if i knew i'd tell you

do you think in the 1910/1920s people were getting in trouble for joking like "we just hit the iceberg..." and "this is literally my titanic"

shoutout to the person who tagged this "#geronimo stilton" for living their truth in a way most of us could never find the courage to

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

wait! au au

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

so i hauve covid rn and i must say, American cold medicine is the absolute bees knees. You go to a UK pharmacy and they tenderly press like eight (8) paracetamol into the palm of your hand... God FORBID you're sick in France, i had to scour every pharmacy in Paris for something that wasn't HOMEOPATHIC PASTILLES. meanwhile last night i took the last of my stash of Nyquil that expired in 2019 and it was like getting hit by a fucking baseball bat (affectionate). press X to timeskip. LOVE me a cheeky little medically induced coma. you can really feel that it's a precursor to meth. i know that everything is fucking awful over there my friedns and my heart goes out to every one of you but if you need one small bright light of national pride in this time of strife please know that i envy you your cold medicine every day

i once took an american antihistamine pill just a basic one for seasonal allergies and i had to immediately lay down and while doing so i vividly hallucinated that i was a steerage passenger on the titanic resigned to my death as my cabin filled up rapidly with water. then i blacked out and when i woke up again my allergies were gone for the entire season.

The Hat Man is our greatest export

my friend bruce banner getting sent to a mental hospital because someone else forced him to hulk out doesn’t sit right with me. that’s my friend guys.. he didn’t mean it 🫩

The fact that apparently mysterio x spider-man fanart is famous in-universe and Yelena is the one to bring it up is so tragicomedy-coded for me. Imagine people shipping you with the dude that made you lose everything and not even being able to say anything because nobody would understand.

being an mcu fan is so embarrassing like yeah i am a big fan of one of the most famous, highest-grossing movie franchises of all time. yeah it's falling apart at the seams and it's run out of creativity and it looks boring and the plot is too overdone and a lot of the decisions being made behind the scenes are driven by racism, misogyny, and homophobia. but like it used to be really fun in the good old days all the actors weren't huge A list actors so they gave a shit about the projects and they were all friends with each other and the interviews were hilarious and the movies were made with a lot of heart and love and every once in a while you would get a crazy lil one second cameo and it wasn't a lot but it was a fun easter egg for you and the three people who were caught up on the lore. man where did we go wrong