thebarsondaily - Barba & Benson

“Mom?” 

“Yes, Noah?” Olivia asked absently. 

It was the Sunday after Thanksgiving and the SVU Captain was enjoying the last day of her four day weekend, grateful nothing had happened over the holiday that warranted her squad calling her. Dinner was in the oven, laundry had been finished, folded and put away, and she was trying to finish the book she started on Friday. It was the first long weekend they’d had in a long time with no interruptions.

“Those red mailboxes we saw in the store. Do the letters kids put in them actually get to Santa?”

She and Noah had braved the stores for some Black Friday shopping and she had to stop for a moment, taking her focus off the page in front of her and think about what he was asking.

“Mailboxes? Oh, in Macy’s you mean?”

He nodded. Her son had turned seven less than two weeks before and she wondered if he was trying to ask whether Santa was real or if he wanted to send a letter to the Jolly Old Elf.

“Why? Did you want to write one?”

He nodded again.

“Yeah, but I want to make sure it actually gets to him,” Noah explained and she breathed a quiet sigh of relief. 

He was too young to stop believing in the magic of Christmas. Fortunately, she had been able to get him just about everything he’d asked Santa for since he started writing letters. Last year and the year before he asked for a puppy and Santa had to reply explaining how their apartment and his mom’s work schedule didn’t really make for a good time for them to have a dog, but promised he could play with Frannie whenever he wanted; the promise made with Amanda’s blessing.

“Why don’t you write your letter and I’ll find out about the Macy’s mailboxes. Otherwise, I can get the address for you,” Olivia suggested.

“How can you get Santa’s address?” Noah’s blue eyes narrowed.

“I may be Captain now, but I’m still a detective, remember?” She winked at him.

“Oh, yeah! Can I have some paper?”

“May I?” His mother corrected and pointed toward the computer printer on the shelf. “You can use that.”

Noah got up and took several sheets of paper and settled at the coffee table with a pencil. Olivia returned to her book and his letter was forgotten until he asked for an envelope after dinner. She got him one, helped him fold the pages and put it on the refrigerator until the Macy’s mailbox was verified or she tracked down Santa’s address. He didn’t have school the next day and so she was running behind, having allowed herself the luxury of a couple extra minutes in bed. 

“Don’t forget my letter,” her son reminded her as she pulled on her winter coat by the door.

Olivia spun on her heel and  walked back to the kitchen reaching for the envelope. It was held in place by a magnet with a photo of a bird flying across an intersection with the words “Is it still jaywalking if you fly?” 

She paused, and for a moment was transported back to that day two years ago when her family not by blood but by choice had come to the apartment in the days after Noah’s kidnapping by his grandmother, Sheila Porter. Carisi, Amanda and Jesse had shown up first, with casseroles of homemade food from Sonny’s mother and cookies and cannoli from his favorite bakery. Fin was next, with a large box of Legos that the kids dove into while the adults opened a bottle of wine. The last knock at her door was the one she’d secretly most hoped for and when she opened it to see Rafael Barba standing there, her heart skipped a beat. 

Olivia always thought nothing was more attractive than him in one of his coordinated suit, tie and suspenders combinations but to see him on her threshold in dark jeans, a casual pullover shirt and wool coat, asking how she was with a look of concerned sincerity made her want to throw herself into his arms and feel them around her again like she had in her office. Time stood still as they spoke and drank each other in and he finally had to prompt her to let him enter the apartment. That was when Noah told him about the deer that crossed the road in front of the on the way home from New Hampshire and he made the silly dad joke about how in New York he’d be arrested for jaywalking that made Noah laugh. That was the first thing that the then ADA did that day that surprised her. The other was that he knelt down at the table and immediately began to play with the children. At one point he’d glanced up at her and caught her watching, her expression soft. Before she could allow herself to think about where Barba was or what he was doing now, her son broke the moment.

“Mom? Did you hear me?”

Pulling the envelope free, Olivia turned to face Noah.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, what did you say?”

“I said, it’s snowing!”

She glanced at the window and frowned. Just what she needed when she was already running late. Then she moved to kiss the top of Noah’s curls.

“Be good for Lucy today. I love you.”

“Love you too. And I’m always good.”

He gave her a lopsided smile that was so familiar to the one she used to get from the former ADA who left her standing outside the courthouse that her breath caught. Shaking her head to rid it of any more thoughts of the man, she tightened her belt and left the apartment. It wasn’t snowing, Olivia discovered when she got out of the building, but sleeting. Fine pellets of ice that stung against her face. Punishment for allowing herself to think about Barba, she thought wryly, and pulled her collar higher, falling in with the crowds on the sidewalk. She’d trained herself not to think about him; or at least to only think about him when she chose to and could control her emotions. But lately everywhere she turned there were reminders. When they were decorating for Carisi’s party to celebrate his move to the DA’s office, the bartender had been playing a black and white western. The outfit Noah chose to wear to Billie’s christening included suspenders. And now the jaywalking magnet.

Olivia was surprised when, after writing his letter to Santa, Noah announced he wanted to see him as well.

“I just want to make sure he got my letter and understood what I told him,” the boy said.

She tried to assure him that Santa got his letter and that of course he understood, but there was no dissuading the boy. If she hadn’t known better, she’d have thought he’d been taking lessons in courtroom arguments from Rafael Barba. He parried back at every statement she presented to him, and was accepting none of it. He needed to talk to Santa in person. 

That was how Olivia found herself standing in line at Macy’s one evening after work in December. For some reason she thought the crowds would be smaller than on the weekend. She was wrong. She was reminded of the scene in “A Christmas Story” when Ralphie and his brother arrive to see Santa and are told the line starts “back there”, because the man in the red suit wasn’t even in sight when they took their place in the lane of candy cane striped poles, between which were strung ropes of sparkling tinsel. As they made their way slowly through the serpentine, Noah was content to take in the festive surroundings and try and figure which fairy tale each tree was decorated to represent. This freed his mother up to check her personal email, deleting numerous ads for holiday sales, cookie recipes and DIY decorating tips. She paused when she saw the one from Noah’s teacher.

“Noah, why did Ms. Tatum send me an email?”

He was standing on one foot, arms over his head, imitating the pirouette of one of the ballerinas on the Nutcracker tree. 

“Probably because I told her I was bored at school,” he replied nonchalantly, raising up on the toe of his high tops and attempting to spin around; the rubber sole on the thin carpeted walkway preventing him from being successful.

“Bored? Since when? I thought you liked school?”

Noah shrugged, and took a step forward as the line moved, reassumed his position and tried again and was again foiled by his footwear.

“Stupid sneakers. If I had my dance shoes on, I could do it,” he muttered.

“Don’t say stupid, honey, and answer my question,” Olivia told him. 

“I don’t know.” He shrugged again and she bit her lip to keep from telling him not to shrug. “It’s all easy. I get bored when Ms. Tatum has to stop and help someone else because I’ve already finished my work.”

“It’s her job to make sure everyone learns the lesson.”

“I know, so I just read or draw a picture or something. I’m not disruptive, Mom,” Noah said with a hint of disdain and slight eye roll and again she felt the ghost of a former ADA in the room.

“You’re next,” she said, deciding to see what the teacher had to say while he spoke to Santa.

Not surprisingly, the email echoed what Noah had said. His teacher asked Olivia to let her know when she had time to meet to discuss some options, because she didn’t want the boy to lose his passion for learning. The SVU Captain liked the young woman and was glad to see she had picked up on the issue and was bringing it to her attention. She replied with a few days and times and looked up to see if Noah had finished. He was still sitting on the lap of the man in the red suit and speaking intently, as if making sure he got his point across. Olivia walked up to the pair.

“Noah, there are other children who want to talk to Santa. I think your turn is up,” she said with a smile.

“It’s all right, officer,” Santa told her, spotting her badge. “Noah and I were just finishing up.”

“My mom is the Captain,” Noah informed him proudly. “But she’s still a detective.”

Santa, who sported his own whiskers, grinned from behind them and his eyes twinkled at her. They were blue, but reminded her a lot of a pair of green ones the way they lit up with amusement.

“Is she now? Well that’s an important job and I’m sure your mom works hard,” he told the boy. “You need to be an extra good boy for her.”

“He’s always good,” Olivia assured Santa, holding her hand out. “Come on, Noah, let’s go.”

“Noah, go get your treat from one of my elves. I want to ask your mom what she wants for Christmas.”

The boy hopped off his lap and went obediently a few yards away where he could choose from a pile of small wrapped packages that were being watched over by pointed eared elves wearing curled toed shoes.

“Noah was telling me he’s bored at school and that’s a terrible thing for a child at his age. He seems extremely bright,” the man said when the child was out of earshot.

Olivia nodded.

“He is. I’ve just gotten a letter from his teacher wanting to talk about it.”

“Santa has a lot of friends in education, as you can imagine, working with so many children. There’s a wonderful charter school run by a friend of mine.”

He reached into the pocket of his red trousers and pulled out a card.

“Maybe go visit it first without Noah and see what you think.”

The woman took it from his white gloved fingers with another nod.

“Thank you. I’ve been wondering if a charter school might be a good option for him.”

Olivia turned to leave.

“And Captain?”

She turned back.

“I hope you and your brother are able to mend fences for the holidays.”

Shocked and confused, Olivia simply nodded and walked to Noah as the next child approached Santa. Her brother? What had Noah told the man? When Simon died, she told Noah about it only because he had met his uncle. Of course, she hadn’t explained that the man overdosed, but simply that he had an accident. Maybe someday she would explain more. She was still working out her own guilt that her phone message had pushed the former addict to seek solace in drugs again and resulted in his death. Beside her, Noah was telling her about the coloring book and crayons he’d opened and asking if he could eat the candy cane that had been attached to the package. 

Later that night, once Noah was in bed, Olivia called Amanda Rollins. At work, the two women maintained their commanding officer/detective relationship, but outside, they had become fast friends and spoke often about everything non-SVU related, including parenting and their relationships. Although those conversations were mostly one-sided, with Amanda sometimes complaining, but often telling her about the sweet things that Sonny Carisi did. Olivia was never surprised; she knew the new ADA had a romantic streak a mile wide. Tonight, she filled her friend in on the visit with Santa.

“So you have no idea what he said or what he wants?” Amanda asked.

“Not a clue.”

“Didn’t you read the letter before you put it in the mailbox at the store?”

“No, dammit. I took it after he wrote it and then made the mistake of admitting I hadn’t dropped it off, so then we had to actually mail it,” she explained.

“Rookie mistake, Liv,” Amanda laughed. “Always read the letter.”

“I know. I usually do. But this year he wrote it himself without any help and sealed it up. Maybe he didn’t want me to see it.”

“Is he testing to see if Santa is real?”

“I don’t think so,” said Olivia. “Otherwise why would he insist on seeing him in the store? Who, by the way, is the only Santa, according to Noah, because he comes in the parade. He said all the others are just elves that dress up like Santa and report back to him.”

The two women laughed, then Olivia added,

“I just hope this isn’t something I can’t figure out or fulfill. And why would he say something about Simon? He only met him that one time.”

“I don’t know. Maybe he’s picking up on your unresolved feelings about Simon’s death,” Amanda suggested.

“Now you sound like Dr. Lindstrom.”

“You were the one who said I should try therapy,” her detective shot back. “Must be working.”

On her end, Olivia just smiled and shook her head. 

Noah appeared to be satisfied after his visit with Santa, and didn’t bring it up again as the days grew shorter and his mother tried to balance work and final holiday preparations, along with fitting in a meeting with his teacher. The conference went well, with both parent and teacher in agreement that the boy needed additional enrichment and stimulation and that a charter school might be a good option, validating the opinion of the Santa from Macy’s, who, Olivia thought had looked like a retired schoolteacher himself. Noah’s teacher provided two recommendations; one of which was the same as the school on the card that had been in the SVU Captain’s coat pocket since the night at the department store.

Olivia stood in the office of the school recommended by both Noah’s teacher and Santa, waiting for the principal. It didn’t look much different than his current school but there was a different vibe. As she walked through the hallway, she’d heard music coming from one classroom, and a glimpse through the window in the door of another saw children at various stations around the room. Even the ones she passed where students were seated and listening to the teacher, they all had engaged expressions on their faces. None of them looked bored or uninterested in the lesson. Instinctively, Olivia felt like this might be a better fit for Noah.

“Ms. Benson?”

Olivia turned in the direction of the voice to see a familiar figure but one she hadn’t seen in several years.

“Mrs. Barba?”

“Lieutenant Benson!”

The older woman came closer and embraced her, then stepped back and held onto her arms, looking Olivia over. 

“You’re looking well, Lieutenant,” Lucia said.

“It’s Captain now, actually. And so are you, Mrs. Barba.”

“Captain? That’s quite a feather in your cap, isn’t it?” Then she waved her hand at the return compliment. “Ah, you’re kind for saying so. But years are catching up with me.”

Olivia couldn’t have disagreed more. Other than a few more lines around her kind brown eyes, Lucia Barba didn’t look much different than she did the first time they’d met in the courthouse and the woman had told her she drove Rafael “a little crazy”. 

“So what can I do for you, Captain? I hope you’re not here on police business?”

“Please, call me Olivia. And no, I’m here to look at possibly sending my son, Noah, to school here.”

“He’s in school? He can’t be old enough to be in school!” Lucia exclaimed. “I remember when Rafi told me you adopted him.”

“He’s seven years old and in second grade,” Olivia confirmed with a smile. “But he’s complaining of being bored at school, so his teacher suggested I look into a charter school and this one was recommended by both her and a friend of yours.”

The older woman linked her arm through Olivia’s and led her into the hallway. 

“Let me give you a tour. Who was this friend of mine?” she asked.

Olivia laughed.

“I don’t actually know his name. He’s playing Santa at Macy’s right now. Blue eyes, real white beard. He gave me your card.”

Lucia shook her head.

“I can’t think of who that might be off the top of my head, but I give my cards to a lot of people.”

Olivia nodded. She did the same thing.

Lucia gave Olivia the full tour of the school, just as she did with every prospective parent and the captain couldn’t deny it seemed like a better fit for Noah. She was ready to ask if she could bring the boy for a visit as they returned to the main office when the words stuck in her throat. Bent over a desk was a man wearing jeans, a white shirt with the sleeves turned back to his elbows and a vest. Olivia knew immediately who it was. She had looked at the stripes on the back of that vest so many times, admiring the broad shoulders beneath it and wondering if they were maroon and dark brown or maroon and charcoal gray. Her heart thudded heavily in her chest as her eyes lingered over his form.

“Rafi! What are you doing here?” exclaimed Lucia. 

The man straightened and spun gracefully on his heel, speaking as his did.

“Five days before Christmas and your Civics teacher breaks his ankle trying out snowshoes. On carpet. So I’m here to sub. Didn’t anyone……” 

Rafael Barba’s voice trailed off when he saw the woman standing beside his mother. He recovered, although his voice cracked slightly on the last word.

“Tell you?”

“Yes, yes, that’s right. I’d forgotten you were coming in today.”

Lucia Barba looked between her son and his former coworker; the woman he hadn’t seen in 683 days, if the small number he wrote on his desk blotter calendar was to be believed. For the longest time she didn’t realize what those little consecutive numbers were that appeared every day. Then in February, when he made an off handed comment about how long it had been since he left the District Attorney’s office, his mother put the two things together.

Barba couldn’t take his eyes off of Olivia.

Over her arm she held the same winter coat he’d seen her in more times than he could remember and she wore her usual work attire: black pants and blazer, although beneath the blazer she had on a soft looking green sweater. In the v neck a pendant lay against her skin he hadn’t seen before and he wondered fleetingly if someone gave it to her or she bought it for herself. The badge at her waist caught his eye. It was different.

“Captain Benson was just getting the tour,” Lucia told him with a smile, since neither one of them seemed to be able to speak. “She’s considering sending her son here.”

Captain? She finally did it, he thought, meeting her eyes. Then he smiled before wetting his lips and finding his voice again.

“Congratulations, Liv.”

He got no return smile. Her brown eyes were burning with controlled anger although it wasn’t reflected anywhere on her face. Olivia’s gaze traveled from his shoes up over the jeans she had rarely seen him wear in the years they worked together, the familiar vest and shirtsleeves, skimming over the bare forearms she’d looked at so many times, to the beard and mustache he now sported and more casual hairstyle, all of which held more gray than she expected, but was surprised to find it suited him.

“Nice to see you’re still getting some use out of your suits, Barba.”

Then she looked at the woman beside her, her voice softening.

“Thank you very much for the tour, Lucia. I’ll be in touch about bringing Noah to visit,“ Olivia said. 

She turned and left the room, leaving the two Barbas looking at each other. Olivia’s heels echoed as she strode quickly toward the exit, the sound matching the pounding of her heart. Pushing the door open, she stepped out into the cold air and paused, taking gulping breaths. Back in the school office, Lucia looked her son, who had taken a step backward at Olivia’s sharp words and was leaning limply against the desk he’d been bent over minutes before. Olivia Benson was the last person he expected to see at the school at which he occasionally taught and where he had served on the board of directors for the last year and helped with funding efforts.

“I’m guessing that means she didn’t know you were still in the city?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No, we haven’t spoken –”

“In 683 days. Yes, I finally figured out what you were keeping track of on your desk calendar. So are you really going to let her walk away?”

He said nothing. Lucia folded her arms across her chest and fixed her son with a look.

“Rafael Barba, do you think I don’t know how you feel about Olivia – have felt about her for years? I know you did what you needed to do; quitting the DA’s office, but you didn’t have to leave her behind too.”

Then she reached out and took the papers he’d been holding.

“Go. She can’t have gotten very far. I’ll take the class.”

Rafael found his voice for the second time and kissed his mother on the cheek.

“You’re right. Thank you.”

“I know. And you’re welcome.”

He grabbed his coat from the nearby coat rack and sprinted down the hall toward the same exit Olivia had gone out, and burst through the doors, coming to an abrupt halt when he didn’t see her there. Barba mentally kicked himself. Had he really expected her to be standing on the other side of the doors, waiting for him? But part of him had. His gaze swept the small fenced area outside the school where the children played in good weather and his heart stuttered when he saw a familiar figure on a bench. Olivia was hunched over her arms crossed in front of her, still holding her coat. He saw her shoulders move; from either cold or because she was crying he couldn’t tell. Before he could think twice, Rafael was down the stairs and across the playground. He didn’t speak until he was standing in front of her.

“Liv.”

If she heard him, Olivia gave no indication, so he crouched down in front of her, like he would one of the children.

“Liv,” he said again, reaching out to gently touch her arm.

She pulled away and raised her head.

“You’ve been here the whole time?” she asked hoarsely, her voice thick with unshed tears.

He nodded guiltily.

“Almost two years,” she said fiercely. “Almost two fucking years, Rafa! I thought you had dropped off the face of the earth and you were here all along?”

Her use of the nickname that only she used brought a lump to his own throat.

“Mostly, anyway. I went away for a little while,” Rafael replied. He shrugged and spoke again. “But this is my home. I couldn’t leave it.”

“You left me.”

The three words were said so quietly he almost missed them. But he didn’t miss her violent shiver.

“Liv, you must be freezing. Put your coat on.”

She let him tug it from her grasp and stand up to hold it out for her to slip her arms into. It bunched up behind her on the bench and she stood to button and belt it. Face to face for the first time since that fateful February day, Rafael reached out and took her hands in his. She didn’t pull away.

“I’m sorry.”

Before she could reply her phone rang. Removing one hand from his grasp, she took it out and answered.

“Benson. Yes, I’m done. I’ll be right there. Thanks, Fin.”

Pocketing the device, she met his eyes. They weren’t as angry as earlier, but were still serious.

“Work,” he said. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes. Trying to get things wrapped up before the holidays.”

She didn’t offer him any details and he didn’t ask. That wasn’t his life anymore.

“We need to talk,” he said, not wanting to let her leave, but knowing he had to.

Olivia nodded. She had more than a few things she wanted to say to the former ADA. She thought for a moment and then said,

“Carisi is taking the kids Christmas shopping tonight, so Noah won’t be around if you want to stop over.”

She didn’t want the boy to see him again until the two of them had ironed out their differences. His questions about his Uncle Rafa had dwindled to once a month or so, when something reminded him of the man. At first, he asked at least once a week where he had gone and when he was coming back.

“What time?” Rafael tried not to sound too eager. But if she had said 2 a.m. at the top of the Empire State Building he’d have agreed.

“He’s picking Noah up around 5:00. I might not be home by then. Is six okay?”

“I’ll be there.” 

She didn’t say, so he presumed they were in the same apartment.

Olivia looked down where he was still holding her other hand and then offered him a small smile.

“I’ll see you later, then.”

He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles and released her.

“Later.”

It was 5:45 when Olivia rushed through her apartment door. She had hoped to leave the precinct by at least 5:15 but it was pushing half past by the time she finally closed her office door and wished Fin and Kat Merry Christmas. Amanda had already gone with Carisi when he showed up and went with him to her place to get her girls before picking up Noah. She was going to dinner with him and the kids before returning home to wrap presents while he took them to choose gifts for their respective mothers. Amanda told her he had volunteered and she wasn’t going to say no to any time alone before Christmas.

Olivia had had a hard time concentrating after returning to work. Rafael Barba was the last person she expected to encounter at a prospective school for Noah, and a chance encounter wasn’t the way she had envisioned finally seeing him again. She’d hoped for some advance notice. Like Carisi telling her Barba had returned to the DA’s office, or getting a phone call or an email. Something to give her a chance to emotionally prepare herself. She shrugged out of her blazer, unzipped and kicked off her boots, and shimmied out of her work pants. She liked the sweater she’d put on that morning, so she left that on and pulled on a pair of comfortable jeans. A quick tooth brushing and freshening of makeup and Olivia was pulling a brush through her hair when she heard a knock at the door. She pressed a hand to her stomach to quell the sudden flight of butterflies and took a breath before walking down the hall.

Rafael was feeling the same nerves on the other side of her door. He’d stood there so many times before, but this was different. All those other times he was welcome; he’d been there as a colleague and then as a friend. Now he was there to see if he had burned all the bridges between them. The door swung open and for a moment they took each other in, just as they had after Noah’s rescue from Sheila. His coat was open, revealing he still wore the clothes she’d seen him in earlier, less the tie. Olivia spoke first, stepping back to let him in.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

He walked past her to the kitchen bar where he put the takeout bag he carried.

“I brought dinner.”

Olivia smiled as she closed the door. That was the Rafael she remembered. Thinking with his stomach. She joined him to inspect the containers he was unpacking. He remembered all her favorites from the Cuban place he’d introduced her to years before. She put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze before moving to get plates and utensils. It felt like old times. Only it wasn’t. Before, they would have settled on the couch, each in their own corner, sharing bites from the other’s plate as they ate and talked. Now, Olivia sat down on one of the tall stools and Rafael perched stiffly on another. He popped a plantain chip in his mouth but it felt like he was chewing cardboard. She picked at the rice and beans on her plate with her fork.

“Liv.”

“Rafa.”

They spoke simultaneously. Then she continued after he inclined his head for her to go first.

“Why?”

He chuckled.

“That’s a broad question. But I owe you a few answers.”

As he talked, their familiarity returned, along with their appetites. Before long, they had moved to the couch. Rafael explained that when he was found not guilty of the charges brought against him by Jack McCoy, he felt like he had been given a second chance. That day outside the courthouse when he told her she’d changed him, he was trying to tell her that. So when he said he needed to move on, he meant from law, not her.

“Why didn’t you say so?” Olivia asked.

“I thought you knew,” he admitted. “But then you didn’t say anything, so I thought –” 

Rafael paused, putting his food on the coffee table while he chose his words carefully.

“I thought I had let you down.”

“Let me down? Why? Because you needed a breather from a career that was sucking the joy from your life?”

Olivia put her own plate down grasped his forearm with both hands at the quizzical look on his face.

“Yes, I saw it. How could I not? I saw what those last few months – those cases – were doing to you. I could see it in your eyes, your body language. You were carrying a huge weight on you. You weren’t happy.”

He closed his eyes then, for a moment, and reopened them to meet hers.

“I was happy when I was with you. But because you didn’t try and stop me from leaving, I thought if you couldn’t have me as an ADA, you didn’t want me,” Rafael said softly. 

“Stop you? You were the one who walked away from me, remember? As for wanting you, I’ve always wanted you, Rafael. When you said you were quitting the DA’s office I thought we could finally admit our feelings for each other, because we wouldn’t be working together. Because we wouldn’t have to worry about a conflict of interest. What did you think I wanted you to say when I said ‘And?’ I wanted you to tell me how you felt!”

Olivia had been leaning closer to him as she spoke and almost shouted the last two sentences, her brown eyes flashing with emotion.

Rafael quickly moved the arm she didn’t have hold of, put his hand at the back of her neck did what he’d wanted to do for years: kissed her. She was surprised at first, her eyes opening wide, but then they slid closed and she gave herself up to the sensation of his lips against hers for the first time. They were warm and firm and his mustache tickled just enough to make her shiver with delight. He ended the kiss and began to pull away but Olivia moved one of her hands to cup his jaw and initiated a second one. Rafael wanted to put his arms around her but they were seated awkwardly on the couch. He began to shift so he could pull her against him when she suddenly pulled away. 

“What’s wrong?”

Before the words were out, he heard the apartment door open and Noah call,

“Mom, we’re home!”

Olivia sprang to her feet, hoping her lips didn’t look as thoroughly kissed as they felt. Rafael stood as well, discreetly adjusting his jeans. A few more minutes and he’d have needed to stay seated. Then he reached out and gently brushed a thumb over her bottom lip. That and the heated look in his eyes confirmed her suspicions and never had she been less happy to see her son, she thought, smiling at the man beside her before stepping toward the hallway to greet Noah and her former detective. The boy came running into the main room, the tall ADA following, carrying a shopping bag containing wrapped packages. Noah skidded to a halt when he saw Rafael and his eyes lit up.

“Uncle Rafa!” he cried and flung himself at the man, throwing his arms around his waist for an exuberant hug. Then he turned around and spoke to the other man who was looking between Olivia and Rafael with a mixture of surprise and amusement.

“Uncle Sonny, Santa was right! He told me he was sure I’d get what I wanted for Christmas!”

Then he looked at his mother with a huge smile on his face.

“We went to see Santa again because Jesse didn’t see the real Santa and he told me he was sure I was going to get what I wanted for Christmas as long as I was good. But I thought I’d have to wait until Christmas or maybe after.”

“I’m just gonna’ see myself out,” said Carisi, putting the bag on a nearby chair. “Good to see you, counselor.”

Rafael lifted his chin and smiled at the other man.

“Thanks, but I think I’m the one who should be calling you counselor now.”

“You’ll always be counselor to me, Rafael,” he replied. “See ya’ later, Liv.”

“Bye, Carisi. Thanks again.”

Once the apartment door closed, Olivia turned to Noah, who had removed his arms from around Rafael’s waist but was still gazing at the man with a mixture of happiness and awe.

“Noah, what do you mean you got what you wanted for Christmas? Christmas is still a few days away,” she said.

“I told Santa I wanted to see Uncle Rafa again. I missed him and I know you did too,” the boy explained. “Your face got sad when you talked about him.”

Then he addressed Rafael.

“Are you back now? Where have you been? Will we get to see you more?”

As she listened to her son talk, something that had puzzled her finally made sense. If he told Santa in the store that he wanted to see his Uncle again, the man would have naturally assumed he was talking about her brother. Olivia glanced at Rafael who looked slightly panicked about answering Noah’s questions. She rescued him momentarily by sending the boy to put on his pajamas.

“He won’t take too long,” she said. “Do you want to answer him or should I and you can jump in where you want?”

She picked up their plates and carried them to the kitchen. Rafael followed her. After a quick glance down the hall to make sure Noah wasn’t returning yet, he put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. Olivia’s eyes fluttered closed at the feel of his strong embrace and slid her own hands around his back.

“As long as you tell him he’s going to be seeing me a lot more, I don’t care what else you tell him,” Rafael said softly in her ear.

Then he pressed his lips to hers in a lingering kiss and she opened her eyes to gaze into his green ones.

Olivia felt overwhelmed as she sat in her spot in the middle of her living room floor. There were presents and wrapping paper strewn all around her. Plus, she was trying to keep quiet, so she didn't wake up a sleeping Noah. She had put off wrapping his presents from Santa until the last minute, and now she was miserable from a cold, or maybe the flu, that she almost couldn't see straight as she tried to get it all down. Her eyes were red and puffy as she wiped at her nose for what felt like the millionth time that evening.

Just as she was about to put the final piece of tape on the present that she had been wrapping, there was a knock at the door. She groaned softly as she managed to lift herself up from the floor and hurried to the door so whoever it was wouldn't knock again. She stuffed used tissue into her robe pocket just as she opened the door.

She hadn't expected company of any sort, but the person that was standing on the other side of her door was a pleasant surprise. Her mouth fell open slightly before she composed herself. Her reflexes were lacking because she was sick. She lifted the corners of her mouth into a smile. "Hey."

Rafael smiled as he lifted a coffee carrier with two to-go mugs fit snugly inside. He also held a bag in his other hand. His smile slipped as soon as he took in her appearance. "Liv, is everything okay?" He gently ushered her back inside and closed the door. The hallway of her building was cold and drafty.

"Me? Sure. I'm just peachy," she half-heartedly teased. Her eyes and body told otherwise. She felt him shift his bag onto the hand that held the coffee and gently place his hand on her lower back. "I've got so much to do," she grumbled. She hated being sick, but she hated anyone seeing her that way even more.

He shook his head. "Shh. Don't worry about that." As soon as they stepped into the living room, he saw the chaos strewn about her living room floor and sighed softly. "You get yourself settled on the couch." When he saw her start to protest, he shook his head and pointed at the couch. "Olivia Benson, get yourself on that couch right now. I'll wrap the rest of Noah's presents, and I want you to take it easy. No arguing. You'll only lose."

He moved her to the couch, insisting that she sit down. Once she was situated, he covered her with the throw that was on the back of the sofa and then handed her the to-go cup. "It's just the way you like it," he promised as she wrapped both hands around the still-warm cup.

It felt good to her hands. She'd had a chill most of the evening that she hadn't been able to shake. She looked up at him. "Really, Rafa. I can finish the wrapping." She felt him touch her forehead with his palm, knowing she likely had at least a small fever, but the look on his face told her that it was worse than she thought.

He shook his head. "Liv, just let me help. Please?" He sat on the edge of the couch close to her and met her eyes. "No offense, but you look horrible." When she rolled her eyes at him, he chuckled softly. "I said no offense."

She nudged him with her knee, almost unseating him and knocking him to the floor. She had to admit that it did feel good to snuggle up on her couch under a blanket. The thought of sitting back down on the floor made her wince. She sighed softly. "It's Christmas. I don't want to be sick," she grumbled as she sipped at the coffee, letting it warm her insides.

He put his hand on her knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I know, but it happens to the best of us sometimes." He met her eyes, holding her gaze. "You just rest while I finish up here and get the presents under the tree, okay? I'll even let you boss me around if you don't feel I'm doing it right." He gave her a wink before he pulled off his coat and hung it on her coat rack and got to work at finishing wrapping Noah's presents for her.

- -

Rafael had gotten so lost in wrapping the presents that he hadn't realized that she'd stopped making small talk from her place on the couch until he'd placed the last piece of tape on the last present. "All done," he announced only to look up and find her asleep on the couch. She was lying at an awkward angle, but he didn't dare disturb her. She needed all the rest she could get. Noah would be up sooner rather than later, and she would be exhausted if she didn't sleep any at all.

He very gently shifted the blanket up higher so it covered more of her and eased a small throw pillow under her head so that she wouldn't have a kink in her neck when she woke up from the angle in which she had fallen asleep. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She was still too warm for his liking.

He seated himself on the chair across from the Christmas tree after putting all the presents snuggly around it and making it as festive as he possibly could. He'd come there to give her the gift that he'd gotten for her, and he hadn't expected to stay, but something didn't feel right about him leaving. So instead of quietly letting himself out, he settled down in the chair, using his coat as a blanket and drifted off to sleep.

- -

Olivia and Rafael were startled awake by the sound of Noah's excited proclamation. "Santa's been here, Mom!" That's when he spotted Rafael in the chair. His eyes went almost as wide as the grin on his face. "Uncle Rafa! What are you doing here?" He ran across the room and jumped onto the man's lap and hugged him tightly.

Olivia felt groggy, but better than she had last night. She could tell from the way she felt that the fever had broken sometime in the night. She rubbed at her eyes and face and smiled sheepishly across the room at Rafael.

Rafael met her eyes, smiling back at her. "Just giving Santa a hand. He's a busy man, and he had a few things he needed me to help him with, so here I am." He hugged Noah tightly and then helped him off of his lap. "Guess you've been a good boy this year. Look at all those presents!"

Noah hopped excitedly from one foot to the other as he moved closer to the tree to inspect the brightly wrapped presents. He fell to his knees to look under the tree. "There's a ton of stuff here!" He excitedly reached for the closest present and picked it up, shaking it before he turned to Olivia. "Can I open them, Mom? Please?"

Rafael moved from the chair to the couch so that he could be closer to the two of them. He wrapped an arm around Olivia's shoulders and pulled her close to him. "Yeah, Mom? Can he open them?" He leaned in, kissing her cheek. "Merry Christmas, by the way."

Now her cheeks were flushed for an entirely different reason. She rested her head on his shoulder and nodded. "I don't see any reason to wait. Go ahead." She didn't even bother to pick up her phone and capture the memories. She knew that this was going to be one that she would never forget. Something had changed between them, and maybe it would take many more holidays to explore, but she was ready and willing. No matter how long it took.

She lifted her head, tilting it toward him as their eyes met and held each other's gaze. "Merry Christmas, Rafa." Then he surprised her and pressed his mouth softly to hers in a gentle, lingering kiss.

SquadRoom

December 22:

“Fin are you sure you don’t want me to stay and be here in the morning?” Liv asked as her second in command knocked softly on the door frame of her office

Pushing her glasses up to hair she smiled at him a soft smile that also held exhaustion and stress.

“Thanks Liv but there’s no need for you to be here. We’ve got in under control, we’re in the office 5 hours to finish up some paper work and then we’re out.”

“Fair enough, but I don’t expect any of you to be here after noon. The backup team should be here at 11:30 and you all need to hit road by one to get there before dark.”

Rolling his eyes at her mom worry he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Amanda and Carisi are picking up the kids after their Christmas Party at school in the morning, Noah didn’t want to miss it…”

“…and they will be picked up at 12:30 right before nap time, so they’ll sleep in the car.” Carisi finished for her as he approached the door to her office.

“Thank you Carisi.” Setting her bag on her shoulder Olivia gave the two men a brief hug before ushering them out so she could lock up her office.

“Send texts when you leave tomorrow, Barba and I should have most of the decorations done by the time you get there. Please call me if you have any questions in the morning.”

Giving one final wave to her team, Liv headed towards the elevator releasing a sigh at being done with work until the new year. The team had been bogged down with case after case since August and they were over due for a family getaway.

Benson/Barba Household

December 22nd

“Raf, I’m home.”

Sitting her keys in the bowl by the front door and dropping her file bag next to Barba’s briefcase she headed off to find her boys.

“Kitchen Momma!”

Leaning against the door frame to what looked like her kitchen when she left that morning, Olivia couldn’t help but laugh at the pile of dirty dishes in the sink and the multiple trays of Christmas cut outs that looked to be fresh out of the oven.

“Hey buddy, are you having fun with Rafi?”

“We made Christmas cookies to decorate with Jessie, Uncle Sonny, Auntie ‘Manda, Auntie Rita…” the grownups held in a chuckle as Noah sucked in a breath to keep listing his favorite people,”…and even Uncle Fin tomorrow at the cabin!”

The excitement that radiated from her little boy was everything Liv needed to be in the Christmas spirit.

“Hello Love,” Rafael said as he leaned to kiss her softly in the cheek as Liv laughed once again at the amount of flour that covered his apron.

“Having fun?”

“The most. But I think someone is in desperate need of a shower.” He answers looking at the brown headed boy with flour in his curls.

“I know two of them.” Live replied back wiping the flour from her sweater where Barba’s hand had rested at her hip. “You go take a hot shower and I’ll take Master Chief Jr here to get a bubble bath.”

Noah whipped his head around his eyes lighting up at the sound of a bubble bath.

“Can we read ‘The Polar Express’”.

“Of course sweet boy, after you have a dinner of more then Christmas cookies and icing.” Liv winked at him, and rubbed her thumb across the red streak on his chin. “And we have to finish packing your clothes. Go get ready for the bath.”

Preschool

December 23

Helping Noah take off his oversized jacket, Olivia hung it up in the cubby under his name, next Noah handed her his toboggan and she ran her hand through his hair to bring it back to life.

Looking around for her boyfriend, Liv wasn’t surprised to see him sitting at one of the small tables next to Jessie, red crayon in hand.

Following his momma’s gaze Noah quickly ran to join his best friend, “Good Morning Jessie!”

“Morning Noah! Good morning Auntie Liv,” the blond smiled at the Captain, her eyes sparkling with Christmas excitement.

“Good morning sweetheart, have so much fun at your Christmas party. We can’t wait to see you tonight at the cabin.”

“Merry Christmas Auntie Liv, Uncle Rafa,”

Kissing the top of her head Rafael retuned her red crayon, “Merry Christmas Jessie, we’ll see you tonight.”

With an extra quick kiss to Noah’s forehead and a reminder that Aunt Jessie and Uncle Sonny would pick him up from school, Liv and Barba quickly slipped out of the classroom, already missing their boy but beyond ready to get this Christmas vacation under way.

On the Road

December 23rd

Soft instrumental Christmas carols flowed through the speakers of Olivia’s SUV as she watched the snowy trees fly past the window, Barba’s hand rested on her knee, his other hand tight against the steering wheel.

“The cabin company supplied the tree and decorated the outside in festive lights, so we just have to take care of the tree decorations and anything else on the inside.” Liv replied softly.

“Well I think we have more then enough supplies for that,” Barba commenter his eyes glancing in the rear view mirror and the boxes of decorations stacked on top of their luggage.

“You can never have too many Christmas decorations”

“Of course not dear,” taking her hand and kissing her knuckles he focused his eyes back on the road as the snow began to come down faster.

Pulling into the front of their cabin three hours later, Olivia couldn’t help but stare in awe at the lights that adorned the front of their home for the next week. The snow was coming down in quick succession and it was putting quite a background to the white lights and garland that wrapped around the banisters and the entry way.

“You did great babe, it’s beautiful.” Kissing her cheek again, Barba opened the car door preparing to start bringing in their excessive amount of decorations and presents for under the tree.

Looking away from the light display, Liv picked up her phone as her ringer went off.

“Benson,”

“Hey Liv, Carisi just picked up the kids and we’re getting ready to leave, but the snow is picking up here so it may take longer than we expected.”

Amanda’s thick accent came through the speaker.

“We understand, it’s picking up here too. Be safe and take your time.” After hanging up, Liv grabbed the last of the luggage from the back and followed Barba into the warmth of the cabin.

“Amanda called and said they’re leaving but the snow is picking up in the city so it may take them longer then we expected.”

Looking around at the boxes of Christmas ornaments and stockings around him Barba chuckled, “That’s okay, we may need the extra time.”

Connecting her phone to the portable speaker, Liv pressed play on her Christmas playlist and the music filled the living room with the fire crackling in the fire place around them.

Several hours later, Olivia and Rafael collapsed on the couch a fit of giggle erupting from both of them, “I can’t believe it took us an hour to hang eight stockings.”

“Hung by the chimney with care love, they had to be perfect.”

“Well if I do say so myself it looks pretty great in here.” Glancing around at their handy work from the last few hours. The stockings lined the fireplace, intertwined garland and sparkling white lights took up almost every flat surface and of course the stairwell banister that led to the floor of bedrooms above them. They had placed a small tree in the bedroom that Noah and Jessie would share, ready to be decorated before bed with all the ornaments they had made over the last few weeks.

Multiple trays of cookies and sweet treats lined the counter in the kitchen, bags of icing were stashed in the refrigerator, and their Christmas Eve ham was thawing in the sink.

Sipping from her cup of hot chocolate, Liv snuggled into Barba’s side as they stretched out on the couch. Her head was residing on his stomach, his hands running softly through her hair, the heat from his coffee cup warm against her cheek.

A shrieking sound through the speakers quickly ending The Carol Of The Bells, pressing a quick kiss to his lips, Liv jumped up to grab her phone from where she had left it on the counter.

“Benson,”

She felt her whole body deflate while listing to Amanda talk once again through the phone speaker. She felt Rafael behind her wrapping his arms around her waist, his chin resting against her shoulder.

“I understand, we can figure everything out in the morning. Do you have everything you need for Noah? It’s okay, we just want everyone safe. Call us when you get to the room and we will tell him goodnight. Thanks Amanda,”

Placing her phone back on the counter, Liv turned in his arms and throwing her own around his waist.

“The weather got worse, they had to stop for the night. We’ll figure out how to get them here in the morning. They’re going to call when they get checked into a hotel so that we can say goodnight to Noah.”

“I’m sorry my love. I know you were excited for everyone to be here tonight. But we both know what could happen, let’s just be glad our family’s smart instead of pushing too far. I promise we will get them here in the morning. And then we will have a whole twenty four hours before Christmas morning. That’s a lot of time for Christmas movies and cookie decorating.”

Leaning up she pressed another, longer kiss to his lips, “You’re really proud of those cookies you baked, aren’t you?”

Throwing his head back Barba laughed, “Very much so, definitely on the top ten list for this year.”

“What’s number one?”

“That will always be you and our curly headed wild child.”

Olivias smile took up her who face, “I love you,” she kissed him again because she could, “you two will always be my favorite part of every year.”

A childhood glint appeared in Liv’s eyes as she gave her boyfriend a smirk, “You know, no ones is here to stop us from having Christmas cookies for dinner.”

“Eh, we’d just arrest them anyway. Let’s go change into our PJ’s, I’ll grab the coffee and hot chocolate refills, you grab the cookies and your phone for when Noah calls. And we’ll start a movie.”

“It’s a Wonderful Life,”

“It is with you dear,”

Shoving his shoulder as she walked towards the stairs, “I’ll meet you back in five minutes, I want extra marshmallows.”

“Yes dear,”

Family Cabin 8 am

December 24th

“Mommmmaaa!! Rafffiiiii!!!” Before Liv knew what was happening, she felt a Noah sized weight jumping on the bed beside her.

“Noah! You’re here.”

“Uncle Fin got a Sleigh!”

Rafael rolled over giving Noah a hug as he sat up in the bed, “Uncle Fin got a what?”

“Come see!” Noah called after them running from the bedroom.

Liv looked over at Rafael with his hair in a hundred different directions but looking more at peace then she had seen him in a long time, “Sounds like the crews here,”

Making their way downstairs, Liv tied her robe over her flannel pajama trying to ward off the early morning chill.

“You all made it!”

“Mornin’ Cap’n’, Barba,” Carisi said as he came through the door his arms packed with presents in kid friendly wrapping paper.

“How did you get here?” Liv asked as she hugged Amanda and stepped out on the porch.

“Well, my partner here found a sleigh, and by sleigh I mean the only remaining SUV with 4-wheel drive left in town.”

Hugging her Sargent as he came into view, “Thank you Fin, this means so much.”

Kissing her cheek Fin replied, “Merry Christmas Eve Liv.”

Barba came up behind her handing Liv the first mug of coffee in his hand and then hands the second off to a passing Rita bringing in the last of the items from the SUV.

“Always a life saver Barba, Merry Christmas Liv.”

“Merry Christmas Rita,”

Feeling a blur run past her, Olivia laughed at Sonny as he ran out in the yard to join the little ones in their snowman adventure, with Amanda and Fin not far behind.

There were plenty of cookies to ice, two trees to decorate, several Christmas movies that needed watching; and now they had plenty of time for all of that.

Little laughter pulled her from her thoughts as Rafael grabbed her hand beside her, “A wonderful life?”

“It’s our wonderful life, Merry Christmas Rafi.”

It had only been a few months ago that he’d finally gathered up all his courage and had asked Olivia if she wanted to go out on a date with him. When she’d stared at him instead of answering immediately, he had wanted to take back his words or for the ground underneath him to open and swallow him. Neither was possible and so he told her to forget his question. That’s when she’d grabbed his wrist and smiled that beautiful smile of hers at him. The one that lit up her entire face and made him weak in the knees. And when she’d said yes that she would love to go out on a date with him he’d wondered the entire day if that had indeed happened or if he was having a wonderful dream. It turned out it wasn’t a dream and the date was the first of many. They were still taking things slow. Neither wanted to rush Noah and they both liked what they were at the moment. They were about to spend their first Christmas together and he was excited. He’d always loved Christmas but hadn’t really celebrated these last few years. This year though he would spend the holidays with Olivia and Noah. Noah’s enthusiasm over Santa was infectious and he was going to do all he could to make sure Noah had a wonderful Christmas.

It had been a week ago at Olivia’s apartment when both Bensons had taken him by surprise. Noah had been on the floor, playing with his legos, building something because he really wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be and he had joined the boy on the floor. He was building his own creation. Olivia was in the kitchen getting them both a cup of coffee.

“Uncle Rafa?” Noah looked up at the man.

Rafael turned his attention from the legos to Noah.

“Will you come ice skating with us?”

“Ice skating?” He looked up to Olivia who joined them in the living room before turning his attention back to Noah.

“We’re going with school. All the moms and dads come and we all skate together. There’s Christmas tree and hot chocolate and I get to stay up late.”

There was so much of what Noah said that left him speechless. It was the fact that the little boy wanted him to be there, but most of all it was the word dads. It all warmed his heart and even got him a bit emotional. He glanced at Olivia who was watching him carefully.

Noah, oblivious to it all, continued. “There’s also a ice hockey game with all the dads. Momma was on the team last year cause moms can join too, but now you can be on my team Uncle Rafa. You will, right? You’ll be on my team?” By now Noah had abandoned his legos and crawled closer to Rafael. “You can skate, right uncle Rafa? I bet you’re really good. Momma’s really good, but we still lost.”

Olivia saw Rafael was a bit overwhelmed by all Noah was saying. She hadn’t expected Noah to invite Rafael so easily. She was glad he was so enthusiastic about it. Maybe it was all a bit too much too soon for Rafael? There was no doubt in her mind and heart about their relationship. This was it for both of them. They had talked about it and decided to take things slow and with regards to his relationship with Noah, it was decided that Noah would set the pace. Noah and Rafael got along great and she loved that he sought out Rafael to help with homework, to get him ready for bed, but loved it even more when he sought him out for comfort. Now though, Noah was moving faster than either of them had expected and maybe even were ready for. That wasn’t entirely true. She was ready for them to be a family. She wanted Rafael to be Noah’s father, wanted Noah to call him dad. She wanted to move in together and come home to them both. She hadn’t shared that with Rafael yet. She thought he would need more time to adjust to this new life. Count on her son to move things ahead.

“Will you come with us? Please uncle Rafa?”

As if he could say no to Noah when he pleaded like that and looked at him with those big eyes. He really couldn’t. “I’d love to.” A second later he had Noah wrapped around his neck thanking him for coming with them. He looked at Olivia, wanting to be sure she was okay with it and she was.

That’s was what had gotten him here. Rafael stood still and took it all in from a distance and tried to calm his nerves. Logically he knew there was no reason for his nervousness, but it seemed like all sense of logic had left him. He searched for Noah and Olivia but couldn’t find them. It was a bustle of activities. Parents and children. There were two ice skating rinks. One had two goals and clearly was for a game of ice hockey. On the other rink there were lots of people skating. There was a tent with several benches and where you could rent skates. There was another tent with a hot beverage stall and benches and it had a Christmas tree. He walked around a bit, feeling lost among the crowd. He didn’t know any of these people and he just really wanted to find Olivia and Noah. He was just about to call them, when a little voice called out his name. He searched the crowd and finally saw Olivia who waved at him. Olivia and Noah were bundled into thick coats, scarfs wrapped around their necks, gloves and hats. Well Olivia was wearing a red beanie, Noah wore a knitted beanie with ear flaps and pom poms. Both looked adorable. He did regret not wearing a hat himself. As soon as he was in reach, Noah hugged his waist.

“Are you ready uncle Rafa?” He asked excitedly.

He took a deep breath. He didn’t want Noah to see his nerves. “I am.”

Noah cheered before he ran back to his friends, leaving Olivia and Rafael alone. “Hi.” Olivia said, leaning closer. She hadn’t seen him the entire day and was glad to have him back. She held his eyes for a moment. She could see he was nervous.

“Hi.” He wanted to wrap her in his arms and kiss her but didn’t know if she wanted him to. This was the first time they were out and about with people from Noah’s school. They only knew Olivia and they didn’t know him. He also didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

She smiled at his hesitance. “Come here.” She whispered. She grabbed him by the collar of his coat and pulled him in till she could finally kiss him. She hummed her delight. No matter how many times she’d already kissed him, whether it was a deep, passionate kiss or a mere brush of lips as it was now, she always felt the sparks between them and she was certain that would never change.

A bit reluctantly he ended the kiss. He kept her close though. He cupped her jaw and caressed her cheek with his thumb. He held her eyes and leaned closer till he could lean his forehead against hers.

“Thank you for joining us.” Her voice was soft.

“Thank you for inviting me.” He said in an equally soft voice.

“Don’t be nervous.” She knew she needed to address what she’d seen in his eyes. “He’s delighted to have you here.”

“I’m not a real good ice skater.” He glanced downward, feeling a bit ashamed. “I don’t want to embarrass him.”

She kissed his cheek. “You won’t. All he wants is for you to be here with him. He wants to show you off to his friends. He wants to skate with you. That’s all that matters to him.”

“And you?” He kinda hated how insecure he sounded.

Now it was Olivia who cupped his cheeks. “All I ever wanted was for you to be with us. You here with us, that’s all I am ever going to need.”

He whispered his thanks before pulling her into his arms and against his chest. “I love you, Liv.”

“I love you too, my sweet man.” She wanted to stay in his arms longer, but this wasn’t the time nor the place. “Let’s go find our boy and get our skates.”

His smile was wide and big, delighted when she’d said our boy. It warmed his heart. He leaned in and kissed her cheek once more. Just because he could and he wanted to. “I should have brought a hat.” He said after a moment.

Olivia dug in her bag. She’d counted on him forgetting to bring a hat. “We brought you one.” She rummaged some more and finally found it. She held it out to him. She’d bought him a beanie too. A green one because it matched his eyes and she loved his eyes.

“I’m not sure that’s my style.” He murmured when he saw the beanie.

“Trust me, it is.” She pulled it over his head and stepped back to admire him. “You look great.”

“Uncle Rafa.” Noah ran back up to them. “Momma gave you your hat. Can we go get our skates now and go skating?”

“Yes, let’s go.” He took Noah’s hand in his and held his other hand out to Olivia.

Olivia was leaning against the ice rink boarding. Noah and Rafael were on the ice while she took a break. She wanted a warm drink and her two men had declined. Noah wanted to be prepared for the game which would start soon and Rafael needed some more practice. Rafael wasn’t as bad as an ice skater as he’d said. She was certain he would be able to hold his own in the game. She loved how Noah was completely enthralled by his uncle Rafa. He tried to copy his moves, followed him everywhere and held his hand as often as he could.

“Olivia, great to see you.”

Olivia turned around and watched Jessica approach her. Jessica was Sammy’s mother, one of Noah’s friends. She liked Jessica. Sammy and Noah got along great and when there was time they would meet up in the park. Though it had been a while since they’d actually had a play date. She’d been too busy with work, and well Rafael.

“Ready for the game?” Jessica gave Olivia a brief hug. She stood next to Olivia and leaned against the boarding.

“Not this year.”

“You’re not? You always join Noah. Noah’s not joining either?”

“No, he is.”

“Alone?”

“No.” She pointed at Noah and Rafael. “He’ll be joined by Rafael.”

“Rafael?” Jessica paused. “Is that Uncle Rafa?” She’d heard Noah talk about his uncle Rafa. She’d never met the man before. She watched him tie his ice skating laces and then take Noah’s hand in his and continue skating.

“He is.” Olivia smiled.

Jessica spotted the smile and when she saw the smile grow even wider when Noah and his uncle Rafa waved at them. She guessed this uncle Rafa wasn’t Noah’s uncle at all. She decided to have some fun and tease her friend a bit for not mentioning she was in a relationship with quite a handsome man. “He’s very attractive.” She paused briefly. “Is he single?”

Olivia tensed. Jessica was happily married or at least as far as she knew. And no Rafael wasn’t single. “You’re married.”

“Mmm… I am. He could make me forget about John though.”

“Jessica.” Olivia reprimanded.

“Look at him. Despite all those thick layers of clothing you can see his has a fine physique. He must work out a lot. What does he do?”

“He’s a lawyer.”

“I bet he looks great in suits.”

“He does.” Olivia whispered. “He really does.”

Jessica smiled at the admission. She was getting somewhere. Time for a final push. “I should go and introduce myself. My sister is recently single again. Maybe I can introduce them.” She said as innocently as possible. She kept her eyes on Olivia and saw her shoulders tense.When she stepped forward Olivia’s hand grabbed her wrist.

“He’s not single.”

She turned with a smile towards her friend. “Easy there. I’m not gonna try to steal your man.”

“He’s not..”

“Ooh stop that. He is clearly your man.” She bumped her shoulder against Olivia’s. “How long have you two been dating?”

“A couple of months.” Olivia admitted.

“He and Noah seem to get along.”

“They adore each other.”

“And you adore him.”

“I do.”

“I’m happy for you, Olivia.” She saw Noah and Rafael approaching them. “I’ll leave you three alone.” She grinned when Olivia gave an absent nod because she was already completely focused on the two coming her way.

Noah who couldn’t really break yet skated right against the boarding and laughed. Rafael, who was able to break, skirted to a stop close to the boarding. Noah’s cheeks were rosy form the cold, just like Rafael’s. Both smiled widely at her.

“Uncle Rafa’s really good, momma.”

“I saw.”

“But you’re still the best.” Noah grinned.

“Hey.” Rafael feigned protest which made Noah giggle. “You’re right. Your mom is the best.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You’re cold.” He stated. “I thought you went to grab some hot chocolate.”

“I got distracted.”

“Really?” His eyes sparkled.

He was baiting her and she knew it. “Yeah.” She nodded towards the other ice rink. “Some of the dads were warming up already. Some of them are quite..,” She lingered on purpose. “..impressive.”

He squinted his eyes at her. “I can be impressive.” He straightened his back.

“I don’t know.” She teased some more. “Some of them were really, I mean really good. The way they moved and how strong they seemed.”

He wanted to reply but Noah was tugging on his arm. “Is it time to start, Uncle Rafa?” He looked over to the other ice rink. It seemed like it was time. “Yes, it is. Let’s go.” Noah cheered and grabbed his hand.

He had never been a big fan of sports. He had never been really good at it. At school he was usually one of the kids picked last for teams. Unless it was for the baseball team because he was a good runner. Reason for that was that he always had to out run the bullies who chased him through the neighborhood. Because he’d never been good at sports he had never been competitive during games. When it came to academics he’d always been ambitious, always needed to proof himself and always wanted to be the best. But that never was the case when it came to sports. That’s why the competitiveness he felt now took him by surprise. The ice hockey game was going well. At the moment the game was a draw and there wouldn’t be too long to play anymore. The thing was, that because it was near the end of the game, it was only the dads that were playing the game now. The kids were looking on from the side of the ice rink. He could clearly hear Noah cheering him on and whenever he glanced over at Olivia he saw her smiling brightly at him and cheering him on just as loudly as her son. And that was why he needed to prove himself, to her, to Noah and to the men she’d said that were impressive. Logically he knew she had only been teasing him and he really had nothing to prove, but logic wasn’t what was driving him at the moment. It was much more primal than that and he couldn’t believe he was actually susceptible to that.

The ice skating itself was going well. The more time he spent skating the more comfortable he felt. Now with the kids no longer joining them the game had gotten a bit rougher and there was more bodily contact. He guessed he would have some bruises tomorrow. After a failed shot from the opposite team, Rafael’s team had the puck once more. The puck got passed to him and he skated towards the goal. From the corner of his eye he saw someone from his team free but he saw a member from the opposite team immediately skating towards him. This gave him the opportunity to move forward. Seeing that he had the chance for a good shot, he swung his hockey stick backward and just as he hit the puck, he got body checked and flew to the ice. He fell down with a rather loud thud and he groaned loudly as he hit the ice and slid on the ice before coming to stop. He wasn’t really sure if he’d hit the puck or not but there was cheering so maybe he had. He was trying to get back up on his feet when Noah crashed into him and they landed back on the ice again with Noah on Rafael’s chest.

“We won!” He cheered, wrapping his arms around his neck.

He hugged Noah close against him and was thrilled that they had won. To see Noah smile at him like that, it was the best thing in the world. Well that and his mother smiling at him.

“Rafa?” Olivia had carefully made her way over to them. She’d seen him hit the ice and surely he must be hurt. “You okay?” She helped Noah on his feet so Rafael could get back up.

Yeah he would definitely have bruises tomorrow. “I’ll be fine.” He dusted some ice off his jeans and coat.

“Sure?” She held his eyes for a moment, making sure he wasn’t putting on a brave face for her son.

He nodded reassuring her he would be fine. “I will need a warm bath tonight.”

She stepped into him leaning slightly against his side. “I like the idea of that.” She whispered and kissed his jaw. “Let’s get you off the ice.” She turned towards her son who had his arms wrapped around Rafael’s waist.

“Did you see it momma? Did you see how uncle Rafa scored and we won? And he got hit but he still scored!” Noah was in awe.

“I did, sweetheart.” She felt Rafael shiver. “Now how about we get off the ice, get some hot chocolate and then go home?”

Noah nodded his agreement and tried to pull his uncle Rafa behind him to get off the ice rink. He managed to do so with a little bit of help from his uncle Rafa. After trading their ice skates back in for their shoes they joined the others in the big tent. There Noah introduced his uncle Rafa proudly to his friends. Olivia waited patiently for them at one of the picnic benches. She loved seeing Rafael and Noah together. Her son had mostly watched Rafael during the game. She’d seen Rafael had gotten more competitive the longer the game went on and especially when the kids had left the adults to it. She knew Rafael felt the need to prove something, whether it was to himself, to Noah or to her, she wasn’t quite sure but she guessed it was all three. She knew how important it was for him to be worthy of Noah, to be able to make Noah proud. Still her remark about the dads being impressive had gotten to him too. She also knew Rafael often felt the need to prove himself to himself.

After spending quite some time with Noah’s friends and the other parents, Rafael, Olivia and Noah were one of the few left in the big tent. Noah was leaning against Rafael’s side and in his hand a small trophy which every member of the winning team had gotten. Olivia was leaning against Rafael’s other side. This moment, this day, the three of them like this, this was happiness.

“Good day?” Rafael whispered against Olivia’s hair.

“The best.” She said just as softly. She snuggled a little closer against his side. “Ready to go home?”

Rafael glanced at Noah who was still holding the trophy proudly in his hand. “What do you think mijo, ready to go home?” He felt Noah’s nod. “You tired?” Again he got a nod. “Come on.” He helped both Benson’s up on their feet. He pulled Olivia closer and kissed her softly. “Thank you.” He knew he didn’t have to tell her all he was thanking her for. She knew and that was exactly why she had his heart.