i don't need rescuing

even if you have to cry, don't let your crown fall

a love letter to luxor’s ches elswood

Well, it’s finally time that I feel ready to post this, and while I’m aware it may be bittersweet with my upcoming departure, I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Today I present to you a three hour Ches playlist, divided into sections and covering her entire time at Luxor, from when I first picked her up in June of 2019 all the way to now. There’s quite a few plot references, and small (and not as small) references to other muses throughout, especially when it comes to Elliot, so keep an eye out for those as well!

I’d like to thank Lex for giving me the idea to make these, and her support throughout the process because without her, these playlists wouldn’t even exist. And thank you to everyone who has gone on this journey with us, while I’m sorry I need to dip out early after this event to focus on my health, I love y’all so much.

The standard Ches tws apply (poor mental health, alcoholism, etc etc), and anything I think may be a bit abnormal / section exclusive is noted on the sections.

There was a loud thud as a purse landed on the suite’s floor as Ches stumbled through the front door. She knew she shouldn’t have gone to galaxy edge before closing for drinks, but she was desperate to feel good. Yet, no matter how much she drank today, she didn’t feel the happiness that tended to run through her veins. She felt worse and worse. Even the sight of the balloons in the living room from Emmett and his girlfriend didn’t bring any sort of joy.

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I mean, anything that could potentially lead to Hwi Chul feeling a single bit of irritation sounds delightful to me. Since he is notorious for irritating the hell out of me whenever I’m around and I still haven’t forgiven him for earlier with Marcello’s family. Forcing me to play nice is where I draw the line.” She scoffed, though part of her was aware that she was being a brat. However, being aware of her behavior had never stopped her before and it certainly wasn’t going to stop her now. Sora’s eyes widened a bit at Ches’ following words and it was obvious that she was disgusted by the mere thought that Ches’ brother had cheated with one of her boyfriends. “A picture would work, yeah, but you might have to stop me from smacking him because what the actual fuck. I swear, I would literally go apeshit on Ian or Jiho if they ever did that, which obviously they wouldn’t, for several reasons.” The main one being that Sora ever having a boyfriend was not likely to be a thing. “I’m glad you know Eli wouldn’t humor him because that boy is madly in love with you– it’s kind of gross in a really cute way.” She was smiling as she said the words, because she was obviously only teasing Ches. “But seriously, I don’t think you have anything to worry about on Eli’s end, but I also get wanting to save him from potentially being traumatized because ew.” 

Minnie’s smile softened a bit more at Ches’ explanation. “Really? That’s so wonderful! I mean, I get being attached already because that face is too cute not to get attached to,” she said, before her smile morphed into what she hoped was more of a reassuring one. “I’ll keep my fingers crossed that she won’t wash and that you’ll get to keep her. I’ve only just met her and I already have nothing but the utmost faith in her.” And she hoped that it would work out, for Ches.  It was difficult for her smile not to slip as Ches mentioned that Chris hadn’t been back to his dorm at all, and after a moment, it disappeared altogether. She’d already been concerned, but now she was thinking of worse case scenarios and trying to prevent her mind from going there. Just because The Crusade had been messing with them a lot lately didn’t mean that they were the reason Chris was gone… at least she really, truly hoped not. “Both him and Alek are gone?” That was something she hadn’t known and she clung to the part of the statement, hoping that they truly were off on some adventure together. “I thought about calling or texting him, but I… Well, frankly, I don’t think that he’ll respond, which again, I totally get, I just… I know I was stupid and I know that he thinks I should be mad at him a little but I still care and I want him to be okay.” She really, truly hoped that he was okay. Both him and Alek, for that matter. “That actually doesn’t sound like a horrible idea. I mean, if they actually are missing, which I honestly hope is not the case, but yeah, probably best not to do that because that would undoubtedly not end well if they have just run away and don’t want to be found.” 

“For that time me, you and Lulu played dress-up, I always thought these looked better on you. Some diamonds for a diamond. I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

Received: Wednesday, May 26th

Sav knew that Ches was probably biting her tongue, wanting to make some sort of comment to her father, but it was really the last thing Sav needed. Ches had been none to shy with her opinion’s of what Savannah’s father had done, and Sav knew that. She didn’t necessarily disagree with her, though for different reasons, but Sav felt like she was trying to dodge too many things already. The fact that the entire school knew about what had happened now, not to mention the fact that her father was still on the rampage about the pregnancy scare, despite Sav insisting that had just been a rumor, and now with all the prom shit? Yeah, the fact that he was even here was raising her blood pressure by the minute.  “Lovely to see you again, Ches,” Sav’s mother greeted warmly, though Sav would’ve bet one hundred bucks she had no idea if she had ever me the girl before or not. “You look stunning in that dress,” she added. Sav glanced around briefly as her mother spoke, hoping that Sierra or Sedona would be making their way back to the table and throw in some distraction. 

“Drive up was fine. You know how it is getting out of Manhattan, I’m sure,” Richard answered smoothly, before motioning towards one of the abandoned seats of Sav’s sisters. “Do you want to join us for a bit? We always love hearing more from Savannah’s friends. I’m sure some of those hikes you went on were absolutely amazing compared to what you got here, but I’m surprised you ever got Sav out of the water. I’m still pretty sure her grades are suffering from all the time spent surfing,” he added, glancing at Sav with a raise of one eyebrow. 

Sav let out a sigh, knowing that comments like that were only going to fire Ches up more, meeting Richard’s gaze with an unimpressed one of her own. “My grades are fine. I’m graduating, aren’t I?” she pointed out. “Ches, I’m sure you have your own family to get back to, don’t feel like you need to join us if you don’t want to,” she added quickly. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Grey! One of my best friends, Balo, made it for me.” Ches’s smile is a bit more genuine with the compliment, the chance to brag about her friend’s talents. “It can be a nightmare sometimes to get out, I used to make the trip back home a lot.” She needed to make the trip more often, come to think of it, spend more time with her sisters. Maybe it’d calm Ella’s ire towards her if she visited more often. That, or it’d make it worse. At this point there was no telling when it came to the youngest Elswood girl. She glances over to Sav for a moment that the invitation to join them, knowing full well that she wouldn’t want her to say yes, but, she couldn’t help herself. “I can spare a few minutes, my father and Rebekah have their hands full tonight so I’ll be able to get back before they notice I’m missing. Thank you for the invitation, Mr. Grey.” 

Sora ducked when she heard her name, briefly hiding herself when she noticed that her father’s head had turned at her name being called, but she quickly moved from her hiding spot when he looked away. “The one time that I don’t want attention, my father decides he wants to give me all of his,” she groaned, like she had anything to even complain about because at least she had a dad to speak of, but she was a brat so it was hardly surprising. She raised a brow at Ches’ description of her brother. “I mean, I have seen several people who fit that description at least a little because most of the guys here have extremely punchable faces, like to the point I don’t get how any of the people here find them attractive, but anyway, none of them are blonde… I don’t think.” Okay, so, perhaps she hadn’t been paying much attention to any of the guys in attendance, but that was also not surprising. “Well, we can go check the bathrooms if you want. I’ll go in of course because I wouldn’t want to traumatize you if he is doing that with someone in one of them, but… why don’t you want him to meet Elliot? Not that you have to tell me, obviously, but is your brother that bad?” 

Minnie managed a small smile at the familiar nickname, but it had been difficult to muster and even that tiny action made her feel tired. When Ches’ words filled her ears, she realized precisely how out of it she had been because she hadn’t even noticed the dog curled up next to the redhead on the couch. “Thank you! And no, of course not! I didn’t know you had a dog!” She gushed, her mood brightening the slightest bit because it was impossible to be in a sour mood around puppies, though the brief distraction from her thoughts didn’t last long as she took a seat. “When did you get a puppy?” she asked, mostly as a way to avoid asking what was really on her mind and also because she was genuinely curious. She managed another smile when Ches said that she was never too busy for her, but it slipped almost instantly when she was asked if she was okay. “I’m fine,” was her immediate response, but even she could hear how not true that was. Still, this wasn’t about her or how she was feeling– or rather, how she was not allowing herself to feel because the thought of dealing with her emotions horrified her. “I just, um… Maybe I don’t have a right to ask because we aren’t, well, anything to each other anymore, but… I was just wondering if you had heard from Chris? Or seen him? I know you guys are friends so I figured it would be safe to ask you. I was just worried, you know, after the kidnapping and at first I thought he was just avoiding me which I completely get, but I haven’t even passed him anywhere in the school which is weird, so…” She let the sentence trail off, as she realized she was rambling. “Anyway, I was just curious.” 

“Likewise! Alexander is a cool name! I have a friend- or well I guess he’s not really a friend, he doesn’t like me that much? But I think he’s cool, and I think that’s his name? But he goes by Zander which - also is pretty cool. But anyway, no I’d never! It’s always so crazy here, I totally get being a little frazzled.” Elliot quickly assured. “I kept going back and forth, honestly… I could run up and get the yellow ones though! If you think they’d be better?” Was Elliot really asking for a stranger’s approval and validation? It was moments like these where he’d hope to never hear any sort of recording played back to him so he could hear how ridiculous some of the things that he said without thinking were. He furrowed his brows just a bit as he heard that Alexander was looking for the Elswoods… And suddenly he was mentally kicking himself for being so scatterbrained to forget exactly who he was looking for. “Wait, are you – meeting Ches?” Why would he be so nervous about meeting her? Although…. if he was only going off of what Jamie said as a point of reference…. Actually, yeah - from what Elliot has heard, that sounded about right.

Of course Elliot mentions another person James was hoping to avoid, his ex’s other attack dog, and it’s hard not to drop the act with just how intense his disdain to being compared to him was. Although, what had Elliot done to upset Zander? “I can’t imagine anyone disliking you, especially with those sunglasses. You can tell a lot about a person from the way they dress, you know.” Well, he was getting longer with Elliot then he’d expected. He’d expected Jamie would have found Ches by now and let it slip that he was here, maybe it was a slow day for the Elswoods? “Nah, you don’t have to do that. You can always wear the yellow ones tomorrow if you want to. Taking turns is important, right?” Did he really ask James what he’d thought and considered going to change? Maybe he didn’t even need the act, the boy seemed awfully weak-willed. “Yeah, Jamie says she’s terrifying when she’s angry, and the last thing I want to do is make a bad first impression.” Well, speak of the devil, and he appears. He can’t help the smirk when he notices Ches coming towards them with Jamie right behind her. “Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. Took you two long enough.” The act is immediately dropped.

“James Alexander Ruth, if you don’t get the fuck away from my boyfriend right this second, I swear to god....” Ches is immediately trying to get in between James and Elliot, turning to glare at Jamie. “And you! You should have never brought him here to start with, let alone took your eyes off of him for a second. I don’t know what fucked up game you two are trying to play, but leave Elliot out of it. You wanted my attention? You have it. Now give me one good reason not to get Emmett.”

“You won’t let him hurt me, Ches. We’ve played this game before, remember?” James points out, and she hates that she’s so angry her entire body is starting to tremble. Maybe it wasn’t completely anger that was causing her hands to shake. But before she can call Emmett, Jamie is interrupting. “James, shut the fuck up. Ches, I swear I was trying to keep Elliot out of this. I just thought maybe if we all sit down, we could talk stuff out...”

“So you didn’t think at all. God, who’d you fuck to get into Yale because clearly you didn’t get in because you were smart.” She snaps at her brother, “but fine. I suppose I’ll wait to get Emmett involved, but you’re on very thin ice.” But now she’d determined she could wait a few minutes to grab her brother, she had a moment to turn her attention to Elliot. “Are you okay, Elli? Did he...” He didn’t seem injured, but she wouldn’t have put it past James to try something, yeah, it definitely wasn’t just anger that had Ches trembling at the moment. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea... I wouldn’t have left you alone if I knew he was here. Please tell me you’re okay?”

Sav just looked at Ches, her gaze steady. Marcello had tried to say the same, and Sav had shut him down too. She certainly didn’t agree. She actually felt like she deserved everything that had happened, but she didn’t really want to unpack that fully, especially not with Ches, who somehow always knew which spots to poke at. “I did, though. And I have to deal with it,” Sav replied with a shrug, shutting the door behind Ches as she walked over to sit on her couch, tucking her legs up beneath her. There were a lot of reasons why people had been upset, and Sav understood all of them. Including her own, as much as she was trying to ignore those. “Clover is absolutely adorable though,” Sav said with a small smile, unable to help it at the sight of the puppy. “I adore Balo too. How could you not?” she added, glancing down as she fiddled with her phone, spinning it between her fingers before the smallest smirk crossed her face. “I mean, I haven’t been alone in my room. But you didn’t hear that from me, if the gossip hungry people start wondering about it,” she said, her tone ever so sly as she spoke, the first person she had semi-admitted to that her and Marcello certainly weren’t done hooking up despite being caught. “But getting off campus…might be nice. Provided I can find a good enough concealer.” 

“You didn’t, people don’t have claims on their exes. Plus, Axel’s fucking half the school and she doesn’t seem to care about that, it’s a bit hypocritical if the current boyfriend is allowed to fuck other people but her ex isn’t. I love Mads, but I really don’t get where she’s coming from this time.” Ches points out, maybe that wasn’t what Sav wanted to hear, but that was her current take on the situation. Although, as far as she was aware, this was the only issue Sav and Maddie actually had at the moment, so the fact that it’d became such a huge blow up was hard to wrap her head around in general. “But, that’s just my view on exes, I suppose everyone has their own takes.” She shrugs, setting the puppy down on the floor now that they are in Sav’s room. It wasn’t like Clover could go far, she was leashed, and the leash was snuggly tied around Ches’s wrist just in case. She’d just have to keep an eye on her to make sure she wasn’t getting into any trouble, not a big deal. “Oh?” She raises an eyebrow when Sav mentions that she hadn’t been alone in her room, a grin quickly forming on her lips. “Well, if the gossip hungry people start wondering about it, they can fuck off. It’s none of their business. I’m glad you’ve been preoccupied though, rather than wallowing.” That certainly was better than what she’d thought Sav had been doing, honestly, “it’d be a nice break from all of this craziness. I swear, having a place off campus I can go any time I need to get away is the best thing in the world. Sometimes it helps, just knowing you can get away - even if it’s just for a few hours.”

Elliot jumped a bit at the sudden voice behind him, but tried to mask any nerves with his signature ear-to-ear smile. Family weekends in general made everything far more tense than thy already were, which only resulted in his guard being even more up. However, once he listened to the other, and realized he wasn’t in immediate danger, Elliot tried to relax and focus on helping him. “Hey! I am! Elliot Mills, an absolute pleasure to be of service,” he said theatrically, going as far as taking a bow  before letting out a laugh and standing back up straight. “Aw– Shucks, I thought these were cool too! I thought about wearing my yellow ones, but, I dunno, I think these ones are pretty darn snazzy too! Like-” he ran his finger along the sides of the glasses, genuine excitement growing from the fun textures of the patterns. “I thought I’d spice it up a little. Anyway, sorry- you don’t need to know about my sunglasses. Sometimes I just- talk, feel free to, I dunno, pinch me if I’m getting too off track or something,” he said, laughing again. It didn’t help that his nerves made him even more of a chatterbox sometimes.

“But yes-” he clapped his hands together, determined to help, thankfully while the strap of his cane was around his wrist so it didn’t drop to the ground. “First of all, worry not, anyone can understand you getting turned around. I mean, this place is literally a labyrinth, I got lost like- a bazillion gillion million… trillion times…. I still get turned around from time to time, too. So- all good there… But uh– were they going to meet you somewhere, or? Like, do you know if you’re looking for a specific room? If they’re just… somewhere, I don’t know how much help I would be able to be…”

God, he was like if you gave the energizer bunny speed, wasn’t he? That was unexpected, and James is thankful Elliot can’t see the surprise that briefly crosses his features as he realizes just how unlike anyone Ches had ever dated this boy actually was. Sure, the physical characteristics seemed to line up, dark hair, tall, but he seemed a bit too eager to help, and ramble about his sunglasses for that matter. “Alexander, pleasure to meet you! I was worried you’d tell me to fuck off.” He chuckles, although there was plenty of time for that yet, it was only a matter of time until Jamie found Ches, and he already knew this was going to get ugly when she found out he was here. Especially if she caught him near Elliot, but that only made this all the more fun to him. “I’m sure the yellow ones would have been cool too, although I’d love to know where you got the ones you’re wearing. They’re cool.” The yellow ones certainly would have matched Ches’s dress, but, he was supposed to be playing dumb pretending he didn’t know who the girl who’d been around him tonight was so he keeps that comment to himself.

who: @thelittlestcheshire​ when/where: sometime during the convocation dinner

Sav was sitting with her parents, Sierra and Sedona having disappeared off at some point, much to her chagrin - the last thing she wanted was to be sitting with just her parents and the potential of a lecture or whatever. There was way too much for them to even get into. Luckily, her bruises had faded enough she was able to cover them completely with make-up, so she was avoiding that potential conversation. Argument. Whatever. One she wouldn’t be able to avoid was when she saw Ches approaching them, eyes practically glaring daggers. Sav knew that Ches…..had some issues with mostly her father, but she didn’t expect the other girl to actually act on them. But her approach didn’t make Sav feel all too confident for that, meeting Ches’s eyes with a warning glare, before pasting a smile across her face. “Mom, Dad, you know Ches, right?” she said smoothly once the girl got close enough, both of her parents offering Ches a greeting in return. 

Ches was supposed to be avoiding causing a scene. How many times this evening had she reminded herself of just that every time she wanted to snap at her step-mother, or her father for that matter? Although, she still wasn’t certain how she felt about him being in attendance. Yes, he made a clear interest in wanting to try to repair their relationship the last time they’d seen one another face to face, their feet swinging off the dock of the lake house. But people always said things they didn’t mean in the late hours of the evening, promises that would be broken with the rising sun.

This time was different, and that fact was was giving Ches a run for her money before one even accounted for the awkward Driskell family meetings, step-mothers she couldn’t stand, a brother probably five seconds away from doing drugs in the bathroom, an ex she really didn’t want to see, and seemingly more stuff piling up by the minute. She was pretty sure she’d seen Leo and Balo’s mothers talking too, and despite how much she loved Elizabeth, she had an extremely bad feeling about that. So, maybe it wasn’t fair for her to turn her sights on the Greys, but, the second she saw Sav’s father, the rage flared up in her veins again, and it was increasingly more difficult to just hold her tongue.

God, Ches and Elliot were joined at the hip, weren’t they? Every time Jamie was about ready to try to bring up a discussion with Ches, the moment he found her, she was with him,  and the thought of bringing up something so sensitive in front of her boyfriend felt like it was crossing a line. He’d put her through more than enough already, and he wasn’t sure how she’d react to the idea of talking to him and James in an attempt to move past everything. But this had been going on too long, the awkwardness, the hostility towards him (which was deserved, he’d admit), and he needed to fix this. If they all sat down and discussed everything maybe they’d finally find a solution. This time when Ches goes to try to find food, or a drink, he follows after her.

Maybe he should have been keeping a closer eye on James.

While Jamie tried to track down Ches, James saw an opportunity. Would trying to milk Elliot for information make things worse? Probably, but with how clear Ches had made her commitment to Elliot at his mother’s funeral, he was curious. What kind of man could keep her attention that long? What kind of information could he get out of him? When it becomes apparent that there was a window he moves. “Hey, you’re one of the students here, right? I kind of got myself all turned around, and I was wondering if you could help?” He rubs the back of his neck, glancing around to see if Jamie or Ches were coming back yet. So far, so good. “I can’t find my boyfriend, and I know he really wanted me to meet his sister. Talk about a first impression.” He chuckles, with an entirely faux nervousness. “And I don’t know about you, but, my mum always used to say if you’re lost pick the guy with the coolest sunglasses for help, or maybe it was find the nearest adult… suppose that’s close enough to the same thing.”