My Heart's an Artifice

☓  —- |   He observed with such delicate eyes how firmly her hands were on the gun; greatly contrasting the trembling mess she was when she pointed the weapon at him as a child. He reveled in the disdain which greeted him as he uttered softly, “Welcome home.” For if he could have anything from her at all; he would accept the purist form of her hate. He remained still, as a silhouette of a man she did not truly know. Many words danced along his heart; hidden pleas and wasted desires. But he would push those aside because there was a play to be had – and he needed to perform as if his life had depended on it. 

Ironically, it was the rest of her life that hinged on his portrayal as the experimental monster. The curtains should fall, concluding a successful act – with its epilogue being his death .  He had planned this from the moment Anna fainted upon seeing him at the hospital. The last piece of his human heart died with her that day – his whole heart in reality since...she was the only person he was capable of loving; and so the Nameless Monster he embraced.

Little did she know that her bond with him is what kept him human despite all of the blood on his hands; her love offering his existence essentiality. 

He smiled bastardly as she grimaced.

He spoke calmly while her voice erupted full of her emotions.

He lied through his teeth; about the experiences of the Red Rose Mansion – claiming them as his own so he could take them to the grave and ultimately free her.

But as the sun peeked beyond him, revealing his features to her – he witnessed firsthand how her resolve began to crumble. Was her unflinching façade unraveling just because she could see the little boy who loved her so, in the eyes of the murderous little monster he became? 

 His careful eyes studied how fear pooled in her beautiful blue eyes; the way her lips quivered when she tried to raise the gun she didn’t know had lowered. She was seeing her brother for the first time; not the man shrouded in shadows, fire and smoke - but her twin brother. Perhaps that is why the grip on the weapon loosened, her hand trembling as she tried to point it at him again.

The sun revealed to her what he tried to conceal using the shadows of the twilight – the sorrow and longing drowning the light from his eyes. But surely what paralyzed her the most was the pain that had stricken his once perfectly masked features. Johan didn’t notice that his mechanical smile had twisted into a frown. Could she see; how her repeat of the events from that rainy night both twisted him in sweet relief and burning torment? 

 Yet as he witnessed the heart she always wore on her sleeve in the quivering mercy that came over the hold of her gun; he was reminded of why he loved her warm and radiating heart; of why he so desperately did anything and everything he could to protect her. His concrete heart was tugged by the line of nostalgia, of those warm weightless afternoons when she used to look at him with such dependence that he simply lived for. 

He concluded his tale of lies; eyes drawn back to the floor as he could not look at her head on knowing he was trying to deceive her; because he knew if anyone could look him in the face and read him - it was her no matter how many years separated them. 

“You’re wrong.” Her soft shaken voice called out and an ice cold chill trailed down his spine.  “You’re so wrong...” she spoke again but this time he could hear the anguish in her tone; the tears she was choking back. 

He reacted deeply; prompting his gaze toward her. Much to his dismay, she was crying and he couldn’t remember the last time she ever cried in front of him. 

No , Anna didn’t cry when she found the Lieberts dead or when she was told to shoot him. She didn’t cry when they were dying on the border or when they realized they had been abandoned.

“Ah...” the last time he had ever seen tears fall from those graceful, wondrous and innocent eyes was when mother had thrown her to the wolves.

Yes - it was always he who cried. Her emotions had been stifled by her experienced at the Red Rose Mansion. Because he was too weak, she suffered and was destroyed and even now; he still failed to shield her from it.

As she told her version of the events, Johan could only smile even though he felt the threat of his despair burning in his own eyes. But tears would not form - no, those dried so long ago. 

OutofChara - and I love exploring this concept. Canon wise I don't think Johan is capable of romantic feelings. He is aromantic and possibly asexual. I truly agree MOSTLY everything he did was for Anna (thanks to the author)- but it was not because he was romantically invested in her but because he truly loved her with every fiber of his being.

With that unstableness and his lack of identity, I think he doesn't understand the difference between love for her and love for a romantic person. They're all the same; the devotion, the admiration, the desire to protect and sacrifice.

Like the love for a mom, sister, friend - it would all be just one thing to him.

Love to him is clearly only defined as Anna/Nina, the only person who made him feel human.(up until Tenma that is)

and that is one of the tragedies of his character.

johan_liebert

"When everyone you have ever loved is finally gone When everything you have ever wanted is finally done with When all of your nightmares are for a time obscured As by a shining brainless beacon Or a blinding eclipse of the many terrible shapes of this world When you are calm and joyful And finally entirely alone Then in a great new darkness You will finally execute your special plan"

Com-MUN-ication Meme

🥰 I secretly admire you

🤓 I don't dare talk to you, but I enjoy reading your threads

👋 I just came to break the ice and say "Hi!"

🙂 How are you, mun?

🤔 I want to write with you, but I don't know how our muses might interact

💡 I have a plot idea for our muses

😕 I want to ship with you, but our muses have never interacted

😔 I want to ship with you, but I don't know if you're interested

❤ I want us to be mains

💞 I want us to be exclusives

💍 I want us to be ship exclusive

💘 I want to discuss romantic ships with you

💚 I want to discuss platonic ships with you

🖤 I want to discuss hate ships with you

💜 I want to discuss familiar ships with you

😇 Can you write a starter for our muses, please?

😄 Can you send me some memes, please?

💖 I love you, mun!

🌟 You're my favorite blog

😊 We should talk more OOC

😓 There's a thread I'm waiting for you to reply, but I don't want to feel like I'm rushing you

😬 I want to send you a meme about (x), is it okay?

❣ I want to write fluff with you

👄 I want to write romance with you

🔥 I want to write smut with you

😭 I want to write angst with you

😱 I want to write horror with you

🤩 I WANT TO WRITE EVERYTHING WITH YOU

Don't let me forget Anna...

I’ve been sort of itching for a post-canon one where it focuses on the recovery and healing process of both Johan and Nina

Hejhej Anon, that is a very good question. Unfortunately, I've only read a few Monster fanfics but not enough to have delved into all varieties of topics. Short, I haven't come across sucha fanfic yet,

But for any other Monster fan, would you know such a fanfic? Feel free to add your own ideas.

160k words of the twins finally communicating, discussing the canon events and how both of them dealt with them and mending their relationship: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1116342

Sorry for the self promotion but I wrote exactly what was requested lmao