The Big Purple Book

Imagine if a like 8 foot tall guy that looked kinda like an alien species just kinda showed up at the house you rent a room in and crashed on the couch and at first everyone hated him but you kinda just accepted this weird massive kinda-human alien species thing as a part of your group even though he's like twice the size of everyone else there

Cuz that's literally happening to sea lions in San Francisco right now

Shit man, this trojan war is fucked. I just saw a guy raise his hands to the sky and say “grey-eyed athena, strengthen my spear” or some similar shit, and he felled 27 men at once before being whisked away by divine mist. The narrator didn’t even mention him, that’s how common shit like this is. My ass is stuck with a bow and 2 arrows. I think I just heard “would to god my rage, my fury would drive me now to hack your flesh away and eat you raw” two groups over. I gotta get the fuck outta here.

Just came home from a dinner party with the friendgroup at which several people kept saying "Ask Pedro" or "Pedro will know" and I was terrified that they were referring to an AI like Claude but no, thank fuck, they were referring to a cardboard cutout of Pedro Pascal that someone left upstairs and who has been designated a kind of patron saint status in the household.

Hand mixers and Sewing Machines are Two different Types of horses

They respond well to a confident handler, but they can smell fear and will act up if they don’t respect you. Other horses include printers and hot glue guns.

Two men on a mission, united in purpose.

there’s a lot of stuff going on in the world right now and I know we as a species has lost the plot a bit but I didn’t expect part of that would include, like, getting a second moon

They’re letting people born in 2005 be 21

There could be an ‘05 baby at the club and you wouldn’t even know. Terrifying. Please stay safe out there

me, watching a battle scene: please not the horses. leave them alone. they did nothing wrong. they are the only innocent ones. they don’t deserve this.

honestly this used to upset me a lot as a kid until my mom, who’s worked with horses for many years, told me about how they train the horses in those movies to do things like falling down, kneeling, crawling, or stay laying on the ground after they fall. and how it’s so tough to train a prey animal to do these behaviors and how hard both trainer and horse have to work. so now whenever i see a horse take a hit and go down in a movie, i just think “fucking superb you funky little horse actor”

This perspective made my life 3000% better

white people have the sauce sometimes and dont even know it

i just saw a youtube short of brandon sanderson on a podcast. the whole time hes talking hes doing book signings. what a flex. so many bitches on my dick i gotta multitask

brandon sanderson is actually just built different. once on a podcast with patrick rothfuss they were talking about tools to write better and he said "i try to limit myself to 8 hours of writing per day." he took time off of writing during the first year of covid and accidentally wrote four unplanned books. he teaches a class at byu. his wife has a codeword to get him to stop writing in his head because at any given moment you might think he's doing something normal but no he's also writing another novel. stephen king said he's insane

The existence of a safeword also implies the existence of a dangerword that you can use to instantly turn any sexual event into a combat encounter