thigh seemed very much above board. At the other man’s words, Théo’s hand stilled momentarily, a low groan escaping him as he tried to make sense of them. Was Lando taunting him? Was he trying to remind Théo of his girlfriend now, in this moment, as some kind of sick and twisted power play? Théo had always known that Lando didn’t like Keeley very much – he'd scolded him plenty over the way he called her names and made jokes at her expense – but he didn’t ever want to believe that Lando would use him just to piss her off. 

He wouldn’t, would he? 

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone ever,” Théo landed on, pulling back from the kiss. Experimentally, he dipped his head low and let his tongue dart out, licking a stripe along Lando’s throat, a soft, appreciative hum escaping him. Okay, yep. He was definitely hard as a rock now, his boner no doubt digging into the other boy’s thigh.  

“You’re everything to me,” he breathed. 

It had been enough to make her seriously contemplate taking up skateboarding, but she’d quickly shook that thought out of her head and asked Mary-Kate for her favourite affirmations apps instead. Surely her boyfriend would still like her if she didn’t go whizzing around on a board with wheels. She’d repeated that sentiment several times in the mirror and then spent the next three hours comparing herself to Alexa PenaVega’s character in the 2004 chick flick classic Sleepover. Normal behaviour that Noah had threatened to have her sectioned for.

Maybe it has nothing to do with you, a voice in her head piped up as she watched Théo pace up and down the length of her bedroom floor. She sat where she was, hugging her Togepi plush to her chest and worriedly pinching the end of her braid with her other hand. 

She knew from spending enough time with Théo and Elodie, that the home life of the Moreaus left a lot to be desired. She had her suspicions about just how bad their parents - namely their dad - could be, but it didn’t feel like her place to ask. She always got defensive when anyone tried to bring up her family, hardly eager to brag about her incarcerated dad or the vodka-soaked anger of her mom. 

Maybe talking about it could help Théo… She shouldn’t encourage him to keep it all bottled up just because that was what she preferred to do.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she said softly, uncrossing her legs and standing.

She dropped her Togepi on her bedspread and took a step towards him, hoping that approaching him gently would calm him down. She’d taken that stance when first meeting Lando’s cats. He’d insisted they wouldn’t like her and that she should probably keep her distance but after speaking softly to a cautious looking Mojito, she’d been entirely too smug when the fluffy gray cat had elected to sit in her lap for the rest of the night. It had totally been worth the stink-eye from Lando.

“Take as long as you need. I’m here,” she said, forcing a smile onto her face that didn’t quite reach her eyes. She reached up to gently squeeze his shoulder, hoping her fingers weren’t trembling too obviously.

“Is it your dad?”

It was a thought that had plagued his mind for years, even long before he’d reached his precious teen years. It had been a persistent thought, torturing him through his hardest days and even some of his best. He’d tormented over it, that sweet release from life so alluring to his addled mind, from the fear that clawed at his chest every single day. He would feel the sharp sting of heat along his jawline every time he upset his father and pondered over the favour he’d ultimately be doing him by releasing him of the burden that was his son.  

The only thing anchoring him to earth had always been Elodie. It terrified him to think of leaving her alone without him, alone in a house that was so cold and without love. Grief was hard for everybody, but he’d always heard it said that it was worse for twins. It wasn’t difficult to believe. She was like an extra limb, the only person that seemed to be forever attuned to his feelings even without him uttering a word. The ache of living in his own skin was hard, but he’d always persevered for her. 

Today, as he paced Keeley’s bedroom, it all came crashing back. The reality of his selfish decisions, the acknowledgement that he’d ruined another person’s life by simply sticking around. He was a coward, and his cowardice was about to disrupt Keeley’s entire life. He wanted to be brave for her and release her, to finally set her free and let her live the life she deserved, but he was deathly afraid of what might follow. He turned the words over in his mind, searching for the right way to start, but she was already up on her feet, crossing the room to reassure him. Because that was who Keeley was; Bright and beautiful and endlessly kind, always available with soft tones and a hand to hold. There was something ironic in the way her voice seemed to soothe him, despite what he was about to do. 

At her question, Théo nodded, before furrowing his brow and frowning, forehead crinkling as he shook his head instead. He couldn’t blame any of this on his father, it was his own doing. His father hadn’t made him lead Keeley along all those months ago, and he certainly hadn’t forced Théo to kiss Lando. To kiss a boy. He felt sick. 

“I think you’re gonna hate me, Keeley,” Théo confessed, voiced soft and broken. It came out as barely a whisper, almost lost if not for the aching silence that had settled between them otherwise. “I think you’re gonna hate me. And Elodie’s gonna hate me, and my father... Mon dieu, he won’t just hate me. I think he might kill me.” 

He swallowed roughly, both of them fighting to keep their balance as soon as the tension in the air shifted into something else. Lando would later claim that he had no idea what was going to happen next, but maybe that was a lie. At that moment, he knew he was bracing for something, and as soon as Théo kissed him, it took less than a second for him to react.

A soft noise sounded at the back of his throat, not totally unlike the purring sound his cats made. The dry brush of Théo’s lips against his was brief and fleeting and Lando couldn’t help but lean into his space, chasing his mouth.

Thankfully, he didn’t need to wait too long for Théo to kiss him again, the other boy’s words lighting him up from the inside.

He had every intention of going slow, of not doing anything rash or hasty in case it snapped Théo out of whatever daze he was in and broke the spell they were both under, shattering the moment. But as soon as he heard the quiet confession from his friend, his resolve broke. Almost immediately, he was gently grabbing Théo’s face, framing it between his hands as he fit his mouth snugly against the blond’s.

“Fuckin’.... Finally,” he muttered, breaking away only an inch, before firmly pulling Théo back towards him. “C’mere.”

One hand slid into Théo’s hair, finger curling in the silky blond locks at the crown of Théo’s head. Lando couldn’t help but moan into his friend’s mouth, arching up against Théo’s front and doing everything he could to get closer, closer, closer as he kissed the other boy with all his might, wet, smacking sounds filling the tiny kitchen every time their mouths met.

Please don’t let this be the only time you kiss me tonight, he silently pleaded.

But right now, Lando was pulling him back in for another, deeper kiss, and this felt like nothing Théo had ever experienced before. The other boy’s fingers were twisting in his hair, tugging his golden locks in a way that made his head spin, heat unfurling in the pit of his stomach as he needily leaned in for more. Lando’s other hand seemed to frame his jaw perfectly, much the same way Keeley’s often did, only this time there were sharp, thrilling jolts of electricity coursing through his skin with each tender touch. Suddenly, Théo felt as though he was entirely unexperienced, as though this were his first ever kiss and he desperately needed to explore the other boy’s mouth to gain a better understanding of it. 

“Oh... Oh, hell,” Théo murmured pathetically.  

The sound that left Lando seemed to unlock something within the young blond, and his own throat constricted tightly around an almost identical moan as his hands dropped to the other boy’s hips. The two of them were gripping each other tight, pulling each other closer in some frantic, eager attempt as Théo finally, loudly released a gasp that tore from his lips, buried deep in his chest and reverberating through his entire body into a guttural moan. He wasn’t sure he’d ever made a sound quite like it in all his life, but he could feel the effects of it right down to the space between his thighs, heavy and warm as his tongue darted out, desperate and hungry, licking into Lando’s open mouth. 

“Is this okay? Oh, god. This is a bad idea... Is this a bad idea? I want this so much,” Théo found himself fretting, a war waging between his inherent desire and need for Lando vs his guilty conscience. 

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Given that his whole life was documented by those very instances, you’d think he’d be wiser about spotting the signs. He could probably blame his ignorance on how distracted he was by Théo. He was always distracted by Théo, even when they were hanging out as a group and he was forced to watch the way he dutifully held Keeley’s hand and let her sit in his lap. 

He’d often wondered how nobody else noticed how uncomfortable Théo looked during those moments, but for once, he’d kept it to himself, because he knew that the answer to his question was actually pretty simple. Nobody spent nearly as much time staring at Théo as Lando did.

His mouth fell open as soon as he felt Théo tuck his hair behind his ear, fingertips ghosting across Lando’s skin as they softly trailed along his jaw. His heartbeat picked up double time, and all he could do was stare at his friend, brown eyes blown wide open. 

This was something, right? Lando didn’t think he was imagining it. Théo was touching him in a way that was intentional. You couldn’t fabricate something like that, surely.

But Lando had been burned before so he knew to tread carefully. He couldn’t bulldoze his way into this in his usual bull-in-a-china-shop manner. He had to be Calm Lando, a rarely-seen urban legend commonly overshadowed by the far more familiar Wrecking Ball Lando.

A shaky breath left him and he smiled softly at Théo’s words.

“Yeah, man. No distractions sounds nice,” he agreed, pointedly thinking of one glaringly obvious red-haired distraction he’d like to get rid of. 

He knew how dilated his pupils must be right now. Nothing about the way he was acting said casual right now, from the desperate way he was gripping the kitchen counter on either side of Théo to the way his tongue darted out to lick his lips. 

Softly, he leaned forward to gently bump his nose off of Théo’s, barely moving away after so the tips of their noses still brushed against each other.

“I kinda wish it was just you and me all the time, dude.”

It was unlikely, but it was a nice thought. 

“Exactly, yeah. No distractions,” Théo repeated. 

He was in a daze. His eyes dipped to Lando’s mouth, to the pretty upturn of his lips as he smiled in agreement. He watched as the other boy’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, and he wondered hopelessly what it would feel like to taste them. His mind was immediately filled with visions of Lando climbing into his lap instead of Keeley, Théo’s hand resting on his thigh as the two of them kissed, tongues lazily dancing together. It occurred to him that he’d probably enjoy that a lot more than he enjoyed kissing his girlfriend, and the reality of it crashed hard and fast against his stomach as though he’d been punched. He shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was. Théo wasn’t sure if he even wanted to date Keeley at all, or if she was simply a means to an end. 

It was cruel and thoughtless. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach. 

Whatever epiphany he was having, or whatever work his moral compass was trying to do, was soon forgotten. The press of Lando’s nose against his unleashed a breathy giggle from him, the sound catching in his throat. He blinked rapidly as Lando swam in and out of focus, their closeness giving his vision a dizzying effect. Then again, Lando always made him feel dizzy. 

“Maybe we should just hide out here for the night,” Théo suggested, dipping his head low so that their foreheads could touch too. 

His heart was pounding in his chest now, their proximity overwhelming his every sense. It wasn’t as if Théo had never been close to Lando. On their very first meeting, the other man had crashed into him so readily and landed right on top of him, as if it was his exact purpose in life to fit snug against Théo Moreau’s chest. Now, as the young French-Canadian swallowed nervously, he wondered what it might feel like to bridge that gap further, to find out just how well they fit together. 

Tipping his head slowly, Théo’s eyes fluttered shut as he allowed his lips to brush Lando’s. The action was slow and chaste, barely even admissible as a kiss. They could both easily explain it away should they need to, if not for the words that followed. 

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” Théo whispered, as he pressed fit their mouths together for the second time. 

I mean... yeah. But you didn't ask me who, so I don't need to tell ya. Check and mate! Anyway, it's complicated, so I'm probably better keeping my lips sealed.

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