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I'm Ghost, alleged writer, worldbuilder and artist.
My work mainly incorporates blasphemous religious themes, inaccurate medieval history and excessive trauma inflicted on my characters.
Here, you'll find deep-dives into my stories, lore and characters, as well as my illustrations and writing. As a side note, I'll occasionally share interesting summaries of my current personal studies, including but not limited to medieval high justice, medical history and Catholicism.
While this blog will mostly be my personal archive, perhaps you find interest in my thoughts as well!
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#Hold-Thy-Peace - about my newest story "Hold Thy Peace"
#God-Virus - about my work-in-progress book "God Virus"
#my-art - about my art and illustrations
#my-writing - about my writing process and progress
#my-worldbuilding - about the details of my stories' worlds
#research - about interesting subjects I've self-studied
#personal - about my personal thoughts, feelings and statements
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Songs inspiring "Hold Thy Peace" characters - Part 1
Introduction
Music has always been a huge source of inspiration for me. While ideas for stories and characters may be sparked by other influences too, music certainly helps to develop them further, increasing their depth, adding details and refining concepts.
In this post (and all the other parts), I want to highlight a selection of songs for the respective "Hold Thy Peace" characters, as well as some of their relationships, explaining why they fit them so well and describe them perfectly.
Obviously, my interpretation will usually not match the original meaning of the song. I tried not to rip them too much out of context, although I beg your pardon if my application of a song to a character seems far-fetched or like a huge misinterpretation of the original meaning.
Amadeus
And One â Sometimes
Daddy said that Iâm a good boy
'Cause I always did his will
But I canât remember
Was it me? How did I feel?
I call them family
But in the heart of hearts I know
There's something wrong with me
What can I do?
Mother said that I'm a good girl
I was always dressed to kill
But I canât remember
Was it me? How did I feel?
Now this is long ago
But today Iâm really sure
I don't wanna crawl no more
No, I donât want to!
I want to be all alone
To be all alone
(Leave me all alone, I'm so lonely)
Sometimes I donât know what I prefer to be
(That's all that I can see)
[x2]
So I burnt down the house of hate
The key to close the door
What a nice September
I found out itâs not too late
It happened yesterday
But today I'm really sure
I don't wanna crawl no more
No I donât want to!
I want to be all alone
To be all alone
(Leave me all alone, Iâm so lonely)
Sometimes I don't know what I prefer to be
(Thatâs all that I can see)
[x4]
"Sometimes" perfectly describes Amadeus' relationship with their parents - or rather, the lack thereof. Always forced to obey and do what they're being told in order to receive any kind of recognition and attention, they long to break free from these parental shackles and unfulfillable expectations.
It took a while for Amadeus to realize that their ideas of life and the future differ from the predetermined path, never taking much pride in their supposed achievements and swift climb of the hierarchy. Rather, doing so felt wrong, such as the love they received was fake and conditional. Eventually, Amadeus refused to blindly obey any longer.
While they recognized their destiny as wrong, Amadeus is still unsure what they want instead, being left confused and lost as they only know the things they've been taught, disconnected from and intimidated by the reality of a mundane life. A constant struggle to define their own identity, hopes and dreams, while only knowing that what they have is not right.
And so, they're forced to go back and forth between the ambition to break free and the fear of doing so - yearning to be independent, but too scared to take risks and end up with nothing.
⣠⣠âŁ
Arcturus â Warp
In search of marbles long since misplaced
I give in to yet another day
Sheltered from revealing light
Kept out of sight
Where sick minds bite
Institutionalized
I sleepwalk through my life
The years pass by like fimbulwinter seasons
Inside a darkness I do not own
A bright portal void shows me where I long
It's out of reach for me
The piping pills set no one free
Here I stand glued in blood
I just want to belong
Nailed by some cruel device
Leave me be
The dark is me, yeah, I know you see:
"Ambition is the last refuge of failure"
Every step a dead end street
Must power up get me on my feet
I've frozen space and time
To warp alive inside my mind
There is no place like home
I just want to belong
"Warp" continues the struggle described in "Sometimes", though focusing on how Amadeus aims for unclear goals while being hindered by their past, especially by how they've been taught to think.
As they've been hidden away from the general public and the reality of society for most of their childhood, they only learned to blindly follow the predetermined path in front of them, not making any decisions of their own and simply trusting the judgement of others.
While realizing their dependence and lack of power over their own life, they merely chase an abstract idea of what they want instead, unable to reach it due to its uncertainty. Therefore, they're bound to be stuck where they are, despite all efforts to keep moving, yet they cannot help but cling onto their ambition and willpower in hopes of it being rewarded someday.
Though, so far, all they've achieved is a rapid decline of their mental health and sense of self due to the constant failure to progress, only walking in place instead. Regardless, while Amadeus remains unable to define a specific goal, they at least aim for a sense of home and belonging.
⣠⣠âŁ
The Beauty of Gemina â Rumours
When Iâm here I will say it
I will say it, do it
Spreading rumours and I ... and I hope
When I fear, when I know, when I see you in this all
Telling rumours â remind me I hope
And your embarrassed smile for a while
And I meet the foreign hero spreading rumours
And his wrong empathy
When the better takes it, donât mind
And Iâm feeling, falling proud
And I see the maze of small lies
You shame me, just go
Should it ever break me, donât mind
And Iâm feeling, falling proud
And Iâm lost in the maze of small lies
You shame me, just go
The pale-blue lake behind in my dream and I know
Youâd better never telling rumours again â yes you do
Iâll never take your smile for a while
And Iâm creeping forward near you, telling rumours
Yes I know, yes I see
When the better takes it, donât mind
And Iâm feeling, falling proud
And I see the maze of small lies
Should it ever break me, donât mind
And Iâm feeling, falling proud
And Iâm lost in the maze of small lies
You shame me, just go
When the better takes it, donât mind
And Iâm feeling, falling proud
And I see the maze of small lies
You shame me, just go
Jumping ahead in terms of the events in "Hold Thy Peace", "Rumours" describes Amadeus' recognition and acceptance of how they're being treated by the citizens when speaking out about the "Wiedergänger" and publicly suffering from its torment - in the eyes of the people, the chaplain is nothing but a liar and attention seeker.
While Amadeus initially denies the claims, fighting back and trying to disprove them, they eventually come to terms with the public opinion, even taking it on and agreeing with most statements, starting to believe they must be true.
This rapid shift of how the people perceive Amadeus came to be due to the increased problems and disruptions caused by them - unearthing old folktales and claiming them to be true, justifying troubling behavior with hallucinations caused by an invisible cryptid, spreading the word about a danger lurking inside the dungeon. A foreigner claiming to know more about local lore than the citizens - while Amadeus firmly believes in what they saw, they eventually begin to question their own sanity when facing harsh rejection, being told they only spread rumors and lies.
It's easier to ignore the voices of the general public, though it's certainly more painful when those close to Amadeus agree, although doing so out of genuine concern. While they firstly try to convince Parzival, Velasco and Gottschalk, Amadeus eventually gives up, worrying that they'll cause problems for them too, ruining their reputation or worse.
So, Amadeus accepts their proclaimed insanity and the consequences of their behavior, as well as the people's reactions and opinions. At the same time, deep inside they know they speak the truth and did what they could to tell everyone about it, standing their ground and fighting for themselves, now facing their demise with pride and the knowledge not to have given up.
⣠⣠âŁ
Gary Numan â I canât breathe
I'm scared to sleep, I'm scared to dream
I'm scared to wake up in case I scream
I'm scared to whisper one word
That's all it needs
I hear it breathe, I hear it sigh
I hear it laughing when something dies
I hear it calling
But I'm too scared to move
I'm so scared
I can't breathe
I'm so scared
I can't breathe
I'm so scared
I just can't breathe
I'm scared to look, I'm scared to see
I'm scared of mirrors in case it's me
I'm scared of memories
But now thatâs all I have
So I can't leave and nothing comes
So no-one noticed that I've come undone
I'd hide in shadows
But the shadows talk to me
I'm so scared
I can't breathe
I'm so scared
I can't breathe
I'm so scared
I just can't breathe
"I can't breathe" sums up Amadeus' fear and panic when facing the "Wiedergänger", realizing the helplessness of their situation. After trying to fight the fiend, they eventually have to come to terms with their loss - too scared to resist any longer since the "Wiedergänger" is everywhere, inevitable and able to strike at any time.
As the paranoia increases, causing visual and auditory hallucinations wherever they go without any safe space left, Amadeus cannot even find comfort in sleep. If anything, the nights are even more filled with terror than the days with some of the worst events taking place past midnight.
When comfort cannot be found anywhere else, one is left with themselves - a test of one's ability to handle such an extreme situation all alone. Unfortunately, due to Amadeus' lack of understanding of their own identity, there's not much safety to be found - instead, their self-perception continues to worsen as they lose themselves more and more.
Thinking about all the things they could've done differently in order to not fall prey to the "Wiedergänger" and be shunned by society causes nothing but further pain and Amadeus refuses to regret any of their decisions, even if they'll lead to their ultimate downfall.
Still, they're all on their own when facing the "Wiedergänger", as nobody takes them seriously - at least so it seems. Paralyzed by fear and paranoia, their will to fight broken, both their mental and physical health continue to deteriorate.
⣠⣠âŁ
Eisbrecher â Kein Mitleid
Deine Hände sind schmutzig
Du liegst im Dreck
Dir kommen die Tränen
Steh auf und wisch sie weg
Du versuchst zu atmen
Es fällt so schwer
Jeder Gedanke eine Totgeburt
Dein Blick so leer
Du ahnst, du spĂźrst, dass du nichts bist
Im Paradies kein Platz fĂźr dich ist
Du winselst um Gnade am Ende deiner Zeit
Tut dir alles leid
Wo ist dein Gott?
Groà und mächtig
Wann kommt sein Reich?
Kalt und prächtig
Fang an zu beten und schweig
Kein Mitleid
Nein
Nein
Nein
[x2]
Kein Mitleid
Deine Lippen sind blutig
Du machst dich nass
Du bist des Wahnsinns
Und im Gesicht ganz blass
Du versuchst zu denken
Total verstĂśrt
Jedes Versprechen, das dir wichtig war
Ist nichts mehr wert
Du ahnst, du spĂźrst, dass du nichts bist
Im Paradies kein Platz fĂźr dich ist
Du winselst um Gnade am Ende deiner Zeit
Tut dir alles leid
Wo ist dein Gott?
Groà und mächtig
Wann kommt sein Reich?
Kalt und prächtig
Fang an zu beten und schweig
Kein Mitleid
Nein
Nein
Nein
[x2]
Kein Mitleid
Glaubst du, dass sich das Blatt noch wendet?
Willst du, dass dieser Wahnsinn endet?
Du winselst um Gnade, alles tut dir leid
Du betest zu Gott, doch Gott hat
Keine Zeit, keine Zeit, kein Mitleid
Keine Zeit, keine Zeit, kein Mitleid
Keine Zeit, keine Zeit, kein Mitleid
Keine Zeit, keine Zeit, keine Zeit fĂźr dich
Du ahnst, du fĂźhlst
Du ahnst, du fĂźhlst nichts
Du ahnst, du fĂźhlst
Du ahnst, du fĂźhlst nichts mehr
Wo ist dein Gott?
Groà und mächtig
Wann kommt sein Reich?
Kalt und prächtig
Fang an zu beten und schweig
Kein Mitleid
Nein
Nein
Nein
[x2]
[Kein Mitleid]
- Translation -
Your hands are dirty
You lie in the filth
Your eyes well up with tears
Get up and wipe them away
You try to breathe
Itâs so difficult
Every thought a stillbirth
Your expression so empty
You suspect, you feel, that youâre nothing
No space for you in paradise
You whine for mercy at the end of your time
Youâre sorry for everything
Where is your God?
Big and powerful
When will his kingdom come?
Cold and magnificent
Start to pray and keep silent
No pity
No
No
No
[x2]
No pity
Your lips are bloody
You wet yourself
Youâre insane
And your face completely pale
You try to think
Totally distraught
Every promise important to you
Is worth nothing anymore
You suspect, you feel, that youâre nothing
No space for you in paradise
You whine for mercy at the end of your time
Youâre sorry for everything
Where is your God?
Big and powerful
When will his kingdom come?
Cold and magnificent
Start to pray and keep silent
No pity
No
No
No
[x2]
No pity
Do you believe the tables will turn?
Do you want this insanity to end?
You whine for mercy, youâre sorry for everything
You pray to God, but God has
No time, no time, no pity
No time, no time, no pity
No time, no time, no pity
No time, no time, no pity for you
You suspect, you feel
You suspect, you feel nothing
You suspect, you feel
You suspect, you feel nothing anymore
Where is your God?
Big and powerful
When will his kingdom come?
Cold and magnificent
Start to pray and keep silent
No pity
No
No
No
[x2]
[No pity]
"Kein Mitleid" (eng.: no pity) relates to Amadeus' struggles in context to their faith and religion.
While they initially find comfort in the support of The Entity, their devotion abates over time, realizing that their God will in fact not protect or save them.
Furthermore, as the feelings of abandonment grow, Amadeus blames The Entity, the clergy and religion as a whole for telling them lies and giving them a false sense of security - there was never any protection, help, support or understanding to be expected. Instead - as the situation only gets worse - faith and everything tied to it betrays them, becoming yet another threat to their life. The only thing Amadeus ever learned to trust unconditionally simply leaves them to die.
The song can also be understood as an indirect mockery by the "Wiedergänger" of The Entity and Amadeus' blind trust in them, making fun of their genuine belief that God would care about their pain.
⣠⣠âŁ
Parzival
Seraphim Shock â After Dark
Death it comes soon my love
Demons play, dressed in candlelight
Scarlet rain on skin as snow
Never fades
Come, my love, and take the devil's kiss
My lust, drenched in blood
My love, will split the skin
My lust
Mortal dreams, thousand years
Through these eyes, I have held you all
Shadow tears, when roses fade
You will stay
Come, my love, and take the devil's kiss
My lust, drenched in blood
My love, will split the skin
My lust
Eternal winter
Angels cry
Father doesn't hear
Come, my love, and take the devil's kiss
My lust, drenched in blood
My love, will split the skin
My lust
[x2]
"After Dark" is actually not too closely tied to Parzival or his story, though can still be understood as his "theme song", as is captures his "energy" more than anything else.
Regardless, it does relate to him in terms of the connection between violence and intimacy described in the lyrics.
One cannot expect soft romance or gentle tenderness from him, instead - if at all - violent expressions of such sentiments, avoiding the display of emotions and vulnerability and instead, turning his feelings into abuse and torture. It's almost a warning to anyone wanting to pursue a romantic relationship with him, giving the suitors an idea of how he defines intimacy, although less in a BDSM kind of way, but genuine conviction that love equals violence.
The song may also allude to the bloodshed and brutality performed inside "The Theater", staged like a play for mere entertainment.
⣠⣠âŁ
Korn â Did my time
Realize I can never win
Sometimes feel like I have failed
Inside where do I begin?
My mind is laughing at me
Tell me why am I to blame?
Aren't we supposed to be the same?
That's why I will never tame
This thing that's burning in me
I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me
Sometimes I can never tell
If I've got something after me
That's why I just beg and plead
For this curse to leave me
Tell me why am I to blame?
Aren't we supposed to be the same?
That's why I will never tame
This thing that's burning in me
I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me
Betrayed, I feel so enslaved
I really tried, I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldn't last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me
Oh God, the anger's changing me
Oh God, the anger's changing me
"Did my time" deals with Parzival's struggle to come to terms with his life choices, constantly arguing inside his head whether his actions are justified or not.
Despite taking his life into his own hands and working towards a set goal, achieving it very successfully, he still questions some of his decisions and how proud he should be of his accomplishments. While he became a local authority, reforming and shaping justice based on his ideals, he cannot help but doubt his ways of doing so. Parzival would never openly admit such insecurity, instead defending all his actions with high aggression, though the deep-rooted qualms cannot be denied.
Major regrets emerge in regards to the "contract" he entered with the "Wiedergänger" and the atrocities he has to perform in order to keep it under control. While his profession would've been tied to cruelty anyway, his secret activities continue to undermine everything he could've had as they force him to remain cold, distant and aggressive in order to cope. At times, Parzival may wish that things turned out differently, though he simultaneously justifies his actions, defending the status quo as immutable fact.
As time goes on, Parzival's denial wavers, instead feeling betrayed by the "Wiedergänger" as it's aggression increases despite the jailer's effort to keep it pleased and satiated - the situation spirals out of control and Parzival is forced to take responsibility, seemingly having failed his most important task.
Therefore, feelings of helplessness emerge, yet he tries to fight back as much as possible, not understanding what he did wrong - at the same time, the guilt of not having done enough to save Amadeus begins to consume him. As anger takes over him, his fear of it increases, yet he's unable to change it as the rage runs through his veins ever since his birth - a circumstance he despises and curses as it affects his choices and actions, leading him exactly to this point.
⣠⣠âŁ
Kellermensch â Lost at sea
If you wait around long enough (wait around long enough)
Then everything begins to rust (everything begins to rust)
Times are hard, times are tough (times are hard, times are tough)
You left a trail in the dust (left a trail in the dust)
There are plenty fish in the sea (plenty fish in the sea)
They swim around, circling me (swim around, circling me)
I'm drifting now, lost at sea (drifting now, lost at sea)
I'm going so low
That no one else can follow
The war is over and I lost (war is over and I lost)
I learned the hard way not to trust (learned the hard way not to trust)
It's getting easier every day (getting easier every day)
To watch you slip further away (watch you slip further away)
There are plenty fish in the sea (plenty fish in the sea)
They swim around, circling me (swim around, circling me)
I'm drifting now, lost at sea (drifting now, lost at sea)
I'm going so low
That no one else can follow
If you wait around long enough (wait around long enough)
Then everything begins to rust (everything begins to rust)
Times are hard, times are tough (times are hard, times are tough)
You left a trail in the dust (left a trail in the dust)
There are plenty fish in the sea (plenty fish in the sea)
They swim around, circling me (swim around, circling me)
I'm drifting now, lost at sea (drifting now, lost at sea)
I'm going so low
That no one else can follow
So low (so low)
So low (so low)
So low (so low)
So low
So if I beg would you stay? (if I beg would you stay?)
Sink with me into the sea (sink with me into the sea)
As previously mentioned, Parzival connects violence and love in a rather harmful - and incorrect - way. Consequentially, as he doesn't want to express such brutality to anyone he actually cares about, he disconnects himself from any emerging feelings and anyone showing him affection or expressing romantic interest. "Lost at sea" describes this behavior.
Parzival certainly has a lot of admirers, yet he shuts all of them down, rejecting them with unnecessary aggression. As he genuinely doesn't believe someone like him should be in a relationship, deserves or even just understands love, he still - deep down - misses such warmth in his chosen cold and distant life. Still, he's far from admitting such thoughts - even to himself.
Though, his rejections are mainly fueled by his conviction that none of his admirers have genuine interest in him as a person, instead only pursuing him for dishonest reasons, e.g. only because of his good looks, intrigued by his violence, trying to "tame" him or wanting to indulge in specific sexual desires they assign to him. Despite lots of these points actually being true, Parzival has severe trust issues and justifies his dismissal and isolation with the previously mentioned reasons being the general and undeniable truth without a single exception.
Even on a non-romantic level, Parzival hides himself from the general public, avoiding to participate in society and engaging with others beyond strict business, so nobody even has a chance to get close to him and discover who he is as a person - essentially, sabotaging everyone else and himself, since this lack of understanding is exactly what he criticizes others for.
Adding Amadeus to the equation, Parzival keeps up his usual dismissive and distant behavior, though his walls begin to crumble as he faces his undeniable feelings for them. Wondering if they could ever truly love him for who he is, including everything he's done and thought in secret, Parzival would first have to do the one thing he denied himself for decades - being vulnerable.
⣠⣠âŁ
Poppy â Spit (original by Kittie)
Coward
Spit
I think I'll spit
Spit
For all those girls who speak contradictions
The guy who crept through the shadows every day
To clutch his own conclusion
To watch all the blood as it drips from your veins
You coward
Godspeed
May your death come quickly
(May your death come quickly)
I think I'll
Take this hate and
Spit
Spit
Spit
Now as it's passed on to the next one
I feel the blood rush come right over me
You know you will never be right
In the eyes of the ones who know
You trusted the devil
She will betray you
Low
Why do I get shit all the time
From you men?
You are swine
You think dick is the answer
But it's not
[x2]
Spit
[x3]
Especially for this song I want to point out that I don't want to undermine the original meaning whatsoever by applying it to the experiences of a man rather than a woman. It goes without saying that the pain endured by victims of sexual assault and harassment goes far beyond Parzival's suffering as a powerless bystander.
"Spit" is still fitting for his background and how he perceives men, specifically sex offenders and those displaying sexually inappropriate behavior in general.
Merely fueled by anger every time he has to interact with these men, he's taking them for the worst scum on Earth, treating them accordingly - disrespecting them in every aspect, stripping them of their humanity and torturing them far beyond their received sentence. This way, Parzival delivers his own idea of justice to them, as the law will never truly be able to punish them as much as they deserve it.
This sentiment doesn't only apply to convicted sex offenders or those harassing women in public, but also to Parzival's own father, who used to be on the worst end of the spectrum and caused his son's extraordinary hatred for sex crimes in the first place. Despite the cruelty of his acts, he never received an official punishment and never suffered enough for what he's done - at least in the eyes of Parzival. This unquenched fury must therefore be taken out on every other sex offender instead, only wishing for them to die a painful death.
Finally, despite the obvious rage and aggression, as well as the unmatched brutality Parzival exerts to punish sex offenders for their crimes, his main drive to act the way he does is to express the pain he had to endure as a child himself, wishing to avenge those he couldn't save when he was younger.
⣠⣠âŁ
Puhdys â Wut will nicht sterben
Sag mir, wie weit willst du gehân
Willst du ihn am Boden sehân
Ja
Willst du, dass er vor dir kniet
Willst du, dass er um Gnade fleht
Rachegedanken, von Demut gepeitscht
Du siehst und hĂśrst nichts mehr
Deine kranken GefĂźhle geben ihm keine Chance
Deine Wut will nicht sterben
Nur dafĂźr lebst du doch
Du kannst, du willst und wirst nie vergeben
Und du verteufelst sein ganzes Leben
Treibst in den Wahnsinn von maĂlosem Zorn
Vernichtung und Rache, du bist zum Hassen geboren
Meine Wut will nicht sterben
Meine Wut will nicht sterben
Meine Wut stirbt nie
Deinen Hass rammst du wie einen Stein
In ihn hinein
Rammstein
Hast ihn verfolgt, gejagt und verflucht
Und er hat kriechend das Weite gesucht
Du kannst, du willst und wirst nie vergeben
Und du verteufelst sein ganzes Leben
Treibst in den Wahnsinn von maĂlosem Zorn
Vernichtung und Rache, du bist zum Hassen geboren
Meine Wut will nicht sterben
Meine Wut will nicht sterben
Meine Wut stirbt nie
Du kannst, du willst und wirst nie vergeben
Und du verteufelst sein ganzes Leben
Treibst in den Wahnsinn von maĂlosem Zorn
Vernichtung und Rache, du bist zum Hassen geboren
Meine Wut will nicht sterben
Meine Wut will nicht sterben
Meine Wut stirbt nie
Ja
- Translation -
Tell me, how far do you want to go
Do you want to see him on the ground
Yes
Do you want him to kneel before you
Do you want him to beg for mercy
Thoughts of vengeance, scourged by humility
You donât see and hear anything anymore
Your sick feelings give him no chance
Your anger doesnât want to die
Thatâs the only thing you still live for
You can, you want and will never forgive
And you demonize his whole life
Driven to insanity with unbridled wrath
Annihilation and vengeance, you are born to hate
My anger doesnât want to die
My anger doesnât want to die
My anger never dies
You ram your hate like a rock
Into him
Rammstein
Pursued, chased and cursed him
And crawling he took to his heels
You can, you want and will never forgive
And you demonize his whole life
Driven to insanity with unbridled wrath
Annihilation and vengeance, you are born to hate
My anger doesnât want to die
My anger doesnât want to die
My anger never dies
You can, you want and will never forgive
And you demonize his whole life
Driven to insanity with unbridled wrath
Annihilation and vengeance, you are born to hate
My anger doesnât want to die
My anger doesnât want to die
My anger never dies
Yes
"Wut will nicht sterben" (eng.: anger doesn't want to die) directly describes Parzival's hatred for his father and how this consistent sentiment still dictates his whole life.
Fantasizing about what Parzival would do to him or should've done, he cannot stop but punishing and killing him over and over again inside his head, even projecting those fantasies onto prisoners and - as previously mentioned - sex offenders, torturing them in place of his deceased father. Though, no matter what he does, he's never satisfied with this "punishment" and the relentless thoughts of vengeance keep consuming him.
Same goes for his unending anger, not only directed towards his father, but literally everything in his life including himself. While he's aware of how much his wrath affects his actions and that he has to take responsibility for it, he cannot help but put the major blame onto his father instead, as he used to be exactly the same way and taught him it's the only way to be "a true man". And so, Parzival cannot help but indulge, unable to let go of his anger, which fuels him and now feels essential to him to even just exist.
Any other feelings suffer from the intensity of his rage, suppressed and pushed far away to make space for his never-ending hatred.
Authorâs note / Disclaimer: âHold Thy Peaceâ takes place in a medieval setting, though thereâs absolutely no claim of complete historical accuracy. Regardless, I have incorporated factually correct elements, including (but not limited to) social standards and points of view on certain topics. Please note that these views are not inherently my own and I do not condone certain acts performed by characters mentioned.
Introduction
Underneath multiple layers of more obvious subjects "Hold Thy Peace" revolves around, mental illness in the underlying main theme of the story, woven all throughout the individual characters and entire plot. While it's not always in plain sight or explicitly mentioned, it constantly influences important decisions and the course of events - sometimes more, sometimes less. As the tale unfolds, it may be taken at face value, though the question remains: how much of what happens is actually real or just in the character's minds? The things you cannot see may be much more terrifying.
Before diving into it, a quick disclaimer.
I won't use definite diagnoses of mental illnesses unless I'm confident enough, that they're portrayed accurately - which is likely the case whenever I personally experience(d) them, though not exclusively. Most of the time, only symptoms are described, which may allude to specific conditions - not every mentioned trait must necessarily be linked to an illness either.
How mental illness is seen and treated in the world of "Hold Thy Peace"
Or rather, how it's neither seen nor treated - mental illness in a taboo subject. There's no special care, no awareness, no acceptance. Society as a whole refuses to recognize troubled minds as a result of serious diseases, instead it must be rooted in anything else, ranging from spiritual causes to sheer maliciousness, and is better off hidden and suppressed for nobody to see.
The clergy
The clergy has its very own opinion on the matter, deeming mental illness as a manifestation of sin and deep-seated flaw. Those afflicted are spiritually compromised individuals in need of religious intervention, disguised as medical care. Hospitalizing the sick in special clergy-run infirmaries, they won't find empathy and relief of their suffering, but face inhumane treatment and neglect. If the patients aren't simply left to wither away, the clergy may resort to any of the following pseudo-therapies in an effort to reform the victim:
Exorcisms. While the religion of this world is rather vague when it comes to demonic entities, it does mention fiends who may take hold of people. Though, instead of trying to remove the demon from its host, the exorcisms aim to "disable" the latter. For example, if someone speaks in tongues, the organ will be cut out; if someone claims to see strange things around them, they'll be blinded. It's not about saving the afflicted - it's about silencing them.
Trepanning. An old method originally used to allow an evil spirit to escape the brain of the host. As the perception of mental illness and those afflicted shifted over time, trepanning became more rare and is now sporadically used as an excuse to torture patients under the guise of medical treatment.
Bloodletting. A generally common medical practice, also used to drain the "bad blood" of the mentally ill and restore the balance of their humors.
Purging. Just like bloodletting, the victims are forced to vomit in order to cleanse the body and restore the balance.
Flagellation. To repent for the sins and flaws allegedly causing the victim's mental disorders, they're heavily encourage to conduct self-flagellation. Those who refuse may be subjected to it against their will. According to the clergy, suffering is the only way to heal.
The general public is mostly unaware of the practices performed inside the specialized infirmaries and prefers to stay ignorant. Over time, the clergy cared less to even try and induce any kind of healing, so these days, the few facilities that still exist mostly ignore their patients until they perish due to neglect or suicide.
Despite one of the religion's core values demanding to care for the sick and those in need, the clergy don't show sympathy for mentally ill patients, instead blaming them for their own suffering. As they abdicate their responsibility to aid the afflicted more and more, it's not uncommon for clergy members to endorse executions in severe cases of mental disorders, especially when the order of society has been disturbed.
The community
Unfortunately, not an extreme proposition in the eyes of the general public. While commoners are less inclined to believe in any spiritual involvement when it comes to mental illnesses, they largely reject those afflicted as they are seen as burdens and outcasts, not contributing to society and instead causing disruptions and mayhem. The ill are shunned and avoided as soon as their ailment is perceived by those around - their mere presence may cause fear and unease, as people expect them to create uncomfortable or potentially dangerous situations. The more visible the disease is, the more of a threat it is to society.
Not even family bonds may protect those suffering from mental illness. Reputation and honor are valuable currencies even among the poor, so anything or anyone diminishing them may be expelled without hesitation. In some cases, the family demands the afflicted to hide their suffering in order to stay - if they're unable to, they may be sent to an infirmary. Not to cure them or provide the care they need, but to protect the family's name and get rid of what is simply perceived as a burden. Out of sight, out of mind.
The law
Despite the harsh perception of mental illness, it's not considered a crime and therefore not punishable by law, unless it turns into a public disturbance or threat - which may easily be labeled as such simply by being perceivable.
Judgement doesn't consider mental illness as a mitigating circumstance. Committed crimes won't be excused or punished more mildly if the convict did it in a state of aberration. Sometimes, Parzival may try to advocate for the defendant in order to lessen the punishment, though his involvement in such cases is not consistent, heavily dependent on the crime and may only be due to Velasco's medical and personal intervention.
In conclusion
Mentally ill people have no place in society. There's no mercy, no pity, no understanding. They're expected to hide their ailments, neither show symptoms, nor talk about their suffering in order to avoid social exclusion, inhumane treatments at an infirmary or even a death sentence. Those who are unable to conceal their disease can only hope and pray to be surrounded by people who spare at least some sympathy - which is rare.
Inside their heads - The mental health of the main characters
As previously mentioned, the subject of mental illness is woven into the plot and the individual characters themselves, affecting them in various ways. The expression of their struggles is very different - while some are very open and self-aware, others may not even perceive their traits as symptoms of a mental ailment. Additionally, their social standings are quite diverse, granting them certain benefits or causing them to suffer disadvantages. Below, each character's state of mind will be explored in further detail.
Amadeus
Amadeus undergoes most development throughout the story of "Hold Thy Peace" in terms of mental health, though unfortunately in a negative way. Already starting with prior charge, things only appear to improve for a short period of time before getting much worse.
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The initial struggles before Amadeus even arrives in town are rooted in their upbringing and family history, permanently altering their mind as they grew up.
Amadeus' parents emotionally neglected them throughout their entire life, only granting them attention and a hint of affection whenever their expectations were fulfilled. On the contrary, any failure or disappointment was punished with a disproportionately negative reaction, such as social deprivation and threats of expulsion from the family. Neither father nor mother interacted much with any of their children, unless they met their standards - Amadeus seemingly never did and never will.
As a consequence of the emotional neglect, Amadeus developed the following traits:
Feeling the constant urge to overachieve and prove themselves to others. Doing exceptionally well seems like the only way to get attention and be seen.
Trying to please everyone in order to receive praise. Taking on any task by whoever is asking in hope of receiving recognition and feeling needed.
Deprived of love. Never truly felt loved or important to anyone, desperately craving to mean something to someone and holding onto the tiniest bits of attention they get, potentially misinterpreting it and feeling rejected when it doesn't turn out the way they thought.
Besides the emotional neglect, the parent's constant pressure to achieve the goal they've set for Amadeus since birth - embodying faith and climbing the hierarchy of the clergy to the very top - has planted permanent seeds of stress, anxiety and self-doubt. Despite their wish and effort to stray from the predetermined path and find freedom, Amadeus never truly believes that it's possible - they're convinced that they are only capable of the things they've been taught and set up for all their life and are destined to fail if daring to try anything else. So, while Amadeus takes small steps off the designated trail, they always return once facing life-changing risks - even if they promise the longed for freedom.
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Unfortunately, Amadeus couldn't find any acceptance outside of their family either.
Once entering the ecclesiastical academy and engaging in social interactions they were deprived of for the longest time, Amadeus soon realized that their interest and excitement was not returned by their peers. Instead - once everyone knew of Amadeus' privileged, wealthy and influential family heritage - they avoided and shunned them. A toxic mix of jealously and malicious assumptions, underestimating their ability to achieve things on their own and expecting them to succeed simply due to their family's involvement, essentially cheating their way to the top.
While Amadeus eventually accepted their exclusion from the group - despite their initial efforts to fit in -, it still left permanent scars, which manifest in the following traits:
Feeling the constant urge to overexplain and justify their struggles to counter rejection. As others persistently dismiss Amadeus' feelings due to their privileged heritage, it has become a sore spot. Whenever it happens again, they immediately become defensive and work themselves up about proving the validity of their emotions.
At the same time, they struggle to communicate such issues while also addressing or just acknowledging said privilege. While it doesn't mitigate their trauma, Amadeus' way of expressing their experiences may come across as entitled, romanticizing "simple lives" (referring to the harsh reality of poor commoners). Focusing so much on proving their own feelings - even if it means to downplay others' struggles -, Amadeus cannot understand why people refuse to listen.
Referring back to the last point, it is due to the peer rejection and social isolation during their childhood, that Amadeus now struggles to understand social constructs, maintain healthy relationships of any kind and conduct balanced conversations. Still, they desperately seek connections and actively pursue them whenever they get the chance - unfortunately, it usually doesn't go well as they may not acknowledge boundaries, different opinions or social cues. While they keep failing to become meaningful to someone, they keep trying - yet, a deeply rooted fear of rejection and abandonment looms over them at all times.
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Though, not every struggle is inherently connected to the influence of others - some have developed from within. Since a young age, Amadeus found themselves confused about who they actually are. Their personality, dreams and goals, thoughts and feelings - almost anything describing them as a person has been shrouded behind multiple layers of expectation, pretense and wishful thinking.
One major confusion is their gender identity, though in a more convoluted way than one may assume. Being genderless and referred to with they/them pronouns has been Amadeus' reality ever since birth - a circumstance they fully accepted and never loathed, despite it being a mere set-up for their parent's plans. Amadeus would likely never question their gender in the first place if it wasn't for their observations of society and its very restricted views on the subject. A harsh divide of men and women, distinguished by their bodies and assigned definite roles and expectations, including respective privileges and drawbacks. There's no in-between. The place Amadeus finds themselves in.
Despite the awareness of their special position as a member of clergy with their very own definition of identity disconnected from commoners, it's a concept Amadeus never felt comfortable with as it's merely a ploy to place oneself above anyone else for no justified reason. Craving to be seen as a regular person instead, they are stuck in a discrepancy of ingrained genderlessness - the only way they've ever been perceived and perceived themselves - and the features of their own body - society's most regarded criteria to determine someone's gender. The latter being a concept Amadeus fails to understand in its entirety - the largely differing treatment of people based on their physical characteristics.
Yet, in order to live a "normal life" like a "normal person", Amadeus is convinced they'd have to choose between being either a man or a woman and fulfill the respective expectations - the exact obligation they've been trying to escape -, while feeling like neither. More specifically, not knowing how to be either. Depending on the situation, they may decide back and forth what would be the better choice, though ultimately never want to pick as each path comes with restrictions they cannot accept. In the end, being genderless feels much more freeing as no expectations are tied to it, yet there's no designated place in society - only within the clergy.
Generally speaking, Amadeus is unable to imagine an different life than the one they live, despite trying to daydream about other possibilities. As they observe the people around them, attempting to put themselves in their position, their mind simply blanks. Being vastly disconnected from the reality of the majority of people, their knowledge and life experience narrowed to only lead to one particular goal, they often find themselves overwhelmed by their inability to even dream of a another life.
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Once Amadeus actually arrives in town, marking the beginning of "Hold Thy Peace", they often have to deal with the consequences of all aforementioned shortcomings. They soon have to realize that the disapproval continues with many citizens actively disliking them due to their behavior or choice of words - a circumstance that only briefly improves before declining rapidly again. Amadeus certainly always means well, trying to please everyone and be liked, though sometimes doing so in ways that mitigate their intention, therefore making all efforts backfire. Due to the continued social rejection throughout the story, Amadeus eventually looses their trust in people and becomes scared of them. No matter what they do or say, they seemingly never fit in - they're simply unwanted.
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As the influence of the "Wiedergänger" intensifies, Amadeus' mental health declines rapidly, developing more and more conditions severely impairing their quality of life:
Paranoia. They constantly feel watched or chased, are always on edge and never feel safe, even in supposed comfort spaces. Eventually, it keeps them from attending some events or go to certain locations, paralyzed by fear.
Hallucinations. They see and hear things nobody else can - the hallucinations are so realistic, that they're extremely difficult to be recognized as such, causing Amadeus to actively react to them and gather unwanted attention when in public. People start calling them a lunatic, assuming they've lost their mind or are forcibly trying to gain sympathy.
Constant anxiety. Restlessness, absentmindedness, loss of sleep and the neglect of regular activities and duties become daily burdens to carry. The distrust in people is furthermore heightened by their fear of others just being another hallucination, unable to tell the difference between reality and delusion.
Depression. Worsening over time due to all aforementioned struggles.
Depersonalisation. A condition they already struggled with before coming to town, mainly due to their identity crisis. Over time, it worsens and the episodes become longer. When it happens, Amadeus is unable to recognize themselves, detaching from their body and seemingly watching from a different plane of existence. During this time, they may "freeze" in place for up to an hour or perform actions on autopilot - afterwards, they sometimes have no recollection of what happened or what they did. A depersonalisation episode is commonly triggered when Amadeus sees their own reflection, especially when tending to their hair. As their mental health worsens due to the influence of the "Wiedergänger", they may even experience depersonalisation without the usual trigger and suddenly detach during daily activities or in public. Being witnessed in this state contributes to their growing reputation as a lunatic.
Self-harm. Not performed intentionally, rather by accident or during an episode of absentmindedness. Amadeus may scratch their arms and legs until they bleed or slightly burn their fingers on candles or hot wax. The wounds aren't severe and heal quickly.
Suicidal ideation. Initially an intense reaction to mental overload and depression without the actual intention to take action, it eventually develops into a serious condition considered to be a "way out in case of emergency".
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Lastly, even more emotional distress is created once Amadeus faces their overwhelming feelings for Parzival - after their initial efforts to shake them off as brief infatuation, they soon have to accept that their sentiment and attraction won't fade as easily.
While one could see the joy and excitement of being in love, Amadeus is simply left with hopelessness and hurt.
On one hand, their religion and membership in the clergy forbids them any romantic or intimate relationships, strictly demanding celibacy. Yet, once Amadeus comes to terms with their feelings, the urge to give in grows as much as their frustration about the ecclesial rules and their constant violation by other clergy members. Many of them have been revealed to engage in forbidden intimacy and while some were punished to set a warning example, it is common knowledge that plenty of clerics break the celibacy rule on a daily basis. Amadeus' dilemma expands in both ways - on one side, they don't want to break the rule and be just like the majority of the corrupted clergy; on the other side, they cannot understand the purpose of celibacy - or at least the denial of a purely romantic relationship - and why they must suffer under the weight of such strong, yet innocent feelings.
While their religion keeps their heart in chains, their own psyche does one more thing - the conviction of being rejected anyway. Witnessing Parzival's emotional distance on a daily basis is enough to assume he's unable to return any kind of positive feelings - especially since he openly and aggressively rejects any romantic advances by admirers -, though whenever his demeanor softens, Amadeus' sentiments return with full force as if to tear them apart with a mere sliver of hope.
Said hope is never enough to release the feelings. If any of the aforementioned obstacles don't hold Amadeus back, their feeble courage will surely be shattered by the struggles with their own identity. By the standards of society, only a woman can be a in a righteous relationship with a man. Same-sex relationships are still frowned upon and punishable. As Amadeus is neither female nor male, there are no rules or standards to apply - it's simply impossible. At least in their mind. And so, all they can do is watch as yet another admirer is being turned down by Parzival, hoping none of them ever succeed.
Finally, Amadeus curses their own feelings of love as they threaten to destroy a painstakingly built good relationship - after plenty of fights, arguments and unpleasant moments, it'd be too painful to endure the loss of what may be described as a friend. The fear of abandonment simply outweighs the anguish of having to hide one's feelings.
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Despite the mostly negative development of Amadeus' mental health, there are a few notably positive changes compared to the beginning of the story.
Always seeking connections and bonds after being rejected all their life, they highly value their relationships with Parzival, Velasco and Gottschalk, finding some peace of mind in their company, even despite the usually gruesome circumstances - in a way, they're all outsiders to society, which in return brings them closer to each other without being a mere partnership of convenience either.
For the first time in their life, Amadeus feels accepted and listened to, having a place to speak their mind and be seen, growing into themselves through heated arguments, mindless banter and deep conversations. It's as though - all bad things considered -, they've finally found a kind of freedom, getting closer to something that may even be described as "home".
Velasco
Similar to Amadeus, Velasco's still persisting mental health issues are rooted in his childhood and upbringing. Just like them, he also had to accept and follow a predetermined path upon birth in order to satisfy his parents' expectations and ensure his own survival, securing a future for himself when it was nowhere else to be found.
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This acceptance didn't come naturally, but at the cost of Velasco's understanding of his own emotions. Over time, he learned to suppress his feelings so well, that he eventually couldn't tell the difference between real and make-belief ones anymore - a circumstance allowing him to carry the burden of his family legacy, simply functioning like a tool.
Some symptoms of this internal dissonance are as follows:
Apathy. Most of the time, Velasco appears distant and absentminded with an entirely blank face devoid of emotions and stiff body language. While he's able to show facial expressions suggesting specific feelings or moods, they always appear fake and disconnected from any context - his eyes remain "dead" and empty at all times and no matter what he says, his voice stays monotonous.
Cannot describe emotions. Unable to express how he feels, Velasco tends to get stressed and uncomfortable when asked about his mood or state of mind, struggling to find any words. He usually brushes the question off or ignores it to avoid further interrogation and introspection.
Disturbed self-perception. Cannot stand perceiving himself too much and being in the center of attention. When asked about his opinion on a subject, he's willing to share it as long as he doesn't have to explain his reasoning behind it. Furthermore, while he values personal hygiene, Velasco doesn't own a mirror and has no interest in self care beyond the necessities.
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Another mental strain rooted in his early biography is the fear of disappointing others. Having to continue the family legacy after both his older brothers "failed" in different ways, Velasco didn't want to bring more shame to his parents - especially his father -, doing everything possible to fulfill their expectations. Even if it meant to promise something that cannot be kept.
The latter still haunts Velasco to this days and weighs heavily on his mind. To compensate for his perceived "failure", he may overexert himself with work - on one side, to prove at least the partial fulfillment of his parent's last wish; on the other side, to push away his guilt.
Velasco's fear to disappoint extended into his everyday life and the urge to please everyone turned him into a self-manipulative perfectionist. While others may express their gratitude, he struggles to believe and accept it, instead focusing on any potential mistakes he made or how the result could've been even better. When receiving criticism, he seemingly takes it well, though beats himself up internally, further affirming his self-perception as a "failure". At times - depending on the person involved and the criticism received -, he may voice his feelings through self-deprecating comments.
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Especially once taking over his father's position as the official executioner, Velasco didn't only detach from himself, but reality as a whole to cope with his gruesome profession and bleak life. Mostly developed as a self-defense mechanism, it affects him and his environment in various ways:
Trivialization. May talk about violent or disgusting topics without considering their outlandishness or shock value to most people. While he's been desensitized to all sorts of cruelty and repulsiveness, Velasco's aware of their abnormality in the eyes of the public, though still tries to convince himself that his duties are just as mundane as everyone else's by sharing unsolicited information.
Distraction. Quickly changes the subject when it becomes "too real", meaning it requires introspection or addresses Velasco's reality of life more in depth. He either distracts from the topic on purpose to avoid involvement or subconsciously spaces out due to another automatic self-defense mechanism.
Panic attacks. Jumping ahead the following point, any confrontation with reality and its cruelty and hopelessness may cause Velasco to break down, overcome by a wave of restrained emotions now unleashed. Such panic attacks and convulsive sobbing occur irregularly, though usually privately and when he's completely alone - whenever his public facade began to crumble in the past, he immediately retreated for nobody to witness his outburst of emotions.
Delusion. While Velasco is aware of his detachment issues and tends to know the limits of how much he can let go without entirely losing grasp of reality, he completely ignores said boundaries whenever he has to perform an execution, deliberately blocking out his environment, the circumstances and his place in it. It manifests as follows:
Treats every execution like the playful practices he had to do when he was young, preparing for his profession. He also experiences brief age regression.
Consequentially, imagines the condemned as lifeless training dummies or objects, such as rhubarb stalks or logs - items he used to practice with. Treats people like said objects too, though acknowledges their sentience by interacting with them.
May appear more carefree than usual, joking around and lacking a sense of seriousness until the execution is about to be performed. Once the crucial moment has come, he functions on autopilot, then reverts back to his usual self.
The entire time - from start to finish of an execution - he follows an internalized script of what to do and say, while not actually being mentally present. Any disturbance may cause him to exit this state of deliberate delusion, threatening to inflict severe mental damage - Parzival tends to ensure this doesn't happen by disallowing any interactions with Velasco during an execution.
When pulled back into reality too soon because of a distraction or other disturbance, Velasco may lose self-control and break down - overwhelmed by guilt and the conviction of being a murderer.
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Detachment is one way of how Velasco handles his involuntary profession as an executioner - additionally, he's convinced that any suffering or injustice he has to endure is justified and deserved as a punishment for his deeds. This mindset manifests as follows:
Self-deprecation. Velasco is quick to make self-deprecating jokes, turning everything in regards to himself into ridicule and downplaying his struggles. When called out for this behavior, he either ignores it, changes the subject or becomes defensive - he never takes what he said back as he's genuinely convinced of the bad opinion he has about himself. Similarly, any compliment or praise he receives will be ignored as he's unable to believe it.
Restraint. Puts his feelings and needs behind everything else - others must be pleased first before Velasco may just consider thinking about what he wants. At times, he may actively seek out people in need of help to avoid tending to himself - if he cannot find anyone, he makes up problems or tasks in need of solving instead.
Criticism. As previously mentioned, any criticism sends Velasco down an internal spiral of self-deprecation. At the same time, he accepts any negative opinion or personal attack without hesitation, even agreeing with them - while it hurts, the pain still feels deserved.
Expulsion. Due to his profession, Velasco cannot be part of society and is actively avoided and shunned. He accepts and endorses it.
Humility. Never asks for anything, neither goods nor help. He may accept offers from those close to him, though only if they insist enough or almost force it onto him - either way, Velasco always feels the need to give something back in return and will do so on an exaggerated scale.
Self-hatred. Velasco hates himself and is utterly convinced that he's a horrible person, no matter his good deeds. As long as he serves as an executioner, he's irredeemable and only deserving of pain and rejection.
Solitude. Chooses to stay alone most of the time, refusing to pursue relationships of any kind - on one hand, due to his conviction of being disliked by everyone anyway; on the other hand, he doesn't deem himself worthy of companionship. This applies in two ways:
Friendship. He's just about able to maintain his close friendship with Parzival as it's persisted since their early childhood, though still rarely seeks him out beyond business matters and waits for him to initiate a friendly encounter first. The same applies to later acquaintances such as Gottschalk and Amadeus. No matter how vocal anyone may be about their genuine care and interest in Velasco, he never truly believes it.
Love. While he accepts his own homosexuality, he refuses to indulge in his feelings due to the still persisting penalties for it, having developed a deeply rooted trauma after witnessing executions of 'sodomites' in the past. At the same time, he uses the previously mentioned fact as a guise for his second reasoning - simply not deserving love and companionship and being inherently unlovable. Consequentially, Velasco denies himself any emerging feelings, yet may put himself in situations that turn his self- imposed restraint into suffering.
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Ever since a young age, Velasco suffers from depression and suicidal ideation- initially, due to his predetermined path and unalterable future as an executioner, though both were severely worsened when his older brother Palben committed suicide - a loss Velasco never absorbed - and all the pressure to continue the family legacy was put onto him.
Yet, he never once tried to actually end his own life or even just hurt himself due to three reasons:
Denies himself to acknowledge the suicidal thoughts due to his "cowardice" to follow through with them. His motto is "It cannot be that bad if I never even tried" - this mindset is reinforced by his brother's suicide, who must've suffered immensely to overcome his unwavering pacifism and commit an act of such violence.
Held back by the promise he made to his father to continue the family legacy, refusing to be the final disappointment. Additionally, Velasco witnessed his parent's dismissive and ashamed reaction to Palben's suicide, hurt and afraid to reap the same feedback.
Feels as though he must endure the pain and suffer instead of giving up and choosing the "easy way out".
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His undeniable, yet undisclosed loneliness, as well as his detachment from reality and his own feelings have caused irreversible damage to Velasco's sanity - one may say he's gone slightly mad. An occupational disease, yet it manifests in its own unique ways:
Soliloquies. Velasco has full conversations with his pigeons, corpses of executed convicts, animal cadavers and himself, making up responses for the counterpart, either in his head or sometimes role-playing them aloud.
Quirkiness. He may say or do something strange out of nowhere and entirely out of context. When called out for it, he either pretends to not know what is meant or acts like it wasn't outlandish at all.
Obsession. Has an unhealthy attachment to his homing pigeons and may humanize them at times. Additionally, he constantly uses bird metaphors or relates things back to his pigeons, no matter if it makes sense or not. The strangest thing he has claimed in the past was that he thinks he turns into a crow at night, attacking and injuring the pigeons he then finds in the morning and nurses back to health - it's unclear if he was joking or not.
Parzival
Just like Amadeus and Velasco, Parzival developed his own trauma due to childhood events. In his case, neither a multitude of triggers nor inevitable calamities are to blame, but only one person - Parzival's father. On one side, his direct actions permanently altered the son's psyche; on the other side, Parzival took a lot after his hated father - much to his regret.
Despite breaking free from the paternal shackles, escaping poverty and building a life for himself, the past continues to affect his actions, unable to deny the blood flowing through his veins.
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One character trait Parzival directly inherited from his father is anger. Choleric and constantly overwhelmed by rage, as wrath was the most common emotion surrounding him during his childhood - eventually, Parzival adopted it and was never able to let it go as anger has become his default state of mind.
Consequentially, it's easy to antagonize him, as he takes almost everything as a provocation or personal attack and reacts aggressively without giving the counterpart the benefit of the doubt. The same reaction can be expected whenever he feels cornered, ridiculed or challenged, though it's not unlikely he may unleash his fury for seemingly no reason at all.
When doing so, he immediately speaks his mind before thinking about the choice of words - which are usually insulting and rude -, without considering the consequences or proportionality of his intense reaction to what triggered it in the first place. More often than not, his rampages are entirely exaggerated and unwarranted - a fact Parzival acknowledges internally, yet still refuses to apologize, instead doubling down or ignoring the pain he may have caused. While he's self-aware of his fury and its origin, hating to be as short-tempered as his father, he's unable to stop it or even just admit his flaw and take responsibility for it.
Still, he tries to control his anger as much as possible to not let it control him instead. For the most part, it works well enough to at least not make him turn violent during every altercation - yet, sometimes those strong feelings cannot be contained. In those cases, Parzival will take out his fury and abusive tendencies on the prisoners incarcerated in "The Maw", who cannot defend themselves or expect anyone to help them - they're simply at the mercy of Parzival's wrath.
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Another trait he inherited from his father is a penchant for alcoholism. Parzival usually doesn't drink as he's aware of his tendency to addiction, but at times the urge to indulge in careless drinking grows, especially when overwhelmed by strong and unregulated feelings, which cannot be dispersed by means of violence.
Once he starts to drink, it's hard to stop as the alcohol immediately takes over his mind, unleashing the monstrosity lurking in his blood.
Aside from his usual anger, a purely malicious aggression takes over, which is exceptionally easily triggered. Any slight disturbance or offhand comment will immediately result in mindless violence - a fight that usually doesn't end well for the opponent.
Although Parzival has never given in to those twisted thoughts, a consistent urge to exert sexual violence returns whenever he's drunk. The traumatizing scenes from his childhood playing in his head are the only thing holding him back from committing the same atrocities as his father when intoxicated.
While violence prevails, Parzival also lets down his guard when under the influence of alcohol and - contrary to his father - becomes more emotional and vulnerable. In this state, he's more likely to share his true feelings and admit weaknesses and worries.
The previously mentioned circumstance has only ever been witnessed by Velasco, who's made a deal with Parzival to only drink when he's around in order to supervise him and regulate his consumption. For the most part, Parzival sticks to the agreement - in fact, he avoids drinking altogether and will always decline when in a clear headspace.
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What affected Parzival's mental state the most is the sexual violence exerted by his father, severely shaping and defining the person he is to this day.
While he never got sexually assaulted himself, he was continuously forced to witness the abuse and challenged to participate - he never did and consequentially had to endure physical violence or was punished otherwise. For the longest time, Parzival couldn't defend himself or fight back, defeated by the strength and brutality of his father - this feeling of inferiority and helplessness terrifies him to this day and prompted him to stay in a physically fit shape at all times to be able to fight for himself or others whenever necessary instead of being a mere bystander.
This fight isn't limited to his body, but extends to his words and actions. Due to the trauma, he cannot control his emotions when dealing with court cases of sexual violence or assault. Consequentially, Parzival always aims for the maximum penalty for sex offenders, punishing them disproportionately hard in comparison to other criminals - always pleading for a death sentence, he's rarely successful, though still obtains a much harder punishment for the convicts than they would've received without his involvement. Regardless of the verdict, he always exercises his own idea of justice once sex offenders enter "The Maw".
It may not always be the case, though at times Parzival projects his own father onto those criminals, hurting them as much as he wanted to hurt him. A brief satisfaction and outlet for his wrath and pain, yet it's never enough - a vicious cycle bound to repeat as soon as the next person is convicted of sexual crimes.
âŁ
On a more personal level, Parzival's understanding of intimacy is severely disturbed. Only every witnessing it in a non-consensual context, he now associates sex with violence - more specifically, he understands sex as an act of violence rather than affection.
Due to this conclusion, he's scared of intimacy, convinced he'd be just as violent as his father. Simply not knowing how to be gentle and loving, he also avoids to try, denying himself to show such vulnerability for reasons explained at another point. Either way, Parzival doesn't allow himself to enter a love relationship or even just an affair - love is simply a foreign concept to him, confident he's unable to feel such a strong and positive emotion and handle it in a healthy, non-violent way.
At the same time, experiencing sexual desires cannot be entirely avoided, always overwhelming Parzival whenever they emerge. Refusing to indulge in them in any way, he must distract himself - either by focusing on work or once again exerting violence on the prisoners. Following his logic of the correlation between intimacy and violence, he also considers self-stimulation as an act of self-harm.
Generally speaking, Parzival keeps body contact to a bare minimum and only engages when absolutely necessary, even without any sexual connotations present whatsoever. This mostly applies to any interactions outside of his line of work, which obviously requires physical contact.
⣠⣠âŁ
Combining all aforementioned traumas yields a definition of masculinity Parzival's father tried to inculcate with his son - being a man equals aggression, dominance and violence.
While Parzival never ingrained this view in the same way, it certainly affected him and still does to this day, defining certain actions and traits with mandatory masculinity, such as authority, dominance and physical strength, while deeming others as "unmanly", e.g. vulnerability and strong emotions such as love. As he only applies these opinions to himself and never others, he always feels the need to prove his "manly" qualities, while denying himself the "unmanly" ones.
⣠⣠âŁ
In conclusion, Parzival's psyche has been severely altered by his father and he suffers from his own awareness of it, unable to change certain patterns that remind him of their similarities. While he didn't turn out exactly like his begetter, the same tendencies are irrefutable.
Despite being aware of it, Parzival still tends to be in denial and is extremely offended whenever compared to his father - luckily, a rare and almost impossible occasion as his past is largely unknown to most people. Though, it doesn't need anyone else's comment for him to realize whenever his heritage shines through - the deep-rooted guilt and self-hatred never fail to remind him of who he is and who made him this way.
Gottschalk
Everything that can be said about Gottschalk's mental state is pure speculation and only based on observations, as his background and heritage are entirely unknown and he's unable - or unwilling - to communicate beyond gestures. Though, it's safe to say that his psyche is anomalous in some way.
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Gottschalk definitely shows signs of a social deficit. His interactions with others are stiff and awkward, partially due to his muteness and his unclear communication via gestures, but also because of his lack of understanding of social norms and expectations. While most people refuse to engage with him anyway - a mutual feeling -, those who do will likely leave the "conversation" in utter confusion. Additional symptoms of his social deficit are as follows:
Discomfort. As mentioned, Gottschalk avoids social interactions as much as possible, unless he's become accustomed to someone. When forced to engage with strangers or casual acquaintances, he's visibly uncomfortable.
Indifference. Said discomfort doesn't arise from the opposite's potentially negative opinion about him, as Gottschalk is entirely unaffected by social rejection. Due to his profession, appearance and behavior he's an outcast, despised and avoided, though much to his pleasure - his greatest comfort is found in complete isolation.
Disconnection. Most people are likely unable to really describe why an interaction with Gottschalk feels uncomfortable and strange. It's a conclusion one wouldn't draw naturally, but the main cause for this unease is the fact, that Gottschalk doesn't perceive others as "his own kind", or simply human. Instead, he interacts with people like they're objects or animals, especially inside "The Maw". Whether he thinks of himself as non-human and therefore treats others the same way or he perceives himself as superior to people is unclear.
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Another observed behavior is repetition - Gottschalk consistently follows the exact same patterns in his actions and even does things that appear unnecessary or useless, though are to be performed in a specific way or number of times regardless. These compulsions may be subtle at times, though a few notable examples are as follows:
Locomotion. Gottschalk's odd way of walking - always cartoonishly sneaking at the exact same pace - may be a type of compulsion as no physical reasons have been found or observed. He's likely able to walk normally, but chooses not to for unknown reasons. It's impossible to get him to move any other way.
Touch. Whenever entering certain rooms, he touches specific areas or objects inside, going out of his way to do so. Similarly, whenever working inside the torture chamber, he touches his tools in a particular order and pattern, despite most motions serving no purpose.
Placement. Gottschalk is very territorial about the chaotic piles of junk and trash inside his room and the workshop adjacent to the torture chamber - everything seems to have a definite spot and may not be moved elsewhere. In general, he may tolerate if others touch his stuff, though is visibly unhappy about it and passive-aggressively returns objects to their exact place when moved.
His obvious discomfort and restlessness when being interrupted, stopped or kept from finishing a repetitive action may quickly turn into aggression if he's unable to return to what he was doing for an extended period of time or others respond to it in a hostile way. The same applies to continuous invasions of his workspace and tempering with his tools - in the worst case, he may resort to violence to restore his inner balance and indulge in his compulsions.
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A similar reaction can be expected when trying to touch or remove Gottschalk's mask - in this case, he doesn't even tolerate it, but immediately responds with aggression, though only enough to cause the opponent to retreat. As it seems, Gottschalk doesn't like body contact in general and tries to avoid it as much as possible while working - perhaps, this universal aversion extends to his mask as if it's an adopted part of his body. Though more likely, he simply tries to keep his head and face hidden for reasons unknown.
⣠⣠âŁ
One of the more shocking behaviors Gottschalk displays is his tendency to masochism, even manifesting in what seems to be severe suicidal ideation.
He regularly indulges in self-harm by using instruments of torture, as well as makeshift devices he invented himself - contrary to his previously mentioned compulsions, these masochistic acts don't follow a specific pattern, as he may use different tools at different times to varying degrees of intensity.
Additionally, Gottschalk attempted to kill himself multiple times via various execution methods, such as hanging, drowning and burning, and expressed his interest in other techniques, such as the breaking wheel, which requires the assistance of someone else - namely Parzival or Velasco, who both refuse to fulfill their assistant's fantasy. It's usually them as well, who stop or interrupt Gottschalk's dangerous attempts, treating any wounds sustained and admonish him to not continue this behavior.
While it may seem like Gottschalk actively tries to commit suicide or cause physical suffering, it's almost safe to assume that neither is the case. Instead, he seemingly "just" tries out different methods and tools of torture and execution on himself as a kind of experiment or self-study in order to learn about the effects, ranging from a better understanding of pain tolerance to optimization of a technique.
What remains unclear is whether he experiences enjoyment while performing these actions or views it as merely scientific. He certainly has an extraordinary pain tolerance, enduring horrific pain and injuries without much of a reaction and - surprisingly - hardly any lasting damages. Whether this would be the case if he ever succeeds in his exploration of execution methods remains a mystery.
⣠⣠âŁ
Finally, the most horrific behavior Gottschalk displays is cannibalism. It's hard to say whether he indulges in the consumption of human flesh out of depravity, mental illness or other unclear reasons, though it can only be observed when he's disposing of corpses inside the "Dump", a part of the deepest depths of "The Maw". Any other time or place, Gottschalk doesn't show any interest or urge to perform acts of cannibalism.
Since only Parzival is aware of this behavior, who never confronted Gottschalk about it, his reasons remain unknown. Relating back to his disconnection from society, perhaps he doesn't perceive it as a morally questionable act, not seeing people as equals or living beings - or maybe his motives are much more sinister.
Conclusion
In summary, mental health and illness may not be the most obvious subjects of "Hold Thy Peace", as they are shown in varying degrees of visibility - for example, characters like Amadeus and Velasco are more obviously affected by their poor mental state than Parzival and Gottschalk. Even then, it's rarely the center of attention or hidden underneath a layer of dialogue and events.
While the "Wiedergänger" can be understood in multiple ways - at face value, an actual cryptid lurking inside "The Maw" -, it may also be seen as a manifestation of mental illness. It's entirely up to personal interpretation, though I simply like the idea of constantly having to question whether any of the events are real or just a gigantic metaphor for something else entirely.
Authorâs note / Disclaimer: âHold Thy Peaceâ takes place in a medieval setting, though thereâs absolutely no claim of complete historical accuracy. Regardless, I have incorporated factually correct elements, including (but not limited to) social standards and points of view on certain topics. Please note that these views are not inherently my own and I do not condone certain acts performed by characters mentioned.
The history of "The Maw"
Constructed about 200 years prior to the current events in "Hold Thy Peace", "The Maw" used to be an underground warehouse for the town's reserves, though was also partially rented out to private people and businesses as storage space - a service mostly used by merchants, guilds and taverns. Despite its central location and proximity to the market square, the narrow and labyrinthine subterranean structure was rather inconvenient for its purpose at the time.
About 50 years after the construction, a relentless war depleted all reserves of town and the privately stored wares were either used up, stolen or retrieved by their owners, leaving "The Maw" almost entirely empty by the end of the conflict. Yet, the war was won and space to keep its prisoners became necessary. As the former storage was undamaged and met the minimum requirements of a temporary dungeon, the space was repurposed accordingly with improvised adjustments made to the premises, dividing previous storage sections into makeshift holding cells.
Meanwhile, the reconstruction of the town began, rebuilding what was destroyed and using the opportunity to improve structures or add new ones - including more accessible and convenient warehouses all across the municipality. The old storage never resumed its previous purpose and was instead officially turned into a dungeon as the town's importance grew, gaining the right of high justice.
Consequentially, "The Maw" was properly adjusted for its new objective, including the construction of functional holding cells, a torture chamber and wells. Parts of the structure were walled off and abandoned due to their unnecessarily large dimensions or insufficient condition. The active areas of "The Maw" mostly retained their shape and layout over the following years and were decently maintained - the first notable upgrade was implemented upon Parzival's initiation as the dungeon's jailer. Under his guidance, the security was improved, the holding cell usage became more efficient and repairs as well as general upkeep were carried out more frequently.
While maps of "The Maw" record its layout throughout the years - including its time as the town's storage -, the existence of the deepest parts of the dungeon is entirely undocumented. Nobody except Parzival and Gottschalk is aware of them and it's unknown when or why they were built.
General facts and numbers
The name of "The Maw" originates from its time as the town's storage - while it's never been an official title, it became part of the local's vocabulary over the years and to this day, everyone knows what it refers to. It's unclear who initially coined the name, though it's been adapted quickly as it's a fitting description for the underground structure swallowing whatever is being put inside it - may it be reserves or prisoners. Another way to refer to the dungeon is as the guts of town.
"The Maw" is mainly located underneath the town hall, market square and sanctuary and therefore in the center of the whole town itself. It's known for its repetitive sections ramifying into multiple different branches with varying layouts and is commonly perceived as confusing and disorienting, often causing panic and the feeling of being lost when wandering aimlessly and without any knowledge of the premises. Observing the structure on a map, the overall layout is somewhat linear with loops connecting back to the main hallways and sections. While one cannot truly get lost within "The Maw" - at least not anymore due to multiple walled off paths -, it's very easy to walk in circles and lose one's sense of direction.
As mentioned, "The Maw's" size has been reduced from its original, massive dimensions with several branches walled off, filled in or destroyed entirely. Those that still exist are left abandoned and mostly forgotten as they don't connect to anything anymore, having no entrance or exit to another structure. Only a few branches are technically still accessible, such as a small section underneath the sanctuary.
The dungeon has multiple levels at different depths. The main level with most holding cells is located 10 meters underground, though the structure reaches down to 24 meters depth at its lowest. Those deep levels are undocumented and inaccessible to anyone but Parzival and Gottschalk.
There are no natural sources of light anywhere within "The Maw" due to its depth - the only illumination is provided by numerous torches lining the hallways and selected rooms, excluding all holding cells. The temperature is naturally cooler than above ground and the air is stale and humid - in some areas, the sickening stench of blood, sweat and feces is unbearable.
The total amount of officially used holding cells is 56 and distributed as follows:
47 single holding cells
4 group holding cells
5 "caves"
Additionally, there are 6 "reserves", which are also used as holding cells, though are only known to Parzival and Gottschalk.
Most prisoners are just temporarily incarcerated within "The Maw", awaiting torture, punishment or execution. Their time of stay may range from just one day to several years - the latter applies to those whose punishment is the incarceration itself. Anyone else won't stay for longer than a few months.
The folktale of the "Wiedergänger" emerged shortly after the official conversion of "The Maw" from a storage space to a dungeon and persisted for multiple decades before starting to fade into obscurity. During that period of time, it served as an effective deterrent as most people genuinely believed the lore and it was further spread by ex-convicts sharing their personal experiences while staying inside "The Maw". Nowadays, the tale is mostly forgotten or disregarded as superstition - the actual cruelties performed inside the dungeon have become much more frightening than some cryptid.
The inner workings - How "The Maw" operates
Logbooks:
The jailer's office houses multiple shelves full of logs from the past decades. The documentation doesn't start from the very beginning of "The Maw's" service as the town's dungeon, though picks up shortly after - over time, it got progressively more detailed, especially ever since Parzival is in charge, who excessively notes down every single point, no matter how irrelevant it may seem.
Such details include, but are not limited to:
convict information (e.g. name, age, place of origin, profession, notable facts about their past and upbringing)
crime details (e.g. the committed crime itself, course of events, used weapon, victims, accomplices)
persecution details (e.g. court hearing notes, final judgement, legal steps)
notable information about convict's stay inside "The Maw" (e.g. holding cell assignment, due and paid fees, requests and extra services, general behavior, officially administered torture)
donations (e.g. benefactor and receiver, type and amount of donation, distribution)
general finances (e.g. income (salary, payments from prisoners), expenses (maintenance, Gottschalk's salary, food and amenities)
general maintenance details (e.g. repairs, general upkeep measures)
Some information is better left undocumented, such as unofficially performed acts of torture or withheld donations. There is also no mention of anything that's happening in the deepest levels of "The Maw".
If Parzival isn't inside the dungeon, he can usually be found writing in the log - he seemingly never runs out of details to record. At the same time, he doesn't let anyone get near the current log or any of the shelves behind him, unless it's upon an official order from the court council.
Holding cell assignment:
As the jailer of "The Maw", the holding cell assignment is entirely up to Parzival. The regular process and guidelines are as follows:
The closest free holding cells are used first. 'Close' means anywhere between the main entrance and the torture chamber. Any other holding cells have lower priority.
Group holding cells just tend to be used when all single holding cells are occupied. If that's the case, only small-time criminals may be incarcerated there - the inmates must be persecuted for unrelated crimes, meaning accomplices will always be split up.
"The Caves" are usually the last choice and mostly used for especially violent and misbehaving convicts as a sort of "extra-solitary confinement".
Women and teenagers of age of criminal responsibility are always assigned to single holding cells, if possible away from male convicts and the torture chamber, but near the main entrance.
Some holding cells are marked with symbols describing the crime of the inmate. They may not always apply and be disregarded during the holding cell assignment.
Convicts, who received the punishment of long-term incarceration, as usually assigned to holding cells deep within the dungeon, meaning near "The Caves" or past the torture chamber.
Parzival may change the assigned holding cell later on, depending on the behavior of the incarcerated convict - the conditions may improve or worsen accordingly.
Prisoners may pay extra fees for a more favorable holding cell (e.g. near the main entrance, away from the torture chamber). Their request may be denied by Parzival, either due to availability or personal reasons.
Rules:
The following rules apply as soon as a convict is handed over to Parzival, facing incarceration within "The Maw". They may only be disregarded upon his explicit permission:
Both Parzival's and Gottschalk's orders and instructions are to be followed without any resistance or backtalk. Any defiance will be punished with additional acts of torture (either physical or psychological), the denial of food, hygiene or extra services, or a financial penalty.
Prisoners are not allowed to talk - neither to themselves, nor with others, either through the wall or when staying inside the same holding cell. They may only speak when ordered to do so. Any other interactions between inmates are prohibited as well and will be punished as mentioned above.
Sick convicts may receive medical attention inside "The Maw". Only in severe cases, a brief stay above ground may be allowed, though with a mandatory return to the dungeon after recovery. Faking an illness will be punished to the same extent as mentioned above. Any costs incurring for the medical treatment are to be paid by the prisoner.
Visitors are not allowed inside "The Maw", unless they have been officially invited to join a condemned one's last meal - in that case, they may only enter using the spiral staircase connecting the town hall with the "Ratskeller" and not enter any other part of the dungeon. Even visits of council members or other notable officials must be announced and authorized beforehand. Only Parzival and Gottschalk may enter the premises freely.
No mention of the "Wiedergänger" folktale. Anyone speaking of it while inside "The Maw" may be punished as mentioned above, if a first warning remains unheeded. It's officially unclear why the reference entails such hard consequences as Parzival refuses to elaborate, though he may just explain it as a violation of the general rule to not speak during incarceration.
Fees, extra services and donations:
A mandatory fee for incarceration is to be paid by the prisoner. The daily rate may vary based on the convict's financial situation and time of stay - the total sum tends to already be calculated beforehand and may be paid upfront, at the latest by the time of release. As all fees need to be paid directly to Parzival, he immediately adds high default charges on top of the debt if the payment is but one day late.
The basic services provided inside "The Maw" include one small portion of a light soup and one small cup of unfiltered water from a well each day, as well as the disposal of the feces bucket once a week.
Additional amenities and services that require an extra payment are as follows:
food (beyond the default soup)
drinks (beyond the default water)
regular disposal of the feces bucket (more often than once a week)
bedding
smouldering piece of coal during winter
removal of the shackles when inside the holding cell
table for food (otherwise it's placed on top of the feces bucket)
Essentially, anything may be requested as long as it's not dangerous in any way and the payment is secured. Parzival may deny any wishes for arbitrary reasons.
A few notable special services are as follows:
Amadeus' presence during incarceration, torture, the last meal or the execution procession. This proposition has been established due to a deal between Amadeus and Parzival: the first may offer their services as chaplain to the convicts, though the latter receives the payment. It's quite affordable to request religious support and may sometimes even be free if Amadeus convinces Parzival.
Leaving the dungeon for a short period of time. The requirements for this service are very strict and the price is extraordinarily high. If such a request is even fulfilled, the convict may only leave while being accompanied by either Parzival or Gottschalk at all times. A return to "The Maw" is mandatory and the stay outside may not last longer than 24 hours.
Getting tortured by Parzival instead of Gottschalk. This service has only been introduced due to multiple requests in the past. While the intention behind it is clear, Parzival doesn't feed into it and instead makes sure that the requester never asks for this service again. It is also extremely expensive.
Any fees and amenities may be paid for or donated by the family, friends and benefactors of a convict, or the clergy, if the prisoner cannot pay themselves. Parzival may decline on the convict's behalf or withhold or redistribute any donations.
As mentioned, any payment - no matter if mandatory or optional - goes directly to Parzival, who may still deny amenities, services or requests for arbitrary reasons. Occasionally, he may also charge far more than the regular price to even consider fulfilling a wish. On the contrary, he may also lower the prices or offer certain amenities or services for free, especially for women and teenagers - such generosity is still very rare.
Maintenance, administration and service:
Parzival and Gottschalk are the only people involved in "The Maw's" maintenance and general upkeep. While assistance from craftsmen or accountants would be possible, Parzival refuses any help and involvement of 'outsiders' - partially to keep additional costs low, but also due to the sanctity of his authority.
Any administrative tasks are exclusively handled by Parzival, while Gottschalk is solely responsible for providing basic and additional services - both share maintenance duties.
Administration includes communication with the court council, documentation in the logs, keeping track of all finances, scheduling appointments of all kinds and generally organizing everything to ensure a smooth daily run.
Maintenance entails repairs in- and outside "The Maw", the upkeep of tools and devices, restocking all storage spaces and replacing torches.
Services include the daily delivery of the default meal and drink, the distribution of extra amenities and donations, emptying the feces buckets, cleaning and catching or killing any pests roaming the dungeon.
Entering the dungeon - A walkthrough
A map of "The Maw" - full size HERE!
Jailer's office (not on the map):
The jailer's office is located at a corner of the town hall, partially facing the market square with a direct connection to the street. It's a small room with three little, barred windows.
Upon entering, to the left, there's a large, wooden desk serving as Parzival's workplace. Behind it are shelves with logs lining the wall, only leaving a gap for the door connecting to the jailer's private chambers. A collection of keys - a seemingly random assortment of different sizes and shapes without any tags - hangs on a protruding wall, slightly separating the front and back of the office.
To the right, there are various storage containers - such a crates, chests, barrels and sacks - as well as a simple, wooden bench. Donations tend to pile up here.
Straight ahead, there's a low stone wall connecting to the protruding wall, and behind it, a steep spiral staircase facing to the left leads down to a small platform. Two doors can be found here - one leads to Gottschalk's room, the other to another narrower spiral staircase descending deeper into "The Maw" - the latter tends to be locked for additional security, unless either Parzival or Gottschalk are inside the dungeon.
Parzival may commonly be found in the office at his desk, if he's not inside the dungeon. He's usually busy writing in the logs and may be seen "sleeping" here too - one shall not be deceived by his presumed slumber though, as he's simply on standby and very much aware of his surroundings.
Parzival's room (not on the map):
The jailer's private chamber is smaller than his office and only has one barred window.
Besides a large, wooden wardrobe and a single, unkempt bed, there's a random and chaotic assortment of various items left behind by the previous jailer, carelessly shoved into the corners of the room and left to collect dust.
The chamber is hardly in use, as Parzival rarely leaves his office or the dungeon and tends to "sleep" by his desk. He doesn't believe in proper rest or leisure time, nor keeping a private space shaped by his individuality.
Gottschalk's room (not on the map):
Gottschalk's room can be reached by descending the spiral staircase coming from the jailer's office. A small platform allows for a brief stop before going any further. As everyone has to come past here to enter or leave "The Maw", it's almost impossible to do so unnoticed.
The room is located three meters below the ground and used to be a former single holding cell with minimal natural light coming through tiny, slanted windows near the ceiling. Before turning into Gottschalk's chamber, it was largely used as a storage room, and before that, Parzival lived here during his apprenticeship.
It has kept its function as a storage space, as the room is cluttered and filled with junk, scraps, tools and devices, more than anything else suggesting its use as a private chamber.
To the left, there's a massive wooden desk with a simple chair serving as Gottschalk's workbench to tinker and craft. Next to it, in the back left corner of the room, a very simple bed may be found underneath various junk - it's hardly used. Throughout the room, several cages with rats can be found.
Main entrance:
Descending the second spiral staircase will lead to the main entrance of "The Maw", a room not any bigger than the jailer's office. It's located ten meters underground.
To the left, there's a barred stone well, which only serves as a secondary source of water inside the dungeon, and a door leading to the main storage room. It tends to be locked.
To the right, a narrow hallway leads into the dungeon itself, passing the first five single holding cells to the right.
Main storage room:
The main storage room contains most food, tools and amenities needed in the dungeon and gets restocked regularly. While its location is optimal for that purpose, the goods will have to be carried all throughout the dungeon for delivery.
A small, narrow door - barely recognizable as such - is blending in with the dim surroundings, furthermore hidden behind crates and barrels. It serves as a secret connection to the hidden passages leading into the deepest depths of the dungeon and is therefore always locked. Only Parzival has the key, though Gottschalk also knows of the door's existence.
Hallways:
The hallways are one of "The Maw's" trademarks. Long, looping corridors divided into repeating sections by wooden frames, creating an infinity mirror effect and potentially causing disorientation and dizziness or vertigo. Each section is aligned with a holding cell, adding to the repetitiveness. The wooden frames make the hallways even narrower, forcing one to bow their head and lift their feet every few steps.
The average ceiling height is about 1.7 meters (about 1.6 meters when passing a wooden frame) and the width of the hallways lies between 1 and 1.5 meters.
As there's no source of natural light, torches are spaced out between the corridor sections providing dim illumination.
Some dead ends suggest the existence of a previous continuation of the path, now inaccessible due to it being walled off or destroyed. Several dead branches still exist.
Single holding cells:
Each holding cell - no matter if single or group - is locked by a heavy wooden door without a window or other kind of opening, preventing any of the already dim light in the hallways to enter. A few steps lead down into each single holding cell, which are approximately 2x2 meters of size. Every wall, as well as the ceiling and floor are entirely clad in wood.
To the left and right, wooden benches are firmly attached to the walls. Straight ahead, an affixed pallet serves as a place to sleep - bedding must be donated or purchased separately. On the floor in the center of the holding cell, a square rock with a carved hole is meant to hold a few pieces of smouldering coal in winter to make the cold slightly more bearable - as long as the according fee is paid.
While most single holding cells are largely the same, a few have varying features for different purposes. Some have chains and shackles permanently attached to the floor or wall, restraining either the neck, hands or feet of prisoners. Other cells have stocks, forcing inmates to sit or stand for hours, days or weeks.
A few single holding cells are also marked with unique symbols referring to the crime committed by the incarcerated convict or the punishment they await. The symbols and their meaning are as follows:
red rooster: arson
black cat: defamation
white rabbit: sexual assault / "deviance"
black raven: condemned to death
It's unclear when the cells received those marks or who did it, though the symbols are not distributed throughout the entire dungeon and aren't nearly describing all possible crimes and punishments. Additionally, they're not always considered when holding cells are assigned to convicts, meaning the red rooster cell may not be used for an arsonist. Still, each symbol is assigned to a specific key, which only opens the respective holding cells.
Group holding cells:
While being a bit larger than the single holding cells - about 2.5x3 meters -, the group holding cells don't look much different, although there aren't pallets for sleeping. Instead, wooden benches are attached to all walls, circling the room.
Every group holding cell has affixed shackles to keep the prisoners away from each other, though they may not be used, depending on the inmates sharing the cell. Four to six people may occupy the group holding cell at the same time, in rare occasions even up to ten.
The group holding cells are usually only used when the single holding cells are all occupied - even then, only small-time criminals may be incarcerated here. They must all be persecuted for unrelated crimes, meaning accomplices will always be split up. Women and children will never share a group holding cell with men.
Parzival may use the group holding cells as a means of punishment or torture by incarcerating misbehaving convicts together with potentially dangerous inmates, who may not be held back by shackles. While it's mainly a passive method of intimidation, he also doesn't mind if the prisoners end up hurting each other.
"The Caves":
"The Caves" are located in the south of the dungeon at about 16 meters depth, separated from the main structure. With a size of 1.5x1.5 meters, they're the smallest type of holding cells - at least officially.
Contrary to both the group and single holding cells, "The Caves" stay true to their name, as there's no wooden cladding, benches and pallets, but only plain stone. The floor is uneven, partially covered in dirt and perpetually damp, just like the walls and the slightly domed ceiling. Without much space to move, prisoners face constant discomfort.
As they're less accessible and quick to cause illness due to their cold and wet conditions, they're not used very often and only reserved for exceptionally gruesome convicts as a type of "extra-solitary confinement". Parzival may also use "The Caves" as a way of punishment or torture for misbehaving prisoners.
Main well room:
The main well room is roughly in the center of the main structure and slightly deeper at about 11.5 meters. Small steps on three of four sides connect to different areas of "The Maw", making this room an important intersection.
Due to its connection and general location, the well here is used as the central water supply for the entire dungeon. It's larger and deeper than the well in the main entrance room, though also barred - it's only open when water is drawn from it to prevent potential escape attempts.
Occasionally, reserves or donations may be stored here, though only temporarily. Other than that, there's no other point of reference besides the well and one may still struggle to orientate themselves.
Torture chamber (with workshop):
The torture chamber and its adjacent workshop are located at a depth of 13 meters and accessed by descending a few steps. While the first is rather narrow, though has an unusually high ceiling, the latter is closer to the dimensions of a group holding cell and accessed through a wooden door. It's mainly used by Gottschalk.
The following instruments of torture can be found here:
straight ahead, winch and weights for strappado (convicts have their hands tied behind their back and are being pulled up by them)
to the right, rack (shaped like a ladder, convicts are tied to it and stretched by the means of a winch)
to the left, thumb screws (affixed to a small stone pillar)
bench / table with shackles in the center of the room for various purposes
More tools and devices are stored in the adjacent workshop and may be brought out if necessary.
In the back wall of the room, a hole near the ceiling connects to a vent system leading up to a chamber in the town hall, allowing court council members or the chief judge to listen to the torture without having to be present. The hole can be closed, disallowing any noise to escape the torture chamber.
"Ratskeller":
The "Ratskeller" (eng.: council's cellar) received its name as a morbid pun - while an actual "Ratskeller" is a pub or restaurant located underneath a town hall, this one serves as the room for a condemned one's last meal before their execution. It's located right next to the torture chamber.
It only contains a simple table and chair to the right of the room upon entering and faces the opposite wall. When sitting down, on the right side, a wall partially divides the room, obscuring the view and blocking the access to a narrow spiral staircase connecting the "Ratskeller" to the town hall above. It serves as an entrance and exit for visitors, the exit for condemned prisoners heading to court before their execution procession and as a shortcut for Parzival between the court and the dungeon. The door upstairs is always guarded and usually locked for additional security - only Parzival has the key.
During a condemned one's last meal, they may be visited by family or friends - if Parzival allows it. Any visitors must stay inside the "Ratskeller" and are never left alone for the time of their stay.
The last meal can be whatever the prisoner wishes, though - as usual - Parzival may deny their request, change it or even serve them nothing at all.
Secret side entrance:
The secret side entrance to "The Maw" is located inside a large storage room in the back of the town hall. It's mostly unused and only Parzival has a key. The room itself is dark and dusty, several crates, barrels and sacks are strewn about, as well as partially broken shelves and old pieces of furniture.
Behind some of them in the upper left corner of the storage space is an unremarkable wooden hatch locked by a sturdy lock. When opened, a ladder descends a few meters down into the darkness onto a small platform. From there, a spiraling passage leads down further until reaching a depth of 16 meters, where another set of stairs connects up to the secret door in the main storage room.
Descending even further, one reaches a long, straight and narrow hallway dimly illuminated by torches. The width is about 1 meter and even smaller when walking through the wooden frames cutting the corridor into repetitive sections.
"Toolbox":
Eventually, a small room appears to the left, the so-called "Toolbox". It's used as a storage space for tools and torture devices, as well as a couple resources and maintenance materials.
It's also used as a workshop, though more so by Parzival than Gottschalk.
"The Theater":
Following the long corridor even further, an opening appears to the right with a few steps leading down into an unusually large, circular room with a high, domed ceiling - "The Theater". It's the name Parzival's predecessor used when referring to this room, morbidly comparing the events happening inside to a play performed to entertain the "Wiedergänger".
Seven small alcoves are carved into the stone walls, each may be closed with wooden, lockable doors - they're used as tiny holding cells. Their base size is 50cm width, 1.3 meter height and 60cm depth, meaning a prisoner can barely move inside, if at all, and may be forced into unnatural positions for hours, days or weeks. Furthermore, the height of each alcove can be adjusted as the ceiling may be lowered through a special mechanism, even allowing to slowly crush an inmate.
A large affixed breaking wheel marks the center of "The Theater". It can be rotated in a horizontal or vertical position and face any direction. Prisoners may be tied to it and tortured.
Multiple chains, some with large meat hooks, hang from the ceiling. Their height can be adjusted through mechanisms in the walls. They're also used for torture, either active or passive by piercing the hooks through prisoner's ribs and hanging them up.
Barred drains line the stained stone floor, letting spilled blood disappear into the darkness beneath. It's unclear where they lead.
The original purpose of "The Theater" is unknown, as well as who built it and when. No map marks its existence and it's not documented in any logs from "The Maw's" time as a storage or after its conversion into a dungeon. It's only ever been used to perform heinous acts of torture beyond the rules of law, hidden from the public eye and purely to entertain the "Wiedergänger".
Wet room:
A small room marks the end of the secret passage. It contains a small well, a mechanical pump and a wooden tub. A few strings connect the corners of the ceiling.
This room is solely used by Parzival to clean himself and his clothes after each "performance", hanging his garments from the strings to let them dry. They usually don't due to the high humidity.
"Reserves":
Before entering the wet room, a long staircase descends even deeper into "The Maw", leading to a short corridor and six old and rundown holding cells - the so-called "Reserves". Like "The Caves", they're each merely 1.5x1.5 meters small, though - like the single holding cells - have wooden clad walls, ceilings and floors.
They're not always in use, though may serve as holding cells for additional victims if the alcoves inside "The Theater" are already occupied. They remain inside the "Reserves" until the space has been cleared - hence the name.
"Dump":
Between the "Reserves", another short corridor branches off, which only leads to one room on the left - the "Dump". Similar to the torture chamber, it's narrow, but has a high ceiling. Multiple drains line the stone floor, though the metal has become rusty and discolored.
The "Dump" is used by Gottschalk to dispose of the corpses of those who have perished inside "The Theater". Here, he dismembers the bodies, separating the flesh from the bones and draining all fluids, before partially consuming the flesh, organs and blood, then breaking or crushing the leftover bones for easier disposal or burial. Even Parzival doesn't entirely know how Gottschalk gets rid of the carcasses, though there's never any trace left of them.
Abandoned and forgotten branches - Passage to the sanctuary
As mentioned before, there are several dead branches, as well as old and abandoned parts of "The Maw", which are now walled up and blocked off from the active dungeon without any possible access. Old maps depicting the original layout are in Parzival's possession and technically make it possible to locate former parts of "The Maw".
The only remaining abandoned branch with an entrance lies beneath the sanctuary, although it has been forgotten and remained undisturbed until Amadeus' discovery. It's only a short, L-shaped corridor with four old, unlocked single holding cells and a dead end waiting around the corner of the hallway. The general condition is poor with high humidity and rotting wood threatening to collapse.
Its existence has been forgotten due to the inconvenient path to its entrance. First, a usually locked door inside the sanctuary leads down into the crypt, which is not accessed very often. From here, another locked door in a back corner descends further down into an old wine cellar via a spiral staircase - it's been entirely unused for decades and almost empty besides a few remaining barrels strewn about the darkness. In the corner of the wine cellar, a small, unsuspecting door - also locked - leads even further down via another very narrow, steep, but short spiral staircase ending by another door. It's similar to the doors of the holding cells inside "The Maw", though in a much worse condition - it's unwieldy, but unlocked. Upon opening it, the dead branch of the dungeon is accessed.
Old maps prove, that the abandoned branch doesn't connect to the active dungeon anymore and has been walled off around the time of "The Maw's" conversion. This undeniable fact makes any of Amadeus' statements about the layout of the branch, as well as their sudden appearances in entirely different parts of the dungeon technically impossible.
The realm of the "Wiedergänger"
This impossibility is likely attributed to the abilities of the "Wiedergänger". It can seemingly reshape the dungeon and change its layout at will - at least it's able to make people under its influence believe that, since nothing is actually restructured.
Still, the "Wiedergänger" somehow guides its victims along non-existent paths, making them end up in areas that are actually impossible to reach from their starting point. This way, Amadeus finds themselves in active parts of "The Maw" despite entering through the dead branch underneath the sanctuary.
The "Wiedergänger" can create various illusions, such as non-existent prisoners and disembodied voices, as well as endless corridors and stairs. It may also appear in different shapes for various purposes, e.g. chasing, scaring or deceiving a victim, to damage their sanity and cause them to become disoriented and lost inside "The Maw".
Justice, Jurisdiction and the Penal System in "Hold Thy Peace"
Author's note / Disclaimer: "Hold Thy Peace" takes place in a medieval setting, though there's absolutely no claim of complete historical accuracy. Regardless, I have incorporated factually correct elements, including (but not limited to) social standards and points of view on certain topics. Please note that these views are not inherently my own and I do not condone certain acts performed by characters mentioned.
Real life inspirations and historical accuracy
The justice system of "Hold Thy Peace" in all its facets is an amalgamation of various historical inspirations. While some facts and aspects have been borrowed directly, others were exaggerated or put into a technically incorrect context or timeline for story reasons.
Major influences are the Constitutio Criminalis Carolina, the first general German penal code from 1532, as well as the Constitutio Criminalis Bambergensis from 1507. Both serve as the base for "Hold Thy Peace"'s own legal code. This includes prosecuted crimes at the time, as well as applied methods of torture, punishment and execution - I tried to accurately match each crime with the corresponding penalty, at least as much as possible.
The mentioned workings inside "The Maw" are heavily based on the medieval dungeons of Nuremberg (Nßrnberger Lochgefängnisse) - if you want to find out more about that, check out this guided tour on YouTube (German only). Additionally, those dungeons inspired "Hold Thy Peace" in the first place, as you can read in my very first blog post.
Further information on torture methods, prosecuted crimes and their corresponding punishments, as well as the procedure of executions and every step leading up to it, are inspired by the diary of Franz Schmidt, the executioner of Nuremberg between 1578 - 1617, as well as Joel F. Harrington's "The Faithful Executioner" about Franz Schmidt and his diary, as well as the general penal system at the time. Both are absolutely recommended reads.
The council and the chief judge
While the proven legislation recorded in the country's legal code, established by the emperor himself, is generally followed and referred to, the final decision in each criminal case is entirely in the hands of the court council. Consisting of twelve men selected from the roster of members of the town council, as well as the supervising chief judge, the court council is responsible for the evaluation of each criminal case, hearing witnesses and inspecting evidence, passing sentences, preparing questions to ask a suspect during torture and confirming the final verdicts before executions.
As jurisdiction is only part of their regular work in the town council, most members aren't very knowledgeable in regards to the legal code, prosecution and appropriate punishments for committed crimes - with the exception of the chief judge, who's the only legal scholar of the council. Everyone else is specialized in different fields unrelated to jurisdiction, though as well as their town council colleagues, they're united by their individual wealth and influence as responsible citizens of high social standing.
Despite their lack of in-depth knowledge, the court council must tend to its duties as best as possible. Besides the previously mentioned responsibilities, at least two council members must listen to mandated torture through a special vent connecting the torture chamber with a separate room in the town hall upstairs - their physical presence to witness the torment isn't required. Documenting the procedure, they'll share their insights with the rest of the council and pass the sentence accordingly. Similarly, council members are free to join executions as representatives, though it's not mandatory - most choose to not attend.
While the roster of court council members may change over time, the chief judge holds his position indefinitely. He makes the final decision in each criminal case, though requires the approval of every other member of the council.
His role in "Hold Thy Peace" is mostly passive, though still of considerable importance. Later on, his actions will even actively affect the course of the story. As a notable character, here are a few more points about the chief judge:
As mentioned, he's the only legal scholar of the court council, therefore holding the position of the head of court. He is a regular member of the town council as well.
Widely known as one of the most influential and rich citizens of the area, he established close ties with the local major and other high-ranking officials all throughout the country. It is said, he even has connections reaching the court of the emperor.
He's essentially Parzival's superior. Besides this occupational hierarchy, the chief judge financially supported and encouraged Parzival during his apprenticeship to become the new jailer of "The Maw", fascinated by his resilience and keen perception. While their relationship always stayed professional, Parzival still considers the chief judge as a second mentor besides his predecessor.
The chief judge grants Parzival a considerable amount of freedom, namely allowing him to join court hearings and state his opinions and views on the cases despite not being part of the council. The jailer takes full advantage of this opportunity, sometimes overstepping the mark - in that case, the chief judge doesn't hesitate to reprimand and put him back in his place.
Generally speaking, the chief judge is the only person with enough power to successfully oppose Parzival without fearing any consequences.
The legal code and the scale of penalties
The legal code of the country describes all punishable crimes, the requirements to declare someone guilty, the severity of punishment in relation to the committed crime and the required conditions to warrant torture. It also lists all permitted punishments, methods of torture and execution.
Though, as previously mentioned, the legal code is often treated more like a general guideline for the court council rather than set rules to comply with at all costs.
Additionally, personal matters and disagreements tend to stay private and are resolved accordingly, unless they escalate and affect the general public. Involved parties may approach the council if a solution can only be found with their judgement.
The legal code lists the following crimes as punishable:
Perjury
Affray / Offending public decency (e.g. brawling, begging, street prostitution)
Defamation
(High) Treason
Deception / Fraud
Forgery (e.g. documents, coins)
Theft (penalty may vary, depending on whether the theft was performed in secret or out in the open)
Robbery (distinguished from theft by the use of violence)
A crime is reported to the guards, the council, Parzival or any other town official and if possible or applicable, the crime scene will be investigated. After hearing witnesses and collecting potential evidence, the search for a suspect ensues.
If they were found or caught, the accused will be reported to the court council or directly brought to the town hall for an immediate or timely hearing - this step may happen instantly, if there's no crime scene to investigate or the perpetrator was caught in the act.
The main accuser and potential witnesses will state the case and present incriminating evidence, if available.
Subsequently, the court council deliberates and takes further steps, potentially already deciding on the accused's innocence or guilt. Depending on the evidence and credibility of the witness statements, the direction of the trial may change towards involved accomplices or even the accuser, who may be prosecuted for defamation if their allegation turned out to be false, especially when done out of malice.
When the accused is found guilty, the degree of their penalty will be inspired by the country's legal code and the lex talionis principle (= the law of exact retaliation or reciprocal justice, meaning a punishment must be exactly equal to the crime), though the court's decisions are very inconsistent and heavily depend on each individual case. The same crime may be punished differently, which has a lot to do with the culprit themselves, e.g. their behavior when interacting with the court council, crimes committed in the past and personal circumstances. First offenders are more likely to receive a milder punishment (except for manslaughter and murder), though if they're caught again, the penalty increases and may even result in an execution, if the behavior of the perpetrator is unlikely to change or improve.
Guilt can only be proven with sufficient evidence, at least two trustworthy witnesses or a confession. The latter may be elicited by means of torture, if necessary - this method is only warranted if there's reasonable doubt about the accused's innocence.
Finally, the chief judge will pronounce the sentence and ask each of the twelve members of the court council to state their approval in order to validate the verdict.
The culprit's fate is sealed.
After the trial - From "The Maw" to the gallows
Incarceration:
After the trial, the convict will be handed over to Parzival, who manages the administration of penal judgement. Usually, the first part of it involves a short- or long-term incarceration in the town's dungeon called "The Maw". During that time, the prisoner is entirely at mercy of Parzival's idea of justice, which may heavily differ from the official sentence.
In the best case scenario, they will receive the most basic care, only awaiting their mandated punishment - in the worst case, the convict will be denied said care, while also being abused beyond their official sentence. A likely fate, if Parzival disagrees with the council's verdict, thinking of it as too mild.
The prisoner must pay the fee for their own incarceration, as well as fees for additional services, such as regular food, bedding, a piece of smouldering coal to fight the cold in winter or being released from their shackles while inside the holding cell. Poor convicts who cannot afford any of these amenities depend on donations from the clergy or benefactors. All fees must be paid directly to Parzival, though he may deny service if he deems a person unworthy - at the same time, he may withhold donations for the same reason.
Torture:
In case of torture becoming a necessity to elicit a confession, the convict will be brought to the torture chamber inside "The Maw". While at least two court council members must listen to the interrogation through a special vent connecting the chamber with a separate room up in the town hall, the prisoner is only joined by Parzival, Gottschalk, Velasco and perhaps Amadeus.
Parzival supervises the torture according to the guidelines, asking questions mandated by the court council and potentially documenting the procedure and its results.
Gottschalk performs the acts of torture with increasing intensity, if necessary - merely presenting the tools may already be enough to elicit a confession before needing to use them.
Velasco provides medical supervision and care - while he makes sure the convict doesn't die during the torture, he also potentially extends it by applying first aid.
Amadeus serves as a comforter, trying to at least ease the convict's mental torment. They may only be present if the prisoner requested it and the wish was granted by either the court council or Parzival.
A torture session tends to last between 15 minutes and 2 hours, depending on the success of the interrogation, the orders of the court council and the physical and mental condition of the convict. They may be tortured multiple times to elicit a confession, though only if their guilt is almost certain despite the conditions regarding evidence or witnesses not being met.
As the court council members, including the chief judge, aren't physically present during the torture, Parzival may allow Gottschalk to use different methods than mandated, letting him treat the convict much more violently or even experiment with them. Using the opportunity, Gottschalk tests out new devices and his own creations, as well as other ways of torture he came up with - which may include his pet rats. Furthermore, he occasionally obtains permission from Parzival to take prisoners to the torture chamber even if it wasn't mandated. Closing the vent to prevent anyone from hearing the screams, he's free to experiment further.
Though, the torment isn't limited to the torture chamber. Gottschalk may also harrow convicts while they're locked up in the holding cells, targeting their psyche with sleep deprivation, forced nudity or having them listen to the torture of other prisoners. Additionally, he may worsen their already horrendous incarceration conditions by releasing rats in the holding cells, drenching convicts with water in winter or leaving the used bucket for feces to fester. Once again, Gottschalk may act by force of Parzival's order, though also does so of his own volition when a prisoner is "ungrateful" for the basic service they receive - being aggressive or unresponsive when Gottschalk serves a meal may result in it ending up inside the feces bucket.
Misbehaving and unruly convicts - resisting orders, talking inside the holding cells, as well as being violent and aggressive - are the most common targets for additional torture and abuse, while those respecting the rules and orders tend to be spared - unless Parzival deems their official sentence as too mild. By way of example, an obedient murderer sentenced to death by breaking wheel might have a better time in "The Maw" than a demanding and entitled rich man incarcerated for sexual harassment.
Generally speaking, sexual abusers are never save in the dungeon and their punishment will likely be administered by Parzival himself.
Punishment:
The performance of non-lethal punishments is technically Velasco's responsibility, though unless it has to be done publicly, he tends to leave it to either Parzival or Gottschalk - while the less or non-violent penalties, such as banishment or public shaming, aren't the issue, it's the more brutal ones, e.g. flogging, cutting off body parts or branding, that simply make him uncomfortable. Unfortunately, most punishments are performed publicly, which leaves him no other choice but to uphold his reputation and standing as executioner - if possible, he'll let Gottschalk handle the worst of it as his official assistant.
Still, Velasco will try to be as merciful as possible when performing the punishments himself, e.g. cutting swift and clean or adjusting the intensity of the flogging depending on the convicts, holding back when they're old, weak and / or female.
Execution:
If a death sentence has been passed, Velasco and Gottschalk will prepare accordingly - depending on the method of execution, they may build a scaffold in the town square for a beheading or the death by breaking wheel, construct a pyre for burning or a wooden platform by the river for drowning.
A few days beforehand, an execution is announced to the general public via notices, word of mouth or a small red flag hanging outside the town hall.
When the time has come, the convict tends to receive a last meal before heading to the execution site. They can wish for any specific food they want, though - as per usual - Parzival may deny the request and serve them something else entirely. While eating their last meal, the condemned may be visited by their family or friends to bid farewell - if Parzival allows it.
The last involvement of the court council is to confirm the sentence once more. They may show mercy by changing the method of execution from hanging to beheading, though they may also order additional penalties to be administered during the execution procession, namely the pinching with red-hot pincers or dragging of the convict. Such torture will be performed by Gottschalk.
Amadeus may provide their service as a comforter on the way to the execution site, perhaps even until the very end, if the condemned wishes so.
If the execution isn't performed in the town square, a procession will move towards the gallows hill outside of the town wall. The convict either walks, sits on a wagon or is dragged behind it - they're joined by Parzival, Velasco, Gottschalk and potentially Amadeus, as well as guards and bystanders. Court council members may join, but don't have to - most stay away.
Once reaching the execution site, either Parzival, Velasco or a present council member repeats the indictment and final judgement, before the execution itself is performed. The most common ones are hanging and beheading, less common are drowning and burning, the rarest ones being death by breaking wheel and burying alive. So far, neither quartering nor disembowelment have been performed.
After the execution, it remains Velasco's responsibility to display the corpse - or parts of it - as a deterrent, dispose of the body or bury it in the gallows field.
Parzival's influence on jurisdiction
Due to Parzival's influence, the penal system became much more meaningful than it ever used to be. Instead of just following orders as a simple jailer - like his predecessor and mentor -, he involved himself in the local jurisdiction, using the chief judge's sponsorship to foster a professional relationship with him, the court and the council as a whole. As Parzival studied the legal code, he found loop holes to justify more intense penalties, as well as a much more aggressive prosecution of newly established crimes worth punishing. Therefore, he's responsible for a perceived increase of the crime rate, since he caused more acts to be criminalized - additionally, citizens began to report crimes much quicker or were generally less hesitant to do so in the first place.
Parzival joins every single court hearing and will state his opinion loud and clear if he's unsatisfied with the court council's view or if they're indecisive, actually having enough power to sway sentences at times. He may defend or attack an accused, serving both as a defense and prosecuting attorney depending on the case. Despite his established influence and fierce cogency, Parzival cannot always convince the court of his opinion and may even be reprimanded if he's too demanding or presumptuous. Due to this behavior, constantly interfering and assuming authority, he's unpopular with lots of the council members, though they cannot get rid of him since he's endorsed by the chief judge, who mostly tolerates Parzival's hubris in court.
Even if his opinion remains unheeded and the court council's verdict contradicts his own idea of justice, once a convict steps into "The Maw", they're entirely at Parzival's mercy.
Sex offenders have to expect the worst, specifically rapists and violent sexual abusers. Already during their trials, Parzival will do everything to ensure they're not shown any mercy and preferably receive a death sentence - as violent and dishonorable as possible. Despite his ardent zeal fueled by sheer hatred, his pleading sometimes remains unsuccessful, especially due to the lack of evidence and trustworthy witnesses, as well as an unspoken protection of wealthy and influential suspects by benefactors and the still persisting ignorance toward the hardships of the poor and those of low social standing, who tend to be the victims of sexual violence.
Parzival will definitely air his grievances about an unfair verdict in court - a common reason for him to be reprimanded -, but then punish the convict according to his own standards as soon as they set foot inside "The Maw" - if they even end up there. Unfortunately, while some may be let out on probation - namely the rich -, the ones who end up in the dungeon might still be influential enough to be risky targets of Parzival's wrath. As he's usually free to torment the prisoners as he pleases without having to fear consequences, the words of the wealthy hold enough power to credibly report any illegal punishments administered inside "The Maw", potentially getting Parzival into trouble. And so, his hands may be tied after all as the upper class goes largely unpunished.
On the other hand, Parzival isn't purely driven by hatred towards any criminal. In fact, he commonly defends those who got caught stealing out of desperation, especially juveniles of the age of criminal responsibility, as well as women with children. As passionately as he fights to send sex offenders to the gallows, he's just as eager to let said people escape with no more than a scare, reducing their sentence as much as possible or at least make their stay in "The Maw" somewhat bearable, potentially offering amenities for free or redirecting donations for others to them.
Another matter of the heart is the mitigation of punishment for sodomy in the sense of non-procreative sexual activities with other people, though he acts much more cautiously in that regard to not raise any suspicions towards his motives. It's a cause he doesn't pursue due to personal preferences, but mainly to protect Velasco and allow him to live authentically as a gay man without having to fear punishment, torture or even death. Though generally speaking, Parzival simply doesn't think that sodomy in that sense is worth punishing and should remain a private matter without the involvement of the law.
Over the years, Parzival has become the face of justice in town, as he's part of every single judicial step, starting from the report of a crime to the execution of the culprit. He's feared and most cannot help but be intimidated, though some are oddly attracted to him as well, may it be out of respect and the skewed idea of what a "real man" has to be like, the romantic conviction to be able to "tame" him or the allure of the moral depravity others associate him with.
Either way, those opinion don't matter to Parzival. All that's of importance is what he built - the penal system is his own empire, his kingdom. Any criticism or change without his approval will be met with harsh dismissal and cold fury.
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Like every religion incorporated in my stories, this one is also heavily based on Catholicism and Christianity during the High and Late Middle Ages in Central Europe.
There's no guarantee for historical accuracy, but factual elements have been included or - in this case - adopted for the fictional religion in "Hold Thy Peace". This includes (but is not limited to) social standards and points of view on certain topics. Please note that these views are not inherently my own and I do not condone certain acts or approve of specific opinions mentioned.
The Foundation of Worship - Freidank, The Entity, Patron of the Sick and Condemned
As a monotheistic religion, all worship and devotion is centered on one god referred to as "The Entity", also known by their name "Freidank". Using the latter is normally a privilege of the clergy, yet there are exceptions for commoners, such as desperate times calling for divine intervention, songs of praise or festivities devoted to The Entity.
Freidank can be described as a humanoid, gender-ambiguous - or even genderless - being. Depictions of their body features may vary, ranging from different ethnicities to sexual characteristics, with essential traits unifying them all. The Entity will always be shown shrouded in white fabric (commonly silk), having full-body length white hair (the texture may vary) and either red skin and golden eyes or golden skin and red eyes.
While their presence is meant to positively influence everyone's life, they are specifically the patron of the sick and condemned, known to be the savior of those who need it the most.
The Lore of Freidank
Freidank used to be a seemingly regular person, who devoted their life to those in need. Working as a healer in plague houses, charity hospitals and leper colonies, they extended their services to prisoners and those condemned to death, joining the last walk to the place of execution as a comforter, not leaving the poor sinner's side until the very end. To Freidank, physical health was as high of a priority as mental health, making them one of the few to understand and care for both.
While they were beloved by those receiving their welfare, others watched in envy or skepticism, raising questions about their surreal success rate as they were able to cure those deemed irremediable and calmed the minds of the most violent, unapologetic criminals. Furthermore, despite being surrounded by disease at all times, Freidank remained healthy and beautiful, never once showing signs of fatigue or moral corruption.
This didn't change when a relentless epidemic spread across the land, costing countless people their lives. In these desperate times, it was ordered to kill anyone infected or even showing slight symptoms to combat the seemingly unstoppable illness, abandoning those in need of help. Freidank opposed the orders, saving their patients from their approaching doom, only to be found and caught. In a final act of self-sacrifice, the healer offered themselves in place of the sick, prophesying that their martyrdom would cure everyone and defeat the epidemic once and for all.
Due to the suspicions raised in the past and Freidank's selflessness being a thorn in the flesh of resentful powers, they were charged for the use of magic - an unproven accusation to explain their miracles, as well as a petty act to undermine Freidank's sacrifice, while also pushing the blame for the epidemic onto them. The verdict justified excruciating torture and a cruel death by flaying. Freidank accepted their fate, yet insisted on their prophecy and wished for the currently condemned to be spared upon it being fulfilled.
As sheets of skin were cut and removed, blood drenched Freidank's entire body, yet it wouldn't stain their white garments or hair - both remained pristine. The audience watched in utter disbelief, as the silent tears of the martyr turned to gold and washed away the blood, changing the tormented body's hue from red to golden. In a gleaming light, Freidank vanished, ascending to higher realms beyond mortal understanding, never to be seen again. As prophesied, the sick recuperated instantly and the epidemic ended abruptly, though it didn't stop there. Every disease was cured that day, both physical and mental, and any ill intent in people's minds was cleansed, sparking a golden age of peace and freedom.
This marked the beginning of Freidank's worship. Raised to the status of a god, their devout followers began to strive after their paragon, vowing to continue the golden age for all eternity.
Interpretation and Symbolism
Most core values of the religion derive from The Entity's lore, which serves as a manual of togetherness for everyone, but mostly a rule book for clerics.
Selfless deeds, putting others first and enduring suffering for a greater good, in this case the benefit of the general public, shall be rewarded - those with a kind heart are said to live long and healthy lives, maintain their beauty through all hardships and (since Freidank used to be an ordinary human as well) may even ascend themselves.
Metaphorically, anyone joining the clergy does - while they do not have to endure the torment of being flayed alive, Freidank's martyrdom symbolises the shedding of one's former identity, leaving behind the old life to gain a higher self-perception beyond humanity. Looking at the world through a purified lens, it would allow Freidank's followers to guide the common people in ways to perpetuate the golden age of freedom, respect, dignity and peace.
Certain symbols have established themselves as constant reminders of this goal, proving The Entity to be ubiquitous.
Freidank's appearance is likely the most notable symbol in itself, as well as broken down into it's main elements.
They are only ever dressed in pristine, white garments, no matter the media of depiction.
Same goes for their hair, which will always be about the same length of their entire body, though may vary in texture.
The combination of red skin and golden eyes represents the suffering of The Entity, while golden skin and red eyes stand for their ascension.
Naturally, the colors of highest symbolic value are white, red and gold and therefore mostly reserved for the clergy and any religious matters.
This also applies to silk used to decorate figurines, statues, altar pieces and devotional items. This exclusive fabric associated with divine properties will only be worn by high ranking clerics to emphasize their closeness to The Entity.
More commonly used across the clerical hierarchy are golden or red beads and pearls, which can also be found as parts of most devotional items. During festivities, they may be handed out to commoners to remind them of the presence of the Entity with the beads resembling their tears and drops of blood.
Similarly, the skinning knife has become a symbol in its own right, with some depictions of The Entity showing them holding one. It serves as an additional, more overt reminder of their suffering.
Unrelated to the lore, two types of flowers have established themselves as symbols of the religion and can commonly be found around sanctuaries or during religious festivities - lilies and forget-me-nots. The lily symbolizes purity and rebirth, while the forget-me-not stands for remembrance and care for those in need. Both may be handed out to commoners during special occasions.
Additionally, butterflies are closely associated with The Entity due to their metamorphosis, both literally, but also metaphorically symbolizing the transcendence of the physical realm to reach a state of enlightenment.
Places of Worship
While it's entirely possible to pray to The Entity from anywhere, special architectural landmarks have established themselves as hubs of worship. They may range from a simple altar or shrine to buildings of various grandeur describable as chapels, churches or cathedrals, and are commonly called sanctuaries. Their size and elaboration depends on the location, demand and influence of the religion. Regardless, they all have a figurine or sculpture of The Entity as a centerpiece - the scale tends to adapt to the sanctuary. The materials vary, though different types of painted stone and wood are most common.
The sanctuaries are used for congregations of the community, as well as headquarters of the clergy with the local religious authority usually residing within (if the sanctuary is big enough). Sermons will be held here, as well as opening ceremonies for festivities. Commoners may visit during special hours to seek help or confess.
The Legacy of The Entity - The Clergy
The clergy are The Entity's self-appointed proxy, representing them in the worldly realm and keeping their legacy alive. To do so, they commit to the religion's core values and essential responsibilities tied to an ecclesial position, which are as follows:
Give up one's old life and identity with all its privileges to become an ethereal being in the image of The Entity - it can also be described as the abandonment of anything that makes one human to instead be perceived (and perceive oneself) as something superior beyond comprehension. At the same time, the clergy is expected to use this superiority for the greater good and not think of themselves as more important or valuable. While members keep their original name, which may give away their gender at birth, joining the clergy will remove this aspect of their identity as well and essentially make them genderless, no matter their physical characteristics.
Stay pure, untouched and without moral flaws. The clergy are meant to mimic The Entity as closely as possible, therefore the members must ensure to never be tainted by immorality and sin, instead live exemplary lives devoted to selfless acts of altruism. To maintain their etherealness, they shall not be touched by commoners without initiating it first.
Live as a celibate. As members are meant to sacrifice themselves for the benefit of others, they shall not indulge in distracting matters to satisfy human cravings unworthy of a superior being. This includes purely romantic, as well as physical relationships with both commoners and other clergy members. Tending to such human needs on their own is equally forbidden.
Help the weakest of society and give to those who have nothing. Proving their selflessness, members for the clergy are encouraged to donate any available resources and offer their services for free whenever needed.
Care for the sick and comfort the condemned. The main mission of The Entity must also be the main mission of the clergy. While any commoner may request help, members of the clergy are tasked to autonomously tend to those in most need, such as the sick, poor and those condemned to death for their crimes.
The reality of the core values and responsibilities
Over time, the dissonance between the original principles and their actual execution grew significantly. The main root of the issue is that the clergy became unable to combine their ethereal superiority with the humility expected of them - as their higher sense of self developed into severe egocentrism, they drifted further and further away from the commoners they were supposed to help and sacrifice themselves for, perceiving them to be below their standards.
At the same time money, influence and status became more important, creating a power play slowly destroying the clergy from the inside. Higher positions within the steep hierarchy promise more authority and other, materialistic benefits, posing a much more desirable goal than the original idea of self-sacrifice for the sake of strangers.
Not the only way humanity disguises itself as etherealness, the clergy keep preaching about "purity culture" and moral perfection, meanwhile countless members have been exposed for indulging in their human cravings, engaging in romantic and physical relationships in the better cases, as well as sexual coercion and abuse in the worst. Those caught will be shamed, condemned and punished by the same people secretly indulging in equal activities.
Reaching the top of the hierarchy
Technically, anyone can join the clergy, no matter their background. Though, in order to become a novice, one must enroll in an ecclesiastic academy, which requires the payment of a rather high tuition. As only the wealthy are able to afford the fee, the clergy almost exclusively consist of members coming from rich, influential families, creating a noticeable divide between them and commoners.
While money and status have become essential to even set foot into clergy in the first place, it doesn't automatically guarantee a swift rise to the top. An equally as important factor - one of the few original requirements to not have changed over time - is the appearance of a member. The more they resemble The Entity, the higher are their chances to climb the ranks of the clergy. With looks holding such high importance, these are the most crucial elements:
Long, white hair is considered to be a must-have in order to make it anywhere in the hierarchy. Those, who cannot grow long hair or are unable to bleach it (at least close to) white, can still be clergy members, but will always stay in lower ranks and likely face discrimination and ridicule. Some clerics, who refuse to accept such a fate, will use wigs to fulfill the appearance requirement - which has been established as deceit and would be punishable if found out. Still, members hazard the consequences if it means they can aim for more profitable positions - most of which are in the hands of those who forced their way up by the means of corruption and deception themselves.
Those, who actually have the required long and white hair, are expected to tend to it in an almost ritualistic and extremely elaborate way. This also applies to lower ranking members, who must veil their mane until reaching a higher position or special occasions allow them to wear their hair openly. It must not be touched by anyone under any circumstances - doing so counts as defilement and may entail punishment for the one who touched it, as well as potential degradation of the cleric.
Another essential point of appearance are white garments, which are mandatory for any clergy member. Darker pieces of clothes are allowed, yet only used by low ranking clerics - those in higher ranks exclusively wear white, as well as more valuable fabrics.
Additionally, any accessories are either red or gold with a few selected pieces of clothes in the same colors reserved for the higher ranks or special occasions.
Not a necessity, though definitely a bonus, are either naturally amber or maroon eyes, as they resemble the either golden or red eyes of The Entity the most.
Ethnicity and skin color don't matter, as The Entity themselves appears in various ways.
In the end, reaching the top is mostly just a game of power with the original core values and requirement of appearance serving as a shallow attempted cover-up. Actual devotion, pious actions and achievements are irrelevant. Discrimination and defamation are common tactics to eliminate competition, as well as selfishly keeping subordinates low to raise oneself higher. Petty fights for prestigious tasks are daily fare, while more common ones - mostly any requiring a level of self-sacrifice for the benefit of others - are neglected or pushed further down the hierarchy. Eventually, they end up in the hands of actually good and devout members of the clergy, who remain stuck in their low positions while tending to the original principles of their religion.
It's an open secret, that the religion is falling apart, taken down by its own clergy. Yet, the internal power struggles rage on relentlessly with a potential divide becoming imminent.
Notable and questionable procedures
The clergy established a variety of rituals and procedures to demonstrate their power, actively contradicting the benevolence they preach. The most notable ones (and relevant for "Hold Thy Peace") are as follows:
"Exorcisms". Instead of bringing relief to the tormented minds of the mentally ill, physical torture is applied under the term of "exorcism" and the false idea of removing evil spirits by means of violence, sometimes even including mutilation (e.g. blinding or removing parts of the body). These methods usually only serve the purpose of forced obedience, withdrawing the afflicted from the public eye and letting them wither away in remote hospitals run by the clergy. These places are known to mistreat their patients, worsening their mental state in order to keep them under control. Whoever is sent there will likely not return.
Degradation. The removal of a clergy member and their dismissal from service due to violations of the core values and codex of behavior deemed to be heretical or harmful to the religion as a whole. During the ceremony of degradation, the one falling into disgrace will have their hair cut short and dyed either grey or black, then be dressed in entirely black garments and forced to walk out of or away from a sanctuary with their back turned to The Entity. At times, the castoff will be blindfolded before the ceremony, so they cannot lay eyes on The Entity again. Once the degradation has been executed, the expelled member of the clergy returns to being a commoner, losing their ethereal superiority and having to reclaim their former worldly identity.
The Influence and Relevance of Religion in the story of "Hold Thy Peace"
The religion of The Entity is a dying one, its influence dwindling.
Instead, the emperor begins to reclaim the main power, actively putting himself above The Entity in a fight between an antiquated concept of spirituality versus a real, worldly authority. Commoners and society as a whole are opening up to this new idea of tangible guidance, driven by a deeply rooted disappointment in the clergy.
The bad reputation of religion stems from the blatant corruption and divergence from the original core values, pursuing power and personal advancement, only looking up rather than down to those in need. The exclusivity of the clergy as a congregation of the rich adds to the frustration, leaving no room for change or the access of members closer to the reality of commoners.
And so, a growing decline of active believers can be observed, as well as anti-religious sentiments, statements and actions becoming more and more mainstream, although still being punishable by law. Regardless, the confidence to openly reject The Entity, the clergy and religion as a whole increases and is often met with approval.
At the same time, big festivities in the name of The Entity still exist and are excessively celebrated, though begin to lose their original meaning and purpose.
The role of religion in "Hold Thy Peace" and how it affects the characters
Religion can be understood as the frame of "Hold Thy Peace", rather than the whole picture, as it's mostly important for the beginning and the ending of the story. It's the reason for Amadeus' presence in the first place - coming to town to assist the dying bishop as a chaplain -, as well as the "final nail in the coffin", sealing their fate (to keep it as spoiler-free as possible for now). Generally, religion mostly affects Amadeus as a character rather than the story as a whole. Though, it still has a somewhat notable impact on everyone else.
Parzival: Not religious at all and only reluctantly joining mandatory religious events if he's unable to avoid it. His opinion about religion is mostly negative, especially due to the corruption and power games of the clergy, which also explains his initial rejection of Amadeus. Ironically, Parzival abuses mentioned corruption himself by bribing the local bishop for his personal gain - more about that later.
Velasco: Not religious either and rather apathetic and indifferent about it, attending mandatory events without caring too much about them - if he's even invited. He still insists on receiving absolution after each execution, though mostly out of superstition or as a placebo to mitigate his guilt.
Gottschalk: Surprisingly religious, participating in any events he's allowed to join. For some reason, he shows great interest in places of worship and devotional imagery and loves to touch anything vaguely connected to The Entity.
As mentioned, religion has the greatest impact on Amadeus, since it's essentially their whole life - see the deep dive into their background for further reference. Taking a closer look at their relationship with faith, the following points stand out the most:
Amadeus perfectly matches the requirement of appearance. They have naturally long hair, which only needs light bleaching, as well as the rare bonus of maroon eyes with a rather prominent red hue. This extreme resemblance to The Entity makes them a prime candidate to quickly climb the ranks to the very top.
The main problem with aforementioned ascent is their struggle to truly fulfill all core values, as well as match the more modern requirements. Amadeus doesn't fit into the traditional image as they cannot disconnect themselves from humanity and commit to ethereal purity due to their deep-seated identity crisis and emotional instability, while also not matching the modern mindset of superiority, being far above commoners and prioritizing power, status and influence for personal gain.
Despite all these internal conflicts and their awareness of the religion's impending downfall, Amadeus truly believes in The Entity and relies on their faith to face any challenge.
They regularly check in with The Entity when in doubt, seeking their advice and guidance. However, they do so in a rather casual way as if talking to a close friend, sometimes even complaining about certain rules and restrictions forced upon them as a member of the clergy. In a way, Amadeus tries to justify their own reclaimed humanity by projecting it onto The Entity, soothing their conflicted mind by convincing themselves of the vindication of their feelings.
Over time, Amadeus develops undeniable doubts, yet clings onto their faith as it's the only thing they have and know. Without it, they don't see a future for themselves.
Their tasks as a chaplain include - but are not limited to - relieving the bishop of administrative duties and serving as their deputy when absent, as well as administering the last rites, home bound and sick-bed visits, delivering sermons, hearing confessions, distributing donations and tending to the prisoners of "The Maw". On top of that, they are responsible for cleaning in and around the sanctuary, as well as caring for the terminally ill bishop themselves. Any other randomly occurring task will likely also end up on Amadeus' to-do list.
While Amadeus received medical training, their skills in physical healthcare are merely subpar. Instead, they prefer mental healthcare - which they arguable don't exceed in either, but perform better in, at least. After coming to town to serve as a chaplain and assistant to the local bishop, they quickly decide to become a comforter for the prisoners of "The Maw" and those condemned to torture and death. While this specialization is underrepresented within the clergy despite it being part of the core values, it's a sensible choice due to the prevalence of penal judgements, torture and executions in this place.
Since they've been mentioned a few times, here are the most notable facts about the local bishop in regards to their role in "Hold Thy Peace":
Of high age and in a bad medical condition, the bishop is soon expected to pass. Until a successor has been found to take their place in the presumably near future, a chaplain has been requested to assist the bishop with the performance of their duties - which ended up being Amadeus.
Due to the bishop's condition, they are hardly able to perform any of their original tasks anymore, essentially making Amadeus the unofficial "bishop by proxy". High-profile and status-relevant duties are still claimed by the bishop to maintain the illusion of their authority.
Despite doing the bare minimum, they claim any praise for the work done by Amadeus for themselves, making sure people understand the chaplain more as an "extended arm" of the bishop rather than an autonomous person.
At the same time, they criticize and scold Amadeus for any slight mistake or if they're unable to manage the entire workload by themselves.
The list of tasks continues to grow as the bishop accepts any call for help only to push it down onto Amadeus, making themselves look benevolent and caring, while the chaplain has to fulfill the accepted requests alone.
While the bishop isn't downright abusing Amadeus, they definitely lack appreciation, gratitude and respect for them, not acknowledging all the work they do for them, including the care work for the dying bishop themselves.
A notable religious event in "Hold Thy Peace"
To give an example of the religion's role in the story of "Hold Thy Peace" and how the previously mentioned corruption of the clergy manifests, let's take a look at the brief summary of a scene revolving around one of the most important festivities in praise of The Entity - the so-called Day of Forgiveness.
The Day of Forgiveness is a traditional celebration of The Entity's ascent and the beginning of the golden age. To commemorate the event, the clergy pardons small-time criminals to be released from incarceration and left unpunished, as well as those sentenced to death to receive a non-lethal punishment instead, sparing their lives. Additionally, the entire week following the Day of Forgiveness is supposed to be devoid of punishments, torture and executions.
Due to the abuse of the celebration's concessions in the past, as well as Parzival's general rejection of unauthorized influence over his "kingdom", he began bribing the local bishop to turn a blind eye to the penal system continuing in its usual way, disregarding the meaning of the Day of Forgiveness entirely. Only a few pardons are approved every year, while most prisoners remain in the dungeon, undergoing torture and punishment as scheduled.
As Amadeus witnesses the bribery - blatantly performed right before their eyes - they start a heated argument with Parzival about the ethics of his doing, while also losing any last respect for the bishop, who willingly accepted the bribe, essentially representing the modern clergy and their questionable morals as a whole.
A turning point in Amadeus' perception of faith and their own role in the grand scheme of religion.
Gottschalk - A deep dive into his background and how it affected him
Sensitive subjects - viewer discretion advised!
Author's note / Disclaimer: "Hold Thy Peace" takes place in a medieval setting, though there's absolutely no claim of complete historical accuracy. Regardless, I have incorporated factually correct elements, including (but not limited to) social standards and points of view on certain topics. Please note that these views are not inherently my own and I do not condone certain acts performed by characters mentioned.
The Background
There is no background.
No origin, no heritage, no name.
Nobody knows who he is, where he came from, how he got here, ...
He simply just appeared one day - which went as follows.
It was a foggy, cold and wet evening of an otherwise ordinary day. Velasco returned from his side duty as a knacker, the stench of animal carcasses still lingering, when he noticed something unusual. It was awfully quiet.
Three convicts were sentenced to the gallows recently, which attracted crows circling the unfortunate souls - their eager cawing and wild wing beats could normally be heard from afar, yet there was nothing but silence.
As Velasco faced the gallows in confusion, the vague outline of a person could be seen, simply standing before the place of execution. Initially, he didn't believe his eyes as he witnessed other strange things around the area in the past - this place was drenched in blood after all -, yet something compelled him to investigate, therefore heading through the thick mist towards the eerie silhouette of the gallows.
It was not a trick of the light.
A stranger just stood there with his back turned to Velasco, staring at the hung convicts, merely dressed in a hooded shroud, barefoot and covered in mud.
For a moment, Velasco half expected that one of the presumably executed men fell and survived, but none of them were missing, their decaying bodies gently swaying in the thick air.
Perhaps it was a ghost after all.
As it was the only way to find out, Velasco approached further and spoke to the "apparition", one hand on a dagger hidden underneath his coat - one could never be too cautious.
Though, the figure simply turned around, revealing itself to be a living being, albeit a rather unusual one - there were no eyes to meet Velasco's puzzled gaze, but hollow darkness caged inside an iron mask covering the person's entire head. Further questions remained unanswered, the same eerie silence surrounding the both of them.
Still, despite the abnormality of the situation, the person was proven to be real and not just one of Velasco's - admittedly - frequent hallucinations. Whatever happened to him and brought him here, he was likely in need of help and utterly harmless, so the executioner decided to guide him out of the damp encroaching darkness into the dry warmth of his abode.
Inside, he offered the stranger bread and water after noticing his emaciated body, hoping he'd be more willing to speak up and explain what he did near the gallows after regaining some energy. First though, so Velasco thought, the iron mask caging the stranger's head had to come off - how else would he be able to eat and drink? Reaching towards the odd helmet, a surprisingly strong grasp tightened around his wrist, keeping him from moving any closer, unspoken aggression sending a chill down his spine. As Velasco's hand was violently pushed aside, the stranger reached for the provided bread and ripped it into small pieces, which he then shoved through the gaps in the front of his mask, making the food disappear into the darkness behind. The water followed suit, poured inside as if to disappear down a drain. Velasco was left to watch, baffled, yet accepting it. Despite the brief pugnacity, the stranger returned to being entirely non-threatening, immersed in his feast.
And still, he wouldn't speak or answer any questions.
Running out of ideas, Velasco eventually gave up trying and instead contacted Parzival, asking for his assistance.
The next morning, the jailer made his appearance, equally as surprised when seeing the stranger for the first time. He was neither a known criminal on the run, nor did Parzival ever see an iron mask such as his - when reaching out for it, he triggered the same reaction, having his hand violently slapped aside. Leaving him to only examine the odd helmet from a distance, it became apparent that it was completely welded shut with no visible way of opening it. The sole detail standing out was an engraving in the back saying "Gottschalk", although with no further information it remained unclear whose name this was supposed to be. For lack of anything better, Parzival and Velasco decided to use the engraving to address the stranger - at least until he'd correct them.
Which didn't happen after Parzival's interrogation either - Gottschalk remained silent, though began gesturing in response to questions, which admittedly wasn't much better either.
As there was no further progress to be made if he stayed with Velasco, Parzival assumed responsibility for Gottschalk, taking him into town and to both the judge and the mayor - local authorities with far-reaching connections and presumably the only chance to find out who the stranger actually was and where he came from. Until any results emerged, Gottschalk was ordered to stay in "The Maw" - not necessarily as a prisoner, though his questionable appearance and behavior were simply too dubious to let him roam freely.
Not wanting Gottschalk to carve out a miserable existence in one of the dungeon cells, Parzival let him stay in an upper holding cell, which used to be his own accommodation during his apprenticeship - in the past years, it's only been used as a storage room, filled to the brim with junk and scraps, making it not much more inviting than a common lock-up. Gottschalk didn't seem to mind, willingly waiting inside the room until further notice.
In fact, the scrapyard turned out to be more of a playground.
When Parzival returned later to check on Gottschalk, the latter eagerly tinkered with junk and random pieces of leather, wood and metal, fixing broken tools and creating makeshift contraptions that rivaled any common torture device. Everything he built was sturdy, well-made and functional.
It certainly peeked Parzival's interest - while his own craftsmanship was sufficient, it certainly didn't go very deep, lacking both the passion and creativity for it. The complete opposite to Gottschalk, it seemed, who also didn't just understand the original purpose of some of the broken tools, but even improved their functionality. Almost as if this wasn't the first time he held torture devices in his hands.
Out of curiosity, Parzival invited Gottschalk to join him in the performance of his duties, namely torture. Unlike anyone else, the guest did not recoil, show any fear or disgust - quite the opposite! Fascination and excitement took over, gesturing a plea to participate. Parzival let him, watching Gottschalk as he tortured the convict with terrifying precision and efficiency.
As weeks past, neither the judge nor the major could retrieve more information about Gottschalk. His striking description didn't sound familiar to anyone, neither he as a person nor his outstanding iron mask allowed for any identification. He was nobody.
The discussion about what to do with him was quickly solved as Parzival suggested to employ him as the local torturer and assistant to both him and Velasco, granted his odd, but useful talents, which - admittedly - needed to be supervised and contained within a proper framework. The proposal was accepted under the condition that Parzival had full responsibility for Gottschalk, including his pay, board and lodge, as well as making sure all harm he caused remained inside the torture chamber.
From this point on, both Parzival and Velasco taught Gottschalk relevant parts of their respective trade, devolving various smaller chores and tasks to their apprentice, putting the repair and upkeep of equipment in his hands as well as torture as a whole, but also helping with preparations for executions as well as assisting during the performance itself.
Proving himself to be an eager and quick learner, Gottschalk soon became an integral part of the penal system, forming a powerful triumvirate with his mentors.
Alas, one crucial detail originally kept from him would eventually reveal itself. As Parzival and Gottschalk tended to their duties inside "The Maw", the "Wiedergänger" made an unprompted appearance, showing its indescribable shape to the previously unknowing torturer and leaving Parzival no other choice but to make Gottschalk part of the devilish contract. Strangely, he didn't seem to be disturbed, unbelieving or even just surprised to learn about the entity in the dungeon and what needed to be done to please it. He simply accepted it like any other mundane task. Even more peculiar, it was the "Wiedergänger" instead keeping its distance from Gottschalk, almost cautious, if not fearful.
Becoming part of the hellish practices performed to satisfy the fiend, Gottschalk's main responsibility was to dispose of the mangled bodies of the victims. Parzival didn't dictate or question how he did it, but would soon find out by chance.
One night, the jailer followed his assistant for reasons immediately drowned out by the scene he witnessed. Strips of flesh and guts disappeared into the darkness inside the iron mask, meticulously carved from the still warm bodies of the sacrifices until just bones remained. Parzival didn't know if Gottschalk truly ate every single corpse and he certainly had no interest in finding out. Still, this ungodly act of cannibalism seemed to greatly please the "Wiedergänger", putting it at ease as it watched from a distance.
And so, Parzival let it happen.
Perhaps, it was for the best after all if Gottschalk never removed the iron mask.
How his "past" affects him in the present
To this day, nobody was able to find out who he is or where he came from - his entire existence is nothing but an enigma. Even the name "Gottschalk" cannot be confirmed as his, although he reacts to it - which is likely just due to him accepting it as what people call him.
Additionally, Gottschalk remains completely mute without a single word or even just sound being heard, though it's still unsure whether he truly cannot speak or chooses not to.
His preferred way of communication is through gestures and very improvised sign language. While some motions are clearer than others and get the point across, it's usually a challenge to actually understand him and his intent. Somehow, both Parzival and Velasco have conquered the task, making enough sense of Gottschalk's incoherent gesturing to have at least something adjacent to a conversation. Still, any questions regarding his past or origin remain unanswered and will be completely ignored.
Instead, most of Gottschalk's attention is directed towards torture and executions. He shows no signs of fear or disgust, but fascination and excitement, treating his victims like lifeless mechanisms to explore and dissect. This almost scientific and technical approach allows him to create terrifyingly efficient devices and optimized tools to inflict precise pain and deliberately extend the victim's suffering without killing them. To their regret, Gottschalk knows exactly how much a body can endure and how far the limits can be pushed.
This knowledge didn't just grow based on his work on convicts - Gottschalk himself is his preferred test subject, trying out any new tools on his own body first to truly understand the pain they cause. Not holding back on the application at all, he keeps proving an insane pain tolerance, enduring the self-induced torment silently, if not enjoying it. The extreme self-harm and -mutilation mainly serves the purpose of deepening Gottschalk's knowledge about pain tolerance, though it seems undeniable that certain acts are performed for no other reason than personal entertainment.
This includes various body modifications, such as piercings in different, sometimes unusual areas of his corpus, as well as restrictive metal rings or belts welded around his limbs or torso, interfering with his movement, blood flow or breathing.
Both his tests and body modifications tend to cause serious harm and are potentially lethal if left untreated, therefore Gottschalk regularly needs to be patched up by Velasco and simultaneously gets scolded by Parzival for indulging in such mindless masochism.
Though, it doesn't even end there.
Gottschalk didn't just try every single method of torture on himself, but also executions, almost killing himself multiple times in the process. So far, he hung, drowned and burned himself, although didn't get too far with most of them as either Velasco or Parzival immediately interfered. Naturally, they refuse to perform mock executions or torture, such as beheading or the breaking wheel - methods, Gottschalk cannot explore on his own. Still, his seemingly suicidal acts are inherently rooted in his own idea of scientific research and not a genuine wish to die.
Despite his strange behavior and passion for his cruel trade, Gottschalk is generally harmless. At least until someone tries to touch or temper with his iron mask - he will immediately become aggressive and violently stop the attempt, although will only inflict enough pain to make the opposition retreat. Usually, the message is clear and another attempt is beyond debate.
Even if the motivation behind wanting to remove the mask wasn't ill-minded, the reaction to it will remain the same. Gottschalk is seemingly content with the helmet welded shut around his head and not hindered by it in any way. He eats by cutting food into strips or small pieces and pushing it through the slits of the mask, and drinks by pouring liquid inside or submerging his entire head in it. Despite the helmet being impossible to remove without the help of a blacksmith, Gottschalk still reinforces it by wrapping chains tightened by a lock around his neck.
While his choices in terms of body modification are bold and admittedly creative, his fashion cannot compete. Gottschalk always wears the same clothes - preferably as little as possible - without any seasonal adjustments. No matter if it's in the heat of summer or the cold of winter, most of his torso will remain naked. Similarly, he is always barefoot - regardless of the weather, temperature, ground condition, hygiene or general safety.
"The Maw" is certainly not the place to be barefoot, though due to staying inside most of the time, Gottschalk at least avoids the dirt and grime of the external world, only heading outside when assisting Velasco or for selected special occasions. Most of his free time is spent inside his still chaotic chamber, tinkering, repairing or simply waiting. Over the years, he added another hobby: rats. As one of his tasks, he's supposed to catch them in the dungeon, though since he finds himself unable to kill them, he either releases them in the streets or keeps them as pets - or "assistants". At times - whenever Parzival allows it -, Gottschalk includes his rodents in torture sessions, making sure that none of them are harmed as they unleash beastly pain on the pitiful victim.
Perhaps, the rats are the only ones without judgement towards him, as Gottschalk is generally avoided by the public due to his profession and otherworldly strangeness. Most people fear him, immediately taking to their heels upon sight, the more bold ones calling him some kind of fiend or demonic entity. Despite the terror and superstition, Gottschalk doesn't seem to care too much about the public opinion, simply minding his business whenever he has to set foot into town. Though, if someone dares to get too close with malicious intent, threatening or even attacking him, he will retaliate with whatever tool he carries or even just his bare hands. Despite his emaciated physique, he's surprisingly strong and thanks to his knowledge of pain knows exactly how to disable an assailant quickly. As soon as the opposition doesn't pose a threat anymore, he will continue with his original business as if nothing happened.
This includes even something as mundane as walking.
Since his first appearance, Gottschalk walks in a rather peculiar way, only to be described as exaggerated sneaking. It's neither fast nor efficient and definitely not natural, yet he's never been seen walking normally or even just changing his pace, no matter how urgent matters are or how much longer it takes him to reach destinations. Usually, he will leave much earlier and still arrive at the same time as others who followed him way later. Strangely enough, despite never changing how he walks, he can sometimes be heard from far away - mostly thanks to the bells attached to him - or suddenly appear without making a sound.
The latter instance is commonly used to scare Amadeus, specifically.
For no particular reason, other than Gottschalk seemingly finding it funny.
He actually takes a great liking to the chaplain, as they - despite initial hesitation towards him - regularly gift him bread and allow him to visit the church whenever nobody else is there. Because surprisingly, Gottschalk is rather religious, though due to his profession and social status, he's not necessarily welcome during sermons and must remain all the way in the back, away from anyone else. Therefore, Amadeus' unbiased gesture is greatly appreciated and earns them Gottschalk's affection. Perhaps, the occasional scares are his unique way of expressing it.
The relationship between Gottschalk and both his mentors is mostly professional, but he's definitely not seen or treated like a mere subordinate, instead a valued member of the penal system. Still, some level of friendship cannot be denied, as the three of them regularly get together in a private leisure setting. Furthermore, Parzival consistently defends Gottschalk and stands up for him whenever he's threatened, insulted or mistreated by others, insisting that he's to be faced with all due respect. Still, he's also the first to scold Gottschalk for any misbehavior.
Generally, Gottschalk doesn't express many emotions and if he does, then in rather unclear ways. It can be stated for sure though, that he shows absolutely no reaction to the "Wiedergänger" - not questioning its presence or what needs to be done to satisfy it. If anything, the torturer willingly participates in the gruesome acts and uses them to indulge in his secret craving - cannibalism.
The scope of it cannot be confirmed, though he at least partially disposes of the corpses of the sacrificed victims by eating their flesh and guts, as well as drinking their blood, until only bones remain. While this inhumane behavior entertains the "Wiedergänger", it also seems to make it exercise caution, only watching from a distance and staying away from Gottschalk. It's unclear why.
Gottschalk only ever consumes human flesh in this specific scenario and doesn't indulge in cannibalism otherwise, leaving Parzival to be the only one to know about it.
In conclusion, Gottschalk has created a persona for himself to live in this environment, though his true nature remains unknown and will likely never be uncovered. It is advised to keep it that way - perhaps, Gottschalk is closer to the "Wiedergänger" than an ordinary human.
Or perhaps, he's simply a madman.
We will never know.
Velasco - A deep dive into his background and how it affected him
Sensitive subjects - viewer discretion advised!
Author's note / Disclaimer: "Hold Thy Peace" takes place in a medieval setting, though there's absolutely no claim of complete historical accuracy. Regardless, I have incorporated factually correct elements, including (but not limited to) social standards and points of view on certain topics. Please note that these views are not inherently my own and I do not condone certain acts performed by characters mentioned.
The Background
Velasco was born into an executioner family, a legacy stuck with them for many generations and destined to be continued. The father honored his profession, tending to his gruesome duties while bearing the burden of him and his family being social outcasts. Executions and torture alone could not feed them though, so he also worked as a doctor for the poor, veterinarian, knacker, undertaker for those unworthy of a proper burial, dog catcher, as well as cleaning the streets of waste and checking local brothels - whenever another unpleasant task was at hand, he was the first to be asked to handle it. Meanwhile, his wife mostly supported the family as pharmacist and healer, specializing in herbal and natural remedies, as well as "magical" trinkets obtained from executed convicts said to relieve certain ailments.
As the third youngest child of four, Velasco's path and that of his siblings was already predetermined upon birth. Shunned and avoided by common people due to their family's legacy, all of them were destined to continue the trade or stay within it. Yet, despite living outside the city walls near the gallows hill, forced towards the rock bottom of society, their affordable medical care and wondrous amulets and trinkets were continuously sought after and in high demand.
The youngest and only daughter of the family took after her mother, acquiring pharmaceutical and medicinal knowledge from a young age, yet her path would only lead to another executioner's family, married off to an aspiring headsman and sent away to continue his own legacy. From the very beginning of her life, there was no other choice.
Similarly, the remaining three sons were all trained to take after their father, becoming executioners themselves as well as tending to all other duties tied to their social standing, though only the oldest son was expected to become the father's direct successor while the other two were meant to move elsewhere to practice their craft and create a new branch of the family.
The oldest son was indeed a promising headsman - demonstrating great talent and not shying away from any other task, he passed the final test of his apprenticeship by flawlessly beheading a convict, therefore earning his license as an executioner and beginning to take over his father's position.
Though, while already growing up as a social outcast, he just began to fully grasp the consequences as he directly faced the hate and disgust people treated him with, a burden weighing heavier on him by each passing day. Even worse - regarding the situation he was stuck in -, he hopelessly fell in love with a woman of higher social standing, yet - despite her reciprocating those feelings - wasn't allowed to be with her.
Eventually, he made his choice, deciding to follow his heart and so the both of them left their old lives behind and ran away together, never to be seen or heard of again.
The old executioner was forced to take the position back, as his second-oldest son Palben didn't finish his apprenticeship yet and Velasco only just began his. And so, the family never spoke of the incident ever again, pretending the oldest son never existed - the disappointment he brought to his parents and the legacy was simply too shameful.
While the father and mother just moved on, the burden to continue the trade was passed onto the middle son Palben, who couldn't just forget about his older brother, instead struggling to find a balance between understanding his motives for running away, while also resenting him for pushing him next in line to become the father's successor. The young man only managed to cope with this situation thanks to the support of his younger brother Velasco, who reassured and helped him whenever needed.
Palben was an exceptional doctor for both humans and animals, guided by genuine care and compassion for any living being - consequentially, he hated to cause harm to anyone or even take lives. His performance in regards to torture and executions was abysmal and any other task involving cruelty or gore was an almost insurmountable challenge. Whenever he could, he'd rather tend to his medical duties, escaping reality by nursing injured wild animals back to health - especially pigeons, who were constantly attacked by crows lingering around the gallows. Palben knew he couldn't escape his destiny unless he fled just like his older brother, but he was far too cowardly to do so, instead denying his future by living in his own world - one, he could only share with Velasco, who equally despised the trade he was forced into.
Eventually, Palben had to perform an actual beheading of a convict in order to earn his executioner license. Unsurprisingly, he failed - the unfortunate soul on the receiving end sustained injuries causing excruciating pain and offering a horrifying sight. The young executioner panicked, unable to undo his mistake and simply fainted on the spot - it was the father who had to put the convict out of his misery.
After this incident, Palben tried to convince his father of his ineptitude, begging him to be released from the burden of becoming his successor, yet the old man insisted, forcing him to continue with his apprenticeship for however long it would take.
There was no way out.
Or so it seemed.
The next morning, Velasco found Palben hanging from a nearby tree. The marks around his neck suggested that he died a slow and painful death - he was truly not made to take lives.
Once again, the parents moved on, pretending none of it had happened and Palben never existed as their focus shifted to Velasco as the only remaining child to continue the legacy. Contrary to his mother and father, he was deeply distraught by the loss of his brother, so the realization of the burden finally being passed onto him worsened his suffering belatedly. As suicide weighted heavily on his mind even at such a young age, barely a teenager, his only salvation was the unwavering support of his best friend Parzival, who'd comfort him in his darkest hours and keep him from ending his life prematurely out of despair.
Feeling obligated to not be the final disappointment of his family, Velasco continued his apprenticeship with all its challenges, soon even more tied down by guilt when his mother passed due to an illness, leaving only him and his equally sick father. As time passed, he taught himself how to take all his sibling's respective strengths to become the perfect successor his father envisioned from the very beginning, disregarding his own feelings and the looming truth of impending failure to truly fulfill the old man's wish to continue the legacy for future generations to come.
At the age of 16, Velasco passed his final test perfectly, earning his license and officially taking over the position of the executioner.
Until the very end, he stayed with his father and diligently tended to his tasks to prove to him that he won't run away or back down, promising him to keep the legacy going when the old man drew his last breath merely a year later.
Velasco was all alone now, his entire family dead or moved far away. What remained was an unaccomplishable pledge.
And a friend.
Once again finding comfort in Parzival's support, Velasco ultimately revealed his deepest secret to him - from a young age, he knew he was homosexual. A sodomite, as the people would say, a perversion of nature and worthy of punishment, torture and even death. An unchangeable fact which could end his life and at the same time made the promise he gave his father unfulfillable as he would never have an own family to continue the legacy.
It would simply end with him.
And he wouldn't allow himself to pursue his true feelings either, knowing the consequences for it too well - still, it hurt.
Regardless of his pain, Parzival's understanding, support and effort to help him soothed Velasco's strained mind and strengthened the two men's bond permanently.
As the years passed, Velasco continued his work as he was taught - and doing so really well -, yet focused on medical care for both humans and animals as much as possible, while removing the acquisition and distribution of "magical trinkets" from his services, simply not believing in it while also choosing to respect the dead, no matter if convicts or not. Instead, he added a new trade: breeding homing pigeons.
A task without any connection to his profession whatsoever, yet Velasco's passion for these birds outweighed all financial losses. Still, he would use any chance to advertise his beloved pigeons, hoping to one day make them his sole purpose of life, abandoning the cruelty and harshness of his reality.
How his past affects him in the present
Velasco is extremely versatile, knowing at least a little bit of everything and doing most things himself - partially out of necessity, as hardly anyone wants to engage with or work for him due to his social standing. Luckily, it doesn't affect him too much and he actually prefers to fix problems on his own.
Besides his profession, it may also be the constant stench of rot and sights of gore all around his property that keep people away. Velasco has become desensitized to these smells and views, forced to handle cadavers - may they be human or animal - almost on a daily basis. Dirt and grime are part of his trade, yet he takes hygiene very seriously and avoids getting in direct contact with anything as much as possible.
Still, the smell is permanently stuck to him and hard to ignore, isolating him even more from society.
Velasco quickly had to learn how to be alone and is generally fine without social interactions or being part of a community, yet does value the few human connections he has, mainly his close friendship with Parzival, as well Gottschalk and Amadeus, while also treating his pigeons like people at times, humanizing them way too much. And if no living being is around, he may strike up a conversation with the corpses he has to bury or simply talks to himself to fill the silence.
The past never faded and unlike his parents, he never forgot those who left. While Velasco didn't had a close relationship with his oldest brother, he secretly envies his bravery to simply run away to find his own happiness instead of being tied down by expectations and obligations forced onto him upon birth.
If only Palben, the middle brother, had taken this route instead of leaving this world for good. He and Velasco had a much closer bond and the latter is still missing him to this day, tending to his unmarked grave and trying to draw on his deceased brother's altruism and kindness whenever in doubt.
Furthermore, Velasco chose to honor Palben's legacy by putting his focus on medical care, as well as developing a severe attachment to pigeons, still nursing hurt ones back to health as his brother used to do.
Not just his brothers left an impact on him - Velasco would never stop lamenting his sister's fate either, seeing it from his own point of view. An arranged marriage like hers was rarely tied to genuine love, but a consequence of being forced to stay within strict boundaries due to her low social standing - nobody would marry an executioner's daughter but another executioner.
He himself received offers and requests for marriage in the past, but remembering his sister and his own "deviant" sexuality, he never wants another executioner's daughter to be tied to him, stuck in a loveless bond for the rest of her life. His rejections have raised questions in the past, since these offers are rare and people of his standing are not in the position to choose, yet any further - and potentially dangerous - investigations have been shut down immediately thanks to Parzival's interjection, protecting his friend and his secret at all costs.
Neither of them understand why sodomy is seen as such a severe crime worth torture and death. Nevertheless, maybe Parzival wouldn't put as much effort into decriminalizing it if it wasn't for Velasco, yet he still appreciates and respects his efforts. In fact, he even had a brief, pubertal crush on Parzival, but never told him or pursued these fleeting feelings and ever since exclusively sees him as his best friend, if not chosen brother.
Despite the penalties being successfully lowered, at least, Velasco still refuses to follow his sexual orientation and pursue a relationship with another man. On one hand, because the punishment was still severe despite the changes of the law and having seen what happens to sodomites instilled permanent terror into him. On the other hand, his decision to stay alone seems like an adequate sentence for his deeds, feeling like he deserves to suffer for taking people's lives to support his own.
These thoughts remain mostly untold, as he learned to suppress his own emotions so well, he sometimes cannot tell the difference between his true feelings and the things he makes others believe about him. Most of the time, Velasco appears apathetic and distant, yet tends to respond with a dry sense of humor when spoken to, downplaying any struggles and turning difficult situations into ridicule to cope.
Additionally, he tends to speak about actually horrific or gross topics like they're utterly mundane, disregarding the social norms and views on them, unintentionally catching others off-guard and coming across as unsettling and insensitive. Even then, he'll simply joke about the situation.
Always pretending to be fine, he never lets his guard down to reveal the truth behind his dead eyes. From a young age, depression and suicidal thoughts have clouded Velasco's mind and linger to this day. While it's sadly not a rare cluster of symptoms for executioners, he'd rather not speak about or even admit it. The only person aware of his true state of mind is Parzival, though even around him Velasco struggles to address his problems, downplaying and sugarcoating them in self-deprecating humor.
The only thing holding him back from fleeing his reality in one way or another is the promise he made to his father as well as the ingrained obligation as the last remaining son of the family to fulfill the duties his brothers failed to perform.
Generally speaking, Velasco simply hates to disappoint others.
Sometimes, this also seems to apply to the dead.
Society doesn't take kindly to victims of suicide, treating them like a disgrace not worthy of respect and a proper burial, occasionally even punishing the dead bodies for their actions - while Velasco is forced to act within established guidelines when handling the corpse of someone who took their own life, he will do so with much more care and respect than expected. His understanding of being driven to such an act goes far deeper than any commoner's.
Being the one to take other people's lives was hard enough on its own. As Parzival took over "The Maw", Velasco was at least freed from having to perform torture, instead leaving it to his friend and later Gottschalk, only joining the procedure for medical supervision.
Still, nobody could replace his position as executioner, no matter how much he despised it. Throughout his apprenticeship, Velasco taught himself to view his victims as the objects he used as dummies while practicing his skills. As soon as he enters the scene to fulfill his duty, he disconnects himself from reality, unable to see the convicts as real people anymore and almost treating their execution like a game in order to cope with the continuous murder.
If he somehow gains too much awareness of the graveness of the situation and his actions, he will suffer from a nervous breakdown and immense guilt - while it may not be obvious to onlookers in that moment, these feelings will explode as soon as he's by himself.
And still, even in moments of weakness, Velasco never once messed up an execution.
So far.
And while he isn't very religious, he will always make sure to receive absolution from the bishop or later even Amadeus after each execution in a futile attempt to lessen the guilt.
Over the years, Velasco definitely questioned the legal system and its laws as a whole, specifically the use of torture and the death penalty, yet he doesn't see things changing anytime soon - at the same time, the system keeps him alive in the first place. It's a topic he can barely broach around Parzival as he has vastly different views on the subject, so when Amadeus appears with their new and progressive ideas, Velasco is one of the first to show interest and develop a faint sense of hope.
A rare emotion in his mind, the closest to it being the comfort he experiences when tending to his homing pigeons.
Spending as much time as possible to train them, Velasco mostly uses them to communicate with Parzival and Gottschalk - the former never admits it as he tends to mock his friend's passion, but the messaging system is indeed very helpful and efficient, saving a lot of time and money.
Any compliment regarding his pigeons will immediately earn Velasco's respect, while showing further interest in them will even cause a spark of genuine excitement. Any opportunity to talk about his feathered friends will be taken.
His passion for these birds has arguably spun a little bit out of control, as Velasco often spirals into bird-related metaphors whenever his mental health worsens.
In his own version of the idiom "wolf in sheep's clothing", he sees himself as a "crow dressed as a pigeon", meaning he simply pretends to be good and helpful when offering medical care to those in need, while - at the same time - he's taking other's lives.
Using the same metaphor, he relates it back to himself and Palben - his brother was the pigeon Velasco tries to be now, but he was always destined to be the crow instead. Not only in their personality and deeds, but even their appearance would match their respective birds with Palben looking much more approachable and kind with a light and inviting aura, while Velasco always came off as weird and off-putting, dressing much darker and his usually hidden long, black hair resembling the feathers of a crow.
Anyone who ever had to listen to his allegories failed to truly understand or make sense of them. Perhaps, Velasco is closer to utter madness than he'd like to admit.
To conclude, Velasco is yet another victim of fate, tied down by its shackles, however he tightened them himself. Adding further punishments for his forced deeds and letting the guilt consume him as his mental state deteriorates rapidly, it's almost a miracle he still roams this world.
Amadeus - A deep dive into their background and how it affected them
The Background
Amadeus was born into a wealthy, prestigious and influential family, being the youngest of the four children. All of them grew up in a golden cage - surrounded by luxury, though sheltered and hidden from any unwanted influences, as their parents carefully curated and predetermined each of their lives. Before they were even born, they were all assigned to embody one of four principles deemed to be of highest importance: status, power, wealth and faith.
The oldest - and only - daughter was destined for "status".
While she was merely a child, a marriage into a noble family of even higher repute was arranged - once reaching the age of 18, she followed the path laid out for her, carrying on the legacy of both families while wallowing in luxury.
The oldest son received the best education available in order to step into politics, filling a high-ranking position close to the emperor himself to shape the future of the country, fully representing "power".
The second-oldest son was sent out to travel all around the world, establishing close ties with local merchants and learning from the best in economy to build his own trade empire, therefore fulfilling his destined path of "wealth".
Amadeus was destined to embody "faith".
Ever since birth, they were treated like a vessel for the Entity, the highest figure in religion. Raised as divine, pure and untouchable, they were more of a concept than a human, even more alienated and disconnected from normal society than they already were due to their family's status. Shielded from any "unholy" influences, Amadeus had no social contacts besides those deemed beneficial to their path, receiving a mostly private education at home, until having to join a mandatory ecclesiastical academy to officially enter clergy and start climbing the ranks.
While allegedly having to do the same things as any other novice, putting just as much work and effort into their studies, Amadeus' parents influenced and directed everything behind the scenes, bribing high-ranking figures of the academy in order to ensure that things would go according to their plan, consequentially making life significantly easier for their child. It wasn't a matter of luck or chance whether Amadeus would leave the academy to walk a straight path to the top of clergy - it was set in stone and paid for in gold.
Being prepared for this future since birth, Amadeus stood out by already knowing most things supposed to be taught at the academy, while also perfectly embodying what was expected of a vessel for the Entity, both in their demeanor and appearance.
And so, they were loved by teachers - admittedly, some of their favor being bought -, but disliked by peers. On the one hand due to their unmatched perfection, on the other hand because everyone knew Amadeus' family and their status, well-aware of the privilege they held.
Still, despite everything being laid out in front of them, Amadeus never truly felt connected to their destined role. Their undeniably strong faith could not outweigh the frustration about all the restrictions of their life, unable to quench the curiosity to see what's beyond their limited horizon. Amadeus was aware of how everything around them was curated, fake and set up by their parents for guaranteed success - no space for experiments or self-discovery.
This awareness grew the longer they stayed at the academy, outside of their golden cage, surrounded by factors their parents could not influence. Everything simply falling into place despite not lifting a finger or obviously messing something up, reaping understandably negative reactions from peers - a glimpse into a reality they have not known up until that point.
Yet, instead of shattering their sheltered worldview, it awakened something inside of Amadeus - they wanted to break out of their cage, bored by the convenience of their life, determined to prove that they were able to achieve everything on their own. At the same time, the urge to rebel grew - there was far more to see, hear and know, plenty of experiences to make and limits to test.
And so, driven by juvenility, Amadeus began to revolt - in their own way. Showing up late to class or not at all, neglecting their studies and duties, talking back to higher-ups, disregarding rules and the strict dress code - nothing changed. It certainly proved the theory of their parents' involvement, as the teachers still treated Amadeus better than anyone else - though now, even the ones who previously liked them out of their own volition changed their opinion due to their behavior and instead joined the others in their fake admiration. The peers remained unimpressed as well - in fact, they resented Amadeus even more as they got away with their rebellious acts without suffering any consequences.
At least as far as they knew.
Eventually, Amadeus was called back home as their parents have been informed about the abnormal behavior. The repercussions were threats - to be dropped and abandoned, all ties severed if they did not cooperate. This wasn't about love, care, worry or understanding - it was about the family legacy. And if Amadeus was to soil it, they'd be disowned and expelled, left on their own with nothing to their name.
Without much of a choice, Amadeus was forced to obey, returning to the academy and their destined path, keeping further acts of rebellion low and subtle, still unwilling to retreat back into their cage entirely. The brief taste of freedom was too alluring.
During the remaining time at the academy, they learned to grow a thick skin as they continued being disliked and ostracized by their peers and teachers. Despite their success and pass being predetermined, Amadeus at least proved it to themselves that they could have accomplished all these achievements on their own, putting in the same amount of work as anyone else despite it being redundant.
Further following their destined path with resentment, they still couldn't imagine to stray too far from it, even if they were able to - the disconnection from real life was too severe, too many things they didn't know, too many risks they were too scared to take.
So, instead of wallowing in their misery, Amadeus tried to make the best of it and do what they were told to, but on their own terms. This wasn't going to be a simple advancement, climbing the ranks to the very top just for the sake of it - if Amadeus was to embody faith, they'd do so by following the principles of their religion and focus on improving the lives of others, easing their suffering by offering help and comfort, doing their best to lift their spirits with the power of belief.
When hearing about an open position as a chaplain in a distant town known for its poverty and extraordinarily high rate of executions, Amadeus did not hesitate to jump on the opportunity to prove themselves and their self-determined principles, vowing to bring positive change to even the darkest places, breaking out of the fake, curated world around them to experience the unadorned truth of real life with all its challenges, far away from their parents' unrelenting grasp.
A true chance for freedom, at last.
How their past affects them in the present
Despite growing up wealthy and never having to worry about anything, Amadeus has great empathy for the less fortunate, not shying away from helping them if and whenever possible. They might not be able to fully relate, but are aware of their own privilege and their sheltered, prosperous upbringing being extremely uncommon. Other than most people from their social class, Amadeus doesn't take anything for granted and is very well able to live without luxury - partially due to it being part of serving on lower levels of the clergy, but also since they desire nothing more than escaping said profusion and live a more authentic life.
May it be naivetĂŠ, Amadeus genuinely believes that the world can change for the better with no more suffering, but peace and equality. As a strong believer in human rights, they have made it their personal mission to improve the conditions of detention and general treatment of prisoners in "The Maw", striving to abolish torture and the death penalty, as well as decriminalize certain offenses and give back respect, dignity and support by the means of faith.
Unfortunately, they are wearing blinders to the differences in criminals, what they've done and are capable of - not many of them are receptive to penitence or even care about the Entity at all. Arguable, some may not even deserve any forgiveness - contrary to Amadeus' belief.
Admittedly, it's mostly their stubbornness making them stick to their word despite being aware that they might be in the wrong.
It's all inherently rooted in severe struggles with their own self-perception. Being raised as an entirely blank slate for the Entity, they never truly had an opportunity to explore who they really are and what they actually think, causing constant self-doubt whether their beliefs are their own or simply taught.
When in a mentally fragile state, seeing their reflection in a mirror or similar often causes Amadeus to experience depersonalization, making them freeze externally, yet panic internally. They do not recognize the person looking back at them, do not want to believe that this is who they are supposed to be, yet they're stuck with no way out. At times, they may remain in this state for hours, their body acting on autopilot while their mind randomly returns to its normal state - Amadeus does not remember what happened in the meantime.
The struggles with identity and self-perception reach in all directions. Neither doing what they're being told feels right, nor doing the exact opposite in an act of rebellion. The truth lies somewhere in between, but it's the nuances that are the most difficult to grasp for Amadeus.
In the sense of body issues, Amadeus has been raised to perceive themselves as a purely ethereal being and disregard any anatomical or simply human traits that others would be defined by. Quite early in their life, they would reject the idea of being someone - or something - above anyone else, instead preferring to stay human, yet did not know how. Their siblings were socialized differently, there were obvious distinctions between the treatment of men and women, what was expected of them, interactions, relationships, personal expression, behavior, ... Nothing applied to Amadeus. They couldn't be one or the other, yet it seemed like they'd have to be if they wanted to life a "normal life".
Any other member of the clergy gave up their "humanity", their former identity, to become a vessel - Amadeus never had to make such a sacrifice. Instead, they wish they could walk this path in reverse, missing something they never had and will likely never have, dreaming of living a "normal human life" with all its perks and challenges.
A naive wish rooted in an unfulfilled desire for acceptance.
The struggles with their own body don't stop there - Amadeus has a rather specific love-hate relationship with their hair. Due to religious requirements - or rather preferences -, a perfect vessel is expected to evince a certain appearance, which is mainly focused on the hair. About hip-length and chemically bleached to be as white as possible, it's a symbol of purity and devotion to the Entity - maintaining this look is rather arduous though. Which is one of the reasons for Amadeus' resentment towards it, despite the routine being ingrained since their childhood. While they love their hair as a symbol of their faith, taking pride in being a perfect vessel in terms of appearance, they also hate to be forced to look a certain way at all times, having to spend so much time and effort on grooming when their hair mostly remains hidden anyway due to their low rank in clergy. The thought to cut it all off has certainly crossed their mind, though at the same time it's their greatest pride and seemingly only proof of who they are and what they're destined to be.
To lose it would be to lose themselves.
Instead, Amadeus chose to continuously bend the dress code. As a mere chaplain, they're expected to keep their hair hidden underneath a veil at all times, yet they let some strands peak out at all times - they don't even care if others see them with their hair completely unveiled. Besides that, they mix and match different pieces of their clerical garments, combining the ones they like and feel comfortable in, despite them not necessarily meant to be worn together.
Generally speaking, Amadeus craves self-expression and pursues it by walking a narrow line of what's allowed and what isn't.
While they tend to get away with this most of the time, their initial rebellion while being at the academy has permanently damaged the relationship with their family. Amadeus doesn't maintain contact with either their parents or siblings, who reciprocate the lack of interest. Being deemed the black sheep of the family, Amadeus' parents would only be willing to reconnect with their youngest child if they keep following their destined path, climbing the ranks of clergy to the very top.
For the most part, Amadeus doesn't care too much about being estranged from their family - if anything, they actively tried to escape their grasp. Still, deep within, they lament the lack of genuine warmth and care, realizing they only ever received appreciation and attention as long as they stayed in line and did exactly as they've been told.
Breaking out of their confinement, Amadeus gains their longed-for freedom, yet is immediately overwhelmed by it. Overdoing many things just because they have the opportunity to do it, taking on greater tasks than they can handle and underestimating the hardships and unpredictability of real life, while being driven by the urge to prove themselves at all times. Freedom and a "real" life is all they ever wanted, so they'd rather deal with the consequences of their overzealous endeavors than admit their struggles.
Despite growing up sheltered and never having to lift a finger, Amadeus does not shy away from work, no matter if brought upon themselves or asked for by others. They don't mind getting their hands dirty and doing hard physical labor - though, due to their slender physique and lack of strength they aren't necessarily helpful when trying to assist others. Instead, they compensate with unmatched determination and stubbornness - not least because they hate depending on anyone, insisting on doing almost everything on their own. When underestimated, Amadeus will go out of their way to prove the accusation wrong, even if it's entirely pointless or even dangerous.
Unfortunately, they have no sense of self-preservation after being sheltered and protected all their life, therefore they tend to charge into situations without considering the potential risks first. One such instance is their propensity of arguments, talking back to people when they shouldn't and forcing their opinions onto them. Consequentially, they easily make themselves unpopular, while understanding their own behavior as simply standing their ground and being in the right to voice their beliefs.
As they've been kept from any social interactions until entering the academy - and not really having any close connections there either -, Amadeus doesn't know how to interact well beyond learned scripts. Mostly struggling with rejection and plain "no's", they try to force their way through regardless, being unable to compromise or understand different views from their own, especially when it's about a topic they are passionate about or cannot comprehend anyone disagreeing with their opinion.
In a constant fight for any little bit of control they can gain over their own life, Amadeus takes any opportunity to make decisions for themselves while actively pushing the boundaries of their predetermined path. They are well aware of the risks of straying too far though, the constant threat of losing absolutely everything and being left with nothing, yet they choose to not be guided by fear and instead make use of their newfound freedom while they can, dealing with potential consequences later.
Naturally, Amadeus is drawn towards and enticed by any sort of challenge or resistance they encounter, facing them even if not necessary - or advised.
Other opinions never mattered much to them anyway.
Amadeus is mostly unbothered by criticism and negative voices, yet secretly yearns for genuine social connections, being accepted for who and how they are despite all their flaws, even if they don't understand their own identity themselves.
As they struggle to be in tune with their thoughts and feelings, strong emotions overwhelm them quickly.
Especially one particular type of emotion - affection. Easily becoming jealous and even hurt when witnessing acts or expressions of love due to craving this experience themselves, they understandably become extremely overwhelmed when actually falling in love themselves. Not only since they cannot regulate their emotions well, but because they are technically not allowed to have romantic feelings due to being forced to practice celibacy.
Therefore, Amadeus tries their best to forget about their love for Parzival, convincing themselves it's nothing but a mere crush - until eventually coming to terms with that not being the case. Still, they never initiate anything out of fear - fear of the consequences in regards to their position, as well as fear of rejection.
Why would their naive feelings be reciprocated anyway?
In conclusion, Amadeus may be obnoxiously stubborn and often oblivious to the reality of life, but they truly mean well and are probably the most genuine person one could ever meet. They make lots of stupid decisions, but at least they make them themselves.
Parzival - A deep dive into his background and how it affected him
Sensitive subjects - viewer discretion advised!
Author's note / Disclaimer:
"Hold Thy Peace" takes place in a medieval setting, though there's absolutely no claim of complete historical accuracy. Regardless, I have incorporated factually correct elements, including (but not limited to) social standards and points of view on certain topics. Please note that these views are not inherently my own and I do not condone certain acts performed by characters mentioned.
The Background
Parzival was born into the lowest social class with just one goal dictating everyday life - survival. Even those who could not fight for themselves yet would face the same task, succumbing to the challenge sooner rather than later.
All of Parzival's siblings passed too young, making him the only surviving child. His mother died in childbirth when he was merely four years old, leaving him and his father behind, just the two of them living alone on the little they had.
Poverty was never a choice, though it was definitely worsened by the father, who wasted whatever he earned in the past as well as letting the family home fall into disrepair. It was a privilege to have a roof over the head, though a cold and tight shack with cracks and holes barely provided comfort. A miserable abode located outside the city walls, essentially one room with a makeshift second floor accessible by ladder, a pathetic effort to stop the rain and snow from permeating the damaged roof. Too tight for even just two people, no privacy, forced to be in each other's space at all times.
An especially burdensome fate as Parzival's father was nothing but an abusive slacker and alcoholic with severe anger issues and - worst of all - a notorious sex offender. Though, due to his intimidating personality and imposing physique, turning raw aggression into terrifying strength, nobody dared to challenge him. And the law did not reach as low as the slums, allowing the brute to run free with his crimes.
Still, survival was essential and due to the passing of both his wife and all his children, the father put all burdens onto his only surviving son's shoulders. Forcing Parzival to obtain money, food and alcohol for him by begging or stealing, he wouldn't hesitate to physically punish him if he didn't managed to bring anything back home. Not that he truly needed a reason to be violent towards his son, regularly beating him up to take out his never-ending anger.
Though, Parzival had no other choice but to obey. He couldn't stay anywhere else, barely tolerated within the city walls, forced to follow the father's orders to ensure his own bare survival. At the same time, it was his father who took everything - both food and money - leaving nothing for Parzival, often pushing him to the brink of starvation. Soon, he learned to put himself first, spending all the money earned on food for himself, just enough to feed him for the day, before bringing back the rest to be taken by his father.
The only light in these dark times was an exceptional friendship. Just a few people lived outside the city walls, namely those shunned by society - including the family of the executioner. With their home located not too far from the gallows hill, Parzival was easily spotted when searching hung convicts and freshly dug graves for valuables to sell, attracting the attention of one of the executioner's sons - Velasco. Both were roughly at the same age of six when meeting for the first time, quickly getting along well, becoming friends and offering each other help whenever and however possible.
Velasco helped Parzival by hiding any spare money and food he had obtained to keep it safe from his father, occasionally gifting him belongings of executed criminals to sell and - thanks to his ever increasing medical knowledge - treating the many wounds and injuries suffered due to the constant abuse. Parzival did not have much to offer in return, but helped Velasco with his many - often very much disliked - tasks on his path to become an executioner himself, while also providing emotional support in plenty hours of despair.
Though, even such a friendship could not conquer the harsh reality of life. Besides the physical abuse, Parzival had to endure plenty psychological torment. Due to his father's deviant carnal desires, he repeatedly had to witness sexual abuse in his own home - the assaulter brought or forced his victims here, deliberately picking women who would not speak out about what had happened to them or if they did, they would have no chance of being heard and taken seriously. And so he got away with it.
Parzival would either enter the scene by chance or be awoken by the noises in the middle of the night, but was also actively dragged into it by his father, who either forced him to watch or demanded his participation to prove himself as "a real man". Parzival escaped whenever he could and if it wasn't possible, he vehemently refused to join the assault, instead taking a beating by his father as yet another punishment for his disobedience.
Despite never being sexually assaulted himself, having to witness it over and over again without being able to help, while also being forced to engage and treated like he was in the wrong to refuse, left Parzival with deep psychological scars affecting him for the rest of his life.
The inability to sufficiently fight back or protect others gnawed at his mind, simply unable to match the sheer strength of his father. Still, the older he got and the more he had to endure, Parzival continued to try and stand his ground, striving to become stronger every day, both mentally and physically.
As the years passed, one night would finally change it all.
By now, Parzival reached the age of 15 when returning home after yet another day of begging and fighting for sheer survival. This night was no different to many others before, as he entered the shack and caught his father with yet another victim. Though, something felt off - it was awfully quiet and it took a while for Parzival to notice the blood surrounding the scene. Severely injured, the young woman was on the brink of death, left at the mercy of her tormentor, who - more erratically than usual - demanded Parzival to continue the gruesome act. This time, it was not about "proving his worth as a man", but to take on the guilt of potential murder - even in the seemingly lawless slums, a homicide would not go unpunished and of course, the father would rather see his son on the gallows than himself.
Despite his motives being clear, Parzival's anger was merely fueled by the cruelty of the scene and his disgust towards the man who had tormented him for all his life. And so, his rage took over, attacking his father - while catching him off-guard, Parzival still got hit quite badly, blood clouding his vision, yet for the first time in his life, he managed to overpower the brute and beat him to death in a frenzy, driven by the pent-up hatred of the past.
After calming down, realizing that he had taken his father's life, Parzival immediately sought out Velasco for help to cover up the murder. With no further questions asked, both cleaned the crime scene and disposed of the body by burying it in the gallows field. Nobody truly questioned the sudden disappearance of the choleric drunkard, assuming he drank himself to death - in the end, it didn't matter anyway and he was quickly forgotten by most.
The same night, Velasco did his best to treat the wounds of the father's last victim and indeed succeeded as she survived, though unfortunately took her own life soon after the incident due to the torments she suffered, never once speaking about what happened that night.
And so, Parzival was free.
Free from the abuse, the exploitation, free from his father.
Immediately taking his life in his own hands, he made an active effort to escape poverty by offering his help and working power at any given chance, not matter the task. It was tough to convince people to put their trust into someone coming from as low as he did, yet he eventually earned their respect by not shying away from any challenge and putting in extra work far beyond the requirements.
Nevertheless, it was an unstable and draining lifestyle, still tied to the slums and relying on alms to survive.
After taking judgement into his own hands, executing his father for all the crimes he was never prosecuted for, Parzival developed a strong, but twisted sense of justice and eventually decided to give his life a clearer direction - working for law enforcement. Due to the position of the executioner already being predetermined with his friend Velasco soon following in his father's footsteps, he decided to aim for the profession of the jailer instead, the guardian and head of the infamous "Maw".
The man currently holding said position showed the same skepticism as anyone else interacting with Parzival for the first time, not trusting he was fit for the job. Still, his persistence and the jailer's desperate wish to retire eventually granted him the opportunity to prove himself worthy and at least assist at the dungeon first.
Once again, Parzival quickly asserted himself and the old jailer accepted him as his official apprentice, relieved to have come across a promising successor.
Finally, Parzival was able to leave the slum, abandoning his old home for good as he was allowed to stay within an old, unused holding cell of "The Maw". Furthermore, he not just learned everything about his new profession and the dungeon itself, but also received a decent education, being taught how to read and write and given further insight into the legal system - all financially supported and encouraged by the town's judge, as Parzival caught the influential man's attention and surpassed all his expectations.
After finishing his apprenticeship, learning every single bit there was to know about "The Maw", only one thing remained. A secret kept by the old jailer, now passed onto his successor to bear the burden instead - the truth about the "Wiedergänger". Parzival heard about the folktale before, which has lost its relevance many years ago already, therefore being utterly confused to hear that the story was at least partially true. He was taught about the risks and obligations tied to keeping the "Wiedergänger" under control and guided to formerly hidden parts of "The Maw", including a circular chamber jokingly called "The Theater" - an odd room with additional holding cells, torture devices and other cruel contraptions, solely used to satisfy the fiend's gruesome desires.
Initially, Parzival was skeptical, didn't really believe a being like this existed and needed to be "fed" or "entertained", but the old jailer was trustworthy enough to not take heed of his warning. Anything he had to say about the "Wiedergänger" was carried by seriousness and worry, confirming over and over again that Parzival truly understood what he had to do.
Convinced he was ready to take over his position, the old jailer retired and left the future of "The Maw" in his successor's hands. It would not take long until Parzival understood the full scope of his duties, encountering the "Wiedergänger" himself - everything he learned fell into place and revealed a much greater responsibility and burden than he ever could've imagined, but he was ready to face it. To prove himself and what he was capable of.
From here on, Parzival took charge and changed "The Maw" to his ideas, improving the jail system, actively influencing law and punishment, consequentially increasing arrests, instances of torture and executions.
While it painted an image of cruelty and arbitrariness with the court and dungeon being as busy as never before, the rates of certain crimes sank and people developed a new sense of justice, extending it far beyond their own social circle.
Thanks to Parzival's dedication and influence, the punishment for sex offenders became more severe while victims gained more rights and preemptive protection. At the same time, he achieved at least a partial reduction of sentence for anyone accused of sodomy (author's note: unless it involved animals, of course ...).
Over the years, he made a name for himself.
Both respected and feared, idolized and avoided, though certainly known by everyone in town.
How his past affects him in the present
Growing up poor and having to fight for survival on a daily basis left Parzival with instincts he'd never truly lose. He's very possessive towards his belongings, though while he could afford to own more than he has, he keeps it at the bare minimum. Even though it's not necessary anymore, he tries to be as efficient as possible with any resources in his care, often holding back more than needed - a trait that would usually come at the cost of the prisoners not receiving enough food or donations from benefactors, since Parzival deems it unnecessary.
Instead, he charges fees for everything beyond the absolute minimum - admittedly, not an uncommon strategy for his profession and at least his prices are somewhat reasonable.
With some exceptions.
To keep costs low - and simply hating to call for assistance - he repairs most things inside the dungeon himself and doesn't shy away from dirty work despite employing Gottschalk for most of these tasks.
While the grime of "The Maw" and its inmates doesn't bother him while at work, Parzival has become obsessed with personal hygiene ever since escaping poverty and gaining the opportunity to regularly clean himself - probably doing so way more often than the average person.
Still, leaving his old life behind may have worked on the outside, but it never left his body and mind. Despite hating absolutely everything about his father, he too has anger issues, which he tries to direct towards the abuse of prisoners - or, as he says, "those who deserve it" - instead of acting on them publicly, letting them get out of control. Also inheriting the abusive tendencies, Parzival may become aggressive and violent when feeling cornered or challenged - he will often speak first before thinking, consequentially insulting people and saying things he immediately regrets, though he never admits his mistakes or apologizes, playing it off instead and putting the blame on the opposite. Finally, the risk of alcoholism is always looming over him, though it's generally under control, also thanks to Velasco keeping Parzival from drinking excessively when becoming overwhelmed with unprocessed emotions.
Most of them stem from the sexual trauma he had to endure. While other crimes usually doesn't faze him, any case of sexual abuse makes his feelings go haywire, unable to control his emotions and cope with the memories of the past. Without a doubt, Parzival will fight for the best possible outcome for the victim of the abuse, but tends to let his hatred towards the offender take hold of him instead, causing him to lash out verbally and physically far beyond the ordered punishment.
Within "The Maw", Parzival treats sex offenders the worst, denying them food and hygiene, as well as significantly increasing fees for amenities and actively working towards an increase of their official punishment, preferably aiming for a death sentence.
On the contrary, he has a soft spot for anyone stealing out of necessity or committing small crimes due to poverty. Relating to these struggles, he will try to lower their punishment or even win acquittal for them.
While he can decrease the suffering of others in his former position, the scars he obtained never healed.
Due to witnessing countless cases of sexual assault, Parzival developed an unhealthy view on sexuality, inherently associating intimacy with violence - apparently the correct way to treat a body if one was "a real man". Understanding that this was nothing but a cruel lie, yet being unfamiliar with the truth, he avoided any closeness since. Parzival is convinced to be unable to show physical affection and love without being as violent as his father used to be.
Unfortunately for him, his surroundings are not aware of this. He too noticed that some people perceive him as attractive and weirdly enticing, pursuing him as a potential partner or maybe just adventurous flirt, though he always found it rather uncomfortable, since he doesn't consider himself desirable in any way.
On the other hand, Parzival is also aware of people's more sexually deviant desires they have imposed on him - a few of them even going so far to get arrested just to request him specifically to be the one to torture them for their crimes. A service he does offer for a ridiculously high fee, though for the sole purpose of making those people regret their decision and forget about their kinks, tormenting them way beyond necessity. In Parzival's head, it's a lesson in incompatibility of lust and pain, while confirming his own theory of only knowing violence in terms of intimacy - there is no pleasure to be had.
All he can give is pain and it's exactly what people seem to expect from him.
Limiting his own emotions, he certainly doesn't allow anyone else to get too close either. His trust is almost impossible to earn and he is extremely selective with the information he shares about himself, always expecting it to be used against him.
The only person gaining Parzival's unconditional trust is Velasco. Not just a best friend, but a chosen brother - while they always squabble and play-fight, they would absolutely die for each other. Keeping their deepest secrets safe and protecting each other from the consequences tied to them, their bond is made to last.
Velasco is the only person Parzival never showed genuine anger towards, instead telling him about his true feelings and sharing rare moments of vulnerability.
With the same trust being returned, Parzival has made it one of his goals to not just protect his "brother" from harm, but actively improve the law in his favor - specifically, the decriminalization of sodomy. Being the only person to know about Velasco's homosexuality, it's of great importance to Parzival to ensure his safety and potentially make it possible for him to escape society's shackles by allowing him to love freely without fearing torture and even execution.
While protecting the few things that matter to him, Parzival's main goal has always been his own survival. After managing to overpower his father and earn his freedom, he continues to actively keep in shape to always be able to fight back whenever needed - never again does he want to feel defense- or helpless.
Putting so much value on the life he built from scratch, his entire existence is centered around "The Maw", taking tremendous pride in his career and established system - work always comes first and he truly doesn't know what to do with free time. Most of Parzival's day takes place inside the dungeon or the office above it, only occasionally allowing himself some leisure to meet Velasco at his house outside the city walls.
As much influence and respect Parzival has earned over the years, the need to prove himself at all times never faded, asserting his position and power at any given chance. Anyone patronizing him, questioning him or his authority would soon regret it - at the same time, he does crave validation and praise, even though he doesn't openly acknowledge it when received.
As previously suggested, Parzival's view on crime and punishment has become rather twisted, radicalizing himself over time and often only thinking in black and white without nuances. This mindset tends to manifest itself in him suggesting harder punishments for convicts than necessary, especially targeting those he deems "deserving" of it - an ever-changing, arbitrary definition.
In a way, his ferocity and insensitivity makes him excel at satisfying the "Wiedergänger", not least because of the sheer amount of potential victims. While the increase of incarcerations and torture mostly quenches the fiend's ever-growing hunger, Parzival could not simply "sacrifice" a prisoner without raising suspicion. And so, he sometimes finds himself out on the streets in the middle of a dark night, kidnapping drunkards and travelers nobody knows or would miss, dragging them into the depths of "The Maw" - or as his mentor used to say, "making them perform in the theater".
Indeed, Parzival torments innocent people to answer the "Wiedergänger's" demands, though he feels nothing doing it. Assigning the victims petty crimes to justify it at times, though primarily, anybody entering "The Theater" loses their humanity and is simply degraded to a pile of meat, prepared to be served.
To conclude, Parzival can be described as a rather morally grey character, though probably more on the dark-grey side of the scale. Probably irredeemable and definitely not a good person, but perhaps his past can shed light on the reasons for that without making it an excuse.
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Major spoilers for "Hold Thy Peace" ahead!
Sensitive subjects - viewer discretion advised!
The actual folklore of a "Wiedergänger"
A "Wiedergänger" (literally translating to something like "the one to walk again" or "again-walker") is a creature from German folklore, best described as a mix of a ghost and a zombie. In a way, it's both and beyond, as the name is more of an umbrella term for different sub-types of the living dead rather than a distinct entity itself.
Still, it can generally be defined as a deceased person who returns to the world of the living, taking on both spiritual and physical forms.
It is typically associated with specific places that were important or held some significance to it in the deceased one's life, now being the site of its haunting.
The reasons for the "Wiedergänger's" rise from the grave are diverse: may it be due to an improper burial or no burial at all, the improper handling of the deceased body, a curse, unrest due to unfinished business, or suicide - many people would've been at risk to return after death. Common narratives included an individual who was greatly wronged before their passing, now returning to seek vengeance, chasing those who have caused their demise and not stopping until they were dead themselves. Less malicious tales speak of some unfortunate undead seeking salvation instead, which could only be achieved with the help of the living.
Though, generally speaking, those encountering a "Wiedergänger" would likely face death soon after.
The folktale of the "Wiedergänger" in "Hold Thy Peace"
In "Hold Thy Peace", the "Wiedergänger" is a cryptid from a local folktale about "The Maw", the town's infamous dungeon. While it's been in circulation for years, used to deter people from committing crimes and end up in the depths of the dungeon, its presence faded eventually. The harsh reality of being sent to "The Maw" was scary enough, so nobody would hold onto old ghost stories anymore - by now, not many people can even remember the following original folktale:
Once there was a wicked man, who sold his soul to a hellish fiend. In return, he asked for a mind capable of the greatest deceptions to live out his darkest desires. And so, his wish was fulfilled and the years to come were drenched in blood and sorrow.
Yet, his reign of terror would come to an end when his hubris grew larger than any deception could ever be. Caught and convicted for the heinous acts of violence he committed, slaughtering so many like pigs for his own sick pleasure, he was sent to "The Maw", awaiting his ultimate death.
Though, driven by his unquenchable urges, yet another deception allowed him to break free from his prison, although he did not get far. Mortally wounded by his captors, he was forced to flee deeper into the dungeon - a successful escape on one hand, his trace lost, though once swallowed by "The Maw", forever trapped within its guts. The man went astray, unable to resurface, left alone in the darkness to die a slow and painful death. Before his passing, he used his remaining strength to utter a curse, handing both his body and soul over to the fiend, an act beyond the contract's requirements, wishing for the terror he once spread to continue for all eternity.
His curse and wish came true and his remains fueled by a hellish spirit were condemned to forever yearn for blood and suffering.
And so, any unfortunate soul to set foot into "The Maw" would be at mercy of this craving. At night, footsteps could be heard and one could only pray to not be the chosen one, facing torture beyond anything the living could ever exert.
The truth about the "Wiedergänger"
While it's commonly referred to as a "Wiedergänger", it's unclear whether or not it is one. Some used to call it a demon or even the devil as the story has been passed down, changed and exaggerated over time.
What is definitely agreed on is "The Maw" being the center and hub of the haunting - staying clear of it is a safe way to never encounter the "Wiedergänger". Which is unfortunately not entirely true - it is in fact able to leave the dungeon, although cannot stray too far away from it. Still, it may only do so under certain circumstances - more on that later.
As the folktale suggests, the "Wiedergänger" is likely tied to an actual body somewhere within the dungeon. A theory neither confirmed nor denied, despite being investigated - even those with the most expansive knowledge on "The Maw" and its layout were unable to locate a potential source of the "Wiedergänger's" activity. Due to its overall demonic or spiritual nature, it's not unlikely though that it would be able to hide or protect its potential weakness - if it does exist.
Ever since its first appearance, the "Wiedergänger" seems to have evolved and grown in power, gaining and perfecting the following abilities over the years:
physical and spiritual manifestation - being neither just a ghost nor a zombie, the "Wiedergänger" can adjust its corporeality. Whatever it decides to be, it only seems to be visible to those of its choosing, even if appearing with a solid body.
shapeshifting - the change of physicality goes along with the ability to alter its form entirely. Ranging from abstract to uncanny to realistic, the "Wiedergänger" has mastered the art of deception - best proven by its highly detailed copies of actual people. The perfect imitation of speech patterns, movement and behaviour for the means of chicanery is only matched by its real counterpart.
hallucinations - another tool of deception, the "Wiedergänger" creeps into people's minds to make them hallucinate. What they see is realistic enough to be almost impossible to tell apart from reality, no matter how unlikely the events unfolding before their eyes may be.
malaise - the mere presence of the "Wiedergänger" is enough to cause physical discomfort, mostly manifesting in nausea, dizziness and even fainting, as well as disorientation, confusion and memory loss.
physical abuse - being able to take a solid form allows it to go beyond psychological torture and attack physically. Though, lacking strength, it only uses advantageous moments to strike. While its violence is tremendous, no evidence of the abuse remains, other than the faint memory of pain.
environmental manipulation - a recent growth in power seems to allow the "Wiedergänger" to manipulate or change parts of "The Maw's" layout. Shifting the positions of hallways and holding cells - or at least making it seem that way - allows it to confuse trespassers and guide them to specific locations within the dungeon. So far, this ability is limited to "The Maw" and cannot be exerted anywhere else.
Clearly, this "Wiedergänger" is not the type to seek salvation. While its true intentions are unclear, it does thrive on violence and torment - a need satisfied by the site of its haunting. Or so one would think. Again, more on this later.
Seemingly a rather territorial creature, it may spare those who stay clear of the dungeon, but pursues those who don't with unmatched ferocity. But only if BOTH of the following conditions are met:
encountering the "Wiedergänger" in the dungeon while being down there without permission or entering specific parts of "The Maw" considered off-limits
acknowledging the existence of the "Wiedergänger" and speaking about it like it's real and not just a cryptid from a folktale
While an encounter itself is dangerous, pursuit can be prevented by never talking about the event. Only speaking about the "Wiedergänger" by referring to the folktale is safe too, especially without an actual encounter. When coming in contact with the "Wiedergänger", it is absolutely not advised to interact with it in any way, as it may result in pursuit as well.
But what exactly are the consequences of pursuit?
As mentioned, the "Wiedergänger" does not appreciate trespassers, but loves torture and suffering. Therefore, the unfortunate soul to trigger pursuit will face horrific torment for as long as the haunter seems fit.
Mainly aiming for psychological torture, the "Wiedergänger" will break its victim's mind, driving them to utter insanity and potentially suicide. It will not stop pursuing this goal until it's been reached, exhausting all its abilities in the process. As previously mentioned, this desire to chase its prey down has allowed it to leave the dungeon and follow its target outside - at least within a certain radius around "The Maw".
Initially, the "Wiedergänger" will hide its activities in "nightmares", making the victim think it was all just a bad dream. Unfortunately, the pattern repeats night after night, eventually bound to unnerve the target enough to carry the disturbance over to daytime. A nightmare evolves into sleep paralysis, sleep paralysis evolves into diurnal hallucinations. The haunting is not contained within a mere dream.
As the hallucinations commence, the "Wiedergänger" chooses critical moments to cause the most damage. Not only to disturb the victim themselves, but force them into uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situations involving their environment. Nobody around them sees what they see and yet they think it's real - to anyone else, the poor victim just appears like a lunatic.
Though, even that is not always enough to satisfy the "Wiedergänger". When the chance presents itself, it will resort to physical abuse, usually pushing and choking its victim. Not stopping there, it doesn't hesitate to carry out sexual violence either, though in regards to the events in "Hold Thy Peace" it does so for a specific reason - again, more about this further below.
Despite everything, the "Wiedergänger" cannot kill directly. And even if it could, it wouldn't - watching others suffer is much more enjoyable to it than putting an end to their life, even though its actions will inevitably result in the same outcome.
How it affects the individual characters
While being the "main antagonist", if you will, the "Wiedergänger" affects the roster of main characters very differently.
Here's a general breakdown:
Unfortunately, Amadeus has become a target of the "Wiedergänger" and if you read everything up until this point, you will know what that means.
They did not only encounter the "Wiedergänger" while trespassing in the dungeon AND spoke about the events, as well as acknowledging the creature as a real thing. Amadeus also gained influence over Parzival, who - as will be explained in his section - has therefore been distracted from fulfilling his "duties", neglecting the "Wiedergänger" and its demands. Not only that, but thanks to Amadeus' desire to change the laws and abolish high justice, Parzival's morals have shifted, much to the "Wiedergänger's" disapproval. As a consequence and due to fulfilling the basic requirements for pursuit, Amadeus' fate has been sealed.
Being followed outside of the dungeon, tormented by "nightmares", subjected to hallucinations making them look crazy to their surroundings, Amadeus begins to question their own sanity as their mental health declines by the day.
Furthermore, their determined, but feeble attempts to prove the existence of the "Wiedergänger" only result in being misguided in the depths of "The Maw" and lured to places they shouldn't be in, seeing things they shouldn't see, causing not only problems for themselves, but also Parzival and Gottschalk.
Not just Amadeus' relentless chase of the truth causes the retaliation to worsen - the closer they and Parzival get, the more violent the "Wiedergänger" pursues Amadeus, actively using their attraction to him to lure them into traps or hurt them emotionally.
Here's where the creature resorts to sexual abuse in a variety of ways - unlikely otherwise, but a horrifically effective tool of torment in this very case.
There's no way to palliate it: This is Amadeus' doom.
Parzival knows about the "Wiedergänger" - in fact, he serves it.
It's not just a folktale, it's bitter reality.
Every jailer of "The Maw" has to enter a "contract" with the "Wiedergänger", an obligation passed down to following generations - calling it a curse might be more fitting though. All the knowledge and duties that come with it are taught to the respective successor to keep fulfilling the creature's demands.
Those demands entail sacrifices. The "Wiedergänger" thrives on violence, so in order to keep it satiated, pacified and under control, the current jailer of "The Maw" has to perform especially cruel acts of torture beyond their day-to-day-business - if those demands remain unanswered, the "Wiedergänger" grows in anger and power - an irreversible process. Over the years ever since its first appearance, it gained more and more abilities whenever it was neglected or the jailer didn't "perform" well enough, becoming more and more dangerous, harder to control and keep down in the dungeon, away from the general public.
While those staying clear of "The Maw" remain safe for now, this may not be the case in the future - to prevent this from happening is the task of the current jailer, holding a great responsibility at a great personal risk.
Parzival accepted his role, yet is not a fully willing servant of the "Wiedergänger". Still, he does what needs to be done, casting his own humanity aside day by day for the benefit of the town's unsuspecting people.
While he's able to interact with the "Wiedergänger" without triggering pursuit, he too cannot speak about it beyond the folktale.
Therefore, while knowing that everything Amadeus claims to have seen and experienced is in fact real and true, he cannot admit or explain it and instead has to dismiss or lie about it. A circumstance becoming more and more challenging as the torment worsens. Meanwhile, he tries to keep the "Wiedergänger" from chasing after Amadeus by satiating its needs beyond the usual requirements, though unfortunately has to realize that it's too late - it cannot be stopped anymore.
In a way, Parzival receives a passive punishment for his neglect and shifted morals, regaining a fraction of his humanity thanks to Amadeus' influence, now forced to watch them head towards their ultimate demise when he was supposed to prevent this exact scenario from happening.
Gottschalk did encounter the "Wiedergänger" and has acknowledged its presence, though remained entirely unaffected. Likely since he cannot speak about it due to his alleged mutism, yet he has seemingly never once perceived the creature as a potential threat or even just unusual.
He was also never a target of disruptions the same way Parzival has been - in fact, the "Wiedergänger" appears to avoid Gottschalk instead. The reason for that is entirely unknown.
Velasco is the only one who never encountered the "Wiedergänger". He vaguely knows about the folktale, but nothing beyond that. Ignorance can be a bliss.
This turned out to be a much more comprehensive guide to the "thing in the dungeon" than I originally intended. On the other side, it will not be the last one - more deep dives in the future!
Finding a name for the story took longer than usual. Partially because there wasn't just one major conflict or "thing" in the center of the plot which I could name it after, just like I did for "God Virus" or "Vernoque". The question of what would sum up all these different plot points remained unanswered for a while, so the project began to develop under the uninspired name "Dungeon" for the longest time.
Eventually, I felt like I needed a proper name to start getting all these loose ideas in order.
After some brainstorming, I ended up with options that would only describe parts of the story without tying them together neatly.
"The Maw", which is the dungeon's canonical "nickname", seemed decent at first, but overall fell a bit flat - while most events center around this location, the place itself holds much less importance than it seems.
"Wiedergänger" or similar terms for the creature hiding within the dungeon were equally as "on the nose", while already giving away the name of something appearing way later in the story, having no connection to earlier plot points.
Variations of "Down Here / There" seemed intriguing enough and were in fact not too unpopular when I asked my audience on Instagram, but again, something was missing.
Then, a more thorough search struck gold.
Searching for synonyms or alternate phrases to express "remaining silent" proved to be the way to go, as this was a central premise all throughout the story and its individual plot points (more on that later). And so, I came across "hold thy peace".
Looking more into the phrase, as it stood out from the selection of other synonyms, I found out it's a prominent part of the following bible quote:
And Jesus rebuked him, saying, Hold thy peace, and come out of him. And when the devil had thrown him in the midst, he came out of him, and hurt him not.
- Luke 4:35 KJV
If it wasn't just for the obscurity of the phrase itself and the pretentious use of "thy" - which already sold me, honestly -, this quote tied an even stronger connection. A demon is being driven out of a man's body by Jesus - which is not a plot point in my story, but it still works as it fits the theme of possession by a dark entity (or its mere presence), demanding silence in order to defeat it / drive it away.
Though - not unlikely - I might be grasping at straws.
Still, even if the connection to the bible quote is weaker than I think it is, "remaining silent" is essential to the story and all its elements.
Here's a rough breakdown regarding the characters:
Parzival insists on Amadeus remaining silent about what they thought to have seen in the dungeon. While he doesn't elaborate the importance of doing so, he's very adamant about it, taking his own advice and refusing to explain, confirm or deny anything. He has also learned to keep his mouth shut and let his actions speak for themselves.
Amadeus actively refuses to remain silent as they've been urged to stay quiet throughout their entire life for all sorts of reasons. Being pushed around to fit into a role determined by others, they strive to find their own truth, pursuing it relentlessly. Even if it comes at a cost, they refuse to be quiet any longer.
Velasco remains silent about his true feelings regarding his legacy and profession as an executioner, as well as the state of law and punishment. It's his livelihood after all. Furthermore, most of his emotions are bottled up or obscured by passive jokes as some could threaten punishments he knows too well.
Gottschalk remains silent either against his own will or by choice - nobody truly knows. Being mute or simply refusing to speak, all his secrets hidden underneath an iron mask, he takes the phrase quite literally. Then again, there might be something that should definitely not be spoken about.
Additionally to the meaning for the individual characters, there are plot points, general themes and character connections / interactions, that are closely tied to keeping quiet about something too. Not to give too much away already - there are future blog posts to focus on that -, but here's some examples:
folklore fading into obscurity - a formerly feared story serving as a serious warning, now disregarded as a fairytale, forgotten by most, remaining untold
speech is silver, silence is golden - trust is built on the secrets you share, though some burdens are better carried alone
unspoken feelings - now this is rare coming from me, but indeed, there is romance involved (the tragic kind, of course)
To begin with, it was neither my plan nor intention to create a new story. I was determined to focus on "God Virus", keep writing the first draft of the book with occasional illustrations on the side. After yet another writer's block I found my inspiration again to continue for a bit, until the initial energy fizzled out and it came to a halt once again.
In short, things were not going smoothly despite my deep love for the story and characters.
Then, a few months ago, I went on a much needed vacation to Nuremberg - a trip I was definitely looking forward to without knowing yet how much of an impact it would truly have.
Specifically, a guided tour around the "Nßrnberger Lochgefängnisse" - a medieval dungeon underneath the city hall.
Ever since childhood, I've had an interest in medieval high justice, mostly centered around torture and execution methods and devices, no matter if they were authentic or not. Over the years, this interest has faded in favor of others, yet never vanished.
Despite visiting another museum on the theme in the meantime (namely the "Medieval Crime And Justice Museum" in Rothenburg ob der Tauber - my favorite!), it was the "Lochgefängnisse" rekindling my old interest.
And so I found myself extremely excited and positively overwhelmed by the dungeon and its characteristics in combination with the guide's explanations. Especially the timber-faced holding cells, the tight torture chamber and the long hallways framed by wooden beams, creating an endless mirror effect, left a lasting impression. The layout was confusing and disorientating, almost labyrinthine, the hallways causing some dizziness as it felt like walking in place and getting nowhere at all. A surreal, yet fascinating experience!
And despite my excitement in the moment, I still had no idea this tour would cast seeds in my brain.
Later the same evening, I contemplated my "old interest" and how I've neglected it over the years despite still enjoying it a lot, considering to let it flow more into my art and writing the same way my other interests do, though perhaps as a side project or even just a one-off.
This thought process alone allowed the seeds to take roots.
In the following days - already back home from the trip - random ideas appeared. First, the simple concept of a labyrinthine dungeon with something strange hiding within. Then, a jailer performing horrific acts of violence and torture for his own pleasure and amusement. Finally, a bare-bones character concept of a priest (because religion always needs to be part of every story, apparently).
Any effort to keep myself from developing an entirely new story failed at this point. After all, what was the point in holding oneself back when ideas sprouted so abundantly?
Other than sidelining my initial project ...
From here on, the framework was built.
The first "scenes" of the story involved the aforementioned jailer and his sadistic abuse of prisoners for no apparent reason, as well as the well-meaning priest wanting to deliver donations to the poor souls down in the dungeon, but being denied to do so. Eventually, they find their own way down there to fulfill their mission - only to encounter a strange "person". What follows is a nightmare of paranoia, hallucinations and madness.
The gist of the story remained the same while details changed.
Two more characters entered the roster, designs have been created, names have been given, world has been built.
I don't know yet where "Hold Thy Peace" will go. If it'll end up being a second book project or not. For now, it's a passion project that I'll allow to expand in whatever directions it wants to.
My sincere gratitude goes out to Nuremberg and its rich history in medieval high justice for inspiring me way more than I ever could've anticipated!