Number Five

She looked down towards the floor, she could feel…pain. His statement made her hurt, it was a new feeling something she didn’t understand. Why she felt this way was a mystery to her all she knew was that it hurt so much. 

“I have been programmed to mother but your father has no input past that…” Mostly because Reginald couldn’t be bothered to tuck the children or to read them bedtime stories or teach them basics. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“Of course you don’t understand. It makes sense, if he were to program you with the ability to figure out what you are it would break the system. I don’t blame you for it, just him for pretending to care.” Five replied, arms folded. 

“Won’t that be painful? To go through a growth spurt that severe so suddenly? If you’re going to insist on doing this at least let me get Mom so she can give you something to numb you out before you…do whatever it is to make yourself an adult.”

Diego won’t admit he doesn’t think it’ll work, that Five can somehow magically age himself up like that. As weird as it was to get used to Five trotting around as a thirteen year old, it’d be weirder to have him suddenly closer to their age.

“Aren’t there benefits to being young? You can get into places adults can’t, and adults trust you because why would a kid ever lie?” Maybe he’s doing this just for the coffee, and to walk into a bar as easily as he and Luther can.

“Jeez I forget how stupid you all are sometimes.” Five said, mostly to himself but he didn’t attempt to keep the volume down. “I’m not going to go through a growth spurt. I’ll be travelling back, transferring my consciousness into the older version of myself before returning here. I’ve got the calculations now. I know I can do it.” He said, adding that last bit more for Dolores’ benefit than Diego’s. 

Diego only half-noticed the look Doc met him with, still fully lost in his memories. “He would never… stop… I always asked… Cried for it to stop… And he never… cared…” And it had taken YEARS for Diego to even realize that what was happening to him was WRONG. That’s what made him feel the worst.

“I didn’t try to stop him for almost ten years… I just… let him. And then when I did stand up to him, he stopped…” Except for when he was being punished for his “INSOLENCE” which hurt ten times as much.

Five’s heart was breaking. He usually was good at keeping his distance in these sessions, making sure he didn’t let anything slip. This was perhaps the hardest session yet. He just wanted to reach forward, pull Diego into a hug and curse their father, tell him he had nothing to fear anymore and that he’d rip the man limb from limb for daring to hurt his siblings like this. 

“I couldn’t always hold my breath forever- or whatever it says in the papers…” he continued quietly, carefully forming each sentence in his mind before he said it. “It started when I was… four or five. Can’t remember how he found out, but one day he just… took me down to the basement, showed me my… new playroom.” Diego’s voice dripped with resentment as squeezed the toy tightly, not even aware he had. He wasn’t fully in this room anymore.

“He put me in the tank, started filling it with water. Eventually it was over my head, full to the top. I remember… it hurt so bad. Every time. Like my chest was full of lava. I knew I wasn’t supposed to breathe in the water, but I would every time and then I’d just… black out. Then he’d bring me back and we’d do it again.”

Five listened, heart breaking for his brother. He wanted to say that if he’d known he would have blinked in to save him or even protest against Dad for subjecting him to such trauma. He knew even if he could say it, it would be a lie. At that age Five hadn’t cared what his siblings were going through, only if he was doing better than them when it came to Dad’s judgements. He had to suppress the guilt. 

Diego let out a long-suffering sigh, hating that he was trapped into talking about this. He could LIE about it, but that somehow seemed wrong. He looked down and picked up the last stuffed toy from the table, a colorful fish, and fidgeted with it rather than throwing it. 

“It… happened a lot. I’d be stuck in there longer every time. I guess I sort of got used to it, but at first…” He stopped, avoiding looking at Doc, not even knowing what to say or how to say it. It wasn’t like he’d ever talked about this before. How was he supposed to communicate the sheer horror he’d felt that first time?

Five watched his brother reach for the fish, something warning him that if this one got thrown the next thing wouldn’t be as soft. He needed to tread lightly here. 

☂️  the umbrella academy:

Diego watched Five and “Dolores” interact, fiddling idly with one of his knives while he observed the pair of them. Five talked like Dolores was really responding to him, much like how Klaus did when talking with Ben of some ghost. He still wasn’t sure if there actually was someone or something in there, or if Five had gone a little crazy out in the future on his own without any human contact.

“You sure that’s a good idea Five? Aging yourself up like that? Won’t that be disorienting for you?”

Between Diego and Dolores he wanted to rip his hair out. 

He sighed, knowing he was caught. He could either keep talking about the book thing or he could disclose one of his most painful childhood memories to the guy who charged him $160 a session. 

But there was no going back now. Diego uncrossed his arms, trying to play casual.  “Fine. He used to train us, you know. Different ways with each of us. Sure, knives was one part for me, but every now and then we’d work on my other power… Well, the only way Dad knew to train a kid to hold his breath a long time was to… make him. He built a tank for me. He’d… lock me in it. As long as it took…”

Five listened, actually noting something down for the point of remembering it rather than just so he could look like he was doing something. It was interesting, and also promising. Diego was opening up enough to talk to him about the darkest things that happened to him and that was a good thing. 

Diego listens to him, his gaze flicking over to the mannequin when his brother appeared to be responding to something it had said. Well, either Five had actually gone a little crazy with his whole time travelling, or maybe he really could talk to the mannequin. Or it talk to him.

“Uh are you sure that’s a good idea Five? Wasn’t you coming back and winding up in your thirteen year old body a mistake? If you, I dunno, put yourself into your infant state that’ll be a little harder to correct and none of us can talk to Dolores for you.”

“Yes it was a mistake but I’ve learned. I know what went wrong and I can fix it.” Five bit back, eyes squinting at Diego. It was almost like Dolores had turned his brother against him. Not that she could have, she hadn’t left his room. 

Klaus followed Five’s hand movement toward his pocket with the same eager eyes as when there’s drugs getting offered to him. It might be only $20 but it slightly opened some doors. Doors that stayed shut til now.  “I’ll try but I can’t make any promises.” he reached out his hand to take over the money from his brother, quickly putting it in his croch area of his black leather pants. Hey, you have to be creative if you don’t have pockets…. at least it will stay in place in that area.  Klaus wasn’t going to lie, but he was quite amazed by Five’s question of him keeping an eye on the whole situation when he would take those pills. Since when was number Five trusting him that much?  “It’s the past isn’t it?” Klaus took a few steps back until he reached the edge of his messy looking bed and sat down, fidgeting with his hands while his eyes didn’t look away from his brother. “…. those pills are not going to erase it you know. Believe me, I know. They will only make you numb for a bit of time but when reality hits you again, it will hit hard.” 

“Just...try.” Five said, sighing a little, not like he could talk now that he was standing with a packet of pills in his own hand. Any judgement of Klaus was now hypocritical so he kept it to himself, pushed down the voice telling him his case was different. Weren’t they both escaping the past as Klaus so accurately pointed out?