don't report block!

I mean, everyone knows that chic girls love to judge and make others feel like shit. It just comes with the territory.

I don't know what I would do without gum, especially when I'm all strung out and about to grind my teeth down into oblivion. It's just a necessary lifesaver that keeps your mouth busy, quells cravings for sweets, freshens your breath and tones down the many signs of a mild eating disorder. It's like gum and chicness are a match made in heaven. You do know that's why there's a designated pocket shaped exactly like a pack of gum in every designer handbag, right?

Caffeine, like, totally speeds up your metabolism, didn’t you know? Plus, it’s a great accessory.

“Feed me!” your rumbly tumbly cries out as it enters its 11th hour of neglect. You continue to ignore its pleas until you coolly reply, “Here, have some Diet Coke.” The pathetic creature quietly whimpers until it can no longer be heard, its protests silenced by the delicate melody of effervescent chicness.

“I just love it so much,” the chic girl will say as she digs through her giant Saint Laurent tote to produce that oh-so-familiar blue-capped bottle of despair. “It makes me feel sooo good. I can, like, drink this everyday.” Her friends will all nod knowingly as they pull out their own bottles of trendy green juice. They will all fight back their cringes as they take ladylike sips, being careful to avoid green mustaches, and fill the air around them with resounding “Ohmigod yum”s.