i've had at least 5 dreams this year about Throbbing Gristle

. day 3 without sedatives ; for good & maybe selfish reasons. 11:00 Pm finally I am not shaking. But crying at the drop of a hat. Tomorrow .. I’m not sure. benzos dont cut it anymore. Going to watch a film at friends house. Coincidentally he lives right next door to someone I used to sleep with. God is sick in the head

congratulations U made it to friday ! this week i grieved the past two years of my life where i doubted myself every single day but promptly got tf over it. now i can build something new & shiny with all of this clarity

i'm kind of annoyed at my sister .. we were talking about my illness & it's so obvious she is scared of MY psychosis .. & the last time it happened i really needed her but she had to "protect her peace" lol. every time i think i am over it i am not

Went into the city for the first time in weeks . Shaking before we began to lock up the house. How did i used to live smack bang in the middle of it all. Now it makes me feel scared. Downed a glass of wine for the road. Listened to the opera on the radio in mostly silence. Watched memento with a live symphony soundtrack. I think we were the only ones laughing through the whole thing. Came home to my bedroom roof leaking from all the influx of rain