Hear Your Heartbeat, beat a frantic pace
As I lay there in bed, just barely awake, I notice that I can hear your heartbeat. At first, the frantic pace makes me wonder if you're awake, but then you turn around and while I can see that you're frowning, your eyes are still closed. You snuggle closer to me, and I half-expect you to throw a leg over my waist before you settle back into whatever you happen to be dreaming, but you don't. The way your skin is going haywire, first blending in with the colors of my blanket and then changing to a complex pattern I can't even begin to describe before it's shifting again, makes me wonder what you are actually dreaming. It's only when I reach around to stroke your back in what I hope is a soothing manner, that you start to settle down but it's a slow process. At the first careful touch of my fingers on your back, you do something you've actually never done before; you flinch away from me with a startled little gasp. I stop stroking and let my hand just rest there, warming the skin on your back until the speed with which your skin changes color slows down a little and I feel you start to relax again. I slowly, and almost hesitantly, begin caressing your back again and let out a relieved sigh when you relax further; unable and unwilling to stop a gentle smile from forming on my face at the sight before me. I probably look like a dork for smiling at you like this, but at the moment I don't really care. All that matters is that you're alright and while your back is still frantically changing color scheme, I know that now it's only because it is trying to keep up with my hand. At first, this used to scare me a little, the way your entire body automatically just assumes the same color scheme as your background; but then I grew used to it and now I find it both fascinating and a little endearing. It also makes me wonder just how much energy it takes you to, in lack of a better wording, 'stay visible' every single day; if any at all. Maybe it just works in a similar fashion to how your heart beats without having to be told to do so.
True, it takes a lot of effort to go from human to tree and then back again, but it also requires a certain amount of conscious intent. In a way, I'm quite happy about that fact, because it means that I'm not going to wake up one morning and realize that I'm a tree, but it also means that I can't understand what you're going through. I wish I could, but I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to be totally honest.
Urg, it must be ridiculously early, because I'm only this philosophical when I wake up too early in the morning. I tilt my head a little so that I can see the clock on the opposite wall and then make a slight face. It's Saturday, and I'm awake at 6:52 in the morning? Ah, nature's calling: that explains everything. I carefully leave the bed, hopefully without waking you up and then pull on the first things I can find in what little light there is sneaking its way in through the blinds before I leave the room.
It isn't until after I've relieved myself and walked up to the sink to wash my hands that I realize just what I’m wearing. An old pair of shorts and a tank top that has definitely seen better days a.k.a. my gym clothes. Oh well, at least they’re clean and mostly in one piece.
I make it back to our room without seeing anyone, but that doesn’t really surprise me considering what time and day it is. Any sensible person would still be sleeping at this hour. I close the door behind me and then stop when I realize what I just thought. Our. When did that start? I begin to strip out of my clothes again, since I rarely ever sleep with more than just my underwear. I used to wear a tank top along with my boxer briefs, but that was before I met you, and now I only wear one when I'm not sleeping next to you. I crawl back into bed, again hopefully without waking you and then wrap the flimsy blanket around us both. I let out a deep sigh and just let myself sink down onto the mattress for a moment before I turn to study you. You're still sleeping, and now that the frown previously marring your sleeping face is gone, you look so peaceful. It's also making me wonder what I must've done in order to deserve this. I'm not a very religious man, much to my parents dismay, but this view right here is enough to make me believe in angels. I wrap my arm around your waist and smile when you snuggle closer to me and the last thing I'm consciously aware of before I drift back to sleep is your content little sigh.
