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i literally feel like im going to be sick trying not to laugh at this at my desk like i feel faint

the smuckling smumbler

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catchymemes

1percentcharge

My favorite pirate joke is “why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at c” not because it’s THAT funny but because it’s a relatively simple joke that nobody ive told it to has ever correctly guessed the punchline for because they all think it’s gonna be a joke about arrrr

1percentcharge

Another classic is

“Why couldn’t the pirates play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck!”

For more hilarious pirate jokes like these go to google and type pirate jokes into the search bar and click search

somarysueme

Sorry for the double reblog I just wanted to let everyone know that I told the first joke to my dad and he hung up on me.

sandersstudies

We were doing an activity where the kids got to make a playbill for a musical about themselves and all the other kids were like “character list: mommy, daddy, me, my brother, my best friend” “scenes: I get a puppy, first day of school, my baby sister is born”

But one little girl was like “oh, it’s a musical about ME you say” and the character list was all the other girls in the class cast as her body parts, and a story about how her body works.

“Kaylee is nice so she will be the heart. Lily is my kidneys. Sapphire is the lungs.”

She surreptitiously showed me that the girl who kept taking the crayons she was using was cast specifically as “left buttcheek” and I had to pretend like that wasn’t the funniest thing I’d ever seen.

tiktoksthataregood-ish

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i love making art

-1hp

-1hp

-1hp

-1hp

-1hp

i dont WANT pride months to be over,

on the other hand...

ganondorf

i think this captures the defining pathology of the collective social media psyche right now. we are in the thrall of people who are wantonly cruel but who also demand to be coddled at all times in every way

tedcruzisthezodiackiller

kira-7

This is a spot from an italian estate agency (we are governed by the right-wing party)

The woman says "Ridiculous..."

If you want to spread it elsewhere, here's the official link

arctic-hands

[Video Description: An ad with piano music over it all, showing an elderly woman in her home, knitting, when two younger men walk by her window, which catches her attention. She stares out her window at them as they kiss each other while walking, the old lady staring in disbelief. Cut to the old woman approaching a residence with a broom in hand, staring up at the second floor window where a small rainbow Pride flag is hanging. The old woman stares up at it and mutters "Ridiculo", before getting up on a ladder with her broom to remove the flag. Focus on the flag fluttering to the ground as church bells chime. The scene then cuts to the couple from before, approaching their home with grocery bags in hand before one stops and stares at the second floor, stopping his partner who then drops the groceries as he too stares up. It's then revealed that the small pride flag had been replaced with a gigantic, hand-knit pride flag. It then cuts back to the old woman's home, where a tin of rainbow-colored yarn sits on her table. The hands of the old woman are holding and fondly touching an old black and white photo of two young smiling women, leaning against each other. Cut to the old woman's face as she stares out with a look of happy pride on her face. At the end of the video, the name "Idealista" appears on screen, followed by "buon pride" along with a rainbow. End VD.]

spaceofentropy

One correction:

The old lady is not in her home. She is at work. She's meant to be what in Italian is called "la portinaia", aka a cross between a doorwoman and cleaner of a residential building. She's in her small "office" space, at the entrance of the building, from where she can survey the coming and goings of the inhabitants. It's a job that has mostly disappeared, but is culturally very clear to us as having the connotation of "potentially gossipy, one-million-percent judgmental woman who sees everything that goes on in the apartment complex, knows everyone and their secrets, and has Strong Opinions™️".

In this case, thankfully, the Strong Opinion™️ is that those two men are ridiculous with their teeny tiny flag for ants.

pmpkn

Gameboy peripheral PediSedate was designed for dentists and dosed kids with nitrous oxide as they played games.

defective-replicant-deactivated

Time to enter the ＧＡＭＥＲＺＯＮＥ

theindefinitejames

Camera, printer, sewing machine, now a fucking anaesthetic adminstrator…was there anything the Game Boy didn’t have an accessory for?

fakegeekguy

Do you know about the fish finding sonar?

britnxyspears

gameboy sprinted so smart phones could lag and be ugly

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mlpoutofcontext

mlarayoukai-archive

kidzbopdeathgrips

tragic news for hip hop fans: Tyler the Creator has officially become Tyler the Crater after suddenly exploding for no apparent reason

dogpuppy

swoony-spoonie

When the brain fog kicks in..

heterorealism

Truck comes first and if there is any money left over the kids may eat. - Modern Consumer Patriarchy

varginhamonologues

she got her degree and started removing the parasite 🙏

earths-roots-grow-up

Tinfoil hat moment but I don't think he was dumb, I think he was strategic. He put her in a situation in which she had to either: sell her car (so the only means of transportation is now in his name), or maybe even to drop out (to have time for the second job) if she wants to feed the kids. He did it right when she was aaaaaalmost done with her degree. Either way, it's sabotage.

Sometimes when an action makes NO sense to us ("he's like a stupid alien"), it's bc we are not understanding its true motivation/purpouse. If his goal was control, financial pressure and limiting her options due to lack of funds, it makes perfect sensie to buy the truck.

Tinfoil hat moment over!

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rslashrats

firefox-official

DO NOT sleep during the day. Youll be like What the hell later

firefox-official

oh man i say that but then i lay down all cozy …

firefox-official

What the hell

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