SEEK ADVENTURE

Well the past month has been full of learning and growing in ways I probably would never have chosen but I’ve come to realize that life is pretty stinking fun with The Lord.

         We left Barcelona for Roda de Bara on January 10th where we lived with a wonderful woman who runs a House of Prayer there. During the three weeks we lived there we saw the Lord show up in ways I could have only dreamed of! We saw people find freedom, be healed, and experience joy in Christ. The house we lived in was open 6 days a week to anyone in the community needing help physically, financially, or spiritually. People literally just showed up at our door step each day. We met so many incredible people and got to be a part of the ministry as we served them and built relationships with them. We also focused on helping our host with renovations and cleaning throughout her home. It was a medium sized restaurant turned into a house/ prayer room/ hospitality center. So our main focus there was to join with our host in whatever ways she needed us. 

       Through my time there I learned so much about ministry and our motives to serve. It can be easy to finish a full day of ministry and guiltily question if you did “enough”. However, as I’ve learned guilt and shame are not from the Lord. I have already put my hope in Jesus and he took my guilt and shame. Hallelujah. The Lord is so gentle. It was a time of listening and actually receiving the things the Lord says about me. We have a relationship with The Lord. A relationship means a current friendship. I often have looked at my relationship with Jesus from a perspective he had of me when he was on this earth; seeking to save me from my current sin. But He wants us to know and receive what he says about us today. Right now. He wants to lavish us with his love. I don’t know why He is so good. But He is. It is almost too good to be true at times. 

          My guilt came from walking under the covering of a condemning God. But he is far from it. “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him” (John 3:17). “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). Yes, the Lord has called us to love and serve but He leaves the how up to us. I don’t have to walk under guilt of not doing enough. He calls us his delight. He is a lot more proud of us than we let ourselves believe, or at least I realize. “…But those of blameless ways are his delight.” (Proverbs 11:20) He made us blameless through himself so He could call us his delight. He takes great pleasure in us! When we walk fully seeking to love him and love others He does not condemn us. We are free. We have freedom to live life! 

      We moved back to Barcelona on January 30th and met our wonderful pastoral visit from Hawaii, Miriam, back in the city. A week with her was not enough. She brought such a breath of fresh air and encouragement that our team needed so badly. 

      Last week our leaders, Gabby and Daniel, told us they were sending us on a faith journey for 4 nights. On Saturday they handed us money and told us to leave and come back on Wednesday. After praying and listening for where our adventure would lead us, The Lord said go to London. So we obviously went kicking and screaming… hardly. We bought a one way ticket and left it to the Lord for where we would have our next meal and lay our head that night; and the next 4 for that matter. I have never been pushed to trust the Lord so tangibly. I have never had to choose joy in the midst of having no where to sleep. It was a wake up call for all of us to see our faith come and go so quickly. I learned that The Lord’s provision is up to Him. At times we thought He had forgotten us “but He hears the prayer of the righteous” (Proverbs 15:29). He provides for us in the ways we need not always the ways we want. That’s why He is God and I am not. I hardly know what I want, let alone know what I need.  But the Lord protected us, He fed us, and He blessed us. That is all we needed. Plus He gave us immense joy that we couldn’t explain. 

      One of those Christian phrases we often say amen to is: “Seek the Giver not the Gift”. That becomes a little bit more challenging when you only have a couple pounds in your pocket and a backpack on your back. But true joy came when we decided to choose Him over what He could give us. His character never once changed. He was good at every moment. In our worry He still provided. Now in hindsight all I can remember is His voice throughout and less about our physical state as hard as it was. 

      One of my favorite things about our faith journey was getting to go to Hillsong London. They are killing it. The people we met are living out Christ so tangibly. It was incredible to build relationships with them and hear their hearts. They blessed us more than we could thank them for. I am still blown away at the ways the Lord uses them and the ways they obey His voice! 

      Well there’s my sloppy re-cap of some of the craziest moments of life thus far. We only have 3 weeks left here in Spain and then we head back to Hawaii! Missing all of you back home! See you in 4 weeks, Cali!

love, 

        We are a month in to our outreach here in Spain and my mind is whirling as I think about all the things I could share and yet it is so had to put any of it into words. The Lord has blessed us more than we could ever ask for. Our first three weeks were spent in Barcelona on the ninth floor of a perfect apartment overlooking the beautiful city streets, silhouettes of incredible cathedrals, and rolling mountains not far off. 

           Our expectations of Barcelona were lined with uncertainty but expectancy and the Lord literally blew us away. We were met by an incredible community of friends that welcomed us in and treated us like family from day one. The city itself was more beautiful than Pinterest could have prepared us for. The language barrier has brought some good laughs and interesting stories. However, I am remembering more Spanish from my 3 years in high school than I anticipated. But to spice things up a bit, Spanish is not the main language here, though many people know it. Barcelona is in the province of Catalunya (Catalonia) and thus most people here speak Catalan. We were expecting a subtle difference in dialect but were pleasantly surprised to find we were quite off. 

        Our ministry in Barcelona was focused on serving the long term missionaries in whatever ways they needed. They are the ones making the long lasting relationships and leaving the greatest impact. Many of the opportunities were helping them tangibly through cleaning, organizing, building, etc. Every day looked different but The Lord showed us so much. My perspective of missions and my expectations of the satisfaction it should bring were challenged immensely. Somehow missions comes with the expectation of accomplishing something tangibly measured and a need to satisfy our craving to serve. Our craving to serve and expectations of good things are no doubt "good" and come from the Lord. But when missions becomes about making oneself feel better or satisfying a void, then it is time for a reality check. That is exactly what we got in Barcelona. We had to keep asking ourselves: If The Lord sent us to Barcelona to only do A or B, would that be enough? If what He brought us here for did not satisfy our expectations, would we be okay with that? What is even considered a successful outreach?           Needless to say, we were a few weeks in to outreach expecting some really cool stories for all of you but weren't getting anything worth a "wow". But as The Lord began to gently change our perspectives, our mission here became to solely obey His voice. So each day here has been a surrender to our expectations and a whole lot of waiting on Jesus to move… and He really has. I am not here to for missions to satisfy what Jesus already came to satisfy in me. He paid it, it is over, and I don't have to earn a thing.

                 Jesus has humbled me and brought me to places I'd rather not go. He has shown me grace to love when it's the hardest. He has shown me how to let go and be loved when I didn't want to receive it. He has been showing me his eyes for his people. He has been widening my perspective of ministry into ways that are easier to swallow. It is easy for me to want to see all of Barcelona off the streets, employed, fed, and met by the love of Jesus by the time we leave but I don't think I would make it on the plane alive or at all for that matter. It isn't my job to save people. All I have to do is listen, obey, and love like I've been loved.

        I am so proud of this team. I cannot brag on them as much as they deserve. Their one desire is to be the hands and feet of Jesus and love the heck out of people. The Lord was just showing off when He put me on this team but his blessings are overflowing every day because of them. Hard days become a lot easier with them around. They push me and love me and show me grace when I least deserve it. I've learned more from them than I can put into words. But they make me love Jesus more and I think they're pretty great.

       This is our new home for the next few weeks: Roda de Bara. We have been living here for a little over a week and have been challenged and blessed in ways we did not expect. We are living at a house of prayer that is open daily to the community and Jesus literally brings people randomly knocking on our door every day. But our journey here feels like it is still just beginning so I will have to leave you here until my next post. 

     Thanks for all of your encouragements and love from the other side of the world. I miss you all immensely but I'm stoked to let you see a glimpse of this amazing country. Jesus really loves these people and I'm falling more in love with them each day. 

//with love; con amor; amb amor//

Since our team is leaving in 10 days and we cannot contain our excitement… I would love to introduce you to the 5 people that have already become like family to me… and will have to be after 3 months in Spain together. (;

GABBY BRENNAN

This Minnesotan beauty will be co-leading our team. She is wise beyond her years and is a born leader. She has a love for flowers which is so fitting for her sweet and delicate way of taking on life. She has a passion that wants to change this world and she will. Did I mention she sings like a rockstar?

DANIEL ZEBEDEO

This Idaho-dian is a man of integrity and is the manlier half of the co-leaders. He has a humility that reflects the selflessness of Christ. His love for adventure may leave him with a few scars but he takes on life without any fear. He effortlessly loves and serves any and every person he meets.

ELSA SCHMIDT

Also hailing from the pan handle of Idaho and recently Portland, Oregon… This beauty lives life to its fullest. I knew from our first conversation, on day one, that we would be friends for life but I did not know I would be blessed to be on her team as well. She is a genuine lover of people and gives all that she has to uplift others. She is a true gem with a laugh bigger than joy could express.

MOLLY HOY

That contagious smile does not express the joy of this Washington babe. She is a woman marked by peace and servanthood. Her tender heartedness welcomes every person she meets. There is not a mean bone in her body. Even her "angry face" is unconvincing because of the pure joy and love that flows from her. 

KEVIN WILCOX

Hailing from The Bay of Cali is this passionate and fiery man. He is so wise  and so committed to making Christ known in all he does, even if it's by eating a mango. He lives to make life deep and meaningful. However, you can't leave his presence without one good belly laugh. He is one of the most content people I've ever met and peace and strength follow him where ever he goes. 

//

There they are. I can not brag on these 5 enough. Stoked to be doing life with them for the next 3 months and for the rest of our lives. The Lord has united us since day one and everyday they inspire me to live life more like Jesus. 

A quick update on what specifically we will be doing in Spain...

We will be living with a church in Barcelona for the first month as we celebrate Christmas and the New Year. Most of our ministry there will be on our own. Then in January we are planning to stay at the International House of Prayer and partner with them in some of their Human Trafficking and Homeless ministries. In addition our team has a passion for music and coffee and want to build relationships through those avenues. Our last month we are still waiting on the Lord to see where we will travel to or maybe continue in!

The forest is a place where I feel the depths of my soul being satisfied. Its trees makes me feel so small yet so comforted. It was in the forest that The Lord first spoke to me. Or was the first time I realized it was Him speaking. There is something about the mountains that quenches my thirst for adventure. It leaves me in awe of the created and even more overwhelmed by the Creator. That’s why I’m not surprised God revealed to me a new side of His face in the forest. 

But I live at the beach. The ocean is breathtaking and its tropical warmth is incomparable. But I still long for the forest. One night here in Hawaii, we were in prayer and worship and the Lord took me to the forest. I dreamt of being in the woods with Him. We were running together through the trees as the summer sunset illuminated the path. Jesus was running far ahead of me but I kept close behind, trying to reach Him. He was fast. He zoomed through the trees and the light caught Him through each passing shadow. I wanted to catch Him. I wanted Him to stop running. I felt tired and weary from playing chase. In my heart I asked Him, “Why are You running from me? You say that when I seek You I will find You…” In my exasperation and almost ready to give up plea, He stopped. It was a quick and abrupt movement as He stopped me in my tracks. He turned around and faced me… but it wasn’t Him. It was a person I didn’t recognize. The man was standing cold and stone-like as he stared off into the distance beyond me. “What?” I thought, “then where are You?” Confused and shocked, I turned around searching for Him. There I found Him. He was behind me. He had been chasing me. I broke. I realized I thought I was chasing Him the whole time but it was a cold and stone-like view of Him. But even more, as I was chasing after this false perception of Him, He was chasing me. 

In that moment I realized God’s relentless pursuit of us. He is a God that pursues His children. He has been chasing me my whole life. He was there when I felt Him and there when I didn’t feel a thing. After I realized His pursuit of me, He led me to rest with Him. But I want to work to serve Him. I want to do more to please Him. I want to do more so others think I’m trying to please Him. But He is calling me, and you, to rest. If that doesn’t sink in and you aren’t sure how to receive it… then stop. Stop what you’re doing and process this: Jesus loves you and wants nothing more than to love you and rest with you. God breathed into Adam the breath of life. At that moment Adam opened his eyes and met the gaze of his loving Maker. Then they rested. Adam spent his first day in rest. We cannot do a thing without rest. Rest gives us energy. Rest rejuvinates our mind, soul, and body. We cannot survive without rest. To rest with Jesus is the same. He gives us energy. He rejuvinates our mind, soul, and body. We cannot survive without Him. 

It is only by resting with Jesus that I have been able to even start to make sense of all He is teaching me here in Kona. If there’s only one thing to take away from these past 7 weeks, it is that Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. We sing it as children, make fun of it in teenage-dom, and I have often forgotten it in my adulthood. When I wake up each morning and receive that, my life changes. I don’t have to try harder to love my friends, my family, my roommates… it is an overflow of Jesus. I could have told you that 7 weeks ago. But 7 weeks ago I was seeking Jesus to be better. I wasn’t seeking Jesus to find Jesus and rest in Him. My pursuit of Jesus now is not so I can be a better Christian. It is a pursuit of a God that loves me and that love gives my soul rest. It is a pursuit of a God that gave up everything he had to gain nothing but me. We were saved when we accepted that God loved us. He loved us first. It’s simple. It’s not complicated theology that leaves me more confused. 

This 6 months is a process of learning more about Jesus and stripping myself of the unhealthy version of Him I was chasing. He is a Father of good gifts. He loves to see us freely live. He is a peace that surpasses all understanding. He is a LOVING Lord. He is more than we will ever comprehend. He goes against what the world has taught us. But the world is still trying to figure it out. The world has taught us in its incomplete state. It taught us to chase things to fill the void in us even though an infinite amount of those things will never fulfill. They satisfy for a moment, but we’ll always need more. Yet He’s enough. 

I thought I was begging Him to stop in those woods. But he was begging me to stop. To stop and rest in His love. 

Tangibly I am having to find rest in who He is and trust Him in every area of life. Trust comes with knowing a person. The more I learn of His character and heart the easier it is to trust Him. One thing I am learning to trust Him with is finances. As I am learning that He is a Father who loves me and wants to provide for me, I can hand Him my worry. My heart wants to try harder and do more so that He will provide. By Thursday November 21st, the rest of my finances are due. My heart wants to feel troubled in telling you I still need $2,200. However, God has provided over $7,000 already for me to be here. Yes the crunch time is closer, but He has proven Himself faithful in worse situations. The funds are necessary for me to travel with my team to Spain (if you haven’t checked the video out its in the post below). But I am confident I am supposed to go to Spain. I did not choose Spain but The Lord chose it for me. I would appreciate your prayers in this upcoming week as the deadline rushes forward. If you feel led to give financially you can give at https://apply.uofn.edu/OnlineAppDocs/OnlinePayment.cfm

I am so honored to be surrounded by such an incredible community of amazing friends and family, like you. Thanks for joining me in this adventure.

Four weeks in and I'm struggling for words to express what my heart is going through. Since my last post, I have been trying to understand what it looks like to BELIEVE and walk in the truth that God loves me everyday. It's not a simple endeavor of telling my self but it's a daily gazing into His eyes to see and believe that He loves me. 

For those of you who don't know yet, I will be spending my outreach in SPAIN! I will be leaving Kona in mid-December and coming back mid-March! Our team consists of 4 students and 2 staff. Two of us from Cali, two from Idaho, one from Washington, and one from Minnesota. (The west coast seems to be winning...) I could not be more excited to embark on this adventure with such incredible people. The Lord has truly blessed me with a team made up of bold, fun-loving, and passionate friends who want to walk as Jesus did. 

We'll be living in Barcelona and possibly traveling from there. Our ministry will consist of various things that we are passionate about. One thing that looks promising is the ability to pour into the youth there! We are also hoping to work with women in sex trafficking, coffee houses, etc. Most of all, our hope is to integrate ourselves into the culture and share the love of Jesus with the people there. 

I am so humbled by how the Lord has provided for us up to this point. He has provided me with over $6,000 toward my flight, tuition and part of my outreach fees. Tomorrow (Thursday, October 24th) is our next deadline for fees. We each need $2,500 towards our outreach for flights. The second to last hurdle between me and Spain. With less than 24 hours left, I'm $2,000 short. Along with my team, who each need about the same. Finances have never been something that worry me when the Lord is calling me somewhere. I am honestly stoked to see what the Lord does. He helped raise $20,000 in 20 minutes for another school on campus. He can do anything.

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"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

                                                                                         -Proverbs 3:5-6

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. 

"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him?"

                                                                                          -Matthew 7:7-11

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Kona, Hawaii has now been home for about two weeks. In the midst of the sand, snorkeling, and sun, God has captured me in his mercy. My heart already feels full.  I'm coming off a summer of looking solely into the gospel. We challenged campers with the question, "Who do you say that I (Jesus) am?" [Matt. 16:15]. I realized my heart has needed to answer that very question for itself. Each week of camp I spoke to my students on the concept of Jesus as Lord. I focused specifically on Romans 10:9, "Because if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, then you will be saved." Growing up the concept of Jesus as Lord was hard for me to grasp. But in the midst of trial, if Jesus is our Lord we can walk in the confidence that He knows what is best. Living as if He is Lord changes how we think and how we pray. Knowing the God of the universe is in control and has all authority gives me peace in knowing everything will turn out alright. 

However, one week before I spoke, I was running thin on the truth of the Lord's goodness in the midst of His lordship. I'd lost all sense of his love for me. I knew he loved me... but I had a hard time believing it. I had been so focused on the authority he exercises while his love became a distant thought or memory. I began to believe lies that He was a God who would force me into things and give me things I did not want, all under the banner of "for my good". I don't know where the concept of God being "for me" got lost. But I could not cling to this God I was imagining. This God who when I asked for something would give me the opposite.  I came to Kona questioning God's love. Trying to understand and believe it even though my heart felt so hard. I'd prayed and cried out for Him to show me and I felt as if I got a cold shoulder. Within the first week of DTS here, I was wrecked by his love. A love I had never encountered. My faith for my whole life has been focused on giving God the praise He deserved and wanting to please Him. For the first time I believed Him when He told me He loved me. I believed Him when He told me He enjoyed me. I believed Him when He told me He was for me. He told me that all I had to do was rest. I'd been working for his love for years and He wanted me to stop so He could embrace me. That's it. That's all He expected from me. That's all He's ever expected from me. 

I'm just so rocked by this love. This love I can hardly describe. This love from a God I've never seen but seen His hand so clearly over my life. What rocks me most is the fact its taken me this long to believe it. What blows me away is the fact that He has used me in the midst of my misunderstanding. Even though I am just starting to believe it, He's been working in and through me for as long as I can remember. What a wonderful God He is; that He's patiently and relentlessly pursued me when I did and did not believe it. 

KONA, HAWAII

25 days until this becomes my home