The Grey

“Oh the horror it is to be a little girl of just eleven years old— to awake to a world where you will never be seen as anything but a perversion.”

“Often I disappear into my mind palace, hiding within the ruins of myself. It is only there my pain cannot reach me— but death makes her bed for me, and I am closer to laying in it than living.”

“I was born with the purpose of being used, and now that my life is my own—I do not know what to do with it. How can I be thankful for a freedom that has made me lost?”

“I wish so desperately to be held like a child again, to be rocked to sleep and cradled as if were precious.”

“To be a woman is to be a deer—never knowing when your going to be killed for sport.”

“The rain is new today, it does not feel the tears of a thousand. It feels like stars falling from the sky.”

“The curse of wielding a mothers love and a fathers hatred. To forgive like a saint, too burn like a god.”

“God did not know what to do with me, so he cast me into the ocean and told the tides to take me instead; he never did come back— not even for the body.”

“I will forever ache for the childhood I could’ve lived—The mere thought of it brings me more grief than the dead.”

“He hollowed me out and carved a home inside myself. My body a cage for him to hide from his consequences.”

“I have been trained for this. To bruise, to break—to obey. I dedicated my life to your mandates, to your rules—and I did it well. So why is it I feel abandoned?”

“Lord—if I am to be damned, do not let me beg for forgiveness. My knees are as weak as my prayers for mercy.”

“I am the product of a little girls dreams and a mans cruelty, I have seen the fall of my mother and felt the claws of my father—I could not escape my fate even as his daughter; ‘and nor will you as a mother’ she whispered.”

“A cruel thing it is to be left with the responsibility of having to heal yourself from a pain a person caused. It was of no fault of my own, but somehow i have received a far harsher punishment than the one who was guilty.”

“I know it’s messy, but it’s all I have—My life was not given to me at birth, it was something I had to take back; Even in all its brokenness.”

“I am an act of rebellion. My survival consisting purely out of hate and spite for those who did me wrong. I will not see the darkness—I will not die, I rebuke it; A selfish thing to live by maybe—but a survivor nonetheless. No?”

“Humiliate me—Engulf me, destroy me. Do something with this, I beg of you. Do not leave me like this—I am not whole. This freedom—it is not right. I do not know what to do with it. It has made me lost. You have made me lost.