Poetry: stories in a short form

Sometimes I catch in your eye

That something reminiscent of the flame I hold for you

Deep within my soul

Where the embers of my disappointed hopes 

Still burn among the ash

And in that spark 

That rests within your warm gaze

I think the fissures in my heart

Grow a little deeper

When I feel that hope

That all my suffering was for nothing 

And that I don’t need to force myself

I feel like I’m always waiting to see you in the crowd,

Just trying to find you among the rest,

I turn my head because:

He sounds like you,

He walks like you, 

His hair is almost the same hue, 

I just wish you thought of me half as much as I think of you,

I want to know that I occupy your quietest hours, 

And that you are tortured too

At the very least, I wish I knew you didn’t think of me at all

Then I could be free of you, 

Maybe, I’d fall in love with some other boy

He’ll sound like you,

And walk like you,

And his hair will almost be the same hue,

Then I could safely walk through the crowd, 

I’m tired of missing you

Tired of how sore my heart is

I’m tired of wishing you’d be by my side

But his arms are warm and it’s better than being ignored, 

I’m kissing a guy with a face that almost looks like yours,

So I can pretend that you love me too,

I’m tired of knowing you’ll meet a girl one day, 

And she’ll have nice hair and a beautiful name,

You’ll tell me all about her, cause you tell me everything anyway, 

Maybe you’ll marry her, which is fine, 

I’ll marry the man who looks like you,

And I know we’ll be happy 

(but not as happy as we could be if only you’d see me) 

I’m tired of loving you

Is what I’m trying to say

My head throbs, 

Blood alcohol is somewhere dangerous, 

Liver crying out in exhaustion, 

I don’t always know where I am, 

Usually, I don’t care at all. 

Friends leaving, 

Something about “you’re too toxic”, 

Like the poison in my veins, 

Is poison on my breath, 

Or on my skin,

They keep telling me, 

That I’m not who I used to be

I don’t remember her, 

Usually I don’t care at all. 

The bar is quiet

On tuesday nights,

Barman got that look in his eye, 

Wondering if he’ll be kicking me out tonight, 

Someone offers me a drink, 

I take it, 

Somehow I’m asking them to come home with me, 

My slurred words bleed into one another, 

Waves

Washing at your face

The salt of your tears is the salt of the sea

And your drowning in it

Your deeper underneath it than you’ve ever been

You swear you’ve known how to swim,

But right now

You don’t

Or you’re swimming down,

Yes,

Right now you swim down

Because you don’t care where up is

And your hollow breast

Is being filled by the sea

Icy

So salty

It’s burning your tongue

You almost heart it

Your gurgled scream

In the dense sea,

And so there is pain

And it’s there

Leaving you gasping on the beach

Wondering

As you splutter

And each breath feels too big

Holding too much air,

What it would have been to drift under,

To float under,

To stay under,

Death,

Flee before the sun rises,

Flee at midnight,

When the night is darkest,

Use your cloak,

Yes,

Your disguise of shadows,

Cover us,

Run!

Run!

I see there a lamp,

In the window of a maid,

Free me from her questions,

Free me from her gaze,

Now!

Hand in hand,

I pull you,

You pull me,

Together,

We escape,

No stars grace our path,

No moon shines our way,

Perhaps I feel remorse,

For leaving behind so little,

But I forget it all,

As the whispers blow by me,

They tell me it is the spell of young death,

Okay, so I have a few thingto say. 

Firstly, Happy New Year to all! I wish everyone a healthy and happy 2019.  I hope dreams come true and that everyone keeps up their New Years resolutions. 

My resolution is to write more, I have a story in mind that I’m might end up being my first book, so I’m really excited!  

Secondly, I want to post more. 

This goes into the whole “write more”, I need a motivator and I think I’ve found one. I might not just post poetry though, it might be some short stories, some stuff might be in french (I will provide an English translation), it might be small rants about my day, or even quotes I find inspiring.

Thirdly, I want to encourage everyone to critique me. I’m a writer and I’m still learning, tell me what you like and don’t like. You can also suggest some books that you like, I’ll try and do the same. I don’t want anyone’s to feel forced into doing this, it’s optional. 

I’m a very shy person, and I have trouble reaching out and just talking to people, even behind a screen. 

So again I want to wish everyone a happy New Years! 

With all my love,

-L

To the new year,

Dubbed new beginnings,

Or a time to change,

Let's make of ourselves

So much more than the expectations of others,

Let's make of ourselves

What we dream to be,

Not what we are

Let's make of ourselves

A person we aspire to be,

To the new year,

A time of hope,

A time of reflection,

And most importantly,

There are days, days like today, that I feel good. I put my hair up and I’m wearing a new shirt with an old skirt and I feel like I look amazing. When I look in the mirror I don’t cringe. When I get a complement, I don’t turn it down, I let it make my day better. There are days like today when I write something good, when it’s 7:00 pm and I’m not praying for the day to end. So, I’m writing this for a day when I don’t feel like this. When the sun isn’t shining in my mind, and I pick out every little fault on my body. I’m writing this for future me, to remind myself that I am great, that I can do it, and that whatever I’m feeling today won’t be the same as what I’ll be feeling tomorrow

Time slips through my fingers,

Sand caresses my hand,

Each grain falls,

One by one,

To the floor.

I look up,

I am so confined,

The curved edges of the sky,

So high above me,

And yet,

I can almost see myself in them,

Reflected.

I lie on the soft ground,

Seeking peace,

Seeking slumber,

Then my world is turned upside down,

Please!

Please!

I cannot breathe,

I crawl back to the surface.

The earth quakes again,

And I look up,

My glass cage,

A giant's hand,

Oh!

My hands,

My poor hands,

How cold they’ve been without you,

I’m falling into you,

But you arms cannot catch me,

Cannot hold me,

I hit the floor,

I see you lying,

In that mahogany bed of yours,

I want to join you,

I want to lie by you,

But there’s only room for one,

Tonight,

I mustn’t give in,

Tonight I could not reach you,

Even if we are so close,

I stay above you,

I walk circles around you,

Remember when we talked of camping?

You’d tell me of shooting stars,

And I’d tell you you were silly,

The August wind is here now,

The stars are shining bright,

Oh!

How proud you’d be,

You’ve finally got me outside,

I looked back, he isn’t there.

I am a coward.

I look around, he’s there but he isn’t looking.

My heart twists.

I am alive.

I want to see him be different.

I want to despise him.

I want to throw away all that I feel…

He’s laughing.

He’s happy.

I’ll get there.

Is this love?

They met young, youthful springs almost in bloom,

Her with caramel hair, he with a grin,

He loved to kiss her nose, as light as a plume,

She loved to hug him and whisper “We’re kin”,

To him, the worst nightmare was to grow old,

She could not dream of a greater honor,

Their downfall, well, it was written in bold,

It did not take long, he was a goner,

But, alas, his smile had now grown grim,

As he saw her stray locks of blonde turned gray,

He was close to the brink, she would watch him,

Any effort, useless, he would break away,

Veering in a different direction,

Doubts are born in a whisper,

They come alive with murmured words,

They consume you,

Until you can think only of what may be,

You forget what is true,

You let it seep,

You let it fester,

And soon,

Worry is something that settles,

When it does it settles deep,

It makes itself a home in your stomach,

Creating a weight known only to you,

It sinks you,

You cannot stay afloat,

Fear is something that creeps,

Like a spider,

It crawls to the pits of your mind,

There it lays its eggs,

Fear hatches all at once,

One terror followed by the next,

Some will call them nightmares,

Others will call it normal,

And fear can win,

It usually does,

Because after it corrupts the mind,

It corrupts the heart,

Late at night,

All the bar stools are up,

It’s 3:00am,

She’ll sigh loudly,

The chill of the night getting to her bones,

And she’ll take a hit,

An injection that feeds into her horrible addiction,

And she’ll sigh again,

Except this time,

It’s relief,

Poison flows through her veins,

Poison shows up on her skin,

Thins her hair,

Hollows her cheeks,

But poison makes her forget,

Forget her life,

Leaving only her in her addled mind,

She cannot see what she is,

She only knows that she is,

It’s weird,

Messed up,

Schrödinger would be so proud,

Proud that something can exist in multiple forms at once,

As an idea,

As a fact,

As a broken individual,

I miss you, I miss the way I made you laugh, I remember the way your eyes lit up, How we, Two children, Covered our mouths so that the teacher wouldn’t see,

I miss you, I miss being around you, You made me feel light, I was so buoyant, I felt like I was floating, With you by my side I would never sink, I could never die,

I miss you, The real you, The one who was sweet and caring, While others asked “How did it happen?” You asked “How are you?” You who tried to make it better, Tried to make me feel less alone, You who made me feel understood, Making me understand that pain is momentary, That life would get better,

Do you know what’s beautiful?

The way she tells you she loves you,

When she says it,

it sounds like a victory,

She says it the same way she says you name,

Because to her they mean the same thing.

 It’s so beautiful,

The way she kisses you,

All lips,

All hands,

Sometimes it’s a whisper of a touch,

A finger that grazes your stomach,

An eyelash that tickles your cheek

That,

That truly is greatness

 When you see her,

Your heart doesn’t flutter,

Instead it pounds,

It pounds in your ears,

Your heart reacts so strongly to her,

So strongly in fact that you know it was never yours to keep

but hers to take,

And that’s beautiful

 When the two of you dance,

Unable to let each other go,

You meet her gaze,

Her eyes are bright with moonlight and mischief,

Everything about her is familiar,

Her mouth,

Her neck,

Her skin,

This is more than infatuation,

Lust left leaving Love to take it’s place,

And yet,

As funny as it may be,

That’s thrilling,

And,

As you feel her heart drumming to the same beat as yours,