ayy lmao

Putting potato chips on a sandwich with the other ingredients so you get a cronch is absolute the only righteous way to live

hey what the fuck

Stop being afraid to live deliciously

When your hair is wavy/curly sometimes there is a fine line between “messy romantic waves” and “evil witch who lives in the woods.”

When your hair is fine and straight there’s a fine line between “sleek and elegant” and “weasel dipped in grease”

When you’re hair is thick there’s a fine line between “gorgeous vibrant bounce” and “holy fuck it’s Hagrid”

My favorite misunderstanding I’ve had to clear up so far was a Japanese person asking me about the word “fuck”. Because apparently someone had told him if he said “fuck” in America that he might be killed on the spot. Which I think is the funniest lie that I’ve ever heard

damn how brave was he feeling when he asked you that

*does a tarot reading with a Cards Against Humanity deck*

And your future holds…Bees?

hey op real quick what the Actual fuck

do NOT offer me a big spoon if you see me with a small one. i know what im fuckin doing

can i offer a smaller spoon?

absolutely! finally, someone with some sense around here

full offense but like…. ladies and gentlemen…. this is mambo number 5

This is true btw. I did a report about Ann Boney in school and Read actually liked her back so they ran away together and were considered the two most terrifying pirates across the seven seas

Just fyi - many of the illustrations and statues of them show them with their breasts exposed.  This is not because they are sexualising lesbians but because these women often used to open their shirts and expose a breast when they killed a man just so the man’s dying thought would be the realisation that he was killed by a woman.

tits out for murder!!! a true aesthetic!!!

the addams family wasn’t particularly magic or supernatural or anything, their goth game was just hard af

They lived with a sentient disembodied hand

that’s just how goths are sometimes

I am cracking TF UP