Theoloraptor

With the Syrian refugee crisis--an issue that is very close to my heart--being in the news so much, I thought I would write a blog post compiling Bible verses that are relevant to how we as Christians react to this great international need. 

This is by no means a comprehensive list of verses that address the issue.  The Bible has a lot to say about helping the poor and the stranger, but I have collected verses that help to answer these seven questions:

1. Are we as individuals responsible for caring for refugees?

2. Is my country or state responsible for caring for refugees?

3. Is it better to focus on caring for the poor in my own country?

4. Are we really called to spend our limited resources on foreigners?

5. What if these refugees pose a threat to my personal safety or the safety of my country?

6. Why can’t we just send money or aid to refugees in other countries?

7. How does my treatment of refugees affect my relationship with God?

Here goes...

1. Are we as individuals responsible for caring for refugees?

The Bible teaches that we as Christians are responsible for caring for the poor, for widows and orphans, and for strangers.  Here are two of many verses that teach this.

“This is what the Lord Almighty said: ‘Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another. Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the foreigner or the poor’” (Zechariah 7:9-10).

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (James 1:27).

Refugees fall into many of these categories.  Many are orphans or widows or have lost other family members.  Many have lost all of their worldly possessions and are in financial need.  They have all fled their home and are foreigners in a strange land.  Here we see that Christians are specifically called to treat these people with compassion, mercy, and justice.

2. Is my country or state held responsible for caring for refugees?

Maybe you agree that individuals should treat refugees with kindness, but you aren’t sure if the government is also responsible for caring for refugees.  Here are two verses that address this issue.

“Let the Moabite fugitives stay with you; be their shelter from the destroyer. The oppressor will come to an end, and destruction will cease; the aggressor will vanish from the land” (Isaiah 16:4).

“Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; while the poor and needy suffered outside her door” (Ezekiel 16:49).

Here are two verses that address political nations in their treatment of refugees and needy foreigners.  The first exhorts a nation to accept and care for refugees.  The second speaks to the condemnation and punishment of a nation that had no regard for the suffering taking place outside of its door.  

As Christians, we cannot control every decision our government makes, but we are commanded to do all we can to seek justice for the refugee.

“Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow” (Isaiah 1:17).

3. Is it better to focus on caring for the poor in my own country?

Maybe you are so overwhelmed by the poverty and suffering that you see in your own country that you can’t even imagine trying to take on even more people who are in need.  Indeed, the Bible teaches us to care for the poor in our own land, as we see here.

“If anyone is poor among your fellow Israelites in any of the towns of the land the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward them. Rather, be openhanded and freely lend them whatever they need.” (Deuteronomy 15:7-8).

However, God also has a particular love and care for those who are strangers in a strange land.

“For the Lord your God...loves the strangers, providing them food and clothing. You shall also love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” (Deuteronomy 10:18-19)

As Christians, it is our particular duty to reach out to and care for those who are sojourners.

4. Are we really called to spend our limited resources on foreigners?

We as individuals and as a country have limited resources.  It may seem unwise to invest those resources into foreigners.  Here is a conversation that Jesus had that directly addresses this issue.

“On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. ‘Teacher,’ he asked, ‘what must I do to inherit eternal life?’

“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

He answered, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

‘You have answered correctly,’ Jesus replied. ‘Do this and you will live.’

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbor?’

In reply Jesus said: ‘A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. “Look after him,” he said, “and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.”

‘Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?’

The expert in the law replied, ‘The one who had mercy on him.’

Jesus told him, ‘Go and do likewise.’” (Luke 10:25-37).

In this story, Jesus praises a man who rescues and gives generously to a man from a neighboring enemy country.  

Jesus calls us to “Go and do likewise.”  We are specifically called to love and give generously to foreigners in need.

5. What if these refugees pose a threat to my personal safety or the safety of my country?

This is a difficult question to answer, because of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to keep your own family or country safe.  However, it is taught in the Bible over and over that it is more important to follow God, love others, and do what is right than it is to protect your own life.  We are called to live out of love rather than out of fear.  Here are some verses that address this.

“Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity” (John 12:25). 

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear... Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister." (I John 4:18, 21)

Refugees are not our enemies.  They are helpless and harmless civilians fleeing the terrorists we fear.  However, it is a real possibility that a few dangerous criminals who seek to harm others may try to blend in with the millions of refugees fleeing Syria.  But we are called to love them too.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:44-45)

As Christians, we serve a God who loved us when we were His enemies, even to the point of dying for us.

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:6-8).

The greatest way we as Christians can emulate Christ is to lay down our own lives for the sake of loving others.

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.” (John 15:13).

6.  Why can’t we just send money or aid to refugees in other countries?

Sending aid to refugees who are in other countries is a wonderful and Biblical idea.  We are called to give to those in need.

“Give generously to [them] and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to” (Deuteronomy 15:10).

I would personally recommend giving to Heart for Lebanon, a Christian organization in Lebanon that aids many of the 1.5 million refugees living in the country.  Here is a link to their website: http://www.heartforlebanon.org/

However, in addition to giving, Christians are called to show hospitality.

“Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:2).

“Be hospitable to one another without complaint” (1 Peter 4:9).

Giving is a great part of loving those in need, but we are also specifically called to be welcoming.

7. How does my treatment of refugees affect my relationship with God?

God identifies closely with the poor, the needy, and the stranger.

Jesus said, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in...

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me’” (Matthew 25:35,40).

In fact, Jesus himself lived as a refugee in Egypt as a child.  Herod, an evil ruler, called for the mass killing of young boys in his country and so Jesus’ family was forced to flee and live as foreigners in Egypt.

“’Take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.’ So [Joseph] got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt, where he stayed until the death of Herod. And so was fulfilled what the Lord had said through the prophet: ‘Out of Egypt I called my son.’ When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi" (Matthew 2:13-16).

Jesus has harsh words for those who mistreat or ignore the needy.

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed... For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in."

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’" (Matthew 25:41-45).

When we mistreat or ignore “the least of these,” God takes it personally.  Jesus goes so far as to say that those who do not care for the poor are cursed and cut off from God.

This may be difficult to hear, as I am certain that we can all think of a time in our lives when we did not emulate God’s love toward those in need.  In fact, the Bible says that we are all guilty of grave sins that separate us from God, and that we deserve punishment for those sins.

"All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

“For the wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23).

Fortunately, as I wrote before, God loves us even in the midst of our sin and our separation from Him.  He loves us so much that He died in our place for the sins we have committed against Him and against others.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8).

Jesus died for every sin, even the sin of ignoring or mistreating those in need.

"[Jesus] is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world." (1 John 2:2).

If we accept the sacrifice of Jesus to cover our sins, we will face no condemnation.

"There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1).

Even as we continually fall short of loving others the way God has loved us, we cannot be separated from God’s love.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8)

I really hope that these verses will be helpful when thinking about the Syrian refugee crisis and in conversations you have about refugees in the future.

To recap, the Bible…

1. Holds us responsible for caring for refugees.

2. Holds nations responsible for caring for refugees.

3. Teaches us to care for the poor in our own countries as well as those in need from other countries.

4. Calls us to give generously to strangers in need.

5. Exhorts us to lay down our own lives in order to love others.

6. Calls us both to give to those in need and to show hospitality to them

7. Equates our treatment of those in need with our treatment of God.

*A personal note:

I will admit it, I have now watched Frozen seven times, and every time I have laughed and cried.  I think one of the reasons I love it so much is because the story of Anna’s love for Elsa reminds me of the story of God’s love for us.  (Be forewarned, there are some mega-spoilers ahead!)

At the beginning of Frozen, Anna and Elsa’s love for each other is very evident.  At the beginning of time, God created us to love and be loved by Him.  But Anna and Elsa’s relationship is disrupted by Elsa’s powers.  Our relationship with God is broken by sin.  We are estranged from God, we lock Him out of our lives and our hearts with our sin, just as Elsa locked Anna out of her room.

Elsa was born into her powers just as we are born into our sinful human nature.  She tried to manage her nature on her own.  She swung between the same two extremes that people do in dealing with their human nature.  She began by concealing it.  Putting on a show.  Pretending to be a “good girl.”  But she couldn’t last forever keeping it bottled up inside.  So she reverted to the other extreme and embraced her identity.  But that ended up being just as dangerous as she had feared all along. 

Neither hiding her nature nor embracing it solved the problem.  She couldn’t get rid of her powers and when she tried to use them on her own she caused destruction.  All people are born into sin.  Romans 3:23 says, “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”  No matter how hard we try to “be good” we inevitably fall back into doing bad things, and if we choose to give into our sinful nature, we end up hurting ourselves and the people around us.  We and Elsa are both trapped by our situations without any way to save ourselves.

But what mattered in the movie was how Anna reacted to Elsa’s nature, and what matters in our lives is how God reacts to our sin.  When the truth about Elsa’s powers finally came out and she ran away, Anna went after her—even though Elsa had been rejecting Anna all her life.  Anna’s reaction was love and concern, not fear, hatred, or judgment.  Anna’s pursuit of her sister was a little crazy.  The shop owner told her, “The only one crazy enough to be out in this storm is you dear.”  God’s pursuit of us was even crazier.  Even though we reject God and separate ourselves from Him with our sin, He came after us. 

Anna’s mission to rescue her sister involved trekking up a snow-covered mountain.  God’s mission to rescue us involved leaving His throne in Heaven to become one of us.  It was prophesied in Micah 1:3 that God would “come down from His dwelling place and tread on the heights of the earth.”  This prophecy was fulfilled God entered history in the form of the man Jesus Christ.

Anna was willing to risk her life to go after Elsa, and ultimately, she chose to give up her own life to save Elsa from death.  Anna demonstrates perfect sacrificial love when she puts aside her own needs to run and take the strike that would have killed Elsa.  Even though Elsa had spent her whole life shutting Anna out, and had rejected Anna’s attempts to help her, and had even struck a blow that was causing Anna’s death, Anna loved her sister enough to put herself between her and her attacker.  She was willing to die for the very person who was killing her.

Even though we are the ones at fault in our broken relationship with God, Christ was willing to die to save us from death.  Romans 5:8 says, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  God’s sacrificial love for us is truly amazing.  God gave us everything: life, happiness, love, and a relationship with Him, but we chose to reject Him and go our own way.  But God, rather than reject us as He would have been justified to do, and give us the punishment that our rebellion deserves, chose to take that punishment upon Himself.  He, the perfect and glorious one whose face we spit on in our sin, humbled Himself to die in our place for the very sin we had committed against Him. 

Elsa is amazed that Anna would sacrifice herself to save her.  She asks her, “you sacrificed yourself for me?”  Anna simply replies, “I love you.”  John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.” 

After Anna gave her life to save Elsa, Elsa’s whole life was redeemed.  Before Anna gave her life to save her, Elsa’s powers weighed her down and entrapped her.  She spent all her time and energy trying to conceal and control them and even then they were destructive and dangerous.  But after Anna’s sacrifice, Elsa’s powers were transformed by love.  They became something beautiful and life giving. 

Before Jesus died for our sins, our sinful human nature weighed us down.  We can try to hide it, but we can’t help but be destructive to ourselves and others.  But because of Jesus’s sacrificial death, we have the chance to have our whole nature transformed.  2 Corinthians 5:17 “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old things have passed away, all things are becoming new.”  We no longer have to conceal our sins, because they are now forgiven, and we no longer have to live in destructive patterns; because of Christ we can be changed into the loving creatures that God intended us to be.

Anna gave her life for Elsa, but then came back from the dead.  Jesus died for us, but three days later he rose again.  Romans 5:10 says, “For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!”  When Anna’s act of true love unfroze her heart, everything in Elsa’s life was transformed.  Elsa was on a path to become a villain, but because of Anna’s sacrificial death to save her, and then return from that death, Elsa’s life and powers were redeemed by love.  Because of Jesus’s sacrificial death on the cross, and then resurrection from that death, our lives can be transformed into something beautiful.  Neither Elsa nor we could save ourselves, but both Anna's and God's loving sacrifice make beauty from destruction.

“Do You Want to Build a Snowman?”  Is such a sad sequence especially once you know that Anna’s love all along could have saved Elsa from her prison.  Elsa kept the one person who could have helped her locked out.  Anna said “I’m right out here for you just let me in.”  In Revelation 3:20 Jesus says, “I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in.”  We can remain locked in the prison of our own sinful nature, or we can open the door to Jesus and let him transform our lives through the power of His love and sacrifice.

The Bible doesn’t say anything about abortion.  That is, the Bible doesn't use the word "abortion."  However, there are a lot of verses that are relevant to the discussion of abortion.  I've made a semi-comprehensive list here for Christians who want to read up on the issue.

I've divided the relevant verses up into six main categories:  

1.  What does the Bible have to say about unborn babies?

2.  What does the Bible say about the legal status of the unborn?

3.  How should Christians respond to abortion legally?

4. How should Christians treat women experiencing crisis pregnancies?

5. How should Christians treat women who have had abortions and abortion clinic workers?

6. What about the case of disability?

Here goes...

1.  What does the Bible have to say about unborn babies?

The Bible explicitly states that the unborn are humans that are created by God, loved by God, and that have souls.

In Psalm 139, David wrote, “you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made… My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place… Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

These verses show that even before birth, God knows individuals and has a plan for their lives.  Luke 1:15 confirms that God has plans for the unborn when it says "God... set me apart from my mother’s womb and called me by his grace."

Galatians 1:15 shows that God is the God of the unborn when it says, "From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God."

Not only does God have a plan for and love the unborn, Luke 1:15 tells us that the unborn are capable of experiencing God when it says, "He will be filled with the Holy Spirit even before he is born.”

In addition to all this, we ought to remember that God Himself at one point became an unborn baby.  In Luke 1, the angel said to Mary, “You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus.”  Later, Mary’s cousin said to her,  “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear!  But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?   As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy.” 

These verses all show that God considers the unborn to be real people and that He loves them.  But even if the unborn are people, does that mean that they should have the same rights as a “born” person?

2.  What does the Bible say about the legal status of the unborn?

Most people don't know that the phrase "an eye for an eye" actually comes from the passage in Exodus 21:22-25 that discusses the legal repercussions for injuring an unborn baby.  These verses say, "If people are fighting and hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined...  But if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise."

In these verses, it is clear that an unborn baby is treated as a legal entity equal to an adult, as the eye of one unborn baby is "worth" the eye of one adult.

3.  How should Christians respond to abortion legally?

So the Bible is clear that the unborn are human beings deserving of legal protection.  Does that make it our responsibility as Christians to ensure their legal protection?  The Bible answers with a resounding yes. Psalm 82:3-4 says, “Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. Rescue the weak and the needy”

Proverbs 31:8-9 says, “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.  Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

Isaiah 1:17 says, "Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow."

The unborn cannot speak for themselves, and the Bible is clear that it is our responsibility to help those who can't help themselves.  

In Matthew 25:45, Jesus said, "Whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me."  God takes it personally when we don't defend the weak.

Proverbs 24:11-12 is particularly clear that God will hold us responsible for our action or inaction when it says, “Rescue those being led away to death, hold back those staggering toward slaughter.  Don’t excuse yourself by saying, ‘But we knew nothing of this.’”  

These verses make it clear that it is the responsibility of all Christians to seek legal justice for those who cannot help themselves.

4. How should Christians treat women experiencing crisis pregnancies?

A lot of abortion opponents are accused of caring only about the fetus and not about the woman.  But as Christians, the Bible is clear that we are responsible for caring about them both.

James 1:27 says, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.”

We must not only defend the rights of the unborn but also help and defend women experiencing crisis pregnancies.  

5.  How should Christians treat women who have had abortions and abortion clinic workers?

In my opinion, the way many modern churches handle the issue of abortion is a tragedy.  Many churches do not speak out on the issue, and many of the churches that do speak out on the issue only condemn the women and men who have been involved in abortion.  

By some estimates, nearly 30% of all American women will have an abortion during their lifetime.  This is 30% of the female population that the church is alienating by refusing to offer love, forgiveness, and acceptance.

I am not saying that the church should ignore the issue of abortion or tell women it is okay, but should react as Jesus would have reacted.

I think the best story that shows how Jesus would have reacted is in John 8.  Everyone knows this story.  A woman is caught in adultery and is about to be stoned when Jesus says, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her."  When no one dares to condemn her Jesus says, “Then neither do I condemn you... Go now and leave your life of sin.”

In this story Jesus doesn't allow the religious high-and-mighty to condemn a woman whose sin is no worse than their own, but Jesus also doesn't ignore her sin.  He tells her to go and sin no more.

Just as Jesus demonstrated, we should not judge women who have had abortions.  Matthew 7:1 says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.”

Rather, we should love them.  As John 15:12 commands,  “Love each other as I have loved you.”

Just as Jesus did with the woman caught in adultery, we should acknowledge that they have sinned, but offer them forgiveness.

Through the sacrifice of Jesus, we can offer the men and women who have been involved in abortion healing and forgiveness.

Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”

We should remember that Jesus died for the sin of abortion no more and no less than for any other sin, and that through that sacrifice, all people can be saved, no matter what they have done.  Romans 5:8,10 says, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us… when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son.” Romans 10: 9-11 says that “If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the scripture says, ‘Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.’”

It is our responsibility as Christians to offer this forgiveness and healing to everyone.  God wants to give healing to the men and women who have been involved in abortion.  Psalm 147:3 says that God "heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds”

6.  What about the case of disability?

More than 90% of babies prenatally diagnosed with a disability are aborted. What does the Bible have to say about the disabled?

The Bible says that God values all people highly, regardless of disability, and that God specifically allows some people to have disabilities.

Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”  This verse shows that our inherent value comes from being made in the image of God, not from our bodily or mental wholeness.

John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”  God loves people so much that He died to save them, He values all people, including the disabled, at the price of His own blood.

Isaiah 45:9 and Exodus 4:11 deal more specifically with disability.

Isaiah 45:9 says, “Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker…Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’"  

Exodus 4:11 says, “The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?"

These two verses show that God creates all people exactly as they are, and that it is not our place to determine who lives and who dies by our measure of what makes a person valuable.  

Being smart or beautiful or talented might make a person more valuable in the eyes of people, but they do not make a person more valuable in the eyes of God.  People with learning disabilities, people with deformities, and people who aren't able to do all the things a "normal" person can do are no less valuable in the eyes of God, and it is equally our responsibility as Christians to defend the rights of these people who can't defend themselves.  

Hopefully these verses will be helpful when thinking about your own position on abortion and in conversations in the future.

To recap, the Bible...

1.  Never uses the word abortion, but is clear that the unborn are people that God loves.

2. Gives legal status to the unborn.

3. Commands Christians to defend the weak and fatherless.

4. Commands Christians to care for single mothers.

5. Offers forgiveness and healing no matter what a person has done.

One Sunday, when I was around the age of twelve or thirteen, my Sunday School teacher brought a dozen red roses to our class. 

"Aren't they pretty?"  She asked, passing one around for everyone to examine.  When the rose she had passed around the class made it back to her, she told us we could all pick one to keep.  No one picked the rose that had been passed around, because its petals were bruised from being handled.

Then came time for the object lesson: "You see?"  She said,  "When you let everyone touch you, then no one will want you.  That's why you should wait until you are married to have sex."

There are so many things painfully wrong with this illustration.  It is especially upsetting that it is being taught in churches, because the Rose Analogy is literally the opposite of the gospel. 

The gospel says, "Jesus wants a relationship with broken people so badly that He died for them."  The Rose Analogy says, "make sure not to get broken, because then no one will want you."

The gospel says, "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  The Rose Analogy says, "those who have sinned sexually have fallen extra short."

The gospel says, "God will forgive all your sins and heal all your wounds."  The Rose Analogy says, "you can never be restored."

The fact that my Sunday School teacher was willing to sacrifice the gospel in order to convince us not to have sex is indicative of the priorities of many Christians.  We often get so caught up in "living morally" that we leave the gospel by the wayside.  The primary role of the church is to preach the gospel, not to be the morality police.  The Rose Analogy misses the two main points of the gospel: that everyone is already broken, and that God offers us healing and forgiveness. 

Now I'm all for convincing Middle School girls not to have sex, but the impetus should never be "if you have sex now then you are damaged goods and no boy will ever want to marry you."  Shaming little girls for their past and future sexual indiscretions will most likely just result in damaged psyches and a severe aversion to "going to church."  And I can't even imagine how damaging that attitude could have been to anyone in my class who had been sexually abused.  Because of the Rose Analogy and the attitude held by many Christians that sexual sin is irredeemably damaging, many people feel alienated from the church, a place where they should be going to find acceptance and healing.

Biblically, sexual purity isn't about remaining "undamaged" or about our relationships with other people, it is about our relationship with God.  The Bible calls us to honor God with our bodies.  2 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, "Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you... You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." 

Almost every talk I have heard a Christian give on dating has included the phrase, "guard your heart." The Christians who quote this phrase in reference to dating take "guard your heart" to mean "don't ever be emotionally vulnerable in a romantic relationship." This is not only a completely absurd idea, but not at all what this verse is talking about.

The command "guard your heart" is taken from Proverbs 4:23. In the context of this verse, "guard your heart" has nothing at all to do with dating, relationships, or even emotions, but rather means "keep your heart pure and free from sin." The verses immediately preceding verse 23 recommend doing this by dwelling on the scriptures, and the verses immediately following verse 23 say that it is important to "guard your heart" because the heart is the wellspring of all speech and action.

But despite the fact that this verse has absolutely nothing to do with dating or even emotion, it is quoted out of context again and again to condemn emotional intimacy in romantic relationships. I think the reason this verse is so often misused in this way comes from a deeper belief that getting hurt emotionally is somehow a sin.  

I have had many friends who, on top of the pain of heartbreak, have felt additional distress because they worried that by putting themselves in the position to be heartbroken they had done something wrong. But being hurt, rejected, and lonely is an inevitable part of the human experience, and, Biblically speaking, not a bad situation to be in, because as Matthew 5:4 says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted, and as Psalm 34:18 says, "The LORD is near the brokenhearted."

In fact, the Bible is rife with examples of people risking rejection or sacrificing their own emotional well-being for the sake of romantic love.  Ruth proposed marriage to Boaz with no guarantee that he would accept, and Hosea persevered in his marriage with Gomer despite her continual unfaithfulness.  

God Himself was willing to risk everything for love.  He gave up His power, His splendor, and His very life, just so that His rebellious creation would have a chance to come back to Him.  And He made this loving sacrifice in full knowledge that many of His beloved would reject Him.

So being heartbroken is certainly not a sin (but rather a state in which there is much opportunity to draw close to God), and there is no Biblical command to "guard your heart" against emotional entanglement or hurt (but rather there is a Biblical precedent of risking your heart for the sake of a love who might reject you).

So if there is no Biblical basis for it, is there any wisdom in being emotionally guarded in romantic relationships? I would say yes. Heartbreak is no fun and so it is wise to proceed with caution. But there comes a certain point in any relationship past which you can't proceed without risk to yourself. As C. S. Lewis wisely put:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one... Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change, it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love at all is to be vulnerable"