🌻TLR🌻

Today at work on November 06,2020 3 days after the Election Day still no president smh!

Okay today I make it to work an actually in a pretty good mood, however like an hour into my day I get a message from the supervisor telling me to call her (I do so) she stated to me she got a call from someone at the job saying that I was inappropriate with legging on, however its Friday an its dress down day so why do I have to go home she say I need you to go home and put on a pair of scrubs…

September 25,2020 @11:30 AM Friday morning while I’m sitting her waiting on the day to move so i can get going to enjoy my weekend..need to visit the nail shop and have me some Kosha time an just relax with my audibles playing in my ear.The beginning of my day im just thinking about how far I’ve came in my life and how much I’ve grown.Most time I would have been up at my work trying to make them all love me or just even like me,but in my life today at the age of 32 im more wise and can care less if the miserey enjoy my company, and to toot my own horn I believe I have a genuine since of humor with a welcoming spirit and can get along with just about anyone. I use to feel like the problem when women just all of a sudden come up with a problem towards me for no resaon at all outside of me being myslef, but now I just be like oh there go that bullshit i can see from a mile away. Personalities changes, body language speaks loudly, actions are hostle, and all of a sudden im stuck up and got a bad attitude all because I picked up on your bad energy and I perceded to act accordly now im the problem all because I put on my I dont give a fuck attitude then you realize that you dont give a fuck and I dont either …. SOOOOOOOO have a great day!

Sitting here at work on this day 09/24/2020 this day makes 1 month at my new job and, God knows im very thankful to have landed this job with a hike in the pay and full benefits with a 403 plan…. (thankful) However these people at this job is really unhappy with who they are and dont have a clue on how to treat others or how to stay in their very own narrow little lane, they walk around here in everyone else business but their own. I can hardly belive the things that come out these women mouth. First off they’re the most messy and incompentent women ive ever meet like why are you so bitter?! but for me im very generous to people always have been so with this type of attitude i’m able to attract men, women, kids, mentally disable,incompetent and whomever else walks through these doors i make a connection with them and anyone else that not irritated by my spirit im able to understand and talk with them. (cosumers) But the minute i talk with one of these men up here at this job,mostly one of the ones that they are into or want oh its when all hell breaks loose, like im married, happy,content, and working through my own issues at the time im not concern about no other man nor women at this job or anywhere else that’s the lease of my worries.. they point, judge, throw shots, and wishing I would indudgle in their bullshit, but im better than that because im not just the average women. I have standards, goals and not intrigued very easily by much of nothing im not looking nore need no man, their money or their time, I already have the only man I want and the only man I’ve ever been sexually attractive to at home and thats my husband.. yes its been 18 years but to me its still fresh. God created this one man for me and me for him. So im saying it loud for the ones in the back office can here it to, when i conversate with these men around here im not interested in nothing but the converstaion that we having at that time, anythinbg else is irrelivant because you bitches is the only onesjumos in a man bed when he speak to you, (im not the one) -NEWS FLASH- If i was avalivable believe me a man would have to do alot more than just smile, tell me something i want to hear,make empty promises, and try his hardest the get me in the bed….im not the average female that walks around mad at other women for carrying their self in a way that attract anyone, if im doing anything it would be taking notes learning something new to add to my dialog…. well to add to my lil complicated day i went home to my husband and daughter and they made my day so for the rest of the night i enjoyed myself……

September 04, 2020 late evening winding down, as I just finish preparing dinner and getting back in the swing of real life( I’ve enjoyed being a wife for so long even before I became one) remembering back months ago when I stop cooking, cleaned enough for comfort, stop doing his laundry( he would call home to ask our daughter “will she wash dad some work cloths”) yep… I stop checking in and stop expecting to here from him, although my prayer everyday was GOD PLEASE shield and protect my husband as he commute to and from…(never stop praying for the man I so loved/loves. But I stop waiting on them calls, And start to notice they came more than they ever have… yep just random “I’m thinking of you” and you’re so beautiful! me with lost trust would just smile and say you’re always on my mind…. every weekend has been mine, every night he’s home before me, opening car doors was a date night thing now I don’t touch the door at all, backing me when our daughter has gotten out of hand instead of telling me im too hard on her… allowing my voice to be heard as well.. didn’t really pay much attention to him making all the decisions but now its “whatever you want my love” All those things are a good sign of moving forward.. but y’all got to remember I’m no ones fool and just because its all good don’t mean its all good. However I do know my husband, and I do no the difference between genuine and playing a role and he is definitely knocking the shit out the park…. moving forward my job was okay today, learn a few more things and now im home about to do a little homework,,, can’t wait to graduate lord… 🌻TLR🌻

As of today September 03, 2020 I sit here in my room just thinking about the greatness of God the one who have held me together through my entire life(I just want to say thank you lord) as I’m ending the second week on my new job I think its coming along well, yes I will have others look on as if im the newbie and they want to test the waters on who I am, what’s on my mind, and what I have to offer. but knowing the things that I know now and that I’ve learned from my past experience is not to allow someone to step in the way of my money and sanity… sometimes I feel weird when I think like the things that has happen in my marriege made me a better person…hmmmmm( oddly said)it has allowed me to be a better person in all expect of my life…. no I will never be happy for what happened but im thankful to know everything happens for a reason….. and I’ve found the greatness in what I’ve been dealt… I talk about this daily because it makes me a better person it allows me to pen what happen and look back on how far I’ve came…. I had an online platform going on and it was coming along pretty well, however when my world was turned upside down I wasn’t in no shape to give a positive advice when all m y thoughts was negative at the time….. I really felt like I didn’t like anyone… but GOD talk to me GOD guided me, GOD told me no you want allow and hiccup in your life contradict your future and of course I obey my father… little by little Im finding my piece, im wearing my smile again, its not as bright as it should be but im not in the dark as I once was…. and for that reason alone I smile… at one point I thought I had to keep tabs on my husband phone, his where about, his surroundings and his money… I said hell naw what the hell do I look like babysitting a grown ass man… because a person going to do what they want to do and im not going to stress my life out trying to keep tabs on things when I have my whole life to keep tabs on and a curious teenager to focus on….. but proud to say my husband has open his self up to me more than he have ever been before without me mumbling a word… because you know I am a very attractive educated women… I can have whoever snd whatever I want literally.. (you are what you attract) so with that being said I don’t need my husband I want him…. I can hold my entire life together on my own but DAMN it 100% SEXIER TO LET THE MAN TAKE CONTROL…… and since this my blog… I think he’s doing an amazing job building my trust back….. p.s I don’t mention any of this to him… I don’t need no slacker🤪 keep putting in the work….

Today is September 2, 2020 I’m sitting here thinking back on a few months ago when I could have divorced my husband for what he done to me, however God has kept us whole and a lot better than we were before. Things was rough in the beginning faze and was looking pretty un promising for a better future, but we fought for what we wanted and that was to maintain our family, not only because it was the right thing to do but because we still love each other unconditionally despite of the heartache he caused me it was a total fact that I was caught off guard and in a state of shock…For one day I acted like I was gone while I threw everything he owned out this house and didn’t give a fuck how nothing turned out. After that one day of anger I was done with the masculinity of being the bull in rage, so I decided to just focus on me and do the things that made me happy with that being Said Rustin have done so much in these past few month to prove to me he Made the biggest mistake in his entire life and he is truly sorry I know this I feel what he feel we are attached at the heart. I felt the disconnection when the nightmare came just didn’t no the issue, I thought about an alcohol problem, never nothing more… he was drinking heavy. Now that we talk back on those days he say he had to be under the influence to be involved if sober that he couldn’t have played the role he played….👀 However I started this post just to say I’m getting my husband back day by day times 10…… God used the other women….. to other stand my last statement feel free to comment below….🌻TLR🌻

As I sit here on my porch at 10:30 pm Wednesday night, with heavy thoughts running through my mind about the whole 2020. Im not upset at all but is little sad with what has happened in my life, yes I know you either accept it or you move on but I think after 18 years of togetherness an 3/1/2 years of marriage and a 15 year old daughter things couldn’t hunted me more 15 years back, after you tie the knot things is always through thick and thin, yes I know my husband tells me he’s sorry each day however it still doesn’t takes he pain away,, these things come with trust, betrayal, broken hearts, and crushed feelings. God made us one however my husband broke those vowels when someone else was able to take his focus off me even if it was just the spare of the moment, some things I/women can’t handle. At one point in my life I was embarrassed of the fact my husband had any reason to even indulge in a conversation with another women on an emotional level. I had the conclusion i was perfect for him I never thought another human could take his attention away from me but I was wrong, it happen kind of in front of my eyes but behind my back (what I mean when I say that) I was kind of naive to my husband everything he said I took it and ran with it, (I’ve defiantly learned the hard way) however this man/my husband has done everything in his power to gain my trust back, he go above and beyond to the point it almost feel faked to prove to me he is still a great man that made a fucked up decision…. the growth in me say yea I see you but where is the rest of your effort( I don’t let anything slide). through it all my daughter has been my rock… I felt like I had my mother in law but after one month of fussing and fighting (none physical) with my husband right next door to my mother-in-law one night she came out her home and made a statement that has stuck with me”she said why don’t y’all separate I’m sick of the fussing everyday let that man go” I was so confused after her and my father-in-law has been together for 37 years and just a few years ago she come to me crying about the infidelity that happen in their marriage when they first got together but you yelling to me saying call it quits i’m like what the FUCK. the main thing I got from that was she didn’t want us together from the start(i’m black he is Caucasian)yes I do think its always been an issue but that made our love even stronger we have done this thing together like no-one could come in-between the two of us…. all I want back is that feeling of security but stronger I know its coming but how long will it take? if anyone have some insight on this post feel free to comment tag and link🌻TLR🌻 @[email protected]

For so many years I’ve strayed away from people that make me feel hard to love. I’ve always been different/ weird they call me but yet in still or regardless of my uniqueness (that what I call it) I still have an absolutely great heart, personality, and always bring enthusiastic vibes to whatever room I’ve ever entered. Although those qualities should be enough for me to be loved easily…

Sitting here at Volvo getting service on my vehicle, just wanted to say the customer service is outstanding and it takes nothing to be good to others…… However, I have since found out that one with a broken heart or one that has been mistreated in the past or present I’ve noticed that they have nothing good for others… When one have been hurt internally it’s difficult to pass along greatness…(how I know this) apon my heart being broken work had become a place I didnt want to be for about two months I felt myself change toward people my temper was on 100 at all time I started not to trust anyone and my smile wasn’t as bright as it been in the past however I’ve since become more of myself in the last two months and slowly back to myself,Not the women I use to be but a better women that’s not so naive…. I thought for weeks that it was me and that I needed to change who I was in order to be loved correctly after my heartbreak, however, upon finding myself I realize without change at all if a person loves you they love you at your lowest and even more when you’re floating. So I took a step back and didn’t change anything about me but did change my perspective on life and where I stand in one’s life, I’m living a much better life, my husband has become better than he ever we’re before but even if be didn’t I had me! (PROMISE) 🌻TLR🌻

As I sit here on my porch to type, I just want to thank GOD for all the things he has done for me and my family in our lifetime. There have been plenty of times where I’ve thought like how are we going to get from one point to the next and without a doubt GOD came through each time never let us down(my created family) although this year alone thought me some valueble lessons, not only in my personal life but also in my marriage with the things that went on having me think I will loose my total mind you stepped in and you saved me you made me strong, you allowed me to walk away for one whole week and gather my thoughts, understand who I was and also evaluate the things that was happening in my life in the most trying time and the most devastating setting I was in, you allowed me to see things I never looked at, you allowed me to really understand myself, you allowed me to go above and beyond for myself instead of others. you and I know that I’ve bent over backward in my past to please another human when I was dying inside (talking about strong) Lord if no-one else understood me you did. My husband of 18 years cause me pain that I never thought i’ll feel after loosing my mother but boy oh boy that pain was almost like I had died inside but was still trying to live on the outside and to take care of our daughter with a broken heart was so hard… when I tell you I went through hell and hot water. but GOD and I no it was nobody but GOD who open Mr. Teague eyes and allowed him to see clear, allowed him to realize what he was doing had almost cause him everything he had worked so hard for in the past 18 years of his life, he woke up and did a 180 and working hard on the other half…. I cut off all communication with my husband for a whole week no responding to text, no answering phone calls, no checking in any of that period, that 4th day that man knew in his heart that his wife really not here, I really haven’t spoke with her in 4 days now, what’s going on he ask himself, this shit is real. I left that Monday and didn’t return until that Friday… all the late nights out, all the drinking, all the partying , all the gambling, loosing 6 and 7 hundred dollars a night, all the ignored calls (I never once before Called my husband and he didn’t pick up) the shit had gotten out of hand but oh Girl wasn’t sitting around another day waiting on a man when I had everything I needed to be successful on my own, why the hell am I acting like my mom didn’t raise a strong black women…. So I got my ass up and proceeded on With my life my husband wanted to be a part of my new beginning and here we are making the best out of a broken heart and a i’m sorry man….. if you guys wants more details on my life story and what actually happened in my marriage feel free to email me @thelittleroomtlr.gmail.com 🌻🌻TLR🌻🌻

I need you lord more than ever!

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Talk to someone it’s okay, I’m learning with you don’t feel afraid to reach out!