I'm literally shaking, and I'm not sure if its excitement or fear
So I got made redundant today, and I don't know how I feel about it.
As I sit here trying to process all the information, trying to dispel the intrusive thoughts that can plague anyone's mind in this situation, I can't tell if I am happy, excited or dissapointed.
Part of me is elated. Like many media companies, ours is significantly troubled. Things have not been good.
There have been round after round of redundancies over the years, with some periods of normalcy.
Five years later and now I find myself on the other side of the fence.
I was well looked after so with some time on my side I can think again. Forget the day to day stresses of a business under immense pressure, and work out what the next few months will hold.
That's not to say that work hasn't been good to me. I have learned a lot about media, technology and business. I have grown immensely as a person and with my trade.
I got to live my dream. I made digital media products. I made existing ones better.
But I am also sad. I know that many things have been left unfinished.
Projects that were just a twinkle in our eye over two years ago were finally coming to fruition. We were finally building the single CMS system, we were finally moving our websites from an SEO model to embracing the user, we were finally understanding the power of social.
I believed we could do it. I knew we could do it.
I never got that chance.
Sometimes I think I fought too hard. I took it too personally. I let it consume too much of me.
It wasn't the days where I worked the hardest, it was the nights. The nights spent pacing next to my computer, using the time alone really digest the problem at hand and sift through it in my head. Those were some of my favourite times. The times when the poetry happened.
And although it was poetry, it was by no means all Shakespeare. There is nothing like thinking you have come up with the most amazing solution only to be brought down to earth the next day, week, month or year as you learn of another deeper layer to the problem. Realization is sometimes better than poetry.
All I can say is I am immensely happy and proud of what I achieved.
I got to be an online news editor
I got to tell stories online
I got to train writers to tell stories online
I got to introduce countless journalists to the chaotic world of social media. We built thriving thriving audiences.
I got to run projects across a wide and varied business
I got to build social networks
I got to work with amazing people
I got to build digital products
I was overwhelmed by the reaction of those around me as they found the news. Despite the sadness, it was nice to know that you were truly valued, a look that can only come from true shock. It was hard to fight back tears at points.
I really hope that my co-workers can take the baton and run. I hope that they can make it through. I hope they can turn it around and defy the trend that is kicking old media in the teeth, even though it was inevitable.
Surviving in media is bloody tough.For businesses with a print legacy, it's going to be an incredibly hard slog.
The hardest slog.
Where I go from here I do not know, I just hope the next phase is as challenging and rewarding as this one has been.
Next stop Fiji for some rest and recuperation, then to test the waters of the Sydney Job market in September.









