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I haven’t blacked out

But it’s funny when you start thinking about your sobriety

You start counting days

even if it is to yourself

And every night you just gave in

Is another failure marked in the books

Drenched in shame

And anxiety for the future

Cause if tomorrow is day one

Again and again

Despite days and weeks in between

Then what are you building towards?

Yes, 5 drunk days out of 30

Is better than 27 out of 30.

But those 3 slips

Is newly founded mountains we never considered

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A drunk night used to be an acceptable solution

But once you detach from it

it becomes a shameful excuse

I will get better

I won’t give up

Now I’m considering

Taking a blanket

And sleeping

In the yard

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This is bad idea Ik

I probably won’t

I relapsed again

My birthday is quickly approaching

My new deadline has been set

But I must not forget

As the old head always say

Early is on time

And on time is too late

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The need to lock in is imminent if I don’t want to go cold turkey

This secret drinking

And secret smoking

Is getting so old

I feel like a crustacean

About to molt

But the days leading up to

Are long and slow

I doubt the relief is coming

And cling to my too small shell in fear

I hope I come out blueish this time around

Inside or out

I hope that this time

To quit the nic and the liq

Rip the old me