the fundie sims

Click here to read the story from the beginning!

This blog satirizes Christian fundamentalist influencers. If you’re not familiar with “fundies”, check out Fundie Snark on reddit or Fundie Fridays on youtube.

I do not share the views expressed by these characters. This blog is a safe space for everyone.

Asks & WCIFs are welcome. Click here to send a message.

Tags I use to keep things organized: #ask, #wcif, #download, #fundie fashion, #fundie lore

It's not a bother at all! I want my story to be accessible to anyone. I will look into other ways to represent simspañol.

Suggestions are welcome because I'm not sure the best way to do this. Currently simspañol is done by unicode cursive characters. Hmm...

Summer: ...And then the police officer actually asked if I was joking! Like I’d joke about this! Libby, this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m worried sick about Juan. How could something so terrible possibly be the Watcher’s will?

Liberty: I know this must be hard, but anxiety is un-Watcherly. 2 Timothy 1:7 says: “For the Watcher hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” You just need to trust the Watcher’s plan and stop worrying.

Summer: I guess you’re right... but...

Liberty: I know I’m right. The bible says we need to focus on the positive at all times. Stop choosing anxiety. Speaking of which, I have some good news that might cheer you up!

Summer: Oh really? What is it?

Liberty: I’m pregnant again with baby #4!

Summer: Congratulations... that’s... great...

Xavier: Is this the place?

Juan: I think so... it’s been a long time.

Juan: Wait a minute... 𝓟𝓪𝓭𝓻𝓮 𝓟𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓻, 𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾? 𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓸𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮?

Padre Pater: 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓭𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓰𝓻𝓸𝓬𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓸𝓵𝓭 𝔀𝓸𝓶𝓪𝓷 𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓼 𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮... 𝓘'𝓶 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓼, 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝔀𝓮 𝓶𝓮𝓽? 𝓐𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝔀𝓸 𝓵𝓸𝓼𝓽?

Juan: 𝓘𝓽’𝓼 𝓶𝓮, 𝓙𝓾𝓪𝓷! 𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓼 𝓶𝔂 𝓐𝓫𝓾𝓮𝓵𝓪’𝓼 𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓮!

Padre Pater: 𝓙𝓾𝓪𝓷?! 𝓦𝓪𝓽𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓫𝓮 𝓹𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓼𝓮𝓭! 𝓘𝓽’𝓼 𝓪 𝓶𝓲𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓵𝓮! 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓶𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓲𝓭𝓮 𝓪𝓽 𝓸𝓷𝓬𝓮! 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓐𝓫𝓾𝓮𝓵𝓪 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓫𝓮 𝓼𝓸 𝓹𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓼𝓮𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾!

Kalan: Thank you for meeting me here, Mr. Pancakes!

Bob: Sure thing, Kalan.

Kalan: I’ll-- I’ll just cut to the chase. I’m here to ask your permission to court your daughter, Faith. She’s just so--

Bob: I’ll stop you right there. You’re a nice young man, but Faith’s my special little girl. It’s important to me that she marries into a Watcher-honoring family. And, well, no offense, but none of your family members attend the Megachurch, do they?

Kalan: Well, no, but--

Bob: If that’s all you wanted to ask me, then maybe I’d better get going.

Kalan: Mr. Pancakes! Wait! P̷͎̘̭͑ ̸̡̍͆̽̇̄L̵̡͛̿̍̋ ̴͚̰̻̇Ẹ̶̢̧̻̀́̈́̍ ̸̮̃͋̇͘A̶͙̿͊̏͗̕ ̵̨̛̰̍͛͐Ş̷͍̻̬͓̆ ̶͓͐̎Ě̶̛̯̯!̸͔̅̉͐̎̕

Bob: Uhhh... yes. Okay.

Kalan: Wait, really?

Bob: Yes. Okay.

Kalan: What just happened? Th-- Thank you, Mr. Pancakes. I-- I think I need to go home and call my dad.

Alice: Please Eric, it’s been three days. We have to call the police. Xavier might be in serious trouble!

Eric: For the last time, Alice, I said no, and that’s final! What would the other members of the Megachurch say if they knew we couldn’t control our own son? What kind of headship would I look like then?

Alice: Eric, please!

Eric: I trusted you to train up a Watcherly young man to carry on my name. And what did you give me instead? A pink pansy! He looks more like a glass of Smexus than he looks like me! So if he’s in trouble, he can man up and figure it out himself. But until then, if anyone asks, he’s on a long-term mission trip in Granite Falls.

No, I'd rather not upload Joy. I am SO attached to her, and @our-little-kingdom and I have lots of big plans for her life 💛

Chief McMullin: ...We take missing child cases extremely seriously. Mr. and Mrs. Scott, my team will not rest until we’ve found your son. You have my word.

Summer: *sniffle* Thank you.

Chief McMullin: Now, there are a few things we need from you. First, a copy of Juan’s identification card for our files. This is the simplest way for us to record his height, weight, date of birth, and photo, plus his Simerican Security Number. We must have as much information as possible to help us find him.

Summer: We never got Juan an ID card or a Simerican Security Number. But I do have his adoption papers. Here, take a look. Will this help?

Chief McMullin: Ma’am... is this a fucking joke?

Hey y’all, Eliza here! There’s never a dull moment in a QUIVERFULL household, and I have lots of updates to share with you!

First of all, PRECIOUS JOY has started courting a Watcherly young man named James BANKS!! You probably know his family from their TV SHOW ON SLC!! Yes, THOSE Banks!! Our family is prepared for LOTS of Watcher-honoring TELEVISION APPEARANCES!!

Here’s Joy and her BEAU!! I always knew my family would be FAMOUS on TV one day!!

I’m NOT surprised that Joy is the first of my girls to start courting! I have ALWAYS said that ALL my girls are beautiful, even the PLAINEST ONE!!

In other news, my eldest son Ignatius and his wife Miracle have just welcomed their FIRST little BLESSING from the Watcher! They had a SWEET baby boy and named him Robert after his POOPOP, my husband Bob! PooPop and MeMe LOVE you, little Robbie!!

Summer: Juaaaaan!! Breakfast timeee! ....Juaaaan!!

Summer: Juan, are you in the prayer closet? No... maybe he’s still in bed.

Dear diary,

I still can’t believe mama let me go on a mission trip. Maybe she just wanted to get me out of the house so she wouldn’t have to look at me for a while, but I don’t care. Every day I thank the Watcher for making this happen, because this has been the best two weeks of my life!

Windenburg is an amazing city steeped in history. Our group toured some ancient ruins that are literally thousands of years old! Even our hostel is older than the whole town of Willow Creek!

And it turns out, the people of Windenburg have actually been following the Watcher for hundreds of years. We saw a stunning ancient cathedral where they honored the Watcher with hauntingly beautiful chanting. It was nothing like the Megachurch back home. I’d get in trouble if I said this out loud, but it was BETTER than the Megachurch back home.

This is the first time I’ve been away from home without my family around. At first, I was scared. But I’ve started to love it... the people in my mission group are so kind! It’s been a whole two weeks with no one interrupting me, no one calling me stupid. We’ve all been talking about travel and history and photography. We’ve been eating Windenburg pastries and no one is telling me I need to stay trim.

And there’s this guy... James. How do I even write about James? First of all, he's so CUTE. He’s been so sweet and such a gentleman. I mean, the other guys in the group are nice, but James is something else entirely. I’ve never felt this way before. Like, socializing with most people is an effort, even if it’s fun. But with James, it’s no effort at all. It’s as natural as breathing. Dear Watcher, please let him feel the same!!

Last night, James gave me this adorable elephant necklace. No one has ever given me jewelry before. I never want to take it off.

Going home tomorrow, but I wish this trip would never end.