The Rabbit Hole Effect

Down the catwalk.

I wonder what you would do if you discovered that you are not just different. I wonder what you would do if you found out that your brain activity is different. Different than the overwhelming majority of the population. Would you feel a little scared maybe? Isolated maybe? A little existential angst?

Maybe like me you learned to moderate that more-ness. Maybe you have learned to be ok with the fact that you are a little deficient on the normal-ness scale.  Maybe you have embraced it. Or maybe you have learned to hide.

But where did I get that idea in the first place that I am somehow deficient? I could blame my upbringing. I was too much and not enough. But I have rebelled against so much. Could I not just redefine myself even if my own definition is built on a shaky foundation of assertion and doubt?

It started to explain so much - stuff I had been pathologizing to a certain extent. Maybe... just maybe I am just normal. Maybe this is the way my brain is. Maybe there is something good about my brain being this way. Maybe I’m supposed to be living it. Maybe it’s a gift, maybe I should be giving something.