a graceless heart

"Oh? What would that be?" he asked her, genuinely curious. He tipped his head as she spoke, rambling as she sometimes did, a trait he’d found endearing. Shifting the child to hold her with one arm, he reached out to stroke Alex’s hair and cradle her head. "Honestly? Yes, you sound like a complete fool, Alexandria. Because you do know me. And as such, you should know what I’ve really only just come to realize myself. Alex, I love you. For everything you are, every good intention, every mixed-up mess, every single smile I see, I love you. We are whatever we are. If she is to be a part of your life, then she will be a part of mine as well. That is, if it is what you want.”

"You're ... safe," it was the best way she could put it into words. For however long she held on to her hatred on him, he had made it clear that he kept people safe. She cleared her throat with a smile, letting her blue eyes shine up at him as he started to speak. The words took all the breath from her. Her eyes grew big, her lips parted as surprise took over her features. Without a word, she took Ava from his arms to secure her back in the car seat carefully. She turned back and took a deep breath. "I've always had strong feelings towards you," the words came out easier than she had been anticipating, "Even the hatred. But the thing with something that strong, that intense. It doesn't just fade away. But it became something else." She took a step forward and let her hand come up to graze over his jaw and cheek, her small smile returning to her lips as she looked at him. "I love you too," she didn't know really anything about love, but she did believe that you know it when you feel it. She turned back to glance at the small child then shrugged ever so slightly as she returned her gaze to him, "I wouldn't say no to any kind of help. Not from you."

"Alex, I’m not sure…oh, uh, okay…" He let her shift his hands under the girl to support where he should. She weighed next to nothing and seemed like a doll in his large hands. She was cute, he’d give her that, the little smile with only a few teeth showing. "I have no idea why," he said, smiling back at her. "She’s got to know I haven’t the first clue what I’m doing here."

"I think I have an idea as to why," she teased then cleared her throat, "You should know that I don't expect anything from you with this. You know, because we... We're whatever we are and I know you. But there's no pressure for you to get involved.... Do I sound stupid right now?"

"I see," he said with a nod. He assumed the father had been human as well. He stood at her offer, a bemused smile tugging at his lips. "Hold her? I…would not know…" Yes, he’d adored the boys but they were older, not babes in arms. He didn’t have the first clue what to do with a child so young. "Are you sure that would be wise?" he asked.

She tilted her head, a smile growing on her lips, "How to hold her? Here..." Alex carefully, placed the baby in his arms. "Just make sure her head is supported..," she moved his arms a little bit and smiled at the baby girl who was smiling up at Lucas, "I think she likes you."

To say he was surprised was an understatement. Not that he didn’t like children - he adored Jude and Riley - this was just an unexpected development. He stayed quiet as she explained what had happened, immediately understanding why she would take the child rather than leave her to a system that had given Alex as many scars as he himself had done. He managed a smile when she’d finished and picked up the girl, holding her just a little bit awkwardly for a moment before finding a comfortable grasp. “She’s beautiful,” he agreed with a nod. “Is she…were her parents…wholly human?”

"She's human," she confirmed, "I had only met her mother once, I never sensed anything supernatural about her." She looked down at the baby with a soft smile, finally comfortably holding her, "Do you want to hold her? She'll look so tiny."

"Yeah.. Yes," she was clearly nervous as she looked between Lucas and the baby. She knew there would be certain things to take into consideration with this decision, but that didn't make this easier, "She's just over a year old. Her mother died in the accident with him. I had figured that custody would go to one of their parents but he named me as the godmother. I could either take her or let Nate's mom take her and that's the woman that did nothing while her husband abused her son and their foster children. And I didn't want her ending up in system like I did. Nate trusted me enough, I... Yes, I'm adopting her. I have custody right now, but I'd like to officially adopt her. And now I'm rambling." She moved to pick up Ava, and stood up, "She's pretty, isn't she?"

Shifting Sands || Fieldon

"I figured as much. It is understandable." Exhaustion was inevitable for her, but he would try to help stave it off as long as possible. For with her exhaustion and high emotions could come a loss of control again and that was the last thing he wanted, or she needed. "I know that this is a keen loss for you, but you are not alone, Alexandria," he assured her. "Please, no talk of this right now, hmm?" He let her settle and stretched out beside her, rolling to his side to face her. "The invitation did not need pomp and ceremony. The act alone means more than you could know." He stroked her hair and cupped her cheek, leaning in to give her a soft kiss before pulling back to meet her eyes once more. "Do you think you can sleep, or will you need assistance?"

Not alone. And yet two other people she had felt close to has just left too. She was feeling the loss of both Isaac and Royce heavier than before. This town really did make a mess of her. She nodded at his words, knowing that he wouldn't agree to her looking for a way to bring Nate back. But how could she not at least try? "Still," she settled against the pillow after the soft kiss, "It couldn't been a little more special. I had a whole big 'welcome to my space' prepared for when you picked me up for our date." Her small smile was genuine at her words. "Let's see," she moved closer to him to settle against him comfortably, "I don't think it will be too hard right now, I'm really tired." She let out a small yawn and nuzzled her face into his chest a bit, "How have you been, Huntsman?"

Thumbs stroked her cheeks, ready to catch tears as they fell, knowing in time they would. Shortly, if she would stop being a stubborn ass. “I don’t give two shits if you’re an alpha cat who can sing the Tennessee Waltz backwards.” She pulled away from him and he followed, grasping her arms again. “You’re going to have to, Alex. At least for a little bit or that control of yours? It’s going to go either way.”

She pulled away from him a little bit, but he had strength on his side. She could always use her magic to push him away, but she didn't want to hurt him. Right now anyway. There were so many things she could say to him, so many jabs about Addy that she could make. But she wouldn't. She simply shook her head as she looked at him, tears finally starting to fall, "I need him alive."

I know what it’s like on the other side, I’ve been there. Humans aren’t supposed to be there though, so that’s odd. I need to know how you came back, how it worked. I have someone I need to save.

I’m sorry for your loss, Alex. And I wish there was any way I could help but, I don’t know. Human’s are supposed to die and stay dead. This… me… all of us who have returned. It’s unnatural. Coming back must make an unbalance, somehow, because it’s against the laws of nature. I- every morning I wake up and have to pinch myself so I’m sure I’m still here. I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know for how long. If… please don’t take this the wrong way but, if you lose someone, let their soul leave in peace. It’s torture, seeing our loved ones suffer and not be able to do anything.

I don't give a fuck about the balance of nature right now! Are you telling me that being back hasn't been a blessing? That you would've preferred to stay dead? Is that what you're saying? That you staying dead would've been better for everyone? Better for Jason? Don't give me that shit, Addy, we both know that you love being alive again. I will figure it out with or without your help and I will get my friend back.

Widows, parents, siblings. Jason had spent months consoling them, taking their rage and grief as weights upon his shoulders, on his heart. His responsibility to bring the men home, his failure. Taking grief, offering consoling, he was familiar with it; that was the point. “Listen to me. Alex, look at me and listen.” His tone was firm and unmovable, his hand upon her cheek gentle, gaze piercing. He could already tell where her grief was taking her and didn’t like it one fucking bit. “Nobody knows how Addy came back. Until we do, until we can find answers, it’s okay to grieve.”

Blue eyes brought her distant gaze back to reality, their eyes locked onto each other's. She knew her lower lip was starting to quiver and the tears welling up in her eyes were more than she could hold back. "I can find answers. I'm an alpha witch, I have to he able to make this happen," her hands came up to beat against his chest as she pulled away from him and took a couple steps back, "I can't do this again. I can't grieve. I can't... I'll just lose control like I did... Jason, he can't be gone. I can't ... Do this. I just can't."

What do you remember about coming back?

I- about- coming back? Everything happening here was like, like a movie? A TV show. I think as people got to terms with my death they started disappearing from my view until I could only see one person. So it wasn’t like I was completely idle or in a slumber all that time but, the day I returned, it was like waking up. In my bed. At my parents’ place. I don’t know how I got there. My parents don’t either. We all were just as terrified when we noticed. That’s it. I remember seeing everyone from afar and then waking up in my bed. 

I know what it's like on the other side, I've been there. Humans aren't supposed to be there though, so that's odd. I need to know how you came back, how it worked. I have someone I need to save.

Nice. I need to ask you something.

Oh… um. Okay. Shoot.

What do you remember about coming back?