My Health and Fitness Journey

Oh my goodness, how long have I been gone? Honestly I don’t even know, hell I have been gone so long that I forgot I had this. But I’m back now. Ready to get back on track with sharing my fitness story. Don’t worry I haven’t even lost weight in the time I have been gone. Hell, I gained weight. I went from bring around 125 pounds, to being 145. But as of February 1st, I started getting back on track with working out and slowly adjusting my diet to a healthier one. So I’ve lost about 6 pounds since. I now wiegh, 137.2 pounds. Which makes me really happy, because I at least now fit into my clothes I bought in January.

As side that I have also taken the time to really start working on myself. I never really did that. I always said, “ This year is about me, I will work on myself.” And then I’d go back to the same old habits and did nothing to change. So now I am actually taking time to do so. Even if it’s only one or two days a week. I thought that with in a week I’d have the routine down to a T. Yeah that’s now how it works. I’m still struggling with it but I make time for it. Sometimes I just take 20 minutes a day for it. And I coming to learn that I have neglected myself so much that I am still looking for excuses not to do something. But old habits die hard, but they do die. So thank god for that and I can keep growing.

So I know that I made this as a health and fitness blog for myself. Thing is sometimes I focus so much on my physical health that I forget about my mental health. Lately I’ve been struggling with my self esteem. Which is starting to affect everything else. I don’t feel as confident when expressing my own ideas or self. I have been feeling like I’m not good enough and sometimes I just can’t seem to put my feelings into word. This probably all seems like a jumble of things. Which is exactly how my mind feels and how I feel.

Every so often I just feel like I have to do something doesn’t matter what but I have to do something and next thing I know it’s 5:00 AM and I’m like oh...guess I should get some sleep but then I get into bed and try as I might I can’t sleep. I get restless, well i have always been that way. Even to the point of not being able to sit still for long. I tend to just tap my foot or my hand on the table. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Idk what to do sometimes so I just try to find a way to keep busy. Usually it’s let’s deep clean the fuck out of my room or let’s stay up late doodling or something I just have to do something. I just want to be able to feel good. I know this probably seems like a rant now. But all this is what’s in my mind.

So recently I started going to a self esteem group where we talk about our issues we are trying to overcome. It has helped a bit with me being able to get out of my comfort zone.

Yesterday my husband and I wanted to go out for a date however we are on a tight budget and asked ourselves. “What’s something fun we can do for less than $5?” Well a lake near by has an entrance fee of $10 For civilians and $3 for military memebers. And that’s what we did. We packed out lunch and snacks and went to the lake. We did some light hiking and it was amazing. The views were totally worth the sore legs. Our dog loved it so much. We are looking forward to our next hike

So lately, I have been struggling to lose weight. I had previously lost 5 Lbs. Then gained 10 Lbs. And every time I look in the mirror I feel bad about myself. When I talked to my husband about how I have been feeling about myself. He looked at me, gave me a sad smile, hugged me and kissed me on the forehead; he says “Honey, to me you are always beautiful and sexy. You may think that I’m just saying that because you’re my wife, but it’s also because I have known you the longest. You feel bad about your stretch marks, but what I see is a strong woman who has worked hard on herself, who has grown, who has changed. You cry and beat yourself up for not being as skinny as you were in high school. It’s okay to not be that skinny. That was years ago. Now as to what ever you want to do about it, I’ll be here to support you. You want to eat better and excercise more. I’ll work out with you and I’ll help you find healthy meals. I’m always going to love and support you, always.”