formerly @oncebittentwiceborn - if you found me again, congratulations 💕 this is not an aesthetic blog - it will get gross, and you have been warned 👹 rootwork, ancestor veneration, queer generational trauma work, sexual shame, fetishes as devotional impulse, greco-anatolian polytheism 🏺 Dionysos, Agdistis, Aphrodite 🌩️ trans/Black/mixed race, they/them, b. 1985 🔞 blog is intended for adults but minors are welcome to send a single ask requesting resources 🤍
the rhetoric, the recruitment channels, the general mode of operation, everything. Finding a legitimately aggrieved class of men and tell them its women's fault continues to be an extremely tool for reactionaries
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on thursday night i saw clipping play at knockdown in brooklyn and when i tell you they melted my face off. when i tell you my soul ascended to a higher plane. when i tell you i picked out the opening chords to "dominator" a full eight measures before anybody else did and started hollering like a crazy person only to have the rest of the crowd join in when the beat dropped, and when a pit opened up by the stage i did some quick dignity-of-risk math (spinal injury, mosh pit) and in the end WENT IN THE MOSH PIT (first time since prob NIN with teeth tour ~2009)... AAAAAAAAA
went on a date to the terrific tarot art and history exhibit at the morgan library/museum in NYC on Friday. I took MANY photos and saw art by MANY artists about whose work i have Intense Emotions. had a splendid time.
lots of great images on the exhibit website: https://www.themorgan.org/exhibitions/tarot
the exhibit included works by Niki de Sainte Phalle, Austin Osman Spare, Cristy Road, Rachel Pollack, and Elijah Burgher/ @havesexwithghosts ! descriptions from museum signage under the cut
the entrance to the exhibit - not sure if the ornate gold and renaissance-looking paintings on the ceiling were part of it or a permanent feature of the museum, but the giant sign reading "TAROT!" over the entrance was clearly new
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Verne Dawson (b. 1955)
Calendar, 2025
Oil and paper cards on panel
North Carolina and New York-based artist Verne Dawson has long been interested in how carefully constructed belief systems and timekeeping structures mediate human experience. While a student at Cooper Union in the 1970s, Dawson studied under Arthur Hill Corwin, whose esoteric theories encouraged Dawson to approach tarot not as a mere divinatory technique but as a method of universal timekeeping. Corwin's book Robin Hood's Barn explores the way in which tarot might have served an egalitarian function throughout history, allowing people of all social classes to keep time without reliance on a higher religious or political authority. Adapting the seventy-eight standard cards into a nonstandard calendrical arrangement, Dawson situates the cards against a planetary backdrop with the green Earth below and a swirling cosmic sky above.
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this is a wall display of cards from several tarot decks: Karen Vogel and Vicki Noble, Motherpeace Tarot; Amanda Lee Stilwell, The New Wave Tarot; Nicolas Bruno, The Somnia Tarot; Cristy C. Road, The Next World Tarot; Kim Krans, The Wild Unknown Tarot; Sola Saar, Solita Tarot; David Gremard Romero, Tarot Yohualli Ehécatl
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Elijah Burgher (b. 1978)
Drawings for the Skowhegan Tarot's Cups cards,
2016
Colored pencil on paper
TOP ROW:
Ace, Five, Nine
BOTTOM ROW:
Knight, Queen, King
For the Berlin-based American artist Elijah Burgher, the fluid meanings of the arcana gave him the confidence to "leap into abstraction" when making his colored-pencil renderings of the Cups suit for the multi-artist Skowhegan Tarot deck. His wager was that when viewing his essentially nonrepresentational images, viewers would connect them to traditional cards while also discovering new information. Burgher used a half-oval as a simplified cup form and followed Austin Osman Spare's system of creating sigils (a magical or symbolic mark that represents a word, name, intention, or desire) by removing letters from a word ("Knight," "Queen," "King," etc.) and turning the remaining letters into an abstracted monogram. Burgher called his Knight "an ironic Lancelot, a show-off trying to seduce you with all the bells and whistles on his phallic body."
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Rachel Pollack (1945-2023)
Drawings from the Shining Tribe Tarot, 1994
Ink on paper
TOP ROW:
Strength, the Hermit, the Tower, the Sun
MIDDLE ROW:
The World-Shining Woman, Seven of Stones, Ten of Stones, Speaker of Stones
BOTTOM ROW:
Six of Trees, Four of Birds, Gift of Birds, Six of Rivers
An award-winning author, trans activist, and comic book writer, Rachel Pollack is also one of the last half-century's foremost scholars of tarot. She published the now-iconic tarot guide Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom in two parts, in 1980 and 1983, and as a revised, single volume in 1997. In 1985 she wrote the guidebook to tarot paintings by Salvador Dalí commissioned for the James Bond film Live and Let Die (the project fell through, but Dalí completed the work). Pollack published her own deck in 2001, The Shining Tribe Tarot, which features imagery inspired by tribal and prehistoric art. According to her widow, Zoe Matoff, Pollack was searching for an artist to illustrate her deck but, unable to find the right aesthetic, decided to draw the cards herself. Twelve of Pollack's original drawings are shown here for the first time.
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Niki de Saint Phalle (1930-2002)
Justice, 1999
Lithograph and collaged elements ("Sparkles" self-adhesive paper)
In 1978, after being preoccupied with the idea for years, French American artist Niki de Saint Phalle began a decades-long project: her monumental sculpture park known as The Tarot Garden. Having secured a site - the grounds of an old amphitheater-shaped quarry in Calpalbio, a small town in southern Tuscany - Saint Phalle and a team of artists began producing larger-than-life versions of the twenty-two figures from the Major Arcana. Constructed of reinforced concrete, each figure stands over ten meters tall and is covered with multicolored ceramic and glass mosaics. Saint Phalle saw the garden as her ultimate achievement, and to help fund the project and clarify her ideas, she produced related lithographs from the 1970s through the 1990s. In 1997 she a published a full tarot deck, on view in the case to the left. [deck image is next in this post.]
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Wallace Berman (1926-1976) Untitled, Sound Series, 1966
Verifax collage with transfer lettering
Wallace Berman was an experimental filmmaker and collage artist who played a key role in the California art scene of the 1950s and '60s. He was fascinated by tarot and other forms of mysticism, such as Kabbalah and Beat spirituality, and more generally, systems of symbolic knowledge. This collage, produced using the Verifax photocopying method, combines images from magazines and newspapers, many referencing transmission devices like the typewriter, to compare modern technology with tarot as a spiritual method of communication. In the early 1950s, Berman and Cameron became friends and collaborators. They exhibited their work together at Ferus Gallery in Los Angeles, but the show was shut down and Berman arrested for exhibiting a drawing by Cameron of two magical beings having sex.
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Juanita Guccione (1904-1999)
FROM LEFT:
Wheel of Fortune, n.d.
Gouache on paper
Triumph, ca. 1975
Mixed media on paper
Since the beginning of her artistic career in the mid-1940s, American Surrealist Juanita Guccione showed an interest in cartomancy. Her early works include copious allusions to tarot and fortune-telling, including motifs of spinning roulette wheels, traditional card decks, and dreamlike, mystical spaces. Between the mid-1970s and the 1980s, Guccione engaged even more explicitly with tarot imagery, creating works such as Wheel of Fortune and Triumph, which clearly reference the Rider-Waite-Smith deck. While remaining true to Pamela Colman Smith's original composition, Guccione replaced Smith's precisely delineated backdrops for abstract swaths of bright color, allowing these hues to heighten the emotional aspects of each card.
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Austin Osman Spare (1886-1956)
Tarot Deck, ca. 1906
Ink and watercolor on paper
Surrealist Racing Forecast Cards, 1936 Privately published by artist Obeah Cards, ca. 1936 Ink and crayon on cardstock
Dating to around 1906, the tarot deck of English artist and occultist Austin Osman Spare was recently rediscovered in the collections of the Magic Circle, a London-based conjurer's club. Only Strength, the eleventh card in Spare's Major Arcana, was missing and has been replaced here by a contemporary facsimile based on a historical photograph.
While Spare referenced traditional tarot imagery, he used standard playing-card suits (spades, hearts, clubs, and diamonds) alongside the Major Arcana. He further distinguished his cards by activating their edges, allowing certain cards, when placed next to
each other, to create running images and secondary narratives. Spare remained opposed to organized occult groups throughout his life, responding to the social upheaval of his era by abandoning the idea of shared systems and creating a symbolic vocabulary that was both playful and opaque.
Later in his career he produced other decks, such as the Surrealist Racing Forecast Cards, intended to help pick winning horses at the racetrack. Its title is a tongue-in-cheek allusion to the Surrealists' use of automatic drawing-a technique Spare had worked with well before the Surrealists.
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Andrea Bembo (act. 1431-1469) Visconti di Modrone Tarot
Italy, Lombardy, ca. 1441-42
Tempera, gold and silver leaf on pasteboard
TOP ROW:
The Emperor, the Lovers, Judgment, the World
MIDDLE ROW:
Male Knight of Cups, Female Knight of Batons, Queen of Swords, King of Cups
BOTTOM ROW:
Three of Cups, Two of Coins, Two of Batons, Nine of Swords
The earliest surviving tarot deck, known as the Visconti di Modrone Tarot, was commissioned around 1441 by Filippo Maria Visconti, third duke of Milan, to celebrate his daughter Bianca Maria Visconti's marriage to Francesco Sforza, the future duke. The cards were produced in the Bembo family workshop and were long attributed to Bonaficio Bembo. Recent scholarship, however, suggests they were made by his brother Andrea. The deck reflects the opulence of court life through its richly detailed trump cards (top row), court cards (middle row), and pip cards (bottom row). Unusually,
it includes female knight and page cards, as well as the theological virtues of Faith, Hope, and Charity - innovations likely tailored to honor the bride. These additions expanded the deck from the standard seventy-eight to eighty-nine cards, of which only sixty-seven survive today.
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Unidentified artists Cloisters Playing Cards
Southern Netherlands, ca. 1475-80
Pen and ink, opaque paint, glazes, and applied silver
and gold on paper
TOP ROW:
Four, Five, Six, and Knave of Collars; Seven, Eight, Nine, and Queen of Horns
BOTTOM ROW:
Ace, Two, Three, and King of Nooses; Seven, Eight, Ten, and Queen of Tethers
Created in the Burgundian Netherlands, these pristine cards belong to the earliest known complete deck of fifty-two playing cards. Unlike the seventy-eight-card tarot decks, this pack excludes the twenty-two trump cards and omits the Knight card in each suit. Its most distinctive feature are the suits themselves. Instead of the standard Italian tarot emblems - Cups, Coins, Batons, and Swords - this deck features symbols drawn from Burgundian hunting culture: hound tethers, dog collars, hunting horns, and game nooses. The figures' clothing likewise reflects the region's court fashions.
went on a date to the terrific tarot art and history exhibit at the morgan library/museum in NYC on Friday. I took MANY photos and saw art by MANY artists about whose work i have Intense Emotions. had a splendid time.
lots of great images on the exhibit website: https://www.themorgan.org/exhibitions/tarot
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I imagine we’ve all seen those endless lists and suggestions: “dedicate this passing thought to whichever deity! dedicate this thing you were going to do anyway to this other goddess! dedicate the event you had no control over to someone you worship!”
Consider: There are verbs in religious practice other than “dedicate”.
Thank Hestia for the warmth and security as you slide into bed under your sheets and blankets.
Acknowledge and praise Apollon as you watch the sun come up.
Strive to embody Ares’ indomitable will while you work out.
Reflect on Athena and her limitless wisdom while you study for your test.
Honor Zeus by giving a couple of bucks to a homeless person.
Offer the first sip of your coffee to Hermes by pouring it on the ground.
And dozens of other verbs as well! There are so many options and ways to interact with the gods. Saying (or thinking) “I dedicate this ___ to ____” has its time and place, but variety is the spice of life, so here’s me offering some suggestions to help add some variety to our lives. Try them out and see what works for you!
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my nephew arrives in America while I’m sat round a table with my Irish family. Jesus Christ my ass aches from my fourth such table of the day: Donegal, Sligo, Mayo right by the sea, Mayo again in the centre of the town we’re all from. uncountable cousins/cups of tea/slices of cake/glasses of wine down. tonight at the last table we toast the baby and afterwards I can hear the town outside celebrating the Assumption week same way they’ve done for centuries, the football win for the first time in the best part of a century. I’ve been so caught up in my immediate family’s drama past few months, it does me good to hear my extended family outside, remembering: none of us are anywhere near that fucking important in the grand scheme of things. we remain relations regardless, new ones arriving everywhere and all the time.
at the last table tonight my cousins and I sat for hours drinking and puzzling out every part of our lives, not least the people who brought us here. the lodestones in the land where it meets the north Atlantic. I don’t know either of them well but we know each so instinctively their spouses and children headed to bed hours before us, tired out by the intensity of our stories and conversations. it feels good to be with them when I’m sent photos of the baby, pink face crumpled in his first cry, sticky in the arms of his father from being lifted from his mother, neither of whom I’m speaking to at the moment. they tell fond vulnerable stories about their own babies, precise pointed funny stories about wayward selfish brothers, blunt, admiring, harrowing stories about the women of this place who bore and still bear 10, 15 children. they fiercely wrap themselves around me without moving or meeting my gaze.
all three of us, from Donegal, Meath, and America via London, are different flavours of self-conscious about the intensity of what draws us here to this place where none of us were born or sound from. we all talk so different and we’re all children over-romanticising our west-of-Ireland islander heritage even as we draw out our very different spiky edges of it. the two of them are the generation above me – they keep forgetting they mean my great-grandmother, my grandfather, rather than my grandmother, my father – but over the course of the night our shared relationship with the land still manages to start to feel cumulative as we piece it together. it’s the first time I’ve ever met Phelim, who might’ve been raised my uncle had he not been kidnapped from my grandparents’ home during the Troubles. it’s only the third in-person time I’ve met Emma, whose father who went mad three times and who lost the farm here, and who we’re remembering at mass tomorrow. but our shared ancestors – their great-grandparents, my great-great-grandparents, my cousins, their parents – feel sat at the table with us, matter-of-fact refilling our glasses laughing at our serious talk. toasting the new arrival who carries the marks of this place on his sweet crumpled ancient-new face. óró, sé do bheatha ‘bhaile. oh, children, here you are. oh, you’re welcome home.
platform boot heel strike through the plate glass and I'm hot on the street, hot and confusing, unnerving and weird and SO hot
and my headphones are loud, Von Dutch Cult Classic, and the 'what are you supposed to be?'s can't cut through the noise.
the hole where the fear should be feels tender, feels wet, and I wonder what else i might slide in there
but that's not my most pressing concern. there's legs that need to see the sun, chest to lead with and shoulders to roll back,
there's a cunt that woke up ravenous after fasting ascetic for years.
if i asked for permission, I know you'd say yes. I don't ask, and you still say yes. and I'm learning to say yes, yes, and give me, and let me take, and I'm learning to tell you I want.
the cord on my headphones brushes my thigh, wire longer than pantleg, and I should feel like prey but I don't. I'm sure there are harsh looks or words that could wound me, but i can't think of any. brand new.
ease yourself open and ride me into the new world, baby, always transforming, kicking in windows and feeding the shards to the daemon. the sideshow performer told you the secret to eating a lightbulb - you eat the lightbulb. and the spirit of permission doesn't mind the crunch.
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[“You are right to have mixed feelings about it. We crave pleasure and we fear it (because of the pleasure ceiling), and both are correct. We crave it because we need it. It awakens, calms, refreshes, nourishes, restores, and brings us relief and gratitude—and we fear it. It’s going to bring us right up to our self-doubt and lead us to insight and change. We have an inner push-pull going on, which is normal and, as far as I can tell, unavoidable.
Here are some things that people have said when exploring their pleasure: “Whenever I feel pleasure, I feel guilty.” “It’s okay to experience a little pleasure, sure, if it happens by accident. You know, while I’m giving to someone else.” “It’s not okay to feel this good myself, but it’s okay to make my partner feel good, and that feels good to me too.” “Yeah, that’s sort of pleasant, I guess, but I don’t let myself really enjoy it very much.” “Wow! That feels phenomenal! I didn’t know I could feel that! So why do I feel like crying?”
Pleasure is a powerful change agent. Pleasure lets you make friends with your body, and that changes your sense of who you are in the world, and your sense of self-worth, value, and compassion. Many fears and inner conflicts resolve. This is why it is often said that pleasure heals. Indeed, for many of us, as professionals, pleasure is our primary healing modality. We’re back to pleasure being a change in physiology. Change your physiology, and you change what you are able to perceive. Change what you can perceive, and you change what you are able to imagine. Change what you can imagine, and you change what you are able to choose in your life.”]
Betty Martin, The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent