The Femme Refinery

How to: Become a better version of yourself.

Hi angels! Today, we'll be covering the topic of becoming that vision of ourselves, the best ever. Let's dive right in!

Follow accounts that inspire: Especially people who seem so into what they're doing, not just being "influencers". When scrolling, don't follow a person just because you liked one video of them. Instead, go to their account, check their posts and if they're relatable to any of your goals, follow them! Be mindful.

Vision Boards!: Personally, I make one for each month. They mainly consist of academic, health goals, and quotes (for me). I love to check them whenever I'm feeling unmotivated and after each month, I check them once again to see what I achieved and what I could have done better.

Write down your goals: Will you forget about it? Well, maybe. Is it worth it though? Definitely. You'll have your own guide to refer to once you remember it exists. Categorize your goals, make them seasonal, whatever you feel is best for you.

Affirmations: Each morning, I tell myself that I'm beautiful, smart and worth a million. You have to believe it. We always tell others these words that we forget we need to hear them, too.

Baby steps: Workout at home if you can't afford a gym membership until you can, for example. Find an alternative for anything you want to do but can't afford/isn't available. Don't just give up because you don't have money, that's an excuse.

Have a well-structured routine: Build your own routine and write it down. Think of what you're doing wrong and work on it by replacing it with another healthy habit.

Think of who you'll be if you start now: Visualize your life once you're "that" person you've been dreaming of. How will that feel? How will you look, talk, and walk like? And what kind of life do you prefer?

Love yourself enough: The amount of self-respect you've got to have in order to do all this for yourself is insane. You have to believe that you deserve a better life, a healthy and functioning body, a nice degree. Think of how people will perceive you, but most importantly think of how YOU will perceive yourself.

What people fail to realize is that this current Western way of living alone is not normal. Our species did not evolve to live in isolation. We are tribal by nature, meant to belong to and thrive within a community. The West is one of the few outlier societies where this isolation is not only expected but also normalized.

Many people have decided that instead of working toward building communities to address loneliness, they would rather romanticize their solitude. It's a coping mechanism, and a very sad one at that. This seems to be especially prevalent among young women.

Yes, it is important to be comfortable in your own skin and capable of standing on your own when your environment doesn't align with you. Yes, it's important to have a sense of agency and enjoy your own company without feeling dependent on others. However, what's not healthy is to succumb to isolation and stop trying to build strong bonds with people because you've become too comfortable being by yourself.

Insecurity breeds jealousy

How I view jealousy is like this:

When you know your worth and you’re living in your own league, there’s literally no one to compete with. The truth is, jealousy comes from insecurity—and I just don’t have time for that. If I see someone thriving, I don’t waste energy wishing it were me. I get inspired, then I level up.

Instead of sulking over someone else’s success, I channel that energy into creating my own. I ask myself: What can I do today to be even more iconic tomorrow? I don’t envy anyone because I know my path is custom-made for me. I don’t want what she has—I’m building something even better.

Jealousy keeps people stuck. But me? I’m out here glowing, growing, and showing up for myself every single day. I clap for others because I know my wins are inevitable. When you focus on your own greatness, jealousy becomes irrelevant.

So the next time you feel jealous, remember: you can’t be her because you’re meant to be you. And if you’re not where you want to be, do something about it. Jealousy is a choice—and so is becoming the best version of yourself.

When jealousy creeps in and makes you feel hopeless, remind yourself that everything you admire in someone else is proof it’s possible for you too. Instead of spiraling, ask yourself what steps you can take—no matter how small—to move closer to what you want. Use that envy as fuel, not a cage. Focus on your strengths, celebrate your progress, and trust that your timeline is unfolding exactly as it should. You don’t have to have it all today, but you can start working towards it. Jealousy is just a reminder of what you desire—so turn it into motivation and make it yours.

Little Habits, Big Glow: Japanese & Chinese Traditions That Changed My Life

First off, warm water in the MORNING. I used to roll out of bed and go straight for coffee or cold ass water cuz my throat is DRYYYY , and honestly, my body hated me for it fr. But then I read about how in Chinese medicine, drinking warm water first thing in the morning is seen as a way to wake up your body gently. And let me tell you, IT WORK. No bloating, no sluggishness—just a simple, calming way to start the day. Sometimes I add a slice of lemon, and it feels like I’m doing something kind for my body before I even check my phone

Two Ikigai.( I talked Abt Ikigai and how to achieve this concept click here!) Japanese concept changed the way I see my day-to-day life. It’s basically finding purpose in the little things—like, not waiting for some huge life-changing moment to feel fulfilled. I used to put so much pressure on myself, thinking I needed to achieve these massive goals to be happy. But Ikigai taught me to slow down and find joy in small things, like enjoying my morning tea or journaling. It’s a game-changer for anyone who feels like they’re always chasing something bigger.

Another thing I’ve started doing is Tai Chi or qing gong. I know I know—it looks slow and kind of boring, but hear me out. It’s like moving meditation, and if you’re someone who struggles with anxiety (like meeey), this will center you like nothing else. It’s not about burning calories or anything like that; it’s about connecting your body and mind in the most peaceful way. Even just 10 minutes a day leaves me feeling lighter and more focused. (Click here to watch a video of it) When I first started, I thought, 'This is way too slow for me.' But then something clicked. The slowness is the point. It forces you to focus on your breathing, your posture, and every little movement. It’s like a moving meditation that clears your mind while strengthening your body.

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