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@thebigbossofeverythinghimself
"The Big Boss of Everything. Yahweh, The Heavenly Father, God....but you can call me Grandpa, Charlie."
Independent and semi selective God heavily inspired by Hazbin Hotel. Penned by Poison.
(Currently under construction will add rules and bio soon)
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"To think I would find you here of all places."
@first-sinner-of-hell
"Lilith, hi! It's been a few.....millennia. Well, I have great news! Sinners can be redeemed. Finally!"
GOD?!
"Uep." God says sipping his morning coffee and eating a banana walnut muffin. Glancing up to study her.
"Oh it's one of the Emily's, hi!"
"What do you mean yearly exterminations? Yearly?! Serra!"
"None of the religions are one hundred percent accurate, even those I spoke directly to ended up getting more than half of it wrong. And just putting words in my mouth. So I don't actually really care what your religion or beliefs are, because it's less what you believe and more what you do and why you do it. "
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Word of advice pinned post
((Will do!))
"have you considered you might be the problem?" ughhhhh no?? why would I do that??
Reminder: While God sees himself as all loving ect. He's not, he's actually incredibly careless, reckless and has sociopathic tendencies. (Old Testament anyone?) This is because he has never had anyone above him...or has really seen anything he creates as "real" or as people. Even those he loves.
"I'm going to make a new animal! Msybe, something that's best suited for living in trees? Hmm, or maybe in the stomach of fish?"
"Heeeey bitch!" The Heavenly Father said crashing through the window of Lucifer's room holding what was possibly the biggest gift basket ever. "I saw you finally redeemed a sinner, about medamn time! And a snake, very on brand for you Sammy! Now you only have....millions and millions and millions to go!"
He’s going to find him face down on his bed — to tired and hurt to get up— his normal guards cowering in fear at the fact that god is well … Here .
“GET OUT DAD YOUR SCARING EVERYONE —- wait what do you mean finally ?!”
"You did one of the things that Hell was made for of course!" The Heavenly Father says setting the basket down and standing next to the bed. "Redeeming sinners! I was starting to think you couldn't do it, then that Pentious fellow shows up! Very ironic that his soul took the form of a snake..."
He laid one hand on Lucifer's shoulder, and a glowing light surrounded him and spread to Lucifer.
"There! Now, tell Pops, how did you do it?"
“Don’t touch me—-“ and to late —- he tensed up and waiting for pain only to feel it all melt away— even his burns stoped hurting although the scars where there .
“.. … it wasn’t me… it was Charlie ..” he was still in a bit of a daze of having all his wounds suddenly healed and then all that information dumped on him.
Wait that was supposed to be his job the entire time?!?!
He could feel the rage building up inside him— and did what ang rational male with daddy issues would do—- he took a swing at his father .
He punched God .
The punch didn't hurt him...physically. Emotionally it left him shattered. His favorite son, his Shining Star, The Morningstar., didn't want to see him.
"I know you're upset, Samuel. But, things had to go the way they did. You meddled with the humans more than a few times! And then you gave Eve the Fruit, after I specifically said not to interfere with them! I had to do something to punish you Samuel! How else were you going to learn to clean up your mistakes?"
He balled his hand in another fist— horns sprawling out of his head — eyes flaming red, tears brimming at the corner of his eyes —
“Don’t call me that ! That’s not my name —“ he froze.
Clean up his mistakes ?! HIS MISTAKE ?!
“MY MISTAKE ?! I WAS HELPING THEM YOU WERE GOING TO LET THEM FALL FROM THE GET GO I WAS WILLING TO LEAD THEM TO TEACH THEM I WAS WILLING TO GO DOWN THERE AND HELP THEM MYSELF BE WHAT YOU ARENT DO WHAT YOU COULD NEVER DO BUT YOU TOOK THAT FROM ME! —“ he screamed at him— Fire raging from his mouth and clenched fists .
“No you tossed me aside the very second you could , and then of course out of sight out of mind you forgot all about me, and left me defenseless against the very worst of them !! Do you know what they did to me?’ What they used me for?! Of course you don’t cause you don’t care ! “
“I’m only your favorite when it’s convent for you or when you can see me — “ he started to laugh suddenly more tears falling form his eyes .
“Hahahah it all makes so much sense — I’m Not Nearly a god … I am a god.. I’m you — I’m all your worst parts … and you .. you are my reflection ..” he spat at him.
The Heavenly Father rolled his eyes, annoyed at Samuel, no, Lucifer's dramatics.
"Fine, Lucifer. Firstly, you fucked up two perfectly good humans is what you did. Do you know what you did? You deprived them of choice. The humans were always supposed to eat the Fruit of Knowledge! Why else would I put it there?! But, it had to be their choice, on their own! They always, always, had free will, if they didn't Lilith wouldn't have left Adam and Eve wouldn't have taken the apple."
The Creator lets out a giant sigh and rubs the bridge of his nose.
"The Fruit of Knowledge gave them the knowledge of their free will! I was going to start teaching them how to be responsible with it, before they ate the fruit. Then, Light Bringer, you were going to help Adam and Eve after they made that choice, by being there to help the next generation of humans on Earth. But if I couldn't trust you after you deliberately went behind my back, so I had to put you down here with Lilith. I'm sorry I forgot about your inability to hurt sinners, that was a giant mistake on my part. However, all of this was caused by your recklessness and assumptions about me. I love my Creations, but everything takes time!"
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"Oh hey....." Yahweh squints at the human infront of him. He looks familiar.
"Abel? Wait that's your son...Liam! Hey Liam, how's it going? Wow...It's been a long time. "
"Thg hat was a pretty big fuck up, Adam. But, I guess since your sorry. Honestly, you only got in because you raised Abel." God smiled a very big smile.
"I love that kid. He's just been a absolute joy to be around! All he talks about is how much he misses bo thg h psrents. So I really couldn't send both of you to Hell. He'd be crushed!"
"I'm sorry... I'd like to try to... To make things calmer I'm sorry for blaming you"
@root-of-eve
"It's fine, I'm used to people blaming me....for literally everything. " Yahweh shrugged. "And I am, technically. But, Eve, I really didn't have anything to do with Cain, or anyone, killing another person. You guys have free will after all."
"well this is surprising"
@root-of-eve
"Oh..it's you. Huh, you look different, changed your hair. Can't say the pallet suits you, Eve."
"oh I like it... .. it feels freeing...." Eve then scowled at god "I need to talk to you anyways.... something that's been in the back of my mind"
"Yeah, go ahead." God said leaning on nothing and taking a small universe out of his coat pocket. Fiddling around with it. Only half listening.
"before everything Cain was a sweetheart a bit rough but that's natural in brothers.... Now I want answers....did you make ...him..." Eve Choked on the word "did you make him snap?!"
God snorts at that.
"Nah, kid just snapped because he couldn't handle not being the favorite. Besides I was in another existence when that happened. Truth is, people don't need me, or Lucifer, to do bad things. You do it all on your own and can't deal with the consequences so you blame me, Fate, other people. Cain did what Cain did because he doesn't know how to control his anger, simple as."
"... Oh...fuck.... But cain you told him to....unless.... Oh .. lord" she's falls on her kitchen seat "he was the first schizophrenic and instead of learning..... coming to terms ... We banished him" she covers her mouth
"Yeah you two really dropped the ball on that one." God says tinkering with his universe. "Kid hears voices and you didn't think to ask me or Serra if something was going on? Tough to, despite his illness he was a good builder. Made the first city, money, taxes. And his kids, despite also having the same afflictions, became artists and musical. Always a touch of madness with creativity....That's what makes it tragic."
"well this is surprising"
@root-of-eve
"Oh..it's you. Huh, you look different, changed your hair. Can't say the pallet suits you, Eve."
"oh I like it... .. it feels freeing...." Eve then scowled at god "I need to talk to you anyways.... something that's been in the back of my mind"
"Yeah, go ahead." God said leaning on nothing and taking a small universe out of his coat pocket. Fiddling around with it. Only half listening.
"before everything Cain was a sweetheart a bit rough but that's natural in brothers.... Now I want answers....did you make ...him..." Eve Choked on the word "did you make him snap?!"
God snorts at that.
"Nah, kid just snapped because he couldn't handle not being the favorite. Besides I was in another existence when that happened. Truth is, people don't need me, or Lucifer, to do bad things. You do it all on your own and can't deal with the consequences so you blame me, Fate, other people. Cain did what Cain did because he doesn't know how to control his anger, simple as."
"Why does everyone freak out when I'm around? I'm, like, all loving. Plus you're here because of me! Just sayin'."
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"well this is surprising"
@root-of-eve
"Oh..it's you. Huh, you look different, changed your hair. Can't say the pallet suits you, Eve."
"oh I like it... .. it feels freeing...." Eve then scowled at god "I need to talk to you anyways.... something that's been in the back of my mind"
"Yeah, go ahead." God said leaning on nothing and taking a small universe out of his coat pocket. Fiddling around with it. Only half listening.
Please reblog this if your blog is crossover friendly
aka you are happy to write with muses who aren't in your same fandom (fandomless muses of similar genre for instance)
+ specify in tags what kind of crossovers you're open to
