theonlydivine

I’m on my way home rn and I feel slightly overwhelmed. It’s very easy for my feelings to be hurt and I genuinely don’t know how to hold back my tears. I’ve been practicing different methods for me to cool down after an argument or disagreement but it can be tricky when the other person is overwhelming me. I want to have healthy discussions not disagreements. I’m practicing giving others space and time, I don’t need immediate answers, I can wait.

I know this is all over the place but I’m just trying to get my feelings out of my mind.

Point is, I feel sad that I can’t have healthier discussions. I’m trying to get better because I’m thinking long term here. I’m respecting your space and your thoughts. I don’t wanna have to make a scene or yell. I wanna talk and grow.

Whatever happened rn wasn’t worth it and I don’t want things to be like this but I have to come to terms that’s it’s not always gonna go the way I want.

4/10/21

11/18/2020

I miss my best friend :(

My boyfriend recently tested positive for COVID-19, which means I couldn’t be in contact with him. It’s been a week and it feels so weird because I’m so used to seeing him every day. Luckily he’s been feeling better day by day and we have one week left until I get to see him again! 🥰

11/03/2020

Sometimes I just don’t get it. My mind likes to play tricks on me and make me overthink. Right now I feel like my mental health is at a low point and it isn’t doing too good. I recently came back from a weekend trip with my boyfriend and friends and it was such a fun time.

Yet, when my boyfriend would fall asleep next to me, my mind couldn’t help but stare at him sleep peacefully and wonder if this is too good to be true.

I’ve had my fair shares of being disappointed and being treated like shit, being in a toxic relationship in the past...I know that low feels VERY low and lonely.

Yet I can’t help but think,

“Does he really love me?”

“Is he being honest with me?”

“Does he still love his exes?”

A bunch of questions started lingering my mind and I don’t get why. This man is literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’m treated with such delicacy and care. I’ve never felt disrespected, uncomfortable or any sort of negative feeling with him. I don’t get why my mind likes to ruin things for me.

I don’t know why I can’t just enjoy things and accept that I am worthy of love and having a partner who is my forever.

Why in the world would I get the happy ending?

I don’t deserve it

Or maybe I do

8/18/20

8/17/20