You cannot kill me in a way that matters

Alien Boyfriend with a monster fucker Reader, except he's pathetically mundane and ridiculously human-like in everything but appearance.

Oh, you were thrilled when he first approached you, asking you to be his partner. The tall frame, additional limbs and downright horrific features had you shivering in anticipation. You could already picture yourself pounded into the nearest wall.

"Is this your experimenting lab," you asked with a knowing grin, dragging your hand across the foreign tools. Was he going to tie you up and use you as his pet?

"You could call it that if you'd like," he answered with mild confusion, "but I'm sure you're already familiar with the concept."

There was a ding, and he pulled a tray out of the nearest machinery.

"It's my kitchen. Care for some muffins?"

You made the tragic discovery that your alien suitor was a soft-hearted, friendly neighbor living the quiet suburb life. Where was the fear? The danger? Alas, the extraterrestrial being would do his best to give you what you wanted.

"Remember how you said I should become the leader of the masses with my terrifying powers?"

He stands before you proudly, the many rows of sharp teeth glistening in the light.

"Yeah?" you squirm in your seat, cheeks turning red.

"Well, you're looking at the new HOA president! I metaphorically destroyed them with my speech. Everyone voted for me."

Louder for the people in the back:

... you cannot tell what an artist is going to be like personally from being very familiar with their art.

this and also the only difference between fanfic writers and writers who sell their own original works as careers is that fanfics aren’t monetized. that’s all.

being a “professional” writer doesn’t mean your works are inherently better than fanfics. I’ve read so many fics that are more professionally written than some published books.

dishes

- wash at least one dish every day. could be a single fork. just do one. at absolute worst this means you're regularly running clean hot soapy water through the heap of backed up dishes in the sink.

- any time you have to wash a plate or utensil because you're out of clean ones, wash two of them. need a knife? wash two knives. need your only baking sheet? wash a cup too.

clutter

- overwhelmed by clutter? take out the bins and do laundry. it's very difficult to organise a space when it's full, and trash and dirty clothes take up a lot of space both physically and mentally. emptying bins makes room for the whole cycle to move.

- those little boxes and containers advertised for ADHD really do work, even if you don't have ADHD. they let you move surface clutter around even if you don't have time to sort and clear it. you can quickly box up the craft project that's been taking up your desk for two weeks, clean the surface, and put everything back.

- on that note @3liza clued me in to the power of a simple wicker basket a decade ago and it changed my life. this isn't a desk tidy, this is a medium to large box or basket without a lid that you can comfortably carry in two hands (doesn't have to be wicker). personally I like a collapsible one so I'm not tempted to fill it with stuff when it's not in use. the point of it is collecting and carrying.

- instead of taking on individual sidequests for every item in an overcluttered room, walk through with your simple wicker basket and collect everything that has to go in the kitchen. take it to the kitchen, put it away. then collect everything for the bedroom. take it to the bedroom, put it away. it's your sifter, your filter, your best friend. this is but one use of the simple wicker basket.

trash

- differentiate in your head between dry trash and wet trash. dry trash is paper, plastic wrappers, packing foam, scrap fabric, dried up pens. 'shelf stable' trash, if you like. nothing likely to leak or rot. this can be collected in small lined wastepaper size bins around the house – one in every room honestly isn't overkill. you only have to empty these when they reach the top of the container.

- wet trash is food waste, soiled or greasy food wrappers, empty bottles, sanitary products, used medication ampoules, anything contaminated by mould or pest damage, etc. the yucky stuff. this goes in a single, large, lined bin with a lid, in a central part of the house (probably the kitchen). Empty this every 3-4 days or as soon as it reaches the top of the container. it won't fill up as fast without dry trash bulking it up, and disposing of it in small amounts regularly keeps the place feeling fresh. importantly it also means the gross stuff is contained in one place, not wearing on your peripheral attention day after day making you feel bad.

generally

- everything I said about clutter and surfaces above also works for floors. you can take stuff off the floor, vacuum, and then dump that shit right back where it was. you don't have to wait for one glorious day when you have the energy to do everything.

- the longer something goes untouched, the worse it gets psychologically. if a particular area of mess is especially upsetting or daunting to you, agitate it. pick up just one thing. dust around it. divide it in two. do anything you can bear that gets you to engage with it and handle it. it's manageable. you'll get there.