Ooh, Grapes!

"Like Laura and her checklists?"

"Why thanks son!" He beams with pride. "You're my go-to when it comes to hats."

"is it because of this stupid one on my head?"

Dad's bottom lip quivered "You think it's stupid?"

Realising his dire mistake, Junior shook his head. "Stupid cool!"

At this, Dad got visibly excited "Heck yes my literal son!"

"You really like this hat, huh?"

"Of course! Do you have any idea how many times I had to enter to Pokemon League draw to win this hat?"

"Why thanks son!" He beams with pride. "You're my go-to when it comes to hats."

"is it because of this stupid one on my head?"

Dad's bottom lip quivered "You think it's stupid?"

Realising his dire mistake, Junior shook his head. "Stupid cool!"

At this, Dad got visibly excited "Heck yes my literal son!"

Charlie shrugged his invisible onion/scallion/leek (?) shoulders. "Ain't the first time it's happened."

Dad nodded sagely "Ah, a professional. Well, let me ask you this. What are the signs?"

"Eh, mostly delusions of grandeur."

"Like Elphaba before she defied gravity?"

"Why thanks son!" He beams with pride. "You're my go-to when it comes to hats."

"is it because of this stupid one on my head?"

Dad's bottom lip quivered "You think it's stupid?"

Charlie shrugged his invisible onion/scallion/leek (?) shoulders. "Ain't the first time it's happened."

Dad nodded sagely "Ah, a professional. Well, let me ask you this. What are the signs?"

"So you'd let him fight? you'd put that... what is he, six? You'd put that six-year-old at the front line of a war? As his other pa, I am deeply disgusted to hear this. Maybe we just aren't compatible to co-parent."

"N-no, Pa..." Dad tried, exasperated. "That wasn't me. That was a script. Where YOU played the father of my REAL LIFE son."

"No, no, I distinctly remember that day. and I said, 'You take my boy Tom, and I'll take your boy Junior. That mess is your problem.' and you laughed and said 'Okay'. I figured the co-parentin' was just a compromise to get him to adjust. If you... oh my god. Then who was raising Tom?"

"Pa, I'm going to be honest. That's neither my circus nor my monkey."

"So you'd let him fight? you'd put that... what is he, six? You'd put that six-year-old at the front line of a war? As his other pa, I am deeply disgusted to hear this. Maybe we just aren't compatible to co-parent."

"N-no, Pa..." Dad tried, exasperated. "That wasn't me. That was a script. Where YOU played the father of my REAL LIFE son."

"Well that's great!" Dad smiles obliviously. "You oughta come down to the alley sometime, bowling is where it's at these days."

“That’s the best news my non existent ears have ever heard! The league still going strong?”

"Oh yeah! Me, Bob, Audrey, and you'll never believe who we got as our fourth!"

"The doctor's say sitting up helps." He tried to fluff the pillow behind his son's back with his invisible hands. "But I am wondering how much of this memory loss is selective."

“What’s that? I can’t hear you. My invisible ears are losing their power due to my deadly incurable disease since these are the olden days.”

"...should we sue NezzerCare?"

"Well that's great!" Dad smiles obliviously. "You oughta come down to the alley sometime, bowling is where it's at these days."

"Me?" He raises a veggie eyebrow. "Miss Victoria, all I remember is that you stopped coming to the church. If there was anything I did to cause that..."

"The doctor's say sitting up helps." He tried to fluff the pillow behind his son's back with his invisible hands. "But I am wondering how much of this memory loss is selective."