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Mental illness in "Hold Thy Peace"

Author’s note / Disclaimer: “Hold Thy Peace” takes place in a medieval setting, though there’s absolutely no claim of complete historical accuracy. Regardless, I have incorporated factually correct elements, including (but not limited to) social standards and points of view on certain topics. Please note that these views are not inherently my own and I do not condone certain acts performed by characters mentioned.

Introduction

Underneath multiple layers of more obvious subjects "Hold Thy Peace" revolves around, mental illness in the underlying main theme of the story, woven all throughout the individual characters and entire plot. While it's not always in plain sight or explicitly mentioned, it constantly influences important decisions and the course of events - sometimes more, sometimes less. As the tale unfolds, it may be taken at face value, though the question remains: how much of what happens is actually real or just in the character's minds? The things you cannot see may be much more terrifying.

Before diving into it, a quick disclaimer. I won't use definite diagnoses of mental illnesses unless I'm confident enough, that they're portrayed accurately - which is likely the case whenever I personally experience(d) them, though not exclusively. Most of the time, only symptoms are described, which may allude to specific conditions - not every mentioned trait must necessarily be linked to an illness either.

How mental illness is seen and treated in the world of "Hold Thy Peace"

Or rather, how it's neither seen nor treated - mental illness in a taboo subject. There's no special care, no awareness, no acceptance. Society as a whole refuses to recognize troubled minds as a result of serious diseases, instead it must be rooted in anything else, ranging from spiritual causes to sheer maliciousness, and is better off hidden and suppressed for nobody to see.

The clergy

The clergy has its very own opinion on the matter, deeming mental illness as a manifestation of sin and deep-seated flaw. Those afflicted are spiritually compromised individuals in need of religious intervention, disguised as medical care. Hospitalizing the sick in special clergy-run infirmaries, they won't find empathy and relief of their suffering, but face inhumane treatment and neglect. If the patients aren't simply left to wither away, the clergy may resort to any of the following pseudo-therapies in an effort to reform the victim:

Exorcisms. While the religion of this world is rather vague when it comes to demonic entities, it does mention fiends who may take hold of people. Though, instead of trying to remove the demon from its host, the exorcisms aim to "disable" the latter. For example, if someone speaks in tongues, the organ will be cut out; if someone claims to see strange things around them, they'll be blinded. It's not about saving the afflicted - it's about silencing them.

Trepanning. An old method originally used to allow an evil spirit to escape the brain of the host. As the perception of mental illness and those afflicted shifted over time, trepanning became more rare and is now sporadically used as an excuse to torture patients under the guise of medical treatment.

Bloodletting. A generally common medical practice, also used to drain the "bad blood" of the mentally ill and restore the balance of their humors.

Purging. Just like bloodletting, the victims are forced to vomit in order to cleanse the body and restore the balance.

Flagellation. To repent for the sins and flaws allegedly causing the victim's mental disorders, they're heavily encourage to conduct self-flagellation. Those who refuse may be subjected to it against their will. According to the clergy, suffering is the only way to heal.

The general public is mostly unaware of the practices performed inside the specialized infirmaries and prefers to stay ignorant. Over time, the clergy cared less to even try and induce any kind of healing, so these days, the few facilities that still exist mostly ignore their patients until they perish due to neglect or suicide.

Despite one of the religion's core values demanding to care for the sick and those in need, the clergy don't show sympathy for mentally ill patients, instead blaming them for their own suffering. As they abdicate their responsibility to aid the afflicted more and more, it's not uncommon for clergy members to endorse executions in severe cases of mental disorders, especially when the order of society has been disturbed.

The community

Unfortunately, not an extreme proposition in the eyes of the general public. While commoners are less inclined to believe in any spiritual involvement when it comes to mental illnesses, they largely reject those afflicted as they are seen as burdens and outcasts, not contributing to society and instead causing disruptions and mayhem. The ill are shunned and avoided as soon as their ailment is perceived by those around - their mere presence may cause fear and unease, as people expect them to create uncomfortable or potentially dangerous situations. The more visible the disease is, the more of a threat it is to society.

Not even family bonds may protect those suffering from mental illness. Reputation and honor are valuable currencies even among the poor, so anything or anyone diminishing them may be expelled without hesitation. In some cases, the family demands the afflicted to hide their suffering in order to stay - if they're unable to, they may be sent to an infirmary. Not to cure them or provide the care they need, but to protect the family's name and get rid of what is simply perceived as a burden. Out of sight, out of mind.

The law

Despite the harsh perception of mental illness, it's not considered a crime and therefore not punishable by law, unless it turns into a public disturbance or threat - which may easily be labeled as such simply by being perceivable.

Judgement doesn't consider mental illness as a mitigating circumstance. Committed crimes won't be excused or punished more mildly if the convict did it in a state of aberration. Sometimes, Parzival may try to advocate for the defendant in order to lessen the punishment, though his involvement in such cases is not consistent, heavily dependent on the crime and may only be due to Velasco's medical and personal intervention.

In conclusion

Mentally ill people have no place in society. There's no mercy, no pity, no understanding. They're expected to hide their ailments, neither show symptoms, nor talk about their suffering in order to avoid social exclusion, inhumane treatments at an infirmary or even a death sentence. Those who are unable to conceal their disease can only hope and pray to be surrounded by people who spare at least some sympathy - which is rare.

Inside their heads - The mental health of the main characters

As previously mentioned, the subject of mental illness is woven into the plot and the individual characters themselves, affecting them in various ways. The expression of their struggles is very different - while some are very open and self-aware, others may not even perceive their traits as symptoms of a mental ailment. Additionally, their social standings are quite diverse, granting them certain benefits or causing them to suffer disadvantages. Below, each character's state of mind will be explored in further detail.

Amadeus

Amadeus undergoes most development throughout the story of "Hold Thy Peace" in terms of mental health, though unfortunately in a negative way. Already starting with prior charge, things only appear to improve for a short period of time before getting much worse.

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The initial struggles before Amadeus even arrives in town are rooted in their upbringing and family history, permanently altering their mind as they grew up.

Amadeus' parents emotionally neglected them throughout their entire life, only granting them attention and a hint of affection whenever their expectations were fulfilled. On the contrary, any failure or disappointment was punished with a disproportionately negative reaction, such as social deprivation and threats of expulsion from the family. Neither father nor mother interacted much with any of their children, unless they met their standards - Amadeus seemingly never did and never will.

As a consequence of the emotional neglect, Amadeus developed the following traits:

Feeling the constant urge to overachieve and prove themselves to others. Doing exceptionally well seems like the only way to get attention and be seen.

Trying to please everyone in order to receive praise. Taking on any task by whoever is asking in hope of receiving recognition and feeling needed.

Deprived of love. Never truly felt loved or important to anyone, desperately craving to mean something to someone and holding onto the tiniest bits of attention they get, potentially misinterpreting it and feeling rejected when it doesn't turn out the way they thought.

Besides the emotional neglect, the parent's constant pressure to achieve the goal they've set for Amadeus since birth - embodying faith and climbing the hierarchy of the clergy to the very top - has planted permanent seeds of stress, anxiety and self-doubt. Despite their wish and effort to stray from the predetermined path and find freedom, Amadeus never truly believes that it's possible - they're convinced that they are only capable of the things they've been taught and set up for all their life and are destined to fail if daring to try anything else. So, while Amadeus takes small steps off the designated trail, they always return once facing life-changing risks - even if they promise the longed for freedom.

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Unfortunately, Amadeus couldn't find any acceptance outside of their family either.

Once entering the ecclesiastical academy and engaging in social interactions they were deprived of for the longest time, Amadeus soon realized that their interest and excitement was not returned by their peers. Instead - once everyone knew of Amadeus' privileged, wealthy and influential family heritage - they avoided and shunned them. A toxic mix of jealously and malicious assumptions, underestimating their ability to achieve things on their own and expecting them to succeed simply due to their family's involvement, essentially cheating their way to the top.

While Amadeus eventually accepted their exclusion from the group - despite their initial efforts to fit in -, it still left permanent scars, which manifest in the following traits:

Feeling the constant urge to overexplain and justify their struggles to counter rejection. As others persistently dismiss Amadeus' feelings due to their privileged heritage, it has become a sore spot. Whenever it happens again, they immediately become defensive and work themselves up about proving the validity of their emotions.

At the same time, they struggle to communicate such issues while also addressing or just acknowledging said privilege. While it doesn't mitigate their trauma, Amadeus' way of expressing their experiences may come across as entitled, romanticizing "simple lives" (referring to the harsh reality of poor commoners). Focusing so much on proving their own feelings - even if it means to downplay others' struggles -, Amadeus cannot understand why people refuse to listen.

Referring back to the last point, it is due to the peer rejection and social isolation during their childhood, that Amadeus now struggles to understand social constructs, maintain healthy relationships of any kind and conduct balanced conversations. Still, they desperately seek connections and actively pursue them whenever they get the chance - unfortunately, it usually doesn't go well as they may not acknowledge boundaries, different opinions or social cues. While they keep failing to become meaningful to someone, they keep trying - yet, a deeply rooted fear of rejection and abandonment looms over them at all times.

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Though, not every struggle is inherently connected to the influence of others - some have developed from within. Since a young age, Amadeus found themselves confused about who they actually are. Their personality, dreams and goals, thoughts and feelings - almost anything describing them as a person has been shrouded behind multiple layers of expectation, pretense and wishful thinking.

One major confusion is their gender identity, though in a more convoluted way than one may assume. Being genderless and referred to with they/them pronouns has been Amadeus' reality ever since birth - a circumstance they fully accepted and never loathed, despite it being a mere set-up for their parent's plans. Amadeus would likely never question their gender in the first place if it wasn't for their observations of society and its very restricted views on the subject. A harsh divide of men and women, distinguished by their bodies and assigned definite roles and expectations, including respective privileges and drawbacks. There's no in-between. The place Amadeus finds themselves in.

Despite the awareness of their special position as a member of clergy with their very own definition of identity disconnected from commoners, it's a concept Amadeus never felt comfortable with as it's merely a ploy to place oneself above anyone else for no justified reason. Craving to be seen as a regular person instead, they are stuck in a discrepancy of ingrained genderlessness - the only way they've ever been perceived and perceived themselves - and the features of their own body - society's most regarded criteria to determine someone's gender. The latter being a concept Amadeus fails to understand in its entirety - the largely differing treatment of people based on their physical characteristics.

Yet, in order to live a "normal life" like a "normal person", Amadeus is convinced they'd have to choose between being either a man or a woman and fulfill the respective expectations - the exact obligation they've been trying to escape -, while feeling like neither. More specifically, not knowing how to be either. Depending on the situation, they may decide back and forth what would be the better choice, though ultimately never want to pick as each path comes with restrictions they cannot accept. In the end, being genderless feels much more freeing as no expectations are tied to it, yet there's no designated place in society - only within the clergy.

Generally speaking, Amadeus is unable to imagine an different life than the one they live, despite trying to daydream about other possibilities. As they observe the people around them, attempting to put themselves in their position, their mind simply blanks. Being vastly disconnected from the reality of the majority of people, their knowledge and life experience narrowed to only lead to one particular goal, they often find themselves overwhelmed by their inability to even dream of a another life.

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Once Amadeus actually arrives in town, marking the beginning of "Hold Thy Peace", they often have to deal with the consequences of all aforementioned shortcomings. They soon have to realize that the disapproval continues with many citizens actively disliking them due to their behavior or choice of words - a circumstance that only briefly improves before declining rapidly again. Amadeus certainly always means well, trying to please everyone and be liked, though sometimes doing so in ways that mitigate their intention, therefore making all efforts backfire. Due to the continued social rejection throughout the story, Amadeus eventually looses their trust in people and becomes scared of them. No matter what they do or say, they seemingly never fit in - they're simply unwanted.

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As the influence of the "Wiedergänger" intensifies, Amadeus' mental health declines rapidly, developing more and more conditions severely impairing their quality of life:

Paranoia. They constantly feel watched or chased, are always on edge and never feel safe, even in supposed comfort spaces. Eventually, it keeps them from attending some events or go to certain locations, paralyzed by fear.

Hallucinations. They see and hear things nobody else can - the hallucinations are so realistic, that they're extremely difficult to be recognized as such, causing Amadeus to actively react to them and gather unwanted attention when in public. People start calling them a lunatic, assuming they've lost their mind or are forcibly trying to gain sympathy.

Constant anxiety. Restlessness, absentmindedness, loss of sleep and the neglect of regular activities and duties become daily burdens to carry. The distrust in people is furthermore heightened by their fear of others just being another hallucination, unable to tell the difference between reality and delusion.

Depression. Worsening over time due to all aforementioned struggles.

Depersonalisation. A condition they already struggled with before coming to town, mainly due to their identity crisis. Over time, it worsens and the episodes become longer. When it happens, Amadeus is unable to recognize themselves, detaching from their body and seemingly watching from a different plane of existence. During this time, they may "freeze" in place for up to an hour or perform actions on autopilot - afterwards, they sometimes have no recollection of what happened or what they did. A depersonalisation episode is commonly triggered when Amadeus sees their own reflection, especially when tending to their hair. As their mental health worsens due to the influence of the "Wiedergänger", they may even experience depersonalisation without the usual trigger and suddenly detach during daily activities or in public. Being witnessed in this state contributes to their growing reputation as a lunatic.

Self-harm. Not performed intentionally, rather by accident or during an episode of absentmindedness. Amadeus may scratch their arms and legs until they bleed or slightly burn their fingers on candles or hot wax. The wounds aren't severe and heal quickly.

Suicidal ideation. Initially an intense reaction to mental overload and depression without the actual intention to take action, it eventually develops into a serious condition considered to be a "way out in case of emergency".

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Lastly, even more emotional distress is created once Amadeus faces their overwhelming feelings for Parzival - after their initial efforts to shake them off as brief infatuation, they soon have to accept that their sentiment and attraction won't fade as easily.

While one could see the joy and excitement of being in love, Amadeus is simply left with hopelessness and hurt.

On one hand, their religion and membership in the clergy forbids them any romantic or intimate relationships, strictly demanding celibacy. Yet, once Amadeus comes to terms with their feelings, the urge to give in grows as much as their frustration about the ecclesial rules and their constant violation by other clergy members. Many of them have been revealed to engage in forbidden intimacy and while some were punished to set a warning example, it is common knowledge that plenty of clerics break the celibacy rule on a daily basis. Amadeus' dilemma expands in both ways - on one side, they don't want to break the rule and be just like the majority of the corrupted clergy; on the other side, they cannot understand the purpose of celibacy - or at least the denial of a purely romantic relationship - and why they must suffer under the weight of such strong, yet innocent feelings.

While their religion keeps their heart in chains, their own psyche does one more thing - the conviction of being rejected anyway. Witnessing Parzival's emotional distance on a daily basis is enough to assume he's unable to return any kind of positive feelings - especially since he openly and aggressively rejects any romantic advances by admirers -, though whenever his demeanor softens, Amadeus' sentiments return with full force as if to tear them apart with a mere sliver of hope.

Said hope is never enough to release the feelings. If any of the aforementioned obstacles don't hold Amadeus back, their feeble courage will surely be shattered by the struggles with their own identity. By the standards of society, only a woman can be a in a righteous relationship with a man. Same-sex relationships are still frowned upon and punishable. As Amadeus is neither female nor male, there are no rules or standards to apply - it's simply impossible. At least in their mind. And so, all they can do is watch as yet another admirer is being turned down by Parzival, hoping none of them ever succeed.

Finally, Amadeus curses their own feelings of love as they threaten to destroy a painstakingly built good relationship - after plenty of fights, arguments and unpleasant moments, it'd be too painful to endure the loss of what may be described as a friend. The fear of abandonment simply outweighs the anguish of having to hide one's feelings.

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Despite the mostly negative development of Amadeus' mental health, there are a few notably positive changes compared to the beginning of the story.

Always seeking connections and bonds after being rejected all their life, they highly value their relationships with Parzival, Velasco and Gottschalk, finding some peace of mind in their company, even despite the usually gruesome circumstances - in a way, they're all outsiders to society, which in return brings them closer to each other without being a mere partnership of convenience either.

For the first time in their life, Amadeus feels accepted and listened to, having a place to speak their mind and be seen, growing into themselves through heated arguments, mindless banter and deep conversations. It's as though - all bad things considered -, they've finally found a kind of freedom, getting closer to something that may even be described as "home".

Velasco

Similar to Amadeus, Velasco's still persisting mental health issues are rooted in his childhood and upbringing. Just like them, he also had to accept and follow a predetermined path upon birth in order to satisfy his parents' expectations and ensure his own survival, securing a future for himself when it was nowhere else to be found.

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This acceptance didn't come naturally, but at the cost of Velasco's understanding of his own emotions. Over time, he learned to suppress his feelings so well, that he eventually couldn't tell the difference between real and make-belief ones anymore - a circumstance allowing him to carry the burden of his family legacy, simply functioning like a tool.

Some symptoms of this internal dissonance are as follows:

Apathy. Most of the time, Velasco appears distant and absentminded with an entirely blank face devoid of emotions and stiff body language. While he's able to show facial expressions suggesting specific feelings or moods, they always appear fake and disconnected from any context - his eyes remain "dead" and empty at all times and no matter what he says, his voice stays monotonous.

Cannot describe emotions. Unable to express how he feels, Velasco tends to get stressed and uncomfortable when asked about his mood or state of mind, struggling to find any words. He usually brushes the question off or ignores it to avoid further interrogation and introspection.

Disturbed self-perception. Cannot stand perceiving himself too much and being in the center of attention. When asked about his opinion on a subject, he's willing to share it as long as he doesn't have to explain his reasoning behind it. Furthermore, while he values personal hygiene, Velasco doesn't own a mirror and has no interest in self care beyond the necessities.

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Another mental strain rooted in his early biography is the fear of disappointing others. Having to continue the family legacy after both his older brothers "failed" in different ways, Velasco didn't want to bring more shame to his parents - especially his father -, doing everything possible to fulfill their expectations. Even if it meant to promise something that cannot be kept.

The latter still haunts Velasco to this days and weighs heavily on his mind. To compensate for his perceived "failure", he may overexert himself with work - on one side, to prove at least the partial fulfillment of his parent's last wish; on the other side, to push away his guilt.

Velasco's fear to disappoint extended into his everyday life and the urge to please everyone turned him into a self-manipulative perfectionist. While others may express their gratitude, he struggles to believe and accept it, instead focusing on any potential mistakes he made or how the result could've been even better. When receiving criticism, he seemingly takes it well, though beats himself up internally, further affirming his self-perception as a "failure". At times - depending on the person involved and the criticism received -, he may voice his feelings through self-deprecating comments.

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Especially once taking over his father's position as the official executioner, Velasco didn't only detach from himself, but reality as a whole to cope with his gruesome profession and bleak life. Mostly developed as a self-defense mechanism, it affects him and his environment in various ways:

Trivialization. May talk about violent or disgusting topics without considering their outlandishness or shock value to most people. While he's been desensitized to all sorts of cruelty and repulsiveness, Velasco's aware of their abnormality in the eyes of the public, though still tries to convince himself that his duties are just as mundane as everyone else's by sharing unsolicited information.

Distraction. Quickly changes the subject when it becomes "too real", meaning it requires introspection or addresses Velasco's reality of life more in depth. He either distracts from the topic on purpose to avoid involvement or subconsciously spaces out due to another automatic self-defense mechanism.

Panic attacks. Jumping ahead the following point, any confrontation with reality and its cruelty and hopelessness may cause Velasco to break down, overcome by a wave of restrained emotions now unleashed. Such panic attacks and convulsive sobbing occur irregularly, though usually privately and when he's completely alone - whenever his public facade began to crumble in the past, he immediately retreated for nobody to witness his outburst of emotions.

Delusion. While Velasco is aware of his detachment issues and tends to know the limits of how much he can let go without entirely losing grasp of reality, he completely ignores said boundaries whenever he has to perform an execution, deliberately blocking out his environment, the circumstances and his place in it. It manifests as follows:

Treats every execution like the playful practices he had to do when he was young, preparing for his profession. He also experiences brief age regression.

Consequentially, imagines the condemned as lifeless training dummies or objects, such as rhubarb stalks or logs - items he used to practice with. Treats people like said objects too, though acknowledges their sentience by interacting with them.

May appear more carefree than usual, joking around and lacking a sense of seriousness until the execution is about to be performed. Once the crucial moment has come, he functions on autopilot, then reverts back to his usual self.

The entire time - from start to finish of an execution - he follows an internalized script of what to do and say, while not actually being mentally present. Any disturbance may cause him to exit this state of deliberate delusion, threatening to inflict severe mental damage - Parzival tends to ensure this doesn't happen by disallowing any interactions with Velasco during an execution.

When pulled back into reality too soon because of a distraction or other disturbance, Velasco may lose self-control and break down - overwhelmed by guilt and the conviction of being a murderer.

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Detachment is one way of how Velasco handles his involuntary profession as an executioner - additionally, he's convinced that any suffering or injustice he has to endure is justified and deserved as a punishment for his deeds. This mindset manifests as follows:

Self-deprecation. Velasco is quick to make self-deprecating jokes, turning everything in regards to himself into ridicule and downplaying his struggles. When called out for this behavior, he either ignores it, changes the subject or becomes defensive - he never takes what he said back as he's genuinely convinced of the bad opinion he has about himself. Similarly, any compliment or praise he receives will be ignored as he's unable to believe it.

Restraint. Puts his feelings and needs behind everything else - others must be pleased first before Velasco may just consider thinking about what he wants. At times, he may actively seek out people in need of help to avoid tending to himself - if he cannot find anyone, he makes up problems or tasks in need of solving instead.

Criticism. As previously mentioned, any criticism sends Velasco down an internal spiral of self-deprecation. At the same time, he accepts any negative opinion or personal attack without hesitation, even agreeing with them - while it hurts, the pain still feels deserved.

Expulsion. Due to his profession, Velasco cannot be part of society and is actively avoided and shunned. He accepts and endorses it.

Humility. Never asks for anything, neither goods nor help. He may accept offers from those close to him, though only if they insist enough or almost force it onto him - either way, Velasco always feels the need to give something back in return and will do so on an exaggerated scale.

Self-hatred. Velasco hates himself and is utterly convinced that he's a horrible person, no matter his good deeds. As long as he serves as an executioner, he's irredeemable and only deserving of pain and rejection.

Solitude. Chooses to stay alone most of the time, refusing to pursue relationships of any kind - on one hand, due to his conviction of being disliked by everyone anyway; on the other hand, he doesn't deem himself worthy of companionship. This applies in two ways:

Friendship. He's just about able to maintain his close friendship with Parzival as it's persisted since their early childhood, though still rarely seeks him out beyond business matters and waits for him to initiate a friendly encounter first. The same applies to later acquaintances such as Gottschalk and Amadeus. No matter how vocal anyone may be about their genuine care and interest in Velasco, he never truly believes it.

Love. While he accepts his own homosexuality, he refuses to indulge in his feelings due to the still persisting penalties for it, having developed a deeply rooted trauma after witnessing executions of 'sodomites' in the past. At the same time, he uses the previously mentioned fact as a guise for his second reasoning - simply not deserving love and companionship and being inherently unlovable. Consequentially, Velasco denies himself any emerging feelings, yet may put himself in situations that turn his self- imposed restraint into suffering.

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Ever since a young age, Velasco suffers from depression and suicidal ideation- initially, due to his predetermined path and unalterable future as an executioner, though both were severely worsened when his older brother Palben committed suicide - a loss Velasco never absorbed - and all the pressure to continue the family legacy was put onto him.

Yet, he never once tried to actually end his own life or even just hurt himself due to three reasons:

Denies himself to acknowledge the suicidal thoughts due to his "cowardice" to follow through with them. His motto is "It cannot be that bad if I never even tried" - this mindset is reinforced by his brother's suicide, who must've suffered immensely to overcome his unwavering pacifism and commit an act of such violence.

Held back by the promise he made to his father to continue the family legacy, refusing to be the final disappointment. Additionally, Velasco witnessed his parent's dismissive and ashamed reaction to Palben's suicide, hurt and afraid to reap the same feedback.

Feels as though he must endure the pain and suffer instead of giving up and choosing the "easy way out".

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His undeniable, yet undisclosed loneliness, as well as his detachment from reality and his own feelings have caused irreversible damage to Velasco's sanity - one may say he's gone slightly mad. An occupational disease, yet it manifests in its own unique ways:

Soliloquies. Velasco has full conversations with his pigeons, corpses of executed convicts, animal cadavers and himself, making up responses for the counterpart, either in his head or sometimes role-playing them aloud.

Quirkiness. He may say or do something strange out of nowhere and entirely out of context. When called out for it, he either pretends to not know what is meant or acts like it wasn't outlandish at all.

Obsession. Has an unhealthy attachment to his homing pigeons and may humanize them at times. Additionally, he constantly uses bird metaphors or relates things back to his pigeons, no matter if it makes sense or not. The strangest thing he has claimed in the past was that he thinks he turns into a crow at night, attacking and injuring the pigeons he then finds in the morning and nurses back to health - it's unclear if he was joking or not.

Parzival

Just like Amadeus and Velasco, Parzival developed his own trauma due to childhood events. In his case, neither a multitude of triggers nor inevitable calamities are to blame, but only one person - Parzival's father. On one side, his direct actions permanently altered the son's psyche; on the other side, Parzival took a lot after his hated father - much to his regret.

Despite breaking free from the paternal shackles, escaping poverty and building a life for himself, the past continues to affect his actions, unable to deny the blood flowing through his veins.

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One character trait Parzival directly inherited from his father is anger. Choleric and constantly overwhelmed by rage, as wrath was the most common emotion surrounding him during his childhood - eventually, Parzival adopted it and was never able to let it go as anger has become his default state of mind.

Consequentially, it's easy to antagonize him, as he takes almost everything as a provocation or personal attack and reacts aggressively without giving the counterpart the benefit of the doubt. The same reaction can be expected whenever he feels cornered, ridiculed or challenged, though it's not unlikely he may unleash his fury for seemingly no reason at all.

When doing so, he immediately speaks his mind before thinking about the choice of words - which are usually insulting and rude -, without considering the consequences or proportionality of his intense reaction to what triggered it in the first place. More often than not, his rampages are entirely exaggerated and unwarranted - a fact Parzival acknowledges internally, yet still refuses to apologize, instead doubling down or ignoring the pain he may have caused. While he's self-aware of his fury and its origin, hating to be as short-tempered as his father, he's unable to stop it or even just admit his flaw and take responsibility for it.

Still, he tries to control his anger as much as possible to not let it control him instead. For the most part, it works well enough to at least not make him turn violent during every altercation - yet, sometimes those strong feelings cannot be contained. In those cases, Parzival will take out his fury and abusive tendencies on the prisoners incarcerated in "The Maw", who cannot defend themselves or expect anyone to help them - they're simply at the mercy of Parzival's wrath.

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Another trait he inherited from his father is a penchant for alcoholism. Parzival usually doesn't drink as he's aware of his tendency to addiction, but at times the urge to indulge in careless drinking grows, especially when overwhelmed by strong and unregulated feelings, which cannot be dispersed by means of violence.

Once he starts to drink, it's hard to stop as the alcohol immediately takes over his mind, unleashing the monstrosity lurking in his blood.

Aside from his usual anger, a purely malicious aggression takes over, which is exceptionally easily triggered. Any slight disturbance or offhand comment will immediately result in mindless violence - a fight that usually doesn't end well for the opponent.

Although Parzival has never given in to those twisted thoughts, a consistent urge to exert sexual violence returns whenever he's drunk. The traumatizing scenes from his childhood playing in his head are the only thing holding him back from committing the same atrocities as his father when intoxicated.

While violence prevails, Parzival also lets down his guard when under the influence of alcohol and - contrary to his father - becomes more emotional and vulnerable. In this state, he's more likely to share his true feelings and admit weaknesses and worries.

The previously mentioned circumstance has only ever been witnessed by Velasco, who's made a deal with Parzival to only drink when he's around in order to supervise him and regulate his consumption. For the most part, Parzival sticks to the agreement - in fact, he avoids drinking altogether and will always decline when in a clear headspace.

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What affected Parzival's mental state the most is the sexual violence exerted by his father, severely shaping and defining the person he is to this day.

While he never got sexually assaulted himself, he was continuously forced to witness the abuse and challenged to participate - he never did and consequentially had to endure physical violence or was punished otherwise. For the longest time, Parzival couldn't defend himself or fight back, defeated by the strength and brutality of his father - this feeling of inferiority and helplessness terrifies him to this day and prompted him to stay in a physically fit shape at all times to be able to fight for himself or others whenever necessary instead of being a mere bystander.

This fight isn't limited to his body, but extends to his words and actions. Due to the trauma, he cannot control his emotions when dealing with court cases of sexual violence or assault. Consequentially, Parzival always aims for the maximum penalty for sex offenders, punishing them disproportionately hard in comparison to other criminals - always pleading for a death sentence, he's rarely successful, though still obtains a much harder punishment for the convicts than they would've received without his involvement. Regardless of the verdict, he always exercises his own idea of justice once sex offenders enter "The Maw".

It may not always be the case, though at times Parzival projects his own father onto those criminals, hurting them as much as he wanted to hurt him. A brief satisfaction and outlet for his wrath and pain, yet it's never enough - a vicious cycle bound to repeat as soon as the next person is convicted of sexual crimes.

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On a more personal level, Parzival's understanding of intimacy is severely disturbed. Only every witnessing it in a non-consensual context, he now associates sex with violence - more specifically, he understands sex as an act of violence rather than affection.

Due to this conclusion, he's scared of intimacy, convinced he'd be just as violent as his father. Simply not knowing how to be gentle and loving, he also avoids to try, denying himself to show such vulnerability for reasons explained at another point. Either way, Parzival doesn't allow himself to enter a love relationship or even just an affair - love is simply a foreign concept to him, confident he's unable to feel such a strong and positive emotion and handle it in a healthy, non-violent way.

At the same time, experiencing sexual desires cannot be entirely avoided, always overwhelming Parzival whenever they emerge. Refusing to indulge in them in any way, he must distract himself - either by focusing on work or once again exerting violence on the prisoners. Following his logic of the correlation between intimacy and violence, he also considers self-stimulation as an act of self-harm.

Generally speaking, Parzival keeps body contact to a bare minimum and only engages when absolutely necessary, even without any sexual connotations present whatsoever. This mostly applies to any interactions outside of his line of work, which obviously requires physical contact.

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Combining all aforementioned traumas yields a definition of masculinity Parzival's father tried to inculcate with his son - being a man equals aggression, dominance and violence.

While Parzival never ingrained this view in the same way, it certainly affected him and still does to this day, defining certain actions and traits with mandatory masculinity, such as authority, dominance and physical strength, while deeming others as "unmanly", e.g. vulnerability and strong emotions such as love. As he only applies these opinions to himself and never others, he always feels the need to prove his "manly" qualities, while denying himself the "unmanly" ones.

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In conclusion, Parzival's psyche has been severely altered by his father and he suffers from his own awareness of it, unable to change certain patterns that remind him of their similarities. While he didn't turn out exactly like his begetter, the same tendencies are irrefutable.

Despite being aware of it, Parzival still tends to be in denial and is extremely offended whenever compared to his father - luckily, a rare and almost impossible occasion as his past is largely unknown to most people. Though, it doesn't need anyone else's comment for him to realize whenever his heritage shines through - the deep-rooted guilt and self-hatred never fail to remind him of who he is and who made him this way.

Gottschalk

Everything that can be said about Gottschalk's mental state is pure speculation and only based on observations, as his background and heritage are entirely unknown and he's unable - or unwilling - to communicate beyond gestures. Though, it's safe to say that his psyche is anomalous in some way.

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Gottschalk definitely shows signs of a social deficit. His interactions with others are stiff and awkward, partially due to his muteness and his unclear communication via gestures, but also because of his lack of understanding of social norms and expectations. While most people refuse to engage with him anyway - a mutual feeling -, those who do will likely leave the "conversation" in utter confusion. Additional symptoms of his social deficit are as follows:

Discomfort. As mentioned, Gottschalk avoids social interactions as much as possible, unless he's become accustomed to someone. When forced to engage with strangers or casual acquaintances, he's visibly uncomfortable.

Indifference. Said discomfort doesn't arise from the opposite's potentially negative opinion about him, as Gottschalk is entirely unaffected by social rejection. Due to his profession, appearance and behavior he's an outcast, despised and avoided, though much to his pleasure - his greatest comfort is found in complete isolation.

Disconnection. Most people are likely unable to really describe why an interaction with Gottschalk feels uncomfortable and strange. It's a conclusion one wouldn't draw naturally, but the main cause for this unease is the fact, that Gottschalk doesn't perceive others as "his own kind", or simply human. Instead, he interacts with people like they're objects or animals, especially inside "The Maw". Whether he thinks of himself as non-human and therefore treats others the same way or he perceives himself as superior to people is unclear.

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Another observed behavior is repetition - Gottschalk consistently follows the exact same patterns in his actions and even does things that appear unnecessary or useless, though are to be performed in a specific way or number of times regardless. These compulsions may be subtle at times, though a few notable examples are as follows:

Locomotion. Gottschalk's odd way of walking - always cartoonishly sneaking at the exact same pace - may be a type of compulsion as no physical reasons have been found or observed. He's likely able to walk normally, but chooses not to for unknown reasons. It's impossible to get him to move any other way.

Touch. Whenever entering certain rooms, he touches specific areas or objects inside, going out of his way to do so. Similarly, whenever working inside the torture chamber, he touches his tools in a particular order and pattern, despite most motions serving no purpose.

Placement. Gottschalk is very territorial about the chaotic piles of junk and trash inside his room and the workshop adjacent to the torture chamber - everything seems to have a definite spot and may not be moved elsewhere. In general, he may tolerate if others touch his stuff, though is visibly unhappy about it and passive-aggressively returns objects to their exact place when moved.

His obvious discomfort and restlessness when being interrupted, stopped or kept from finishing a repetitive action may quickly turn into aggression if he's unable to return to what he was doing for an extended period of time or others respond to it in a hostile way. The same applies to continuous invasions of his workspace and tempering with his tools - in the worst case, he may resort to violence to restore his inner balance and indulge in his compulsions.

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A similar reaction can be expected when trying to touch or remove Gottschalk's mask - in this case, he doesn't even tolerate it, but immediately responds with aggression, though only enough to cause the opponent to retreat. As it seems, Gottschalk doesn't like body contact in general and tries to avoid it as much as possible while working - perhaps, this universal aversion extends to his mask as if it's an adopted part of his body. Though more likely, he simply tries to keep his head and face hidden for reasons unknown.

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One of the more shocking behaviors Gottschalk displays is his tendency to masochism, even manifesting in what seems to be severe suicidal ideation.

He regularly indulges in self-harm by using instruments of torture, as well as makeshift devices he invented himself - contrary to his previously mentioned compulsions, these masochistic acts don't follow a specific pattern, as he may use different tools at different times to varying degrees of intensity.

Additionally, Gottschalk attempted to kill himself multiple times via various execution methods, such as hanging, drowning and burning, and expressed his interest in other techniques, such as the breaking wheel, which requires the assistance of someone else - namely Parzival or Velasco, who both refuse to fulfill their assistant's fantasy. It's usually them as well, who stop or interrupt Gottschalk's dangerous attempts, treating any wounds sustained and admonish him to not continue this behavior.

While it may seem like Gottschalk actively tries to commit suicide or cause physical suffering, it's almost safe to assume that neither is the case. Instead, he seemingly "just" tries out different methods and tools of torture and execution on himself as a kind of experiment or self-study in order to learn about the effects, ranging from a better understanding of pain tolerance to optimization of a technique.

What remains unclear is whether he experiences enjoyment while performing these actions or views it as merely scientific. He certainly has an extraordinary pain tolerance, enduring horrific pain and injuries without much of a reaction and - surprisingly - hardly any lasting damages. Whether this would be the case if he ever succeeds in his exploration of execution methods remains a mystery.

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Finally, the most horrific behavior Gottschalk displays is cannibalism. It's hard to say whether he indulges in the consumption of human flesh out of depravity, mental illness or other unclear reasons, though it can only be observed when he's disposing of corpses inside the "Dump", a part of the deepest depths of "The Maw". Any other time or place, Gottschalk doesn't show any interest or urge to perform acts of cannibalism.

Since only Parzival is aware of this behavior, who never confronted Gottschalk about it, his reasons remain unknown. Relating back to his disconnection from society, perhaps he doesn't perceive it as a morally questionable act, not seeing people as equals or living beings - or maybe his motives are much more sinister.

Conclusion

In summary, mental health and illness may not be the most obvious subjects of "Hold Thy Peace", as they are shown in varying degrees of visibility - for example, characters like Amadeus and Velasco are more obviously affected by their poor mental state than Parzival and Gottschalk. Even then, it's rarely the center of attention or hidden underneath a layer of dialogue and events.

While the "Wiedergänger" can be understood in multiple ways - at face value, an actual cryptid lurking inside "The Maw" -, it may also be seen as a manifestation of mental illness. It's entirely up to personal interpretation, though I simply like the idea of constantly having to question whether any of the events are real or just a gigantic metaphor for something else entirely.

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