Xi

Never thought you’d be the death of me

Every now and then I think about

The knife you slid inside my chest

And how you sat to watch me bleed

Wanna hate the words you say to me,

But I think they’re still apart of me

You make me feel so sick about it,

There are some days

Where the sun shines brighter than it ever has before,

Where people skip, and laugh, and prance around,

More lively than they’ve ever cared to

Days where the music just seems…more joyous, than it usually would

But somehow, someway

Your insides just don’t match.

They don’t match, and they’re begging to be let go

Scratching, clawing, fighting to escape

They don’t want to be insides, they want to be outsides

They want to be expelled, expressed

Even if it destroys the outside.

They know that without the outside, there is no inside

And they’d destroy everyone in their path, if it meant they’d be no longer confined

Confined to the dreary, murky corners of inside

They yearn to be heard,

To be seen,

To be listened,

To be loved.

To be loved,

Is to be known.

Nobody knows what the inside holds.

Nobody sees, what the inside is full of.

Does the inside even really know?

Does it know what it is capable of?

Does it know it can get out?

Does it know, that it doesn’t have to destroy.

The inside doesn’t have to destroy,

Everything in its path,

To succeed in being free.

The inside and the outside can exist together.

Every inside, except my inside.

For my inside, doesn’t even know that it is an inside.

My inside cannot exist within itself,

It cannot recognize what it sees when it looks in a mirror,

So it must be an enemy,

Breaking and entering,

The lights go out

And it’s just me now

I stay till the sunlight hits your lips

And the color of your skin

Is glowing in the wind

My heart can’t take the strain you give

But it loves to let you in

And it begs to drown again

My head still spins from all your sins

And I crave the mess you make

Even if I cry and shake

I can’t wait till the day,

I forget your name

And how you taste

I can’t wait till the day,

It all fades to gray,

And your mark goes away

But I know,

I’ll fade away

Before that day

We’re nothing but ashes on the ground

All I ask is that you remember

The way I frowned

The way I laughed

The way I love,

And all there was to come

Before you took that jump

Pulled me down,

They change.

They change, into new people

And sometimes,

You love the new person they become.

Sometimes you hate them.

But if you were truly in love,

You’ll never stop loving who they were—

But,

And with her cigarette breath,

And cocaine eyes,

It was then that she realized—

She isn’t pretty,

She was never pretty.

She was art.

I’d wished it weren’t true—

You breathed you never wanted me

But I don’t see how that could be

When all the best parts of me

Were gone when you fell through.

The little sparkle in my eye,

The smile that always left you surprised

The heart I kept upon my sleeve