The Mimbler

"Friends": Oh okay good.

I've always wanted to be a hero. It's really importsnt to me that one day I become a hero. Its been a week now where I havent been a hero. I havent been great, or bold, or confident. Ive been scared. And yeah sure thats okay but it went so far.. So far that I wanted to take my own life. Was going to take my own life. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. I must have been huge to hit the ground so hard. Maybe I was great a week or two ago but something within me is different and weak. Human I guess. I want to become different though. I get that I could never fit in with the rest of the world but I cant bury myself in angry because then I will hurt people I love. I cant sit idly by as my friend and family feel these same complex emotions and these abstract incomparable notions of relentless hate,overwhelming sadness and sharp undifinable pain. I hate these emotions, but the hate and the anger have to go now because thats not how we solve problems here. I dont at least. Its not worth the chill of the victory. Anger isnt beautiful. Depression isnt beautiful. However the people, in the midst of these complex emotions, surely can sprout in these adversities and THAT is beautiful. Life will always be hard, but we have to look at these pains differently. From a perspective where we have the power and they are the ones who obey us. Where greed, jealousy, sloth, hate, and sadness are all just petty life eaters that only have power if you give it to them. Im not sure the right way to do this is an overpowering love, or if its a strong sense of self. Maybe its just willpower. I'm not sure but one day, maybe not soon, I'll figure it out and I'll be a hero. I'll still be an outcast but not the same sad sap I was today. I'll lead. Ill change someones life because they deserve someone who cares enough about them to die for them. Everyone on this earth deserves someone who will love them unconditionally without fail enough to stsnd uo and say that they ARE STRONG ENOUGH THAT THEY ARE BRSVE ENOUGH TO CONQUER THESE FEELINGS. I'm just trying to say that... I'm okay. I'm going to make it so that someday, someone who might not had made it, will come to me and we will rekindle the fire that makes everyday so bright.