The Disappointed Student

Ashton: Do you still do piano?

Me: Didn't you take half a year to do the first song? The one written for first graders?

Ashton: I'm not Asian like you.

Me (the Asian): India (Ashton being the Indian) is in Asia too.

Ashton: Well, I'm not fully Asian.

A classmate has brought a tub of candy corn. It is halfway through November.

Janet - Do you want to watch me snort candy corn?

The failure of the education system.

If the sides of the square are one inch, what is the area of the square.

Classmates:

Two!

Four!

Three!

Tom: One times one is two now?

Learning about seasons in science.

Ashton: It's wet season down under!

Discussing the touchy subject of masturbation.

Jason: Do you jerk off?

Tom: Not really.

Jason: You're missing out. Just imagine your mum.

Tom: (Gives Jason a dirty look.)

Jason: Wait, that came out wrong.

We are learning about respectful relationships in PE. Scenario: Katie hasn't been showing up to school lately and she looks sad. She tells you her boyfriend is hitting her. What do you do to help her?

Ashton: Take her to McDonald's and buy her a happy meal. Then tell her to kick her boyfriend's nuts.

Discussing school camp for next year.

Teacher: And there are no phones allowed.

Ashton: Then how am I supposed to jerk off?

Jason: I felt my mum's dick in my pussy. Wait, that came out wrong.

Quote: Stop it you scrotum-sucker!

Scenario: Bella and Lewis are dating, and they live each other. One day, they go to the cinema and watch a movie together. After, Lewis verbally abused Bella after she doesn't understand a scene. Bella is visibly upset. What do you do?

Ashton: Fuck her. That'll make her feel better.

Classmate: Impregnation will make her feel better?

Ashton: Of course!

Dear class,

I know you get off to weird stuff, and are generally sexually frustrated, but plants do not have penises and vaginas. Therefore they cannot reproduce like humans, and do not have sex.

Also, plants CANNOT move under their OWN will. Because they are PLANTS! They cannot fuck.

Your woefully disappointed classmate,

The teacher has turned the radio in art class. The Spice Girls is playing.

Steven: Are the people that sung this song dead yet?

Here is a selection of quotes from Samantha.

Samantha: I don't want to go to university. I want to go to college.

Samantha: (Walks into class holding gum.)

Teacher: Is that gum?

Samantha: No... It's a packet of gum.

Samantha: (Writing a letter to her parents for homegroup.) You have inspired me by taking me to Maccas.

Is it normal for people to skip classes by "participating" in sports they don't care for?

Because that seems like more work than not listening in class. Maybe I try too hard.

And then they say that other people are try-hards. Sneezing requires more effort than they put in.