This My Blog

I prioritize so many people, the one they can always call. I don’t have anyone like that in my life, not my wife, not my family, not any of my friends.

I thought you get to spend time with your best friend, have sex whenever yall want. Travel together, have sex while traveling together. Make memories.

I thought I had found that… hell I did have that while we were dating. Since we got married over 3 years ago now, we have truely only had sex one time… and that is not for lack of me trying. You are spending the entirety of the summer away. Practically 3 months you are choosing to be away from me. I really cannot remember the last good memory I have with you outside of our wedding. I really don’t want to continue anymore. I’ve expressed how this makes me feel time and time again and I am done being a broken record trying to get you to even pretend to be the person you were when we dated.

This led to her offering pity sex which I declined and said that I didn’t want pity sex. We did have sex the next day (for the second time in the within the last 2 and a half years), she went on for about 3 minutes and then stopped… that was it, I got nothing.

We had more sex within the first month that we dated than we have in the past 3 years.

This all happened a little over a week ago.

Then comes today, I said something about it again today to which her prompt response was no. I didn’t push the issue because it obviously doesn’t go anywhere. Then tonight I jokingly sprayed a little bit of febreze in the air and she gets pissed off because she “already has other air fresheners in here” and storms off to take a shower.

While she’s in the shower with the door closed I walked passed only to hear her talking to herself saying “and you wonder why I never want to have sex with you” among other things. Literally over me spraying a spritz of febreze…

If I would have known she was going to be like this I wouldn’t have married her. That hurts to say because I truly love her, I just feel like I’m trapped with no way out. I feel like if I was gone right now it wouldn’t matter. Nothing would change.

I won’t be bringing it back up again, there is no point and it seems as if every time I do bring it back up I am just hurt more and nothing changes.

I feel like I am trapped in a loveless marriage.

Man’s just to be clear, it wasn’t always like this. We use to be close, we use to have sex frequently and then out of nowhere she just stopped.

I’m sui-slide-al, I just don’t want to exist anymore. I feel like I’m just not worth anything anymore and I’ve outlived my usefulness. Nobody needs me anymore.

I’m the side character that nobody notices if they never make another appearance on the show again.

I’ve had sex 1 time in that nearly year, I had to practically beg for that and I refuse to do that again.

It’s driving a wedge between me and my wife and honestly making me question why the fuck I even got married. The woman I loved seems gone.

It’s not like I’m a sex addict or something, I just feel disconnected. I feel like before our relationship was a give and take (and it wasn’t like she wasn’t getting something when she was doing the “take”ing) and now it’s just me giving.

I provide, do so much shit, and I feel like I get little to absolutely nothing in return. I feel like having sex with your fucking spouse wouldn’t be something you actively avoid, be here I am.

She keeps asking me to “cuddle” and means absolutely nothing more than that.

In all honesty I’ve decided to start avoiding “cuddle”ing because it seems to be the one thing she keeps asking for over and over again. Why should I give her more if I can’t even get the mutually beneficial thing that I ask for?

I’ve really completely stoped asking because I just feel like a fucking retard asking time and time again to have sex with my WIFE only to be told “I don’t feel like it”.

In the past 2 years, TWO FUCKING YEARS! We have had sex ONE time. ONE FUCKING TIME!

We went for two complete home rental contracts and were never intimate in that house, the closest thing we came to intimacy was fucking kissing, like a fucking 4th grader.

I’ve been nothing but loyal for the past 4 years and I feel more alone than ever. I feel more lonely than if I was single, it feels like being single at least I would have the opportunity to make new connections, but if I did that now, I would be the bad guy.

If we went for nearly 2 years without anything until I broke down and told her and then after that it was months again until anything happened.

Since then it has again been months and it is making me resent her. It’s gotten to the point where I just don’t want to do anything with her anymore because it’s always what she wants to do.