I don't know what I'm doing

So, I'm doing a reread, and somehow I only just figured out ...

This mf ISNT DEAD???

So for the past idk how long, I've been grieving the loss of this man like woman widowed during a time of war ... and he's been alive this entire time.

Like, I was pretty convinced he wasnt coming back, considering Nanami made a flashback reappearance ...

Not to mention, Sukunass thought he was dead (and he was right most of the time, unfortunately) ...

And also ...

HE LOOKED PRETTY FUCKIN DEAD TO ME.

And ik Kirara and Ui Ui came in clutch to teleport him out of there, but they'd been transporting alive and dead people out of Shinjuku that entire time ... I think it's pretty reasonable to assume that Higuruma could've been moved post mortem, too.

But I guess NOT.

And yeah, I know he can regenerate himself, but I was fully convinced bro was a goner.

He's not looking too great here, and we don't see him again until later ...

In retrospect, it's pretty obvious it's him here, both by appearance and with what he said - idfk where my brain was when I got to this part, cause I was fully convinced the guy was gone. Maybe it's cause Gege drew him really pretty?

Like, I know the mans attractive (to me) but GODDAMN - Gege did Higuruma the justice he serves in this chapter.

Shinazugawa Sanemi was used to being alone.

Whether it was of his own accord or the effect of his volatile personality, he’d grown accustomed to being on his own. He’d spent what little remained of his childhood (if it could even be called that) by himself, intentionally keeping his distance from anyone who tried to draw close, which was a rare occurrence itself.

He’d been prepared to live out the rest of his arguably disastrous life as an outcast, using his blood as bait and stringing up demons for them to burn to death under the sun, standing there and watching, unphased.

He didn’t think anything could phase him anymore, not after the night he’d lost his entire family, everything he’d ever known and dedicated his life to, in a span of less than twelve hours. But he’d been wrong - if Sanemi had learned one thing throughout his years, it was that life wasn’t fair, and it certainly wasn’t kind.

If only he’d known back then … he probably would’ve let one of the countless demons he’d hunted kill him. It’d have been a mercy to many, not just him.

It hadn’t been lost on Sanemi how the world seemed to treat his life like some kind of performance of irony, as if it were using him as some kind of experiment to see just how far someone could be pushed before they snapped. Unfortunately, he was as resilient as he was stubborn and took the blows as they came, regardless of how badly they scarred him, physically and mentally.

Considering how his life had gone so far, Sanemi figured he should’ve expected it. After all, whenever something monumentally good happened to him, it seemed like the world was determined to even it out by making something devastatingly worse follow.

It was why he’d done what he did in the first place. He’d turned away from what was left of his family and deliberately kept his distance, forcibly pushed Genya as far from him as he possibly could. He’d learned the hard way that anyone who got close to him either ended up dead or somehow worse off than before, and Genya had been through enough. He’d put Genya through enough.

He knew what he was doing wasn’t right, but he’d rather have a brother alive that hated him than lose the last remaining tether to his life before he’d been forced to kill his own mother - the life that, while not ideal, had given him the ability to smile, allowing him to truly live as well as survive.

But life wasn’t fair, and it certainly wasn’t kind.

Sanemi couldn’t even curse the world for what had happened; he knew it was his own fault. He knew Genya better than anybody - like he’d said in his dying breaths, they were brothers. And so he should’ve known that Genya was just as stubborn as him - when he wanted to do something, he was going to do it, regardless of what it demanded of him in return. He’d even gone so far as continuing his ascension through the Corps without a breathing style, so determined to … to …

Shinazugawa Sanemi was used to being alone, because he kept himself that way. He knew he didn’t have to be. He knew there was at least one other person in the world who would stay by his side if he wanted … hell, even if he didn’t want it. But he intentionally kept himself isolated, because in his mind, it was safer that way.

Masachika Kumeno entering, and then promptly being torn out of his life had further proved that. And he’d just shown up one day - Sanemi never sought him out or gave him any reason to stick around after the fact. But he did, and Sanemi allowed himself to get used to it. He could even say he enjoyed himself a bit.

But of course, any good thing that happened to Sanemi was always followed by some kind of consequence. And the fatal blow of said consequence somehow never managed to hit him, regardless of how much he wished it would.

Sanemi knew there was a fate worse than death, because he’d lived through it. Several times. And he’d figured out that the true consequence was surviving, living to see the devastation the loss of someone else delivered.

Case in point being the present.

Shinazugawa Sanemi was alone by his own volition. After Muzan was defeated, the Corps disbanded and the people he’d considered comrades buried, he’d accepted that there was nothing left for him there. He’d lost every semblance of the life he’d been living before - there was no reason to stay.

Where he was going, he didn’t know, but it had to be somewhere that wasn’t there. He didn’t know what he was looking for, either - the notion of peace was laughable, even with the acceptance he’d been forced to swallow like the blood that had flooded his throat from Muzan’s poison.

But he’d lived that kind of life before - before Masachika, before the Corps, before the life as a Hashira … and after the deaths of his family.