“If babies are anything like Tamagotchis, I had, like, 3 and they all died within a day.”
“You sound really stupid, but I like it.”
“Am I allowed to mishandle it?”
“I feel like Big Bird, but hot.”
“Do I look like a sexy traffic cone?”
“You’d probably have great sex with [NAME].”
“I’m a sexy electric rat. Come into my cage pika pika.”
“The hills are alive with the sound of culturally insensitive dick comedy.”
“I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a huge embarrassment to my family.”
“God hates liars and I hate liars.”
“I kind of wish I had this for prom.”
“I was weaned off the teat of the town psychic.”
“Always slow down when you see handsome men.”
“Anything that involves killing your friends on accident, I’m down for.”
“It’s like my dick broke its wrist and has to wear a sling for the month.”
“This is a penis slingshot.”
“All eyes are leading straight to the money-maker.”
“Try to stick out your butt as much as possible.”
“I don’t want to be seen as a sex object.”
“I will either murder you or fuck you.”
“Can you make your butt tighter?”
“This is a hypersexualized position.”
“I don’t deserve to have [NAME]’s ass.”
“I’d be scared of this baby if I was another baby.”
“Ready to paint my naked body?”
“I am so uncomfortable right now.”
“That’s like, sexist and racist at the same time.”
“High heels are the most special torture devices to make women/men move slower.”
“It’s like a condom for my head.”
“Well, there is a man shoving foam into my butt.”
“I’m sorry I’m laughing at his/her penis.”
“Is she/he/it dead? Did you kill it?”
“I’m looking for something more uncomfortable than being naked.”
“It’s just a demon and it’s just banshee screaming at us.”
“Did one of us do coke during our pregnancy?”
“We’ve slept together, but not the coolest kind.”
“I think therapy was explicitly designed for people like me who don’t have access to their emotions.”
“I look better than you.”
“I prefer dogs over babies.”
“You know your dick’s out, right?”
“It’s the miracle of life, bitch.”
“What a terrible alarm to remind you its baby time.”
“You almost seem sexy, but then not quite.”
“I want you so bad, I can’t be constrained by pants!”
“I lap-danced the shit out of [NAME]’s wife/husband.”
“Just take off your clothes. Then everybody will love you.”
“Today we are getting naked for the internet again.”
“It’s like I’m being punished for dating you.”
“I look like the mayor of a nudist colony.”
“I can’t keep my hands off my body.”
“You know, white bread’s a lot like me: plain, not super healthy, but generally likable.”
“How many eggs do I need? Fuck it. I’ll take all of them.”
“I think we just learned how to accidentally make bread.”
“It’s not good but it’s the best one here.”
“You could have a future for almost, sort of making bread.”
“You could not pay me to eat this.”
“That is the worst food I’ve ever tried in my life.”
“What forest floor did you pick this off of?”
“Isn’t yeast that thing that gives women infections or is this a different kind of yeast?”
“This is slightly impressive.”
“Why does mine look like doodoo?”
“It feels like I’m massaging a really squishy butt.”
“I’m gonna do an egg wash on this so it looks sexier.”
“Were you drunk when you made this?”
“[NAME] wants to make me smile. Good fuckin’ luck.”
“I smiled once and I hated it.”
“I’ve got blue balls of the heart.”
“This better not be a clown.”
“Of course I’m gonna smile. A little baby pig just shat all over me.”
“Do you like a butt scratch?”
“Why did you bring children?”
“I don’t know what’s happening.”
“Thank you for the hug. That was very nice of you.”
“Oh, sorry I don’t do drugs.”
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