The God-Emperor's My Co-Pilot

Perturabo gets the White Scars

He is handed a legion of fast moving hit and run cavalry warriors who refuse to sit still long enough for a proper siege briefing and he hates it. Perturabo tries to explain that every campaign should begin with a detailed logistics model and a fortified staging zone and a White Scar captain asks what if they simply go around the fortress? Another asks what if they go around it very fast? Perturabo invents six new kinds of contempt in the span of one afternoon. Half the legion ignores his orders and wins the battle anyway which makes him even more furious. Jaghatai returns and finds Perturabo sitting alone beside a massive tactical map, muttering that they have no discipline, no structure and yet…

Jaghatai gets the Imperial Fists

Jaghatai meets the Imperial Fists, the Imperial Fists meet Jaghatai and immediately begin constructing a defensive position. He tells them that they are attacking before fortification and the Imperial Fists look physically ill. He gets them on bikes. They don’t enjoy it at first because they are too upright and worried about whether the bikes are properly load bearing until one of them discovers the spiritual experience of hitting a bunker at full speed and surviving.

Leman Russ gets the Ultramarines

Russ arrives and immediately senses danger from paperwork. The Ultramarines have schedules for their schedules, binders and compliance officers, one of them arrives with an agenda and Russ immediately eats it. The legion is forced into a morale hunt which involve drinking, shouting and solving tactical problems by throwing someone through a wall. They are horrified until unfortunately some of them begin enjoying it, one  captain even submits a report titled On the Potential Strategic Benefits of Controlled Barbarism. Guilliman returns and finds his legion slightly drunk, covered in mud and somehow ahead of schedule.

Rogal Dorn gets the Night Lords

Dorn takes command of the Night Lords and immediately realizes this may be the emperor’s punishment for something. The marines are whispering murder threats and decorating hallways with things Dorn refuses to identify, he stands beneath a chain of flayed skins, looks at a nearby marine and tells him to remove it, the marine replies it’s load bearing. He begins writing corrective doctrines, when Curze returns he finds the Night Lords standing straighter, their equipment cleaner and their patrol routes tighter, they are worse in the way a knife becomes worse when sharpened properly. Dorn realizes he has accidentally professionalized the nightmare.

Konrad Curze gets the Salamanders

The Salamanders are kind and patient, they call civilians ‘the people’ and ask Curze if he has eaten. They try to include him in an humanitarian evacuation and Curze keeps trying to turn it into psychological warfare. A Salamander gently says that perhaps the children don’t need to see the enemies’ corpses arranged like a warning mural. The Salamanders get him to help rescue civilians but he does it in the most terrifying way possible, a child says thank you and Curze stares at them like they have stabbed him. Vulkan returns and finds him crouched and wrapped in a donated emergency blanket, furious that kindness has happened near him.

Sanguinius gets the World Eaters

Sanguinius arrives and the World Eaters immediately become confused because they want to be angry but the angel is looking at them with profound sorrow. They expect orders to charge but Sanguinius instead asks them to tell him where it hurts. The legion becomes violently uncomfortable, one marine whispers “everywhere” and Sanguinius replies he knows, that’s somehow worse than being yelled at. He does send them into battle but with actual formation discipline, measured fury and medicae support ready behind the line. They hate how effective it is and that he thanks them afterward. Angron returns and finds his legion quieter than usual.

Ferrus Manus gets the Thousand Sons

Ferrus is dropped into a legion of scholarly psychic wizards who want to debate metaphysics before breakfast, that lasts nine minutes. One marine begins explaining the subtle distinction between the immaterial resonance of thought and the structured application of warp touched will and Ferrus asks if it can punch armor. He makes them spend the day proving psychic theories through practical battlefield application. No more hours long philosophical preambles and just … can it break a tank? Can it hold a bridge? Can it kill that thing before it kills us? Magnus returns and finds his sons exhausted, humbled and disturbingly good at direct problem solving.

Angron gets the Blood Angels

The Blood Angels are noble, graceful and constantly standing at the edge of something terrible inside themselves, Angron recognizes that rage instantly and tells them to stop pretending they aren’t angry. For one day their training becomes brutal, honest and terrifying, Angron understands the beast and doesn’t make it pretty, he teaches them to survive the rage by admitting it exists. Sanguinius returns and finds his sons shaken but strangely steadier.

Roboute Guilliman gets the Space Wolves

He arrives with an open mind but it closes within fifteen minutes. Guilliman attempts to implement a clean command structure and the Wolves respond by giving him a nickname, he doesn’t ask what it means but he suspects it’s rude. He makes them file reports, when he reviews it he finds out they contain drawings of wolves eating bureaucrats. Guilliman somehow optimizes their supply lines while being challenged to three duels and one drinking contest. When Russ returns Guilliman tells him that they bit him and Russ explains that it means they like him.

Mortarion gets the Raven Guard

He takes one look at the Raven Guard disappearing into the shadows and calls it cowardice. The Raven Guard take one look at Mortarion walking directly through poison, gunfire, artillery and common sense and call it ‘subtle.’ Neither side approves. Mortarion wants endurance and attrition, the legion wants silence, precision and leaving before anyone knows they were there. He tries to make them hold ground and they keep vanishing, he gives them a direct assault order and they complete it by assassinating the entire command staff and never assaulting anything. Mortarion is furious because technically the objective was achieved. Corax returns to find him standing in an empty battlefield, surrounded by dead enemy officers and no visible marine around.

Magnus gets the Iron Hands

Magnus arrives among the Iron Hands and immediately begins talking about the soul and the legion immediately begins wishing they had less soul. He gives a beautiful speech and the Iron Hands listen in absolute silence, he thinks they are absorbing wisdom until one of them raises a mechanical hand and asks if the soul can be reinforced with adamantium and if weakness can be isolated from the soul and surgically removed. Magnus spends the next hour trying to explain a metaphor and quickly realizes with horror that the Iron Hands don’t reject philosophy, they simply treat it as an engineering problem. He instructs a squad to trust their instincts and they replace three instincts with predictive targeting arrays, he tells another squad to listen to their inner voice and they request permission to install an external speaker. Ferrus returns and finds Magnus is standing in the middle of the strategium surrounded by marines debating whether enlightenment should be bolted directly to the spine.

Horus gets the Dark Angels

He walks into the legion expecting proud knights and ancient traditions but instead he finds seven locked doors, twelve silent officers and a briefing document with half the words redacted. Horus smiles politely and explains that his sons usually just tell him things, the Dark Angels stare at him like he has suggested eating soup with a chainsword. He tries charm, authority, brotherly warmth, tactical genius and just straight up asking nicely but nothing works. Every time he asked about the mission he was told it was simply proceeding. Horus, who is used to being the galaxy’s favorite son, discovers the Dark Angels are completely immune to charisma because they have replaced social skills with sealed archives and emotional masonry. The Lion returns at the end of the day and finds him sitting very still in a command chair, smiling too hard.

Lorgar gets the Luna Wolves

He is handed a legion of confident and practical charismatic warriors who are used to Horus giving inspirational speeches that end with immediate victory. Lorgar gives them a sermon and they wait politely for the tactical part but the sermon continues… they begin to panic quietly. One marine asks when do they attack and Lorgar replies “when you understand why.” At the end of the day half the legion has been emotionally moved, a quarter has started a discussion circle and the remaining quarter is begging for Horus to come back. Horus returns and finds his sons strangely introspective. One marine asks him what is conquest without meaning and Horus slowly realizes he is going to have to undo all of this.

Vulkan gets the Death Guard

Vulkan arrives among the Death Guard and decides immediately that these men need a warm meal, the legion is confused and suspicious. He inspects their equipment and their living conditions and immediately starts fixing things, they don’t know how to react to a primarch who can endure suffering but doesn’t consider it a personality trait. A veteran explains that they are meant to endure hardship and Vulkan replies that yes, endure it but not worship it. This sentence causes psychic damage to Mortarion several systems away. Mortarion returns and finds his legion healthier, better supplied and deeply uncomfortable about having been cared for.

Corvus Corax gets the Alpha Legion

Corax arrives and immediately realizes something is wrong not because they are sneaky, he expected that but because they are being sneaky at him. He has never been in a room with so many men who treat basic communication like a murder mystery dinner. He attempts to run a covert operation and the legion responds by creating six false covert operations around the real covert operation then forgetting to tell Corax which one is real because of ‘operational integrity’. Corax asks if they understand that secrecy is meant to serve the mission and one legionnaire replies that it’s exactly what they wanted him to think.

Alpharius Omegon get the Word Bearers